Climbing Towers In Berlin Helped Me Overcome My Quarter-Life Crisis
In October 2014, I decided that it was time to stop making excuses and go somewhere new.
I was covered in cobwebs woven from unhappiness, stress, and anxiety about the future, and I concluded that discovering an unfamiliar place was exactly what I needed. I hadn't been anywhere far since I spent a semester abroad in France in 2010. So for the rest of 2014 and much of 2015, I scrimped and made payments to a travel group for a trip to Europe.
In September, I reaped my investment and traveled Germany and the Czech Republic. For eleven glorious days, I did not think too much, fall into a funk, obsess about the future, or feel stuck. I was not tired or exhausted, and I did not feel like I was putting in more than I was getting in return.
And it was perfect.
Victory Column in Berlin, Germany Courtesy of Alta Joseph
I ate breakfast every single day, unheard of in my nine-to-five life. To my surprise I even got a lot of exercise since being in Europe means endless walking! I huffed and puffed my way up 285 steps to the top of the Victory Column in Berlin and saw an amazing 360-degree view of the city. The climb stretched my thighs, and I was disappointed by how often I needed to take a break. Did that stop me from taking on the increasingly steep steps of the Old Town Hall Tower when I got to Prague? No! My “screw these steps" mantra did help a great deal as my ankles screamed during the long climb. Although I felt like I was the only one struggling so hard on the journey to the top, I told myself that can't possibly have been true and put my mind at ease.
In Munich, I looked up at the St. Peter's Church Tower, dreading the exertion it was going to take and already disappointed that it wasn't going to be a breeze. But I could picture what was waiting for me at the summit: a breathtaking panoramic view of the city and the pride that came from pushing through and completing what I had set out to do. That was enough for me to pay and go. 306 steps later, I had no feeling in my legs, but I was proud to look out over Munich and see the Alps in the far distance.
After my tower-climbing crusade, when I was back in the States and jotting down what I'd taken away from the trip, it dawned on me that I had made it to the top.
During the climbs, I focused on my abysmal endurance and weak ankles, and I made silent promises to strengthen them, but hindsight helped me realize that even though I had climbed at a slower pace than those around me, I had made it to the top just the same.
In fact, I made it to the top three times. I also realized that even though some people passed me, I was in front of many.
So, what I tell myself now, when my brain wants to sprint into panic mode because it's focused on the fact that a double major in French and International Studies does not provide a linear career path like a major in Political Science or Information Technology, is that, yes, there will be people who are farther along than me, but there will also be those who are behind me--people who either started after or who need to take more breaks than I do. Yes, there will be those who surpass me along the way, those who will get ahead while I take the time to regroup. That is reality, and it has always been. It doesn't mean I won't get where I want to go. I don't need to be first, and there is no last.
View from Old Town Hall Tower in Prague, Czech Republic Courtesy of Alta Joseph
I've decided to shift my focus to answering my needs when they arise so that I don't stress about the climb. If I obsess about getting there at the same time as the people that I started off with, then I will eventually wear myself out and be forced to stop.
The most important thing that I learned is to take care of myself and to not worry about the pace of those around me. And that applies to all aspects of my life.
After all, looking left and right will only slow me down from reaching what lies ahead of me.
Alta Joseph lives in Florida and works in the non-profit sector as a Grant Writer, among other responsibilities. She's an avid Fanfiction writer, is currently working on a manuscript to enter grad school, and can be reached at ajosep11@gmail.com.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images