You would think that a word as simple as "date" wouldn't be as complicated as it is, but y'all. First, there's the dictionary definition of date—"a social or romantic engagement or outing". OK. I think most of us can agree on that. But then, if you put "What is the purpose of dating?" in Google, you're gonna see a lot of Christian websites discuss how it's so you can find out who is suitable to be a spouse or not.
I mean, that might be the case for many people, but what if you're someone who is currently happily single and just want a little company and not a lifetime partner (at least not just yet)? Then, to make things even more confusing, there's a study that was published on USA Today's site a few years ago. The gist is that 2,647 people between the ages of 18-59 couldn't seem to get on the same page about what constitutes a date and what is more like simply hanging out.
So yeah, let's start right here. When it comes to all of the dating mistakes you could probably make, perhaps the most slept on one is going out with someone thinking that you're on a date, while they're out with you thinking that it's something else entirely different. Or, to add to that, going on a date believing that he feels one way about you when that might not be the case at all.
When two people aren't even on the same page about why they're spending quality time together or what they ultimately desire to come from doing so, it's almost expected that some other dating faux pas will ensue.
Ones like what? Let's begin with some of the ones that we as women have the tendency to make.
Interrogating Him
Last spring, Vox published a piece with a subtitle that particularly caught my attention—"Calling 911 means different things to white and black people" (LISTEN. SMH.) It was basically delving into how dangerous—and I'll throw in the word "ridiculous", for safe measure—it is for white people to call the police on us (Black people) for no good reason.
What does this have to even remotely do with the first dating mistake that far too many of us tend to make? We as a people—especially our Black men—find ourselves in unfair (and honestly, illegal) situations where we're interrogated by law enforcement. So, the last thing we need is to go on a date and be inundated with a billion-and-one questions; especially if they come with a tone and delivery like the answers are demanded and not simply requested.
Although dates should be about getting to know someone better, any information that is shared is privileged not a right. It's always important to remember that.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
Several years ago, I did a radio interview with a pastor (yes, pastor) on singles and dating. Even with as much as I talk about sex, he even threw me off when he said (on air) that he advises high school and college-aged men to masturbate so that they won't be "too forward" with the ladies.
If you were a Being Mary Jane fan, you probably recall the time she used a vibrator before she met up with David so that she wouldn't be tempted to have sex with him (again). I get that. But is it just me or did the pastor sound more like he was trying to keep young men from being low-key sex offenders?
Anyway, the overall point is this. If I were to give advice to young women, I'd probably say in the 48 hours leading up to a date, don't watch a rom-com, reruns of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette or anything else that will have you wishing that you were going on a date that has a four-figure budget, rose petals on the floor and maybe…just maybe a helicopter.
Why? It's simple. If you go in with super-high—which usually means totally unrealistic—expectations, 99.5 times, you're probably gonna be disappointed. And get this—it won't be his fault. It'll be yours.
Rambling About Your Ex
If you've been rocking with us over here for a while, you know that we've all got interesting insights in exes. One of us shared that she thinks it's healthy to remain friends with an ex. Another talked about how she still has sex with her ex. Another sistah shared how her ex ghosting her turned out to be a good thing. I've thrown my two cents in about what to do if you can't seem to find closure with one of your exes.
Whichever one of these stories you can relate to, let me tell you who doesn't want to hear much about it—the current guy that you're dating. Bottom line, unless he comes right on out and asks you about your experiences with your ex specifically, keep that topic of conversation to yourself. Just like you would roll your eyes if he went on and on about his past lady, it's totally understandable if he shuts down if you went on and on about an ex-boyfriend (or ex-fiance' or husband).
Ignoring Red Flags
Not too long ago, I wrote an article about things men say on dates that are red flags. The purpose of red flags are they help you to discern things on the front end that could start off being minor irritants or inconveniences; however, if you let them slide, they could become huge issues up the road.
A man who flirts with a server in front of you, takes calls while on the date, doesn't have enough money to cover the check, expects sex out the gate, doesn't answer direct questions, gives backhanded compliments, doesn't make you feel emotionally or physically safe—girl, I could go on and on, but I think you get where I'm coming from. If something in your gut is telling you that something is off, something somewhere probably is. And to ignore that feeling could turn out to be a colossal mistake.
Not Being Open to Trying New Things
Every once in a while, Maverick Movies (on YouTube) will capture my attention. In one of their movies about four women and their relationship journeys, a lady came really close to missing out on a good man all because he took her on a picnic instead of to an expensive restaurant. Without giving too much of the flick away, yes, his money was tight, but it was because he was investing in his own business.
The thing that was a trip about her is she admitted that, although it wasn't the kind of date that was her preference, she actually ended up liking it a lot. Moral to the story—some of us miss out on great date potentials in the real world because if it's not the kind we're accustomed to, we build up a wall.
If the man you're seeing (or are thinking about seeing) suggests something that is totally out of your comfort zone, why not give it a shot? At the very least, he gets an "A" for originality. Plus, you'll know that he's someone who thinks out of the box. I don't know about you, but that kind of man is a major plus in my book.
Falling Too Quickly
All of us have that one girlfriend who loves being in love with love. All she has to do is meet a man, establish a mutual attraction, go on two dates and she's hopping on Pinterest to figure out what kind of save-the-dates she should send out. While we might tease her for being this way, if it's a pattern, it really isn't much of a laughing matter.
One type of addiction that doesn't get nearly as much attention as it deserves is love addiction. In a nutshell, it's the kind of people who want to be in a relationship so badly that they'll settle, put themselves in compromising situations or become so intense in the beginning stages of a connection that they run the person off.
Guys are able to sense love addicts from a mile away. If you don't believe me, ask some of your male friends how many they've dated before. Out of all of the dating mistakes I've shared, this might be the one that freaks them out the most. (If you want to take a quiz to find out if you are a love addict, click here.)
Mimicking Perfection
I can't tell you how many married couples I've dealt with whose main complaint is the person they married isn't the person they dated. It's not because they are dealing with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (so to speak). It's because their partner was so busy trying to be perfect that a lot of their "humanness" caught them off guard once they jumped the broom. They weren't confrontational while they were dating, so now they seem contrary and difficult. They never saw them without make-up (or wigs or weaves) and so, waking up in the morning is…an adjustment. They were always in the mood before marriage and so the many sex droughts are throwing them off. Waaaaay off.
Author Brene' Brown once said, "When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver!" What I'll add to that is perfection is the ultimate form of "false advertising" because you're presenting an image that isn't fully authentic. It isn't truly you.
Not one is saying to belch or fart on the first date but, once a true connection has been established, if you're hiding parts of yourself because you're afraid he want love, like or want you if he finds out, that's not only a big dating mistake but a serious relationship one too.
Rushing Exclusivity
Whenever I ask my male friends about the biggest mistakes that women make (according to their estimation and experience), what tends to come up A LOT is many ladies rush things. And that ends up ruining things.
Now, I'm not talking about if you've been with someone for a year, met his mama, bought him a birthday and Christmas present and you're wondering what's up (check out "Love Is Patient. But Is Your Relationship Just Wasting Your Time?"). I'm talking about after three great dates, all of us a sudden, your online status is "in a relationship", you're tagging him in all of your posts and giving him the third degree for not calling you back or texting you every day.
The best kind of relationship is the one that organically evolves over time. Don't sabotage a good thing because you're so busy trying to get to the next chapter that you can't sit back, relax and enjoy the one that you're currently in.
Out of all of the dating mistakes that you could make, this one could end up causing you to lose what will come to you in due time. Set your standards but try not to rush the process. Aight? Cool.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The James Room’s Co-Owner Justin Miller On Inclusive Nightlife & Atlanta’s Growing Cultural Scene
The career path we choose sometimes presents itself to us during our childhood. One entrepreneur's desire to maintain and run his own business began around age 12.
Justin Miller, one half of the duo responsible for running Atlanta’s premiere gathering place, The James Room, began his entrepreneurial pursuits by selling his drawings at school.
“I think I was always an entrepreneur,” he tells xoNecole during an interview for Hyundai’s Best In Class series, highlighting entrepreneurs making a difference through their businesses who also happen to be HBCU alumni.
“I just had different hustles, as they call them, growing up. When I went to law school, that was my first big entrepreneurship. I started my own law firm right after law school in 2006, and I’ve been an adult entrepreneur ever since.”
Alongside his business partner, Harold “Poncho” Brinkley, Miller and his team aim to fill a niche that hasn’t been seen before in Atlanta—an upscale lounge environment that is diverse and in alignment with what is currently available to patrons in cities like New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago. Located in Atlanta’s Krog Street District, The James Room offers a wide range of entertainment. From weekly events like live music on Tuesdays, slow jams by a live DJ set on Wednesdays, and b-side vibes on Saturdays.
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta,” Miller explains. “People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
"The James Room fills that niche, and Poncho and I, when we started thinking about getting into this field, both of us enjoyed that type of thing. We both enjoyed environments where people are together and enjoying each other’s company, and it’s not separated by Black and white or age, that kind of thing, more just people who enjoy good, fun stuff.”
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta. People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
As a product of Morehouse College, Miller also shared how being a graduate of a historically Black college or university (HBCU) has played a significant role in his work as an entrepreneur.
“My network started from, of course, Morehouse, and then branched off to Clark Atlanta, Morris Brown, Spelman, those schools close to Morehouse,” says Miller. “When I was there and made the connections that you need to be an entrepreneur, I think that the network you get when you go to an HBCU is second to none for anybody, but especially a Black person trying to start their own business.”
He adds, “The network you get at Morehouse for a Black man is even double because it’s like becoming a member of the network and a member of a fraternity simultaneously. So you can reach out to people vertically and horizontally, and you all share the same background in a certain way, so people will listen to you that normally would not.”
By day, Miller’s passion for law shines brightly through his work at his law firm, Stewart Miller Simmons, which he and a few friends started with a people-first mindset. One of their first big cases involved representing the daughter of George Floyd after he was murdered by Minneapolis police officers in 2020.
In addition to that high-profile case, Miller shares that the team has also represented the family of Rayshard Brooks, the young Black man who was killed by police in front of an Atlanta Wendy’s restaurant. They’ve also represented the mother of Ahmaud Arbery, the 25-year-old who was killed by two white men while jogging in a neighborhood near Brunswick in Glynn County, Georgia.
“We have some of the biggest cases in the world,” says Miller, reflecting on the nature of his business within the law field. “But my passion, the thing that I love the most, is doing things like The James Room, being able to create things where I can go myself and decompress, So I know if I like it in the environment, it’s good, and it’s relaxing for me, I know it will be for everyone else. This is one of my driving forces.”
Miller’s biggest lesson as a business owner, especially regarding The James Room, is that "you can really have whatever you want.”
“You can do whatever you want. It just requires a commensurate amount of work,” says Miller. It’s completely up to you. If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
When it comes to the legacy that he and Poncho aim to leave behind with The James Room, the sentiment is simple: They want the business to be remembered as providing a different type of space in Atlanta.
"If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
“I don’t want it to be the last of that type of space or one of the few of that type of space. I’d like it to be the beginning of those types of spaces in the city,” Miller notes. “Atlanta is growing. It’s now very multicultural because I am from here. My family’s from Atlanta. I grew up between Athens and Atlanta, Georgia. So I’ve seen Atlanta grow from where it used to be to what it is now.”
“I want the legacy of The James Room to be as Atlanta grows into the multicultural, big city that it is turning into, that the nightlife also corresponds and gives people options other than hookah and chicken wings. There’s nothing wrong with hookah and chicken wings, but you should have other options… sometimes you might just want an espresso martini.”
As their business continues to serve young professionals and creatives alike, Miller and Poncho take pride in continuously creating a place where everyone can come together, mix, and mingle, but in a more relaxed setting where everyone’s story can be heard.
“What I would ultimately like to see for The James Room is it being a nationwide brand. A brand where you could put a James Room in Houston, or you could put a James Room in Nashville,” Miller concludes. “You could put a James Room anywhere because all these places need this type of nightlife. Also, the entrepreneurs there, the people doing the nightlife there, need to see that this thing can work.”
He adds, “We have a proof of concept, and I believe the world needs to see and have it. I am a person who believes that more is better. So if you have more people putting this kind of entertainment out for consumption, you’ll have more people who have choices and more people who can enjoy themselves differently than what’s normally offered to them in their city.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image @jmilleresq/ Instagram