Dear Queen:
I'm no expert on life, love, relationships, or religion. I just know pain when I see it.
I, too, have felt its familiar harness close to my mind, heart, and soul--the pain's gripping circulation grappling at all of who you are. My heart breaks most days thinking of you crying yourself to sleep at night. I often wonder if one day the hurt will seem just too hard to bear and you will decide tomorrow is not worth witnessing. I wish there was something I could do to make it all stop. To make you feel like you could wake up and this would all be over, but I can't.
Just let me tell you what I know to be true.
Life will sometimes make you feel as if you will be broken irrevocably. Situations will come along frequently without warning to make you lose sense of yourself, to make you feel lost, to make you feel miserable…even desperate at times. You will begin to settle in with worthlessness whispering in your ear. It will disturb you at every waking moment and taunt you until you listen. You will flail and scrape for shame the glue holding the remnants of you together.
You will live and breathe out of emotions that will take its toll on you and you won't even recognize yourself.
Dear Queen, that's not you. None of that is you.
Somewhere along the lines you've developed life patterns, more like love patterns, of worry, of doubt, of anxiousness. You've acquired these false images and saw yourself in the frame. Too much time you've spent on disguised brief satisfactions of love due to typical fixations.
Too much time you've spent doubting everything because one person taught you, you weren't anything. You weren't worthy.
Dear Queen, that's not you. None of that is you.
In that moment, you didn't know it was second-rate love and the real thing you had to wait on. In that moment, you didn't give your heart permission to be trampled upon.
In that moment, you didn't know that sometimes your first source of love could be the first source of your pain.
Now you're burned and you're searching and assessing through your insecurities because you didn't know. Now you're doing things that at times you know are wrong because it's easy and it's comfortable. Because you didn't know.
Dear Queen, that's not you. None of that is you.
It's not your fault. Someone once told me, “Good people make mistakes too."
You can't do anything about what you didn't know, but you can do something with what you've learned.
Dear Queen, you're not burned because of your past, nor due to your mistakes.
You're burned because you're walking around with half of yourself knowing you're counterfeit, but you're pretending you're whole.
You can't keep trying to pass off a facade of yourself.
To him. To her. To another friend. To another relationship.
You can't keep doing that.
You'll lose them.
You'll lose yourself.
Dear Queen, that's not you. None of that is you.
Only for so long can you keep cohabitating with life in brokenness.
There is no way you can make sense of it all.
You must go through the process of becoming whole again and it won't be easy.
It will probably be the most difficult thing you will ever have to do. I don't know nor do I have all the answers. But I do know who does--God. God can reverse it all. He will rescue you in your pain, but you have to stop hiding just because it hurts.
Don't you keep missing your moment because you are worried, afraid, or ashamed. Take a chance on you today.
All those things you've dreamed about are still being worked out. There are more opportunities waiting on you. The best thing you can do right now, in this moment, is to become intimate with God by becoming intimate with yourself.
Dear Queen--It is my prayer for you that you will take the sweetest baptismal in God's love.
That you will be so enmeshed by God that you are one, purified by his grace and mercy.
And you will walk upright knowing your sufficiency by knowing His.
-xo
Dominique
Dear Queen is a series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a “Dear Queen" letter or a personal essay you'd like to submit? We want to read it! E-mail your submissions to editor@xonecole.com.
This letter is written by Dominique Mack, a writer, counselor, and advocate whose vision is to help people heal through their own stories. She hails from Brunswick, GA and regularly blogs for those finding their way at: A Regular Girl Who Loves The Lord.
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
What made it even more special? We were back in the place where we first fell in love, now creating new memories in the same sun-drenched paradise. From booze cruises, pickleball matches, and wellness shots, to alluring late-night jacuzzi rendezvous, soul karaoke, and far too much champagne mixed with tequila, to really good jerk chicken and repeat-visit-worthy Asian cuisine, bae and I had a time.
Couples Negril And Couples Swept Away: Twins On The West Coast Of Jamaica
And it’s fitting that we visited in June (which is considered low season—a time when there are less travelers and better deals) because these sister resorts are like Gemini twins that embody two distinct sides of the same spirit.
Set between Negril and Hanover, Couples Negril is the social butterfly, full of energy and artistic flair; Couples Swept Away is the introspective dreamer, grounded in nature, wellness, and tranquility.
While they’re quite opposite in vibe, they’re united by a shared history and reflect the classic Gemini duality: light and shadow, play and peace, expression and reflection.
Bae’s Favorite: Chic, Modern, And Cozy At Couples Negril
Couples Negril Suite
Courtesy, Couples Negril
Bae’s favorite was Couples Negril—which has more than 230 rooms and spans 18 acres—for its mix of entertainment, modern minimalist vibes, and a diverse crowd of couples. He especially loved Otaheite Restaurant with its low-lit red velvet love seats and dishes meshing luxury with traditional island flavors (like the merlot stewed rabbit served with coconut polenta and the filet mignon with the jerk glaze.) And he lives for hearing me sing, so the piano bar was our jam.
We also spent lots of time at the beach bar, one of five on the property, snacking on fish tacos and sipping margaritas just steps from our suite.
We saved the rum for the included catamaran cruise (book ahead!), which came with endless punch and views of Negril’s West End—a fave spot of ours. Couples Negril made the all-inclusive life feel surprisingly easy and fun.
The property also features a treehouse spa, two pools, four jacuzzis, an au naturale beach (whew, chile!), and sports facilities. Everything was easy to access—the layout felt cozy and well-organized, making it simple to move between activities and amenities. At this resort, you can really have some grown-and-sexy fun without it feeling like a raunchy spring break episode of Couples Gone Wild.
My Favorite: Private, Classic Charm, & Nature Mystique At Couples Swept Away
Couple's Swept Away Suite
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
While I loved Couples, once we stepped over to Couples Swept Away, the lush nature set on 19 acres won me over. This twin, which has 312 suites, 7 restaurants, 8 bars, 3 pools, 5 jacuzzis, and a spa, leans into intimacy and seclusion, and I felt like we had more privacy and room to explore–just the two of us—at this property. The rooms are rustic-luxurious, dressed in island cedar, with classic shutters and expansive verandahs that have hammocks where you can enjoy bright flora, the sounds of exotic birds, and the sea views.
The absence of TVs—along with its tropical fantasy allure— meant a 10 out of 10 experience for me. This resort invites couples to breathe deeper, slow down, and truly get to the core of intimacy, all within the hum of nature.
There were hidden enclaves with dipping pools, jacuzzis, open-air cafés, and quiet corners where you can sit by ponds filled with fish and bird watch (or have a little sneaky link with bae!)
One of my favorite stand-out amenities at this resort: the 10-acre fitness complex just a short walk across the road from the main property where I’d have my early-morning me-time while bae slept in. It has 10 tennis courts, squash and racquetball courts, a fully equipped gym, and a wide range of wellness and fitness classes are held there. I also enjoyed turmeric and ginger shots at the wellness bar.
Other standouts for food and nightlife included Lemon Grass (where you can enjoy Asian-inspired food and listen to the live music coming from downstairs), the chic Patois Bar (which was the late-night hotspot overlooking one of the pools and serving your usual bar fare like burgers and quesadillas—felt like we were at a Miami nightclub), and the Aura Bar (where bae sang with a quintet of other slightly drunken men and where we did the cliche but super-lit millennial couple thing: danced the night away to Top 40 hip-hop, salsa, and rock classics).
The Patois Bar
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
Baecation Tip: Just be sure your partner packs a few linen or dress pants, loafers or soft dress shoes, and a few button-down shirts for the restaurants that require reservations. Also book your table and all-inclusive excursions in advance (or on the first day you arrive at the resort).
All in all, this resort-hop wasn’t the stifling, prison-in-paradise all-inclusive experience I remembered from the Jamaica family vacations of my youth. It also wasn’t the stereotypical AI disaster of bland food, lackluster customer service, and senior citizen activities that many complain about on social nowadays.
Both resorts offered a fresh take on luxury, great food, and good vibes—all without losing the intimacy we craved. All-inclusives might not be our every trip vibe, but for this chapter? It was exactly what we needed, and we look forward to making repeat bookings at both Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away in the future.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock