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Too Young, Too Grown: Raising Your Child Around Critical People
When you become a parent, everyone else becomes a critic.
When my first son came into the world, like every other newborn, he underwent a series of newborn screening tests. These tests look for genetic or developmental disorders that aren’t noticeable at birth. In the state of New York, infants are screened for 49 disorders. Soon after his arrival, I was notified by doctors that my son had hypothyroidism and I would have to put him on medication.
Looking at the results, things didn’t seem right, so my partner and I looked into a second opinion. My mother, however, strongly believed that I shouldn’t wait and aggressively suggested I put my son, only a few days old, on the medication. Her demanding attitude overwhelmed me, and although I know all she wanted was for him to be okay, she didn’t allow me to make my own decisions as his mother. Subconsciously, I felt like she didn’t believe in me and I resented her for that.
So, I stopped talking to her for a while. I needed to learn how to be a mother on my own and without her opinions. (My son is now almost seven and healthy!)
While I strongly believe it takes a village to raise a child, I believe society could be more respectful towards how it speaks about how people choose to parent. I see it all the time in Twitter debates. It’s either parents shaming other parents, or those who have never experienced parenthood ridiculing those who have children. Outside of having to establish your own ground rules when raising a child, society gives you a heap of guidelines and do’s and don'ts to follow, especially if you have a daughter.
Don’t let her wear a two-piece bathing suit.
No heels until high school.
Do not put makeup on your daughter–nail polish included.
Don’t put color in your child’s hair–even if it’s temporary.
Don’t put extensions in her hair.
If she’s rocking natural hair, make sure it’s neat–similar to that of North West and not so much Blue Ivy Carter.
I’ve seen it all.
With social media trolls at an all-time high, celebrities experience it on another level. Amber Rose is the latest to be criticized after posting a video of her and Wiz Khalifa's son Sebastian getting his nails done in a nail salon.
[Tweet ""F--- society standards and gender roles! Let your children be great. - @DaRealAmberRose”"]
Last year, NFL dad, Devon Still posted the first picture of his daughter, Leah, after the announcement that she is finally cancer-free! Go, Little Leah! The five-year-old is growing her hair back and slaying the hair game with finger waves, but many may have missed the memo that she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma back in 2014 and lost all her hair due to chemotherapy.
Comment sections were cluttered with mentions that Leah’s hairstyle was “inappropriate” and “too grown” for a child instead of celebrating the fact that this baby-voiced tot just kicked cancer’s ass. We make judgements about children that aren’t ours based off of ideologies imparted to and instilled within us. Sometimes, we know the story. Often times, thanks to social media, we just react.
Recently, Aliya S. King published a piece on The Root called “People Say My Daughter Is ‘Too Grown.’ I Think That Idea Is Detrimental to Black Girls—and Boys.” I loved every bit of it as she introduces the story of her eight-year-old daughter, Emmy, who wears medium-sized hooped earrings, delving into her child’s self-expression, the limitations she imposes as a mother, and the acceptance that comes with some of her child’s choices.
I, too, vowed to let my children express themselves as they see fit due to my own restrictions on clothing and hair growing up. Sometimes, I make decisions for my children that everyone isn’t comfortable with, but people need to stop condemning parents for doing something with or to their children that they wouldn’t do with their own.
It happened again this week when Christina Milian uploaded a photo of her daughter Violet along with teen beauty, Zendaya. In a photo of the trio, Christina originally captioned:
It’s official. I’m a #1 Mom in my daughters eyes! Last night I was fortunate enough to bring my baby girl @VioletMadison to meet Zendaya at the #InauguralWorldAIDSDaysBenefit. You can’t imagine how much it made her day. Plus she got to see how her selflessness, positive attitude and hard work can help inspire and heal the world. Kudos to you #Zendaya & Your sweet parents. You are a great young lady and I’m happy my daughter has someone to look up to like yourself. Thank you. (And she loved V’s hair)
But as the comments poured in, Christina faced the same crossfire of comments as that of Leah Still’s pic–her child’s hair was too much for someone so young. Extending her initial thoughts, the singer added:
For those of you more concerned with Violet’s hair (understandably cause you just don’t know) her hair isn’t in the twists, it’s another method used where they are tied into her corn rows. The hair isn’t heavy. If you’ve ever grabbed a bag of afri braiding hair you know they are very light weight. But just trying new things. Violet likes it and it’s not damaging. Xo
While many celebs feel the need to openly explain their actions on public platforms that change how we view the world and communicate daily, it’s unfortunate people thought it best to question her parenting and her feeling the need to defend her choices. The same choices she has to make and live with behind closed doors are now the topic of conversation amongst mothers and childless women alike who believe Christina is damaging her child’s hair.
Does the hair look heavy? Sure. But should people refrain from sharing their opinions about a child that actually likes how she looks (which is a journey in itself for young Black girls) and on a mother that is introducing the process of decision-making early on? Absolutely. For Violet to be around one of the most influential Black teens of 2015–the same woman that has spoken up and showed out when it came to diversifying hair this year–it’s a step towards growing up outside of the constraints placed on us.
To raise your son or daughter in opposition of others’ opinions is to foster a sense of liberation in that child, and Christina and Violet, Aliya and Emmy, and Devon and Leah all represent that freedom. Whether you think what they’re doing with their children is too much because they’re too young and it’s too grown, understand we’re confined to enough boxes.
Stop parent shaming and start minding your business.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images