

I always thought I was going to be married by 27 and have my first baby at 30.
Ever since I was a little girl my mom always told me to go to school, get an education, get a good j-o-b, then find a husband to start a family--and in that order! Thanks to her, I had my life all planned out because she always said that “when you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Life goals were drilled into my way of thinking for as long as I could remember so I knew nothing else. At night I would have dreams about walking down the aisle in the most beautiful dress, driving a nice car to work, and living in a mansion with two kids. Let me tell you, my dreams were on fleek!
[Tweet "“When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”"]
My older sister was a lawyer that graduated from Princeton University and Howard Law School, so the pressure was on! I wanted things to go the way my mom expected so much that anytime someone advised me not to be like the “fast girls” they saw on TV--pregnant at 16--my answer was simple; I’m not getting married until I turn 27. What my mom failed to tell me about this ten-year plan was that sometimes plan A fails so you need to make sure you have plan B on deck.
In the fall semester of my freshman year of college I found myself pregnant. My first reaction was to hunt my ex-boyfriend down and hurt him for making me think he wasn't going to give me a baby. He was older than I was, so I let him convince me that the "pull out method" was the way to go because it felt better and he loved me *insert eye roll emoji here*. We had a few scares while I was in high school where he would rush to the store and buy a pregnancy test, but it would always be a false alarm. After the first two times of playing that game, he thought that I couldn't get pregnant - because how dare he be the problem right? So that's what I started to believe. I literally told my new dude, “You don’t have to use a condom because I can’t get pregnant."
I know, I know….what about STD’s?! I was young, naive and uneducated. Sue me. The only thing I knew about sex was that I was doing it. I didn't care about the casualties. So after three years of thinking I couldn't get pregnant, you can imagine the look on my face when aunt flo didn’t make her monthly rounds after having sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Someone owed me an explanation. What's funny is that my ex now has two children, so I guess it just wasn't in our destiny.
[Tweet "The only thing I knew about sex was that I was doing it."]
My second reaction was to change my name, get a passport, and flee the country before my parents found out. All my life they preached about having children at a young age; it was like the plague. While I was in high school my step brother had four children, wasn’t financially stable, was struggling to take care of them (my parents words not mine), and I was his designated babysitter. So naturally I heard my step dad talk about him and his wife’s financial woes, and every single time he would look at me and say. “You better not bring any rugrats in this house while you living under my roof.” It was always the look that followed his words that scared me the most.
In my defense I was technically not under his roof anymore, so it shouldn’t have been an issue. But I knew it would be because he was helping to pay for my college education at an elite university. So if we were being really technical, I was still under his damn roof. So my mind was made up, there was no way in hell I was telling my parents that I was pregnant. I wasn’t married and I was only 18, they weren’t going to go for that. So instead I told my boyfriend.
And while I was steady planning my funeral, he was ready to conquer the world. But I just couldn’t do it. Having a child at 19 was not in my "married by 27, baby by 30" plan, and did I mention my step dad carried his gun case around like it was a wallet? I wasn’t trying to be on an episode of the First 48: Miami.
My parents would kill me so I had to find another solution. Immediately I started researching local abortion clinics and started making calls to find out just how much of my financial aid I was going to have to sacrifice. I was willing to pay whatever in order to keep my sanity, my education, and my parents in tact. After my boyfriend told his mother she said that if I was going to make that decision she would help me pay for it (she later tried to talk me out of it).
So the plan was in motion. The sacrifice: a jewelry set from my ex. I’d hit the jackpot!
When the weekend rolled around, we hopped on a Greyhound and took a 10-hour bus ride home to Miami. We stayed at his mother's house, but I didn’t tell my parents I was there because I'd yet to tell them I was pregnant. The plan was to go to Miami, get the procedure done, and they would never have to know. But when God is in control you can not hide the truth. I was told by the clinic that since I was in the fifth month of my pregnancy it would be what they called a high risk abortion, and it was going to cost almost $2,000. A high risk abortion meaning that I could die while they were doing the surgery. His mom wasn’t having that, and by the end of the weekend I was calling to tell my parents I was having a baby.
[Tweet "When God's in control you can't hide the truth."]
The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my mom I was pregnant at the age of 18. To this day I still get chills thinking about it. After I listened to her have a mental breakdown over the phone, I realized just how much I disappointed her. Our conversation ended with her hanging up on me in the middle of trying to explain my new plan with this new life I was about to bring into the world. At that moment I was no longer upset with myself for getting pregnant, I was upset because I failed my mother.
It was also in that moment that I realized I could no longer worry about her opinion. My entire life was centered around pleasing her and I hated the dynamics of our relationship, or lack thereof, because I could never tell her what was going on with me. I was constantly afraid of her reaction and I used to envy my friends who had that type of relationship with their mothers because I wanted that for us. I would call myself mimicking them by trying to talk to her and tell her what was happening in my life, but the conversations never worked out the way I pictured in my head. She always talked about how I doing and how I needed to do what she was doing that I felt like I didn't matter. I still don't really know why it was that way, I figured it was due to the age gap, but now that I was having my own child I had to let that go. I didn’t hear from her for a while, validating that she would not support me or the decision I made to keep my child.
[Tweet "I was no longer upset with myself for getting pregnant, I was upset because I failed my mother."]
I left Miami feeling defeated as my boyfriend and I boarded a Greyhound back to Tallahassee. It was during the trip back that I had what Auntie Oprah likes to call an “aha moment.” While we were making a stop in Ft. Lauderdale to pick up more passengers, the bus passed a courthouse surrounded by protestors. In their hands were signs that read:
“A fetus heart starts beating after five weeks. Don’t become a murderer, no more abortions!”
As harsh as it sounded, it was real and I knew it was a sign from God. I tried everything in my power to get an abortion TWICE. The first time I was only 10 seconds into the procedure before the pain became too much and I couldn’t go through with it. The second time was our trip to Miami. I was willing to put both my health and my child’s health at risk because of fear. As I stared out the window at the protesters, I came to the conclusion that an abortion just wasn’t in God’s plan for me. You can have as many plans as you want, but HIS plan will always be plan A; whether you know it or not.
Telling my parents was just the first hurdle. When we got back to Tallahassee I realized I hadn’t been to a single doctor yet because I was too busy trying to hide it and make it “go away.” I didn’t have my mom or anyone to advise me, so I really didn’t know what to do. It was then that the internet became my best friend.
I know I’m not alone in my experience and every time I look at my daughter I think about how there’s a girl who was just like me sitting in her dorm room feeling like their life just ended. So here’s a few tips for anyone who is going through the same thing and doesn’t know where to start; you aren’t alone.
1. Talk to somebody!
After I told my parents and we got back to school, I fell into a depression. At the time I didn’t know it but looking back I definitely was depressed. I refused to go to class because I couldn’t sleep at night; I was always tired and I was stressed out. I didn’t start showing until I was about to pop so for the remainder of my spring semester I hid in my
dorm room away from the few friends I did have. I was at a school 600 miles away, my boyfriend was there, and so was my best friend, but I still felt alone.
Every campus has a counselor, use them! They are usually located in or near your health service building and the cost to speak to them is free so you don’t have to worry about any fees. If the idea of telling all your business to a stranger isn’t your cup of tea then find a teacher that you can talk with. It’s best to seek advice from someone who is older and may have the experience, but even talking to your friends and the father of your child will relieve some of the weight you are carrying on your shoulders (not the weight in your stomach, you’re just going to have to get used to that honey).
Whatever you do, don’t shut people out because it will only do damage emotionally to you that can potentially harm the child.
2. Tell your parents.
As much as it might pain you, tell your parents! I wish I hadn’t waited so long because part of the reason my mother was so devastated was because I didn’t come to her first. I didn’t understand it then but seven years into motherhood, I do now. I would be devastated if my daughter didn’t tell me something as simple as she held a boy’s hand. I want to be there for her in those moments, no matter what it is and no matter how I may react. It may be hard to do, but try role reversal and see how you would feel if you were them and didn’t know what was going on in your child’s life.
It’s important to know that although you tell them they might not agree with your decision. Be prepared to not receive the support you want because it does happen. And that’s okay. Some things take time to adjust to. It wasn’t until my baby shower that my parents decided to come around. I was hurt, and that’s natural, but I choose to forgive and move on. If you dwell on things, it only makes the situation worse.
3. Don’t be afraid of government assistance.
I wasn’t raised on welfare and didn’t know a thing about food stamps before I got pregnant. All I knew was that if it was anything like what I saw on Everybody Hates Chris, I wasn’t about that life. My boyfriend, on the other hand, spent the majority of his childhood living that lifestyle. Before we left Miami his aunt and cousin educated us on WIC and SNAP; they were spilling all the tea! I won’t lie, I was very hesitant. The first time I walked into a WIC office I was expecting single mothers with four or five children running around not listening, and a line wrapped around the building. But it was the exact opposite. Most of them were two-parent families and the wait time wasn’t long (it’s like getting your hair done, go early to avoid the crowd). The ignorant jokes people always made about welfare were the source of my assumptions and here I was being proved wrong.
If you don’t know where to start looking, check your state’s welfare service website and see what they have to offer. WIC provides vouchers for foods that they have deemed essential for the necessary nutrients your body needs i.e. milk, cheese, peanut butter, beans, cereal, juice, etc. A few years ago they added vouchers with dollar amounts to be used only for fruits and vegetables. They also provide vouchers so you can redeem baby formula, that way you’re not coming out of pocket $6 to $12 a can--depending on what your child eats a can goes up to $20. Some states have gotten really fancy and have put the vouchers on debit like cards, similar to what SNAP has done. The WIC office also does checkups regularly, and shots for children who haven't gotten their immunizations. It’s a very useful program that can save you a few hundred dollars a month and it’s not only for pregnant women. You can receive WIC after your child is born until they turn five.
4. Consider your living arrangements.
Being pregnant and living on campus can be difficult. If you have a roommate, don’t go overboard with the special treatment. Respect her space because the room is just as much hers as it is yours. If you’re still with the father make sure you come up with an agreement on when he can be there because it’s important that he be apart of the process too. Be sure to set your boundaries as well. Now that you’re pregnant it’s not only about you, you have to think about the baby and the last thing you want is for her to eat your food or take your vitamins. Just saying.
Once you handle the present, start planning your living arrangements for the future. If you’ve decided to keep the baby, will you be staying on campus or off? Our schools didn’t allow mothers or co-eds to live in the dorms so we had to look elsewhere. Fortunately, I was due during the summer, so after the spring semester we lived with his mother until it was time to go back to school. By the time fall semester came around, the baby was born and we were moving back to Tallahassee and into an off campus apartment that was close enough for him to take the bus to class because we didn’t have a car yet.
If you're not sure if your school will allow you to stay on campus or not, ask your dorm room Resident Assistant (RA) or manager. If you don't have one you can always make an appointment with your school’s housing director, or simply stop by their offices to find out how they handle pregnancies so that you know what choices you have in order to be more prepared. There are so many people who will be willing to help you and not judge your situation, you would be surprised.
5. You can always go back to school when you’re ready.
After I had my daughter I decided school wasn’t for me and I chose not to start classes in the fall. While my boyfriend went back to finish undergrad, I stayed at home and was a mom for the first two years of our child’s life. When I decided I was ready to go back, I re-enrolled as a full time student and it was like starting all over again. Before I left, my Spring semester grades were horrible so the dean put me on academic probation for the first semester so that I could replace the previous grades. I studied my ass off because I refused to make a fool out of myself. The dean was taking chance on me and I wasn't going to let someone else down.
I took 12-15 hours each semester, summers included. As an art major that was tough because I would have three hour-long courses where I was standing on my feet building or painting. Some semesters I had two classes in one day, so I was doing both. Juggling classes and being a mother wasn’t easy, but together we were able to make our schedules work so that while one was in school the other was home taking care of our daughter. Daycare was not an option for us. Financially or morally.
The hard work eventually paid off because two years later, I graduated with my BA from Florida State University in Studio Art. Walking across the stage was an amazing feeling. The entire time I felt like I had something to prove to the people who were constantly judging my decision to stay at home for the first two years. I hated being asked, “when are you going back to school?” or “when are you two getting married?” The pressure was real but I wanted to do things on my own terms. We knew what we were and weren’t ready for. We already made one wrong life changing decision, so I couldn’t understand why they were forcing us to make another.
If you truly think being pregnant is the end all be all, there is nothing wrong with leaving school and deciding to walk away. Don’t feel as if it’s a “bad decision” because it’s not. There’s no age limit on school so you can always go back at a later time. Don’t feel pressured to go back to school either due to judgement or other’s opinion, even from your family because they’ll be the first to say it. If you don’t think you’re ready don’t waste your time or money. I know so many people with college degrees, bachelors and masters, that aren’t using them or can’t find employment. We’re in 2015, an education of higher learning is not the only way you can get a job. School isn’t for everyone so always remember that there are other options.
And just as I did, if you decide you want to return to the same school, you don’t always have to go through the application process. At most schools you can make an appointment to see the dean of either undergrad or graduate studies (whichever program you’re in) and they’ll be able to help you.
Getting pregnant in college doesn’t have to be the end all be all. Whether you decide to keep it or not, remember it’s your body and you have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.
Check the next page for a video of Taraji P. Henson acceptance speech at the Big in 2015 Awards about how she handled being pregnant in college.
Have you ever been pregnant while in school? Share your experience in the comments.
- Pregnant While In College || How to Manage - YouTube ›
- Getting pregnant in college wasn't the end of my story, but the ... ›
- What It's Like Being The Pregnant College Student | Thought Catalog ›
- I Got Pregnant My Senior Year of College | Her Campus ›
- 22 Students Reveal The Uncomfortable Reality Of Being Pregnant In ... ›
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Why I’m No Longer Feeling Guilty About Moving Home To Be A Stay-At-Home Daughter
What is a dream deferred in 2025 with the rising cost of living, a trash job market, and an administration that is determined to make my life a living hell? Chile, let’s get into it.
For as long as I can remember, I have had dreams of being the Black Carrie Bradshaw, prancing around New York City as a fashion writer. The stylish apartment, the popping dating life, the impeccable wardrobe — that was all I wanted. (Lucky for me, the impeccable wardrobe has always been a constant.)
Bishop Carrie once said, “In New York, they say you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. So, let’s say you have two out of three, and they’re fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don’t have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?”
What a powerful question.
Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of
In 2022, I made the exciting move to New York City. Everything seemed to fall into place effortlessly: I secured a comfortable apartment and found myself immersed in a thriving freelance market. I even embarked on a new romantic relationship, a first for me. However, the tide began to turn by mid-2023. The once-abundant freelance opportunities dwindled as various platforms faced funding cuts and the media industry experienced a downturn.
Fast forward to 2024, and my mom, the woman who gave everything to raise me, is experiencing some health challenges. It felt as though the universe was pushing me towards a change. Around the same time, I began to question my career path as a fashion writer. The continual need to be "on" and present everywhere was exhausting, and the ups and downs of the job application process, including interviews and rejections, took a significant toll on my mental health.
The allure of New York City, with its bustling streets, towering skyscrapers, and the promise of endless possibilities, was beginning to fade.
The vibrant and exciting metropolis of the past now felt overwhelming and chaotic. The constant noise, the crowds, the fast-paced lifestyle – it all started to feel like a suffocating burden. The city that never sleeps had become a source of anxiety and restlessness, and the charm of the New York state of mind was slowly giving way to a sense of disarray and unease. There was always this sense of living in a dream coupled with overstimulation.
Given the current state of the world—rising costs of living, shifting career landscapes, and the emotional weight of supporting aging parents—it was time for me to be so real with myself. Did I really need to be in New York to be a fashion writer? Because opportunities have been presenting themselves that aren’t tied to location or a timeline.
The answer became so clear to me — it was time to go home.
Shifting the Narrative: Embracing the Return Home as an Empowered Woman
For generations, the concept of moving back home has been shrouded in negativity, often perceived as a regression, particularly for women who have strived for and achieved independence.
I want to challenge this outdated narrative and reframe the return home as a conscious, empowered choice. This exploration delves into the multifaceted emotions associated with moving back home, dismantling the guilt that often accompanies this decision, and embracing the evolving role of a daughter as a source of strength and support for my family.
From a cultural standpoint, returning home is also a radical act of preservation.
In a society that often devalues Black familial bonds and misrepresents our communities, choosing to be close to kin is an assertion of our values. It’s about honoring the aunties who raised us, the cousins who feel more like siblings, and the grandparents who built legacies from scratch. Our family structures are ever-evolving, stretching to support and uplift in ways traditional Western models don’t always understand.
When we come home, we’re not just coming back to a place—we’re coming back to a lineage of resilience and love.
In This Economy…
The economic realities of today make this decision even more practical. Skyrocketing rent, stagnant wages, and inflation have forced many of us to reconsider what independence really means. Living at home, or closer to home, can offer the breathing room to save, strategize, and build with intention. But beyond the numbers, there’s an emotional currency we gain too.
Home can be a sanctuary—a space where we don’t have to code-switch, perform, or constantly explain ourselves.
In a world that often demands our labor but rarely affirms our humanity, returning home can be the most freeing, grounded choice of all. And in full transparency, there’s a part of me that felt shame about going back home to Memphis out of concern for how others would see it. Memphis isn’t as bright and shiny as Denver and New York, these big cities where I had created a life and made a name for myself.
But why should I care? No one is paying these bills and dealing with the ups and downs of working in fashion with me. It’s just me. I’ve finally come to a point where I realize that I can no longer live for the cheers because if I do, I will die by the boos.
I am most concerned with the way my life feels instead of how it looks.
I Thought I Was Failing — But I Was Finally Healing
With that said, I am now rebranding myself as a "stay-at-home daughter."
More than ever, I want to highlight the ways in which women can contribute to their families while also pursuing personal growth and fulfillment. This exploration feels like a way to inspire and empower women to embrace their decision to return home, shedding societal expectations and redefining what it means to be a modern daughter.
I have the deepest feeling that this chapter is going to be healing for me and my mother, and we deserve.
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Featured image courtesy of Joce Blake