

Coming 2 America: These Africans Share What They've Learned In Migrating To The U.S.
Ah, the diaspora gap. It's shrinking, sure, but man do we still have lots of work to do. Lately, I've been finding myself lighting my candles with my wine, chatting with the ancestors, and finding new stand-out content to encourage myself to be more intentional in finding ways of getting closer to our eternal greatness of home besides the obvious visit (thanks COVID). And by this, I don't mean just going out and purchasing a shirt with the continent. I mean truly touching basis on what it means to be black in the hills of Ghana, or the markets of Nairobi, or the beaches of Zanzibar.
Or even Zamunda.
Amazon Prime Video
My curiosity set my sights on one of the most anticipated movies of this generation, Coming 2 America, the sequel to the 1988 cult classic, Coming to America. And the excitement of it's release, hilariously has everyone in full African mode.
The film, set in the lush and royal country of Zamunda, follows King Akeem and his trusted confidante Semmi as they embark on an all-new hilarious adventure that has them traversing the globe from their great African nation to the borough of Queens, New York–where it all began. Eddie Murphy reprises his role as the ever-charming Prince Akeem and leads an all-star cast of our faves, including Arsenio Hall, Wesley Snipes, James Earl Jones, Teyana Taylor, and more.
In partnership with Amazon Transportation, Amazon Prime is taking the royal treatment up a notch by adorning 220 delivery vehicles, four trucks, and one plane with specialty wrapping featuring King Akeem. (Check out more photos of the fleet here.) They can be seen in eight key U.S. regions to celebrate the Zamundan Royal Family's return to America. On top of that, Prime Video has partnered with local Black-owned restaurants to provide over 5,000 meals to those in need. Yet another reason this film is one for the books!
If you're like me, you were excited to throw on Amazon Prime Video to immerse yourself in the motherland as we revisit what's been going on in Zamunda since 1998. And honestly, this inspired me to explore other people's stories about venturing to America from Africa. What country did they migrate from? What was their purpose? Were they looking for love like Akeem? Did they want different opportunities? And if so, did they find it?
I found three Africans who were all open to discuss their journeys of coming to America. Here are their stories:
*Some responses have been cut or edited for clarity.
Bahati Nzuri | Nairobi, Kenya
"A lot of people ask me, 'Why America?' or why I chose to move here. Well, I went to SCAD, which is the Savannah College of Art and Design. We had a career fair at our school where they came to visit so they were just putting the name out there and it really stuck with me because I really, really just wanted to go to a creative school.
"In Kenya, at the time, there weren't that many schools that did that, mostly because Kenya is traditional so there's not that many schools that focus on the creative industry."
"What's odd to me, is when I tell Americans this story, it shocks them, like 'What do you mean you just left to go to a different country?' But I feel like it's kind of normal in Kenya to do that. Or maybe if you're from a third world country, it's kind of normal to try to go after experiences outside [the country]. But for Americans, they find that to be crazy. I dealt with it, though, and I have some family here and a lot of my best friends were coming to the States as well, so I never really felt alone.
"But anyway, because it's really hard to get financial aid as an immigrant, I had to apply to lots and lots of scholarships to minimize my cost. I studied branded entertainment which is a cross between advertising, TV production, digital marketing and because it's a new field with social media and a huge part of our culture, it's considered a STEM degree.
"Ultimately, I just really wanted to experience the working world and the working culture here, so I guess you could say I came [to America] for opportunity. And it's really intense; the working culture here is insane, people are constantly, constantly working."
"But I do feel like it's growing me as a person. I've changed a lot and I'm here to stay (for now)."
Damilare 'Dami' Kujembola | Lagos, Nigeria
Courtesy of Damilare 'Dami' Kujembola
"I'm originally from Lagos, Nigeria, where I was a practicing entertainment lawyer. Entertainment law wasn't as popular to specialize in because it wasn't as lucrative as oil and gas or corporate law. However, I was attracted to the idea of being one of the pioneers within this space, so I decided to pursue a master's degree in Los Angeles, the world's capital of entertainment. So in 2014, I received a scholarship to pursue a master's degree at USC.
"The plan was to acquire my master's degree within a year, gain some practical experience, make connections in the U.S., then move back to Nigeria to help develop the entertainment industry by effecting advancement of the law. But God had other plans."
"Moving to Los Angeles was very tough for my family, as I am the first-born and we have a strong bond. I remember seeing my mother shed a tear for the first time in my life, and my dad's parting words were for me to 'remember the son of who I am.' Those words have stuck by me to this day. After a while, I realized the master's degree program left me feeling unequipped to make an impact in the entertainment industry back in Nigeria. Also, during this time, I noticed the African community had a small presence in Los Angeles.
"It was difficult for me to find African food, get a proper haircut or even find mentors who had gone through a similar experience. This wasn't because they didn't exist. It was just hard to find if you did not know anyone. Also, a lot of people had very little knowledge about the continent and there was a lack of representation for the culture. This was my opportunity to make a difference."
"After graduation, I was offered a job by one of my professors, who was the GC of a top digital media startup. During this time, I learned about so many opportunities that could be available for African entertainment, so I decided to transition from practicing law to representing the continent and the diaspora. My business partner, Timi Adeyeba, and I formed Amplify Africa to create community for Africans in the Diaspora, to educate more people about the cultures, reality and opportunities on the continent, to create representation for African interests in the diaspora and to help regain the diaspora's trust in the continent.
"As our team expanded, we realized the yearning for the continent isn't exclusive to African immigrants, as there are other people whose ancestors were forced off of the continent into slavery and who have, over time, created their own culture."
"As a result, we have expanded our vision to bridging the gap between the continent and the Black global experience of the African-American, Afro-Carribean, Afro-Latinx, and Afro-European communities. We, now, boast about being one of the biggest media companies for the African diaspora. We've produced over 100 events in 13 cities around the U.S. pre-COVID, including the Afro Ball, a Gala in partnership with U.S. Congress, who provides Certificates of Recognition for Africans and people of African descent excelling in their respective fields.
"Although I haven't seen my family in person since 2014, outside of video calls, this is the year that I can finally reconnect with them. So, I guess you could say my purpose in moving to America, was to find my purpose. And the sacrifice was well worth it."
Penelope Maria | Gweru, Zimbabwe
"I moved here about four years ago in 2016 when I was 19 years old, but that wasn't even the initial plan. When I finished high school, the plan was for me to go to the University of Zimbabwe to study law, because that is something that I always wanted to do. I was passionate about it, I was on the debate team, and I was good at it, so that was all I knew.
"I went to the city in Harare—that's the capital city and where the university is—and we filled out the application and we completed all the requirements and even got my ID."
"It just so happened that that after testing exceptionally well on my high school exams, my sister (who was in the States already) called my mother and told her, 'Why don't we try to bring Penny to the U.S. to come to school? She's a smart girl and she'll go places over here.' I never took her seriously and kind of brushed it off, but she was so persistent. So, I looked up colleges where she stayed in Virginia. But it was so expensive to go to a four-year college.
"I found a community college near where she lived and submitted my application as an effort to at least try. I knew in my heart I didn't want to be in Zimbabwe [and] I didn't want to go to school in Zimbabwe. So I applied and got in. Before I left, I didn't tell anyone, I just disappeared. I didn't want to jinx anything or I didn't want to make a big deal and things suddenly didn't work out.
"The best feeling was when I arrived in America and our plane was landing and I said to myself, 'I'm here.' And it's funny because the first thing I noticed was that the air smelled different. It was one of the best moments of my life."
Things have been going pretty great for me. I love it here.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images