Atlanta Keynote Fireside Chat
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When the NYT posted an article this week about the recent marriage of a Black woman VP of a multi-billion-dollar company and a Black man who took her on a first date at the parking lot of a Popeyes, the reaction on social media was swift and polarizing. The two met on Hinge and had their parking lot rendezvous after he’d canceled their first two dates. When the groom posted a photo from their wedding on social media, he bragged about how he never had “pressure” to take her on “any fancy dates or expensive restaurants.”
It’s worth reading on your own to get the full breadth of all the foolery that transpired. But the Twitter discourse it inspired on what could lead a successful Black woman to accept lower than bare minimum in pursuit of a relationship and marriage, made me think of the years of messaging that Black women receive about how our standards are too high and what we have to “bring to the table” in order to be "worthy" of what society has deemed is the ultimate showing of our worth: a marriage to a man.
That's right, the first pandemic I lived through was not Covid, but the pandemic of the Black male relationship expert. I was young – thirteen to be exact – when Steve Harvey published his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Though he was still just a stand-up comedian, oversized suit hoarder, and man on his third marriage at the time, his relationship advice was taken as the gospel truth.
The 2000s were a particularly bleak time to be a single Black woman. Much of the messaging –created by men – that surrounded Black women at the time blamed their desire for a successful career and for a partner that matched their drive and ambition for the lack of romance in their life. Statistics about Black women’s marriageability were always wielded against Black women as evidence of our lack of desirability.
It’s no wonder then that a man that donned a box cut well into the 2000s was able to convince women across the nation to not have sex for the first three months of a relationship. Or that a slew of other Black men had their go at telling Black women that they’re not good enough and why their book, seminar, or show will be the thing that makes them worthy of a Good Man™.
This is how we end up marrying men who cancel twice before taking us on a “date” in the Popeyes parking lot, or husbands writing social media posts about how their Black wife is not “the most beautiful” or “the most intelligent” or the latest season of trauma dumping known as Black Love on OWN.
Now that I’ve reached my late twenties, many things about how Black women approach dating and relationships have changed and many things have remained the same. For many Black women, the idea of chronic singleness is not the threat that it used to be. Wanting romance doesn’t exist in a way that threatens to undermine the other relationships we have with our friends, family, and ourselves as it once did, or at least once was presented to us. There is a version of life many of us are embracing where a man not wanting us, is not the end of what could still be fruitful and vibrant life.
There are still Black women out there however who have yet to unlearn the toxic ideals that have been projected onto us about our worthiness in relation to our intimate lives. I see it all the time online. The absolute humiliation and disrespect some Black women are willing to stomach in the name of being partnered. The hoops that some Black women are willing to jump through just to receive whatever lies beneath the bare minimum.
It's worth remembering that there are different forces at play that gather to make Black women feast off the scraps we are given. A world saturated by colorism, fatphobia, anti-Blackness, ableism, and classism will always punish Black women who demand more for themselves. Dismantling these systems also means divesting from any and everything that makes us question our worth.
Because truth be told, Black women are more than worthy of having a love that is built on mutual respect and admiration. A love that is honey sweet and radiates a light that rivals the sun. A love that is a steadying calming force that doesn’t bring confusion or anxiety. Black women deserve a love that is worthy of the prize that we are.
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On August 10, Angela Yee announced that she is officially leaving Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club after 12 years. The radio show host initially tweeted about her departure last night which sent social media into a tailspin. “The breakfast club as you know it is officially over,” she tweeted.
The breakfast club as you know it is officially over 🫶🏽
— Angela Yee (@angelayee) August 10, 2022
This morning, however, she further explained her tweet and why she decided to leave the popular morning show. “This is really exciting but this is something that I’ve been wanting to do for years now since way before the pandemic,” she said.
The Brooklyn native explained that she sat down with her boss at iHeart, which is owned by Power 105.1, and shared her desire to have her own show. She originally introduced the idea of having a weekend show while still co-hosting The Breakfast Club but iHeart had other ideas.
“Years later they approached me up here at iHeart, Thea had a sitdown with me, and they told me that they are going to give me my very own show,” she revealed.
“It will be a different iteration of The Breakfast Club but I will have my own show up here at iHeart as well, so I will be a part of the family.”
The radio personality’s new daily show is reportedly titled Way Up with Angela Yee and it will be nationally syndicated. The 46-year-old’s podcast Lip Service will also go into national syndication while joining the iHeart family.
During the announcement, she thanked the listeners for their support and shared how “monumental” this occasion is for her.
“This is just a tremendous opportunity. I feel extremely grateful, extremely blessed to be able to get something that is really monumental up here,” she said. “Because as far as having a nationally syndicated show, and somebody in my position, a woman, a Black woman up here, it’s a rarity and it’s a great opportunity and it’s not something that I take lightly. So, I’m really excited.”
Angela didn’t give much more details other than the show airing this fall. She will remain on The Breakfast Club in the meantime.
Angela Yee Is Leaving The Breakfast Club To Launch Her New On-Air Show 'Way Up with Angela Yee'
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
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Some may see romantic comedies and dramas as a guilty pleasure. But author Bolu Babalola indulges in the genre with no apology.
“I love romance,” Babalola tells xoNecole. “I’ve always consumed romance. I’ve always read romance. I’ve always written romance,” she says. “It wasn’t even a conscious decision, it’s just a part of me. It’s just what I enjoy reading.”
In her debut romance novel Honey & Spice, Babalola follows up her debut anthology Love in Colour by once again allowing her love for all things love to bloom into a world brimming with vibrant and lively characters. In Honey & Spice, we are introduced to the character of Kiki Banjo who Babalola describes as “the resident romantic adviser” at the university where Kiki also hosts a love advice radio show for Black women on campus called “Brown Sugar.” When a mysterious man arrives at the school and sows discord amongst the ladies, it threatens to undo the work that Kiki has put into trying to lead them all down the right path in their love lives. “A confrontation ensues, an entanglement ensues, and eventually they find themselves having to fake a relationship to save both of their reputations,” Babalola says.
Babalola says that creating Kiki allowed her to write about a Black female character that is flawed. “She is messy. And she is giving romantic advice to women at the university but she doesn’t have it figured out,” Babalola says. “And it was really freeing for me to write a young Black girl like that.”
Babalola is joining a recent wave of writers who are allowing audiences to embrace Black women to be their whole complicated and imperfect selves on screen and in books. Along with debut author Raven Lelani’s hit book Luster (that Babalola describes as one of the books that made her heart beat fast,) and Insecure’s Issa who Babalola describes as a “delight” and “messy.” “She’s so gorgeous, but she’s not exactly smooth,” Bablola says.
Of course, romance is one of the many genres that suffers from its share of anti-Blackness, both with who gets to write them and the kind of characters we constantly see being loved and desired. It’s the Julia Robertses and the Meg Ryans of the world who are seen as the kind of women that society deems to be worthy of affection. While those women as some of her fave on-screen leading ladies, she also cites Vivica A. Fox in Two Can Play That Game and multi-hyphenate entertainer and rom-com queen Queen Latifah who Babalola says is “beautiful, self-possessed, sexy, deep brown skinned, and fully aware of her beauty.”
During our conversation, I was reminded of when Toni Morrison famously said that she “wrote my first novel because I wanted to read it.” That was one of my favorite Toni Morrison quotes,” Babalola says when I brought it up to her. “It’s a compulsion. Maybe it’s a little bit narcissistic, but I love writing those stories for my younger self,” she says. More than just herself though, Babalola feels a sense of pride every time young Black girls tell her how much her work impacts them. “When they come up to me and say they felt seen, they felt held, ‘You made reconfigure my idea of romance, and gave me hope about it,’ that makes me really happy.”
Despite the cynicism that many critics have of the romance genre, Babalola says that she doesn’t let that impact her love for the genre. “I really believe that people who think love is a weak or frivolous thing are –” Babalola pauses for a second. “–I’m trying to say they’re dumb but in a nice way,” Babalola jokes. “They really don’t have an awareness of the kind of complexity that’s within that genre, what it takes to forensically explore emotions and human vulnerability.”
While binge-watching television when she was in university, she got the idea to expand her writing skills and her love of romance to the screen. Last year, the pilot for her 30-minute hangout comedy Big Age, aired on Channel 4 in the UK. It follows the life of a Black woman who quits her lucrative law job to pursue writing all the while juggling the prospects of a budding new romance and an old flame.
“I’m a storyteller,” she says when I ask her if screenwriting was always in her cards. “Books and novels were just the first things that I gravitated to because I read books so I’m gonna write books.”
Be it on screen or in a book, Babalola’s love for stories about love and messy Black girls will always find a platform.
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Featured image by Caleb Azumah Nelson
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Saweetie
Saweetie Recalls Tough Conversation She Had With Her Parents About Her Childhood: ‘Lots Of Apologies’
09 August
Saweetie’s style and relatable personality have made her one of the most popular female rappers out right now. While she has used her social media to help cultivate her brand, she also gives her fans a glimpse at fun moments with her family and friends. From getting glammed up with her mom, who is a former model, to attending NBA games with her father, who female fans have been pining over, Saweetie seems to keep her family around often. However, she recently revealed that wasn’t always the case.
The Grammy award-winning artist appeared on Kevin Hart’s Peacock show Hart to Heart where she opened up about her childhood and shared that she actually became close to her parents last year. “I was that kid in third or fourth grade. I had a key to my house and I would walk home, I would do my homework, clean the dishes, I would make my food,” she said. “I had been independent for a really long time.”
The “Icy Chain” rapper said that her parents worked a lot when she was a child and other family members would often take care of her. “My mom had me when she was 17,” she explained. “My dad was young too. They was just always hustling and working.”
She added, “They would always tell me we’re a team. In order for us to win, you have to do your part. So, my part was behaving, being responsible. I was like a little woman.”
The 29-year-old star admitted that she was constantly yearning for her parents when she was a child and when she got older, she finally disclosed her feelings about her childhood to them.
“I had this conversation with mom around the time that “Icy Girl” came out (in 2017) and then I had this conversation with my dad last year on my birthday,” she revealed.
In her conversation with her mom, she learned a lot about her mom’s life story which explained why she was so hard on the USC grad growing up. After having conversations with both parents, Saweetie said they apologized.
“Lots of apologies from them. They apologized for my childhood.” She concluded, “It meant a lot to me.”
Saweetie Full Interview with Kevin Hart | Full Episode Hart to Heart
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Featured image by Amy Sussman/Getty Images
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Are you 'Little Miss Never Knows What Design to Get'? It’s okay if you are because this is a safe space. We know that coming up with your next nail design can be as complicated as the Instagram algorithm these days. For me, getting my nails done and conjuring up a design has been a form of self-care and expression. With folks like Marsai Martin creating press-on nails that more than get the job done, the burden isn’t as heavy and there are some nail techs out here redefining what nail design means.
Take the talented and sought-after Tolani Rosa, a nail tech at The Laq Lab in Brooklyn. She uses her love for creation to curate the most beautiful nails you’ll ever see. Lucky for us, we got the chance to sit down with her to talk about nail design trends that we must try before summer slips away from us. "Mix [and] match nails would be number one on my list of trends right now," she tells xoNecole. "The girls are getting into having different designs on each finger which transcends all seasons depending on the colors used. Because the summer is the perfect season for fun nails, I’d encourage women to try it before fall.”
Courtesy of Tolani Rosa
When it comes to shapes, Tolani says the almond nail shape is by far the shape of the season, making it the top-tier shape for summer. “A few years ago I’d say it was a coffin [nail shape] but a lot of clients have been changing over. I feel like almond elongates the look of anyone’s fingers as well as its versatility in allowing you to choose a rounded almond or more pointy almond.”
And she’s spot on because during my visit to The Laq Lab she slayed a colorful, almond set for me. It’s one of those sets that have you looking at your hands every five seconds and using your fingers to point at unnecessary things non-stop.
Keep reading for more nail design trends Tolani recommends we try before the summer ends:
Colorful French Tip Manicures
Courtesy of Tolani Rosa
You deserve some creativity at your fingertips. And what better way to get creative than with the classic French tip style? The colorful French tip manicure is a favorite because of its nod to a never-fail manicure classic that offers a modern take that dares to be more daring and bold.
Bright Colors
Courtesy of Tolani Rosa
Speaking of color, the time is now for colors that are as bright as our futures. Tap into your inner child by playing with electric neons and soft pastels. Take your dip into the bright side of the nail color pool another step further by incorporating another summer nail trend. You can experiment with color while experimenting with mixing and matching, like the nails pictured above.
3D Nail Art
Courtesy of Tolani Rosa
It’s time to take your nails to another dimension by embracing more than vibrant colors. One of this summer's most beloved ways to rock an eclectic manicure is by adding a pop of dimension with 3D additions. From nipple rings to acrylic architecture, there is a slew of ways to make your nails elementally unique.
The Perfect Nude
Courtesy of Tolani Rosa
If despite all the colors, you're still in search of the perfect nude nails, there's a place for that in this summer's nail trends as well. A Black girl and her quest to find the right nude could be a best-selling mystery novel. But once you find it, you’re golden.
Which trend are you ready to copy and paste before September 22 when hot girl summer ends?
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Featured image courtesy of Tolani Rosa
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