
Cue "Good As Hell" by Lizzo. "I do my hair toss, / Check my nails, / Baby, how you feeling?"
Me: A little discouraged.
I know, as the first month of the year comes to an end, you — and most people have given up on annual commitments to yourselves. This would be a surprise if Strava, a social network for athletes, hadn't released research that showed many give up on their New Year's resolutions before the third week of the month has even kicked in.
Meaning, before February has even begun, you and others alike have given up on the "new year, new me" tradition and have settled with remaining who you were last year.
Which is fine.
But only if you're where you want to be.
Otherwise, I'm sure you feel like you have let yourself down before the year has even truly begun.
With heads filled with so much noise, so many tasks, errands, deadlines, emails, and appointments that are made and forgotten, life this 2019 can feel a little hectic; and adding resolutions onto it can feel downright overwhelming. Nevertheless, it is when the going gets tough, the tough finally gets going.
And you, my friend, are tough. You just need a little push is all. Some words of encouragement, if you will.
And that's where I come in.
Here are 15 positive affirmations to ensure that you are keeping your new year commitment to be a brighter, happier, more fulfilled version of yourself. With these affirmations, you can start to reclaim the time taken and start putting it towards becoming the "new you" you've always dreamed of.
1.I Am Enough.
Say it with me: I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.
Say it ten times. Say it a million.
Say it until the words wash away the doubt that taints your tongue. Because the truth is, out of the seven billion people of this world, nobody is better or more gifted than you.
You are capable of remarkable things and you are enough to brighten anyone's day. You are destined to leave a mark on this world.
So, let it be the biggest mark you can possibly create. Go ahead, look in that mirror and say "I am enough." Shout it to the high heavens if you must, because you, darling, are just that: you are enough.
2.I Am Worthy of Love, Happiness, and Fulfillment
Like I said before, shout it to the high heavens, if you must. You were born worthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment, sadly, somewhere along the way, life made you think you weren't. But I'm here to let you know that you are. How do I know? Well, because you're you.
3.I Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Some people take life's small slights and setbacks with a shrug, while others freak out, blow up, or fly off the proverbial handle in a loud huff or with silent seething. If you're the latter, it's time to stop sweating the small stuff and let it roll off your back. You already have enough to carry. Instead of growing upset when there is a setback, consider every irritating incident as a chance to work out the reasoning area of your brain. Soon, you'll realize that what constitutes a stressor is subjective and that little setbacks will ruin your day if you let them.
Remember, you've only had a bad moment. Not a bad day. And if you've had a bad day, that doesn't mean you've had a bad life. Go ahead, sweat, it's only natural. But let the small stuff worry about itself. You have better things to do.
4.The Tools I Need to Succeed Are in My Possession
No one is going to appear with the tools you need to succeed in the life that you want. That is up to you. Whether you have to find the tools, buy the tools, or make them yourself, they are accessible, they are limitless, and they are there for the taking. If you want them in your possession, all you have to do is reach out.
5.My Strength Is Greater Than Any Struggle
Say it with me: "My strength is greater than my struggle. I'm fearless. I'm getting stronger every day. I can do this. I'm deserving of my dream. I was not made to give up. Broken bridges cannot stop me."
So, it said, and so it shall be.
6.Happiness is my Birthright. I Embrace Happiness as My Setpoint State of Being
You were born with a natural tendency to bounce back to a happy and joyous state in no time at all. However, as you started 'growing up', perhaps you began losing touch with your natural state of happiness; instead you faked a hybrid portrayal of happiness with the hope of rediscovering that natural happiness eventually.
It's possible that you kept finding ways and means to be happy through material gain, pleasurable stimuli, through social means and relationships. However, not always do external inputs created a lasting state of joy and happiness. When you searched for happiness in the world outside, you forgot that the world that you saw outside of you, was actually mirroring you. When you were in a happier state, you could manifest a happier world around you.
Embrace happiness as your setpoint state of being and accept nothing else, you'll see how quickly your world will shift.
7.I Complete Me. I Am Whole.
Don't worry. You'll find the person that completes you someday.
We hear it so often lately that it's ridiculous.
Which implies that I'm not already whole and need someone else to complete me. That's an issue because it creates the idea that people aren't whole on their own, and it makes people feel broken when they can't find someone they want to be with. There's no problem with people wanting to find the person they want to be with, but when it becomes a quest to be "complete," it's an issue. No one deserves to think they aren't complete on their own. You are. You don't need to search for the piece you think you're missing in the world. You already have it within yourself.
8.I Embrace Change and Acknowledge It as A Gift
Because change is inevitable, it's about time we stop fighting against it. "The only thing constant is change." We know this and we understand that our environment can't stay the same forever. All around us, there is change happening on a daily basis. We are forever growing, expanding, aging, and changing. So, what is it about the world that can seem so overbearing and scary when change happens? Why is it that many of us are instantly repelled by the thought of change?
If we could only learn to let change work for us and benefit us, we could be happier with our lives and the process of growth. Embracing change is key to your success and happiness. So instead of fighting change, acknowledge it as a gift.
9.I Am the Author of My Story. How It Ends Is Up to Me.
Take more agency over your life. Stop letting things happen to you and start taking control of the things that do. How your live ends is up to you. So, decide to make it everything you've want it to be. You're the author of your own story, it is never too late to change the ending.
10. I Release My Attachment to Everything that No Longer Serves Me. I Refuse to Let Anything or Anyone Hold Me Back.
Imagine life without holding onto negative attachments. Imagine a state of peaceful thoughts, which come and go like the ocean tides — without struggle, pain, or resistance. Letting go of attachments can be a difficult thing. You are so used to carrying them around that you're worried what you might feel like once you've let everything go.
Regardless, the truth is: these negative attachments that you're holding onto no longer serve you. And you holding onto them is like trying to swim with an anchor attached to your wrist. Let it go. It might be hard to, but still, let it go. You'll be surprised at what you can find on the surface when you do.
11. I Am Not the Mistakes I’ve Made, and the Mistakes I’ve Made Will Not Be the End of Me
Mistakes are inevitable; and despite knowing this, many spend their time dwelling on them.
Nevertheless, I am going to let you in on a secret, one that many fail to notice: mistakes are proof that you tried. They are lessons that you can learn from. They are important for success. They are in the past and immutable. Holding onto past mistakes can hold you back in life, hurt your present, and ruin your future. Let go of the mistakes you've made so that you can be free. No matter how hard you try, you don't have the power to change it.
No one can change the past, the only thing you can do is accept it, learn from it, and move on.
12. My Future Is My Own
Your future is simply that, your own. So, make it a damn good one filled with everything you want, need, and dream of.
13. I Am Evolving
And no, you cannot switch the word "evolving" to say I am changing. The word "change" implies that there is something wrong with the person you are right now, which simply is not true. In addition, using the word "change" makes you become passive in your active mission of bettering your life and shifting negative thoughts. Change is inevitable. It will always happen to the best—and worst of us, regardless if we are actively participating in our lives.
But, evolving only happens to those who work for it. Evolving only happens to those who choose to develop gradually, evolving only happens to those who choose to make progress, move forward, and make waves. You are evolving, because simply changing is out of the question.
14. I Love Myself Unconditionally
Even in your best forms and even on your worst days: love yourself. Unconditionally. Without limitations, without restrictions. Be kind to yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself, with everything you've got.
15. I Have Positive, Healthy, and Support Relationships with My Loved Ones
Reminding ourselves that we wish to have healthy and supportive relationships in our lives can remind us to treat others with kindness, compassion, and respect. It can also empower us to stand up for ourselves by creating healthy boundaries in our relationships.
Now that you have these positive affirmations, power to transform your life rests in your hands. I know you'll use it well.
Alexa, play Lizzo.
I do my hair toss,Check my nails,
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Whew. Did you know that somewhere around 122 million Americans travel during the holiday season? Listen, I went to see my godbabies this past September and got caught up in a crazy ass traffic jam at BNA (the Nashville airport) that damn near has me considering air travel ever again — especially during this time of the year.
Besides, it’s not like it’s a written rule that you have to travel over the holidays. In fact, if you want to play it chill this year, why not enjoy a staycation instead? Although it might seem like it’s a “poor man’s compromise,” as you’re about to see, it actually…isn’t.
1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
Featured image by Shutterstock









