It's easy to turn a blind eye to things we swear aren't important or feel are worrisome and don't deserve energy. But sometimes, brushing things under the rug and acting "unbothered" are the core reasons we lack growth in certain areas. When the same lessons keep appearing in different forms, situations, and people, it's because we haven't dealt with certain issues appropriately. It's a reminder that we have some healing to do before we can really move forward freely and live life blessed not stressed.
Aside from being a Mean Girl, when we pretend like nothing matters or ever gets to us, we create this invincible character that people start to believe is really you. We become the "fake" strong friend who no one ever checks on because they think she always has life figured out. We can pretend that nothing ever phases us all we want but the reality of it is, we are all human beings and you're gonna experience a range full of emotions whether you want to address them or not.
You stunt your ability to learn and feel through things when you put up the façade of not giving a damn, and here are five ways being unbothered can hurt you more than help you in the long run:
1.Increased Trigger Points
We can try our hardest to be cool as a fan and above the BS, but oftentimes things trigger us to be cold, off-putting and downright an ass. When scenarios come around that cause us to become distant or unapproachable, we have to do some deep introspection and uncover why we even feel the way we do. It's totally OK to analyze how a situation or person makes us feel, however, we continue to be unable to identify why something triggers us when we put on a front and disregard our feelings. Denying yourself the right to feel through moments will only cause you to keep experiencing the same instances over and over again.
2.Lack of Compassion
Avoiding conflict is definitely necessary but when we pretend to have it all together, all the time, we lose touch with reality in the sense that no one walking this green earth will always have "it" figured out. Unfortunately, we all have unforeseen and undesirable moments that occur and it's perfectly fine to make sure nobody is throwing off your vibe. It's, however, another thing to be dismissive and rude to people when they are expressing themselves or going through a rough patch. We don't all grieve or handle issues in the same manner and before we become robotic and make an announcement saying, "Bih don't kill my vibe." You might want to make sure that person is stable enough to handle more rejection before you give the cold shoulder.
3.Unrealistic Expectations
The motto "you can get with this or you can get with that" only applies when you are choosing if you personally want to identify, acknowledge, or be a part of something. We can't expect anyone to think the way we think, feel how we feel, or understand our point of view. Every individual's outlook and perspective on life and situations are going to be different. We can agree to disagree with people but it's important we have an understanding of what another person's perspective is so that we aren't jumping to conclusions, cutting people off prematurely or just being judgmental.
4.Falsified Reality
It's all good until it ain't. We all know how to put on a fake smile and give our best Ms. America speech, but when it comes down to looking yourself in the mirror and seeing what your reflection displays, ask yourself, what do you see? It's so much easier for a person to act like it's all good versus expressing what they really are dying to get off their chest. Putting on the smiley mask doesn't deal with the pain, sadness, and unhappiness that may be underneath the disguise on display. The bad part about putting up a front is that when life finally hits you hard, and it will at some point or another, would you even recognize the person you've become after having to hold in so much for so long? Is your life really going in the direction you want it to be?
5.Alienated Perspective
When you become totally self-absorbed, you lose touch with what's really going on in the real world. It's cool to be focused on you, but let's be real. When everything is all about you, you can't really give a just opinion on certain life moments because you can't understand a person's viewpoint. Especially if you haven't been in their shoes. Of course, it's safe to stay wrapped up in our own lil worlds, but it also hinders us when we don't have many outside interactions with others. It causes us to lack empathy, knowledge, or the basic human nature of showing respect to a person who shows any signs of weakness. We all have our moments when we are down, frustrated, or off track, but that's where using discernment comes in handy. Analyzing whether or not a person is just going through a funk or if they're just an unfit individual will help you from losing out on people who should be a part of your life.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
For Those Who Struggle To Embrace Their Emotions
In My Feelings: Why You Can't Let Your Emotions Control You
How To Feel Emotionally Safe In Relationships
The Empath's Guide To An Emotionally-Balanced Life
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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In a xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But covid hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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