Model. Actor. Musician. Author. Those are just a few words to describe the multi-hyphenate heartthrob that is Don Benjamin.
Hailing from humble beginnings on the South Side, the Chicago native found himself bouncing between Minnesota, Mississippi, and even Florida before settling in Los Angeles in 2005. It was there that he thrust himself into the world of modeling, fashion, and music, securing campaigns with various notable brands such as Bloomingdale's, True Religion, Tillys, and Guess, and also appeared as a finalist on America's Next Top Model. But don't let the handsome face and pretty eyes fool you, there's much more to Don than meets the eye.
And if you need further proof of that, look no further than his new book, My Truth. In his debut work, Benjamin opens up about the tests, trials, and testimonies of his life experiences––everything from growing up without his father in his life, growing into manhood, love and loss and so much more.
xoNecole recently got the chance to chat with Don about all things personal evolution, self-love, and dealing with heartbreak. Here's what he had to say:
Courtesy of Don Benjamin
xoNecole: You’ve got your hands in a lot of things with acting, music, modeling, and now your new book. Which of those do you find the most rewarding?
Don Benjamin: I try to make them all coincide as much as possible. As long as I'm being creative, you know expressing different sides of my creativity. Sometimes I'll get really into my music and I'm in a zone where I want to write a ton of music. And sometimes I'm locked in and all about acting and growing. Now I'm all about writing. After spilling my soul, I'm really loving writing books. I've already started writing my second book. But I feel like it all goes together even though they're all different, they still kind of feel like one.
In your book, you talk about the difficulties you faced growing up without your father and the void that that relationship created. Why do you think it’s so important for young men to have that healthy male presence and dynamic?
That's important because, without it, I think it's something that kind of messes us up to where we kinda start questioning ourselves, like 'Was it something I did? Was I not good enough for him to be around?' And it breaks down our self-esteem. For me, I just bottled it in. My mother was always asking if I wanted to talk to a professional about it but I would always bottle it in, not really realizing how unhealthy it is and how it leads to bigger issues. But I think it's important to put yourself around men that are of a positive influence. Because when you grow up in that situation, you're kind of hungry for the influence of a man that's going to help guide you since you didn't get that from your father.
A lot of times, it leads you to other broken situations where you find yourself with other men who didn't have their father around. And you're following the footsteps of the people you see in the media and it just leads to an unhealthy pattern. That's what I found in myself. I kinda had to snap out of it, I had to take some losses in my life and learn some pretty harsh lessons and THEN go searching for that. Like, 'Yo, I need some men in my life that can actually be a positive influence.' So I want to try to help the younger generation understand that at a sooner time, rather than waking up in their thirties and forties and realizing it and doing a lot more damage.
I often feel like most people at some point in their life go through a Blinding Light experience. Meaning a moment where life knocks you off your current course in order to redirect you onto the right one. Have you had one and if so what was it?
Yeah, I think I had an initial one when my father passed away in 2017 and it made me start looking at life a lot differently.
"I went into a real depression, I stopped focusing on work. I think my entire life I was looking for his approval subconsciously, I was always like, 'I wanna get super-rich and famous so I can take care of my Dad and give him the life.' I finally started to come out of it and then last year I was engaged to be married, but towards the end of the year, I made some stupid choices that led to us breaking up. And that was my ultimate Blinding Light to where I needed to step back and look at the things I was doing. And why I was carrying on these continued patterns that my father had been doing to me and make a change in my life."
It really woke me up and it's crazy how it happened the year we were forced to stay inside and stay to ourselves––and not do anything but focus on ourselves. So I had it at the top of this year and I feel like I'm finally aligned and seeing things clearly. It's a blessing.
I’m sorry to hear that. But how did you deal with that heartbreak?
When we first broke up, I didn't really know how to get through it in the moment. I went to God and just laid it all on God. I had a good support system around me, thankfully. I was like, 'Lord give me the strength to understand this and get through this and use this to grow and become a better version of myself.' And that's what really helped me. A lot of reading, praying, and meditation.
That prayer and meditation will do it, won’t it?
Man, I'm telling you. It was everything.
What’s something you vow to do differently or do more of in your next relationship now?
For me, what I've really been working on is being a lot more selfless in a relationship. I never really had a solid foundation of a relationship to look at for inspiration. I always just kind of created my own thoughts of what I thought a good relationship should be like. And I was going based on a lot of men from broken homes as well. I did a lot of reading of different mentors who've been in strong relationships after making some mistakes and how they changed things up and maneuvered differently. And how you do things differently in a relationship, and just being all about your woman.
Making her feel confident and letting her have the right type of trust in you––and just letting the woman feel confident and full in a relationship. Letting her have that queen feeling. That's what I'm really trying to work on carrying into my next relationship. I don't have to let my pride win or my ego win and I make sure my focus is all my woman and cutting out certain distractions and temptations. Because the world we live in right now is so full of temptations with social media and TV. So being more aware of those temptations so that it doesn't interfere in my relationship [is how I'd move differently].
Speaking of distractions and temptations, when it comes to things like infidelity or unfaithfulness in relationships––what’s one thing men and women should understand?
I think for men a lot of times, it stems from past issues with parents or influence. Not getting the proper influence from people around us. And our need for certain attention, it goes deeper than just the situation per se.
"My advice for women is that it doesn't have nothing to do with you. You could be the best woman in the world, but if a man is broken inside, he has to dig deep and fix those issues. Because the infidelity is usually something deeper that he's searching for and he doesn't realize that it could stem from his childhood."
The couple has to really come together and talk about it and maybe go to relationship counseling early to prevent anything from taking place.
Do you think a person can truly be ready for love if they don’t first love themselves?
You definitely have to love yourself first, how can you love somebody else if you're not happy with yourself? I feel like there are gonna be a lot of issues. I've been learning that more and more. But it's weird because you hear stories about high school sweethearts and the ones who got married young and lasted long, and they grew together and learned lessons together and bonded together even stronger.
Nowadays, especially if you're a little bit older, I feel like you wanna have as much love for yourself as possible. You have to know what you need in life before you go searching for that in someone else. Because then you're gonna put all the weight on them and it's gonna lead to a lot of stress.
That last part is definitely key, I love that you brought that up.
It's real though.
For sure. Let’s talk relationship green flags, what would make you feel the most safe and secure?
I think a woman having confidence and something going for herself, to where she's not sitting at home all day wondering what you're doing. If she's confident and independent, that's definitely a green flag. Family, religion. If she doesn't have a strong religious foundation or good guidance in her life, I feel like it's gonna be really hard to make that connection. So religion is key.
Courtesy of Don Benjamin
How can a woman get AND keep your attention?
Right now, I'm so focused on my personal growth, it's whatever God places in my sight. I'm not really specific. It has to benefit me and help build me, there has to be that spiritual energy and connection. Being in LA, you see so many attractive people, you could meet one just walking to Starbucks. So it's not really so much about the image, it's about the connection. If you have a connection with somebody on a deeper level, that's how I feel like you can maintain that longevity.
Do you know your love languages?
I think mine are physical touch, I like to be held and I like cuddling. I love quality time, I need that. I like to just cuddle and watch a movie.
Before you go, I want to know what’s something you know now about yourself or about love that you didn’t know before?
The main thing I've learned is that you really have to be selfless. It's not about you, of course, the self-love dynamic too, but you have to be confident in you—and really be more aware of your partner's feelings. And keeping them happy and safe.
"It's a lot of work, [but] I've learned that you have to be ready to put that work in going into a relationship in order to make it last. Everything isn't gonna always be peaches and cream, there's gonna be disagreements; there's gonna be family issues. It has to go way deeper than just 'oh I'm attracted to you.'"
Once the puppy love stage wears off and ya'll get past the honeymoon phase––then it becomes another form of work. You literally have somebody's heart and feelings and well-being in your possession, you have to be careful with it.
You have to be careful with it. And lastly, what's next for you Don?
I was supposed to be filming a movie this year. I was playing the lead in a movie I co-created and produced, but I feel like we're still up in the air as far as whether or not we're going to be able to finish shooting it before the year is up. So hopefully we can do that. I'm also working on another book that comes along with a masterclass. A lot of people have been asking me how to break into the modeling industry, so I wanted to create something for them to go along with that.
My Truth is available now, everywhere books are sold. And to keep up with Don, make sure to follow him on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Don Benjamin.
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Despite launching media careers from different pathways, the two New York-based women have forged a friendship where they can discuss their ambitions and challenges.
Both women are part of xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, recognized in the Viral Voices category for the impact they’ve made through storytelling, creativity, and authenticity. Together, they represent what it means to build an "It Girl" brand with integrity and depth. In the spirit of SheaMoisture’s "Yes, And" ethos, Les and Kayla embody the freedom to be multi-layered as women evolving boldly into every version of themselves.
This conversation has been condensed and lightly edited for clarity
On Forging Their Own Paths
Les Alfred: Being a Jane of all trades is incredibly challenging. And one of the challenges I've faced is that the scope of what podcasters now need to do has increased so much. When I first interviewed you in 2019, I was still very new at it, but I remember being on a Skype call with you from my bedroom in Seattle. That was how I ran the show. And that was good enough. That is absolutely not good enough these days. The scope and the quality keeps increasing, but the resources that you have don't necessarily increase in order to remain competitive.
I get asked so many questions from people who want to get into podcasts and they want to get started. Most of the time, I'm just like, 'I don't have tips for you.' Because, one, I don't know what it's like to start in this current environment. Two, I know what it takes to contend and be consistent in this environment. The barrier of entry is a lot higher in terms of having something of quality than it was before.
On Balancing Ambition and Rest
Kayla Greaves: I've had to make a very clear effort to slow down and just not take on as much. Yes, you're running a business, but you're also living your life. I had one of those days yesterday. I just laid down and listened to white noise for hours because I just needed my brain to just be clear. I called a friend. I cried.
I'm starting over again today. The sun is out. It's a new day. And that's just sometimes what you have to do. You can't show up for your audience or for other people, if you can't show for yourself. I think that creativity comes from a place of living your life and having genuine experiences, and then sharing those experiences through your art.
"I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally."
Courtesy
On Evolving Through Growth and Rebranding
Les: I didn't create Balanced Black Girl until 2018, but I started blogging and creating content and doing things under the Balanced brand in 2014. I was 24 years old at the time. Now, I'm 36. The things that were important to me, the perspective that I had and the stories I wanted to tell were entirely different. I think I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally. The show isn't really about wellness anymore. And that shift started happening a couple of years ago.
When we started expanding into more lifestyle topics, more self-help topics [and] talking about entrepreneurship, the audience responded really well. That was when the show really started to grow and take off. And that was what got so much more engagement than the episodes back in 2020 when I was doing hour-long deep dives on gut health.
Rebranding the show was something I've been thinking about for a long time. When I was finally like, 'Oh, I need to do this,' honestly, was the 2024 presidential election. I was like, these people are about to be in here acting crazy. I do not feel safe with my business name being what it is. I don't want to be targeted for any BS. We saw what they did to the Fearless Fund.
"You have to balance your integrity with your income."
Courtesy
On Integrity Over Income
Kayla: I have many other interests aside from beauty. I'm growing and I'm changing as a person. I'm not the same person I was when I started at InStyle in 2019 before the pandemic rocked everybody's world. I don't think reviewing every single lipstick that comes out is exciting or interesting, because everybody does it now, and everybody feels like they're qualified to speak on things that they're not qualified to speak on. I'm currently in that pain point of growth.
I don't think I have always been in environments where I've been encouraged to branch out on my own ideas. I finished Ina Garten’s memoir maybe a month ago. She kept repeating this quote in her book. She said, ‘What goes in early, goes in deep.’ Now that I'm on my own and I don't have the resources of a traditional media company, which is what I have become accustomed to, sometimes it's difficult for me to be like, 'Okay, just go ahead with the thing.'
I think, Les, just the other day, you reposted somebody saying that they let go of a five-figure deal and then got double the next day because it just didn't feel aligned for them. Those are the things that happen. I have to find a balance of, 'Okay, how do I keep myself afloat?' And that may mean I may not be balling out of control just yet, but I'm okay for now. I can buy myself nice things every once in a while, but you have to balance your integrity with your income.
Les: There are just certain lines that I'm not willing to cross. Especially when I created more wellness content, one of those lines was I will not promote any sort of weight loss product. All of these GLP-1s all want to advertise on my podcast. I actually have nothing against those types of products, but I don't ever want someone to look at what I'm putting into the world and think that I'm saying that they need to feel a certain way about their bodies.
Even if the money is great, that's not for me to say, and that's not the type of message that I want to put out here. Or, I had another kind of brand deal come through that would have required me to divulge things about my personal life that I just don't really want my audience knowing about me, and bringing them along on journeys that I just find personal and I want to keep offline. I don’t want to be known for dragging my mess all over the internet for a buck.
I don't want to be known for being an influencer. I would love to be 1,000% in on my podcast, scale it, have it grow to be a media empire where I'm producing and putting out other bodies of work. For now, until that other side of the business really picks up and gets to the point where I want it to be, I kind of need to play the influencer game a little bit to live in this expensive city. But I'm gonna do it on my terms. It's a constant compromise that I'm coming to with myself.
"You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do."
Courtesy
On Mutual Admiration and Friendship
Les: Something that I really admire about you in having known you for the past couple of years is you don't wait for a roadmap. You jump in, you roll up your sleeves, and you do it. You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do.
Kayla: Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for saying that, because that means so much to me, and it's very affirming. That's exactly how I feel about you. I remember, even at your first live show, you're like, ‘Oh my god, I'm so stressed. I don't know what I'm doing.’ And, the shit sold out. And, you know, and now, like, you see the growth of the podcast. And you have nearly 61,000 subscribers on YouTube. I just checked recently.
I talk a lot about people that really just need to not say anything on the internet, because it's so frustrating as somebody who grew up as a traditional journalist. You want people to fact check and ask thoughtful questions and have good conversations. I've never said that about you. I've always loved your podcast. And I've sent a lot of your episodes to friends when they're going through specific things that you're talking about.
This season has been a little bit slower to me, so you've been a constant source of inspiration, and it's just been such a pleasure to see your podcast grow despite the challenges you've had. I know it's not easy, but you continue to grow and continue to push through, and I really admire that as somebody who sat and cried yesterday and listened to white noise.
And this is why I tell you all the time, you really do inspire me. I love you a lot.
Les: Oh my gosh, I love you a lot. I'm so glad that the podcast brought us together.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image courtesy