How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Editor's Note: As of December 2018, Shannon and Jared are married! Congrats to the happy couple!
In true millennial modern love fashion, for Shannon Boodram and her partner of two and a half years, Jared Brady first came sex, and then came love.
The couple was looking for something, but nothing in particular when they met each other, and then encountered each other again a year later thanks to witty exchanges via Instagram DMs.
An innocent night of Ted Talk and chill proved to be the start of a beautiful relationship for the LA-based creative multihyphenates, paving the way for an effortlessness and a seamlessness that neither of them had ever felt with any connection before them. A friends-with-benefits relationship quickly evolved to be so much more. The rapper/producer and the sexologist/intimacy expert are widely known for putting familiar faces to the non-traditional relationship style "open relationship," particularly on Shannon's YouTube channel through a popular Q&A series on the topic.
Shannon, 32, and Jared, 26, give the ins and outs of how they met, how they make it work, and ultimately, how old doesn't compete with new and new doesn't compete with old when it comes to any relationship – especially not in an open one.
How We Met
Jared Brady: I used to bartend at a place called Bobby London in Koreatown. A mutual friend of ours, Affion Crockett, had brought her and another friend over, and that was the first time we met.
Shannon Boodram: I remember him coming up to us and I was like, “I really want this dude to dance with me." I really like him, I wanted to dance with him. I wanted him to talk to me, but he didn't. When we left there, Affion followed me on Instagram and I looked at his profile and was like, “Here is this dude that I thought was so cute." I followed him. It took an actual year later before we saw each other again in person. It was kind of like this very slow, long, Instagram courting process.
He was the first that started the DMs, but I played it off and then like a year, probably like a few months after, I met up with him on his birthday and we agreed to meet up in person. We didn't end up having sex that night but maybe like two weeks later. Again, like he said, it was a really, really positive f*ck buddy relationship until it slowly translated into something else.
Making It Official
Shannon: Probably a month into us knowing each other in that way when I gave him the keys to my apartment to water my plants while I was gone. Healthy intimacy building is making a leap of faith with somebody in terms of intimacy and comfort and boundaries. If they successfully work at that task, then you do something else with them.
Without of us really having that goal (relationship) in mind, we were building a slow intimacy trust together to see if it could become something that is long-term and sufficient. I think we just naturally did that with each other.
It was just a really slow, comfortable process of us crossing boundaries, seeing that it was safe and then staying there for a while until it felt time to cross another boundary together.
Jared: There were no real conversations [about making it official], not for a while, I think because it just happened naturally. I mean, I think both of us are kind are good communicators.
Every time we took a step forward toward the relationship, I feel like it was very mutual and organic instead of like, “So, what are we?" It was never that type of conversation. It was just over time, Shannon would or I would need more of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Like if she was sick or she needed help on the car or she needed help with everyday life stuff, I usually was that person that she would call. Then, it just kind of started to transition into: “Okay, I'm not just a fuck buddy anymore. I'm taking the role of something else."
Open Communication
Jared: Naturally, being in an open relationship can be tough, it'll be tough if you go on a date. I have every thought that every normal person would have and vice versa, I'm sure. If I go on a date or if I'm with some other girl, I'm pretty sure all the same thoughts go through that. But I think the challenge is mitigating that and understanding that love is bigger than yourself.
I guess our communicating who the person that you're going on a date with is to you, understanding that you can't be all things for one person. I guess it's understanding your role and what I am to her - that is a help for me.
Shannon: Yes, I think it's general that just knowing who you are to that person and knowing about that. I know how valuable I am to Jared and know our relationship. I know how positive we are for each other on every level. If he goes out to experience something or share something with someone different, then that's okay. If he comes home and says, “This person would be a better fit for me," it would be the worst day of my life but also the best thing that I could see the person that I love maybe come to another plateau of finding himself.
I think it's just reminding yourself that like what am I so afraid of? What is the alternative? The alternative to me feeling jealous right now, is me feeling like I'm holding someone back. I think that, that would be far worse.
Sharing Spaces
Shannon: I mean, my least favorite thing [about living with each other] is sometimes the people you bring around. My job is so extroverted and I'm an ambivert. We've lived in this building now for like two years almost, I do not know one person's name here. I don't want to make friends (laughs).
When I'm at home, I really like not having to put on a face. Jared, when you do have friends over, you usually are being productive and I'm so happy that you are productive and doing things that you love. I'm happy that you're getting time to grow and expand. I'm happy that you allow me to close the door and not come out and speak with people and that's okay.
Jared: The toughest thing. What is the toughest thing living with you? I think the toughest thing is a give and take like it's going to sound funny. The way that usually works here is that she'll cook and I'll clean. When she cooks, she doesn't have to clean. So, she doesn't cook with the knowingness of having to clean. But that's not even tough, like she was saying. It's just one of those things. I haven't had to cook in two years.
Shannon: I haven't done laundry in two years (laughs).
Jared: I think my favorite thing about living with Shannon would be the space and the allowance that she gives me to make mistakes. I grew up with a dad that was very military-like and very critical of every move that I make.
I think my favorite thing with living with her is just the space that she gave me to learn.
Shannon: I have to say the sex [is my favorite part about living with you]. I think it's the unexpected sex in different times of days and just, I don't know, it's affection really. My love language is physical touch so having access to somebody sometimes, if we're both working from home, I can ask him, “Can we go lay down for a second?" and just like cuddle or take a ten-minute break to do that. Like, you let me.
I guess I can be the best parts of myself and have somebody who would bring out the best in me and accepts the worst in me. That's a really cool experience on a daily basis.
Love Lessons
Shannon: [Through loving Jared] I learned that I'm good enough. There's a lot of things that I told myself before this relationship. I told myself I couldn't live with people because my last relationship was such a nightmare. I told myself that I'm a selfish person in a relationship and it's difficult for me to really see my partner. I told myself that I don't really understand men that well. A lot of things I think as a result of failed relationships that I just kind of came to know with who I was and then being with somebody where the fit is good, I'm like, "No, it's not me. I am good at living with people. I am a loving person. I am a nice person. I do understand that I do understand I love people."
Jared: Ironically for me, it's kind of the same thing. I think, in the past relationships before meeting Shannon, I was always the person to think that there was something wrong with me or something off with me because I would always end up losing interest or losing desire. Or, even in my professional life, I would stumble or mess up or give up easily or things that I'm not good enough in certain aspects of me. But with Shannon, like she said, she was enough. I feel like, “Okay, cool. I have all these tools. I have all the gift. I have all the abilities to do whatever I want in this life." I know it sounds very simple and very light, of course. But it really taught me a lot, being with somebody accepting me fully for me.
Favorite Part
Jared: I think with Shannon, there's a lot of things that I love about her, but I think my favorite thing is her intelligence. Her intelligence is something that I inspire to be. I learned so much from her and I learned so much with her. But for me, it's just that something that I really knew off bat, when I first met her, was intelligent she was.
Glamour Magazine
Shannon: I would say to Jared and I am not the person who would say this. He is genuinely a very good and kind person. His heart is really pure. I think over time, I'm learning to be a nicer person. I can tend to be like, if I'm hurt or prodded to a corner, I might lash out verbally at somebody. Jared literally never called me a name in this relationship. He never called me a b*tch, he never called me stupid. I think that that type of kindness is something that I can't even understand, let alone mimic. It's always inspiring to watch.
*Originally published on December 20, 2017. Article has been edited for length and clarity.
Editor's Note:
As of December 2018, two years after this How We Met feature first went live, Shannon Boodram and her partner Jared Brady have officially tied the knot and our now married! The happy couple got engaged last year and married shortly after in an intimate ceremony surrounded by family, friends, and of course, plenty of love. Congrats to this amazing and loving couple!
For more Shannon and Jared, be sure to follow the couple on Instagram @shanboody and @enjoyjaredbrady.
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It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
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And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
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Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
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We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
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Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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