

“I feel like me talking to her, it helps me through the process because it feels good to be able to have somebody feel what you feel." – Evelyn Lozada on the loss of her third child
As a writer and blogger of six years, I'm often asked what is the strongest piece of work I've ever produced. While the answer comes easy, piecing together my experience as a woman who chose to have an abortion was the most difficult thing I've ever done, even outside of writing. I wrote about it and it took days to come to terms with, days to come to a place where I was okay with putting that out there for the world to read. I know I'll never create something like that again and since August 31, 2014, I have not gone back to that space on my personal blog to read it, revise it, or relive it. I wrote about it for closure. I wrote about it because someone needed to know that they weren't alone. I wrote about it because silencing my own ordeal ate away at me at night as I lied across from a journal that hid and safeguarded the only sonogram that I had of that pregnancy. I wrote about it because I was counting down the days to a due date I wouldn't see. I wrote about it because I had to, and I thanked God for the women who read about February 25th and left me messages of comfort and encouragement and shared their 'me too' moments.
While some may say that I "shouted" my abortion out when I chose to disclose my experience, it's something that my partner and I have talked about only twice since. The guilt in wanting to bring another child in this world that we couldn't financially support outweighed religion and the opinions of family. The decision was something that will forever remain with us, and that moment serves as an elephant in the room when discussing future goals to expand our family–but I don't regret it.
Statistics show most women actually do not regret their decisions, in this myth v. reality rundown on abortions, so why can't we openly talk about it? Outspoken and opinionated rapper Azealia Banks recently delved into the topic of abortions on Twitter and caught heat for her views as well, when she kicked off her hot-topic tweets with a "pro-choice" disclaimer.
It's a constant war waged on women's bodies. When one of our straddles the fence, claiming to be pro-choice, but later places limitations on our reproductive systems, it's difficult to speak out openly about our experiences. The amount of judgment prevents many of us from doing so, thus maintaining a culture of women remaining numb. But when speaking out about our bodies, the conversation isn't just restricted to voluntary abortions, but also spontaneous loss, or miscarriages.
We need more women to speak out because the absence of our realities means that we are ashamed of our truths. Which is why I'm proud to see so many celebrities and women with platforms talk about their experiences. Like television personality and fiance to former LA Dodger Carl Crawford, Evelyn Lozada who once spilled the deets about her miscarriages on an episode of Basketball Wives.
Tamar Braxton revealed that she and her husband Vince had a miscarriage a while back during an episode of Braxton Family Values.
Naya Rivera also revealed she had an abortion while she was on the hit show Glee (before dating Big Sean). She'd just broken up with her now husband Ryan Dorsey to focus on her career and weeks later she found out she was pregnant.
“It's not something a lot of people talk about, but I think they should. I know some people might read it and say, 'What the Hell?' But I hope someone out there gets something out of it."
[Tweet "It's not something a lot of people talk about, but I think they should"]
Years later Naya and Dorsey have an adorable son together. She said that her purpose in revealing her abortion is so that her son can know the struggles women go through when he becomes old enough to understand what it all means.
Related Post: Surprise! Naya Rivera Is Married And It's Not To Big Sean
Maya Dusenbery of Feministing.com said it best, “I find myself thinking less about the political power in talking about our abortions and more about just what an enormous loss it is that we so often don't."
While Amelia Bonow, Lindy West and Kimberly Morrison aren't aware of my story, they have been in my shoes, with the women creating and jumpstarting the powerful #ShoutYourAbortion conversation. The hashtag has been tweeted close to 150,000 times since its inception two weeks ago, after the House of Representatives voted 241-187 to suspend federal funding for Planned Parenthood. Bonow has gone on to speak to Jezebel about where the movement stemmed from.
“Ending my own social media silence about my abortion happened on a whim...I had never just gone off about my abortion via social media the way I regularly go off about white supremacy, casual drug use, being terrified that the world is ending, period stains—you know, things that most people are afraid to talk about. Why was I afraid of talking about abortion this way? I guess I realized that I was NOT afraid to talk about it publicly; I just hadn't done it yet. The stigma surrounding abortion is based in misogynistic garbage thinking and hillbilly science and someone else's version of morality, so why should someone who knows so much better and has certain levels of privilege—my whiteness, my community, and my pregnancy being the product of consensual sex, to name a few—collude with my own silence? It is not breaking news that the anti-choice movement and conservatives in general rely on silence and shame to control and disempower women. SYA (Shout Your Abortion) has just kicked the patriarchy in the dick."
And I applauded it. I went on a hashtag searching spree to read the 140-character narratives of my peers and their why's, and found women who “are not sorry, and will not whisper," as well as, some of these notable tweets from women around the world:
One of my earliest memories of hearing about miscarriages came from hearing Whitney Houston open up when speaking to Barbara Walters in a 1993 interview. As a child, I didn't know the specifics about her miscarriage, much less, know what a miscarriage was until I was a teenager, but in revisiting that clip, I got chills. In speaking of someone “outing" her experience while filming The Bodyguard, Houston said, “It was painful, emotionally and physically. It was something that I would have liked to have said myself, but they didn't give me the opportunity. I was back on the set the next day, but it was over."[Tweet "Our stories aren't to be told unless someone else is telling it on our behalf."]
Our bodies aren't to be talked about unless patriarchy governs it. That is problematic.
When Evelyn Lozada opted into publicizing her personal account of miscarrying on the debut episode of Livin' Lozada, her moment of vulnerability garnered respect from me. Viewing Evelyn as someone other than the feisty Latina who was known solely for turning up on television, but a woman and a mother like myself, changed my perspective of her. To expose and shed light on that juncture wasn't about “attention," but awareness. We aren't alone in our experiences, although most times, the things we undergo feel like we are. It's in the absence of our accounts that aid in many of us feeling like we're the only ones. I both cringed and cried watching those episodes and witnessing her pain, and felt disgusted at the women who proclaimed Lozada was doing it for money and for show.
Whether you have had an abortion or suffered a miscarriage, electing to be honest about that point in time calls for solidarity and understanding. Sure, it'll make you 'feel a way' and the conversation is ultimately an uncomfortable one, but the discourse has to happen. When we talk about the taboo and begin to comprehend the emotions these experiences evoke from us, the fear and the stigma removes itself, and the power in our narratives are brought to light. This is why more women need to talk about their abortions and miscarriages.
From Oprah, to Beyoncé, to Wendy Williams, the need to speak on these moments of their lives matter. Williams, who has often vocalized her miscarriages on her hit talk show in the past, has once again chose to talk about both incidents on PBS' American Masters: The Women's List. On the documentary series, Williams says,
“I fought tooth and nail to be a mother...I suffered several miscarriages including two at five months. That's when you have the clothes already picked out, the nursery is already painted. They ask you do you want a funeral or do you want the cremation...We went through that not once but twice, me and my husband. So our Kevin is a hard-won child. I would've loved to have had more children, but I don't want to test my blessing. Being a mother is for me. It's not for everybody. It's for me."
And motherhood isn't for everyone. I have a group of girlfriends who have decided they will not have children and have been faced with being called 'less of a woman' because of this choice. I have close friends who have been sexually assaulted and could not fathom carrying their rapist's child, especially when the decision to be a mother was not theirs. Abortion, for them, was their only option. For me, I already know the joys of being a mother, but adding to my family at a time when things were falling apart, wasn't ideal. I am not alone in this, as 61% of women who have had abortions were already mothers, with 34% having already conceived two or more children. I know women who have experienced loss in their wombs and some who have delivered stillborn infants. When there are 24,000 reported stillbirths, an estimated one million miscarriages, and 730,300 legally induced abortions in the United States alone, why wouldn't we talk about this?
While that moment brings back a feeling of loneliness, I'll never forget the words of encouragement from other women that were in my shoes. I'll even remember the silence from close friends. But what I'll hold on to forever is that liberating feeling that I told my story and I didn't feel an ounce of shame about it.
What are your thoughts on more women speaking out on their bodies, abortions, or miscarriages? Is it something that we should keep to ourselves or is there importance in sharing these stories? Weigh in below!
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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