I stopped dieting and calorie-counting a few years ago. I realized that my attempts to slim down were rooted in self-loathing rather than self-love. I knew that the only way to combat that was to truly love myself — as soon as I did, I learned that my size was perfect for me.
One thing I never shied away from, though, was healthy living. Instead of fad-dieting — like I had done so many times in the past — I was simply eating better, consistently. Not for weight loss, but for health purposes. A few years into my (relatively) new healthy lifestyle, my brother started raving about a green smoothie cleanse he'd been doing. He wanted me to get on board and spoke highly of the benefits, but since I had already given up fad diets, I rebuked his idea. I didn't want to lose weight, so this challenge wasn't for me. That was until December 2018 reared its ugly head and I realized I needed a reset for my body.
This coincidentally was the perfect time; ending the year with fresh insides seemed like the best way to end a crappy year (no pun intended). After months of coaxing, my brother won: I agreed to do this cleanse. As soon as I received the information and reviewed the recipes, I trekked to the grocery store to buy what I needed.
The cleanse was straightforward. Each day had its own 72-ounce smoothie recipe. Each recipe included fruits and vegetables, along with ground flaxseeds, protein, and any other health food additives you wanted to throw in the blender. This was coupled with drinking daily detox teas (I opted for the Yogi brand). I reviewed the 40-page packet thoroughly so I knew what to expect.
Though hesitant, I was ready; I started bright-and-early on Monday morning.
Days 1-3 Of The 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse
The information packet suggested that these would be the hardest days of the cleanse. Participants were instructed to start slow if necessary, weaning ourselves off food one meal at a time. On the first day, we were to replace our breakfast with a smoothie; the second day, our breakfast and lunch; and the third day, our breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was ready to jump in, so I started Day 1 strong — having a smoothie for breakfast and lunch and grilled chicken for dinner. By the second day, I was totally on smoothies, with the exception of approved snacks (unsalted nuts, fruit, tuna, grilled salmon, and boiled eggs). I was off to a great start.
Days 4-7 Of The 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse
After my initial high of mastering the first three days, my doubt began to kick in. Though the recipes were good, I was growing bored with them and tired of the mess smoothie-making was causing each morning. Despite all this, I pushed on. Still following the recipes, managing my snacks, and experiencing how my body was ridding itself of the toxins I had consumed all year. I began feeling a noticeable change in how I felt physically, and once I got over being grumpy, there was a change in how I felt emotionally too.
Days 7-10 Of The 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse
There was no turning back as day seven approached. I was too close to the finish line to turn back now, though I really wanted to. Days one through three garnered no cravings, but these last three days I wanted any and everything. I was in the thick of holiday party season, and hearing food menus took me over the edge. I sent a few "I'm going to cheat" texts to my friends who quickly got me together and reminded me of my own strength. My body had begun visibly transforming by this point; I refused to mess it up this close to the end. (Honesty moment: I did cheat on Day 8, and boy was it worth it!)
By the end of the cleanse, I felt less bloated, had loads more energy, and was down 2.5 inches around my waist (without exercising). I was also — surprisingly — happier. I felt much lighter, physically and emotionally, and knew that completing this cleanse was the best way to end the year. However, the cleanse didn't just recharge me physically and emotionally, it provided a life lesson I didn't realize I needed.
Participating in this 10-day Green Smoothie Cleanse taught me how to win at life (and everything else I choose to conquer).
When I first considered doing the challenge, I read the lengthy packet and became immediately discouraged. Not because the content was discouraging — I'm sure it was meant to be exciting and uplifting — but because the cleanse itself seemed like too much. I wasn't disciplined enough to complete something like this. I wasn't focused enough to really stick with it. As I read the instructions "I can't do this!" echoed in my head. I had never tried anything like this, but for some reason, I just knew I couldn't do it.
I considered all the factors that would prohibit me from completing this cleanse: "It's the holiday season," "I received too many party invites," "I have a fridge full of food that needs to be eaten," "I can't not chew anything for 10 days," "I just ordered coquito." Any excuse I could conjure up, I used to talk myself out of the cleanse before I failed at it. Before I even tasted the first smoothie, I was discounting my ability to complete the task at hand. I was excusing myself for my shortcomings before I even fell short.
I was prematurely counting myself out.
I realized that in order for me to actually do this, I couldn't do that. I couldn't tear myself down before I began. I had to trust myself enough to stand firm in my commitment. Too often we sell ourselves short before we have the opportunity to prove ourselves…to ourselves. We get a new job and are instantly worried that we won't measure up. We explore school options but become immediately anxious that we won't be able to handle the workload. We get engaged then become fearful that our marriage may end in divorce. We start new friendships and worry that those new friends will betray us. We draft an email and figure that no one will even respond. We experience any level of growth, and become concerned that we won't be able to sustain it.
These thoughts creep into our minds and stop us dead in our tracks. We think we've done ourselves a favor by preventing failure, before we actually fail.
That's not a favor, though — that, in itself, is failure. Not trying. Giving up on ourselves. Cancelling our journey before we even start it. We're not helping ourselves by trying to stop the pain before it starts, we're simply selling ourselves short.
Once I realized how my premature excuses were setting me up for failure, I immediately stopped those thoughts. I committed myself to the detox (and whatever journey it took me on), and I owned it. I vowed to handle any shortcomings when they happened, and not a moment before. I refused to sit in anticipation of failure, and instead, decided to give my all to this process and pray for the best. This strategy was much better than the one I utilized during my initial review. This one told me I could do this — and do it I did.
In order to soar in the ways you're called to, we must commit ourselves to the cause, and count ourselves in — not out. We must stop revoking our ability to conquer.
The only way to experience winning, is to give ourselves the opportunity to win. Not by crafting excuses to lighten the blow if we don't, but by trusting ourselves enough to know that we can.
10 days of smoothies taught me that.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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