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The Worst Part About My Travels As A Solo, Black Woman
While I’m the first to encourage my fellow African-Americans to spread them transatlantic wings to hop across the pond and join me in Europe, there’s a part that I’m always hesitant to open up about when it comes to the reality of our existence in some parts of the world.
And while I can’t speak for every black woman, nor every country’s views, I can share my experiences, my observations, and my discoveries, in hopes that it can prepare and even educate fellow black women as to something that is far too common, and yet, beyond our control.
Sorry to build the suspense, but I have to contextualize this, because again, I was so oblivious to it at first, that when it happened, I was so shocked, disgusted, and confused. And a bit saddened as well.
Toledo, Spain
Because when you’re so used to doing everything to control the perception others have of you, and then having that “power” taken away from you for the simple fact that you’re in a city or region where people that have your skin color, are usually prostitutes, it’s a hard pill to swallow. Yes, that’s right.
I was mistaken for a prostitute.
Not just once. But dozens of times. And I’ve honestly lost count.
The first time it happened, I was in Spain.
The second time, The Czech Republic.
The third time, Albania.
And before the cynics begin to question what I was wearing, it didn’t matter. I was clothed, covered, and respectable. Whether that be in a long, flowing skirt or in jeans and a peacoat, there are just some regions of the world who see black skin on a woman, and assume that the only way I was able to afford to get there and stay there, was by way of selling my body to a local. This way of thinking isn’t born overnight. It’s taught and it’s engrained by what’s happened in the past.
Costa Brava, Spain
In Barcelona, my favorite city in Europe (and that’s extremely biased as I got to call it home for a year), I soon learned that there were certain streets I just couldn’t walk down at a certain hour, even as “early” as 8PM.
One time I was with my German friend leaving a restaurant, and he was walking me back to the train station on the famous La Rambla street, and one by one we’re met with these strange looks that I can’t quite describe. It was a mix between a look of congratulations to my friend and a look of dirtiness to me. We pass police officers who mutter something along the lines of “good job” in Catalan, while looking towards my German friend, and seemingly scaling me up and down as if imagining what Nicki Minaj moves I had in my repertoire. My friend and I look at each other, mutually sensing the discomfort of the situation, but still wondering why we were attracting such strange expressions. And this was one of my closest friends while in Barcelona, strictly platonic, and now incredibly awkward.
I start becoming self-conscious and more observant of everyone around us, wondering why we were getting so much attention. And then I lock eyes with what looked like a West-African (specifically, Nigerian) woman. She stares me up and down, then looks at my German friend, eyeballs his crotch area, then looks at me again and mutters something to her friend nearby. It’s now clear they were prostitutes, and they’ve mistaken me as their “competition” and crossing into their territory. By now, we’ve made our way off the main strip of La Rambla, and off to the smaller sidewalk, because the attention became too much.
And then we notice a trend. Every 100 feet or so, there’s a new African woman, claiming her spot/corner and giving me the same “jealous” glare as if they’re mad I had found a “customer” for the night, while they were still out there harassing every man that passed them by. The worst part is, they did look like me. And I looked like them.
You see, most African prostitutes in Europe don’t exactly dress like prostitutes do. They wear coats, scarves, sweaters, and jeans. Just like me. Therefore, making us almost indistinguishable. I was an empty corner away from looking like one of them, and the embarrassment was enough to keep me away from that street past dark for the remainder of my time in Barcelona.
I tried hard to forget about that night, and my friend and I only talked about it once over coffee, before agreeing to pretend it never happened. It was awkward. To have a friend walk down a street for 15 minutes under the assumption that you, his good friend, was purchased for the night. I don’t walk around flashing my college degree, credentials, or achievements on my arms, but the fact that I couldn’t and didn’t really know how to defend myself, was something new. I was embarrassed. A type of embarrassed that leaves you speechless and unsure how to vent or open up about it with friends.
Madrid, Spain
Another time while I was out and about exploring the city, I arrive at a small intersection where I see a car coming.When I’m in no hurry, I’m always very laxed about letting cars just go in front of me, and depending on where you are, most of them do anyway. But I see him slowing down, and encourage him to press the gas again, and do a motion with my hand that waves him through to carry onwards. But he instead brakes even harder so that his passenger window is right in front of me, winds down his window, and excitedly asks me in Spanish how much I charge, soon motioning that he didn’t even care, to just hop in the car anyway, reaching over to open the door.
The shock hit me so hard again, I felt like someone just punched my gut. I *accidentally* kicked his car and walked around him and crossed the street. My Spanish/Catalan was so bad at that time, that I hadn’t taught myself how to be angry in a foreign language yet. And God knows that was probably for the best. Jesus took that wheel.
And as much as I try to forget it happened. It soon happened again in Seville, Spain. And then in Prague, Czech Republic, and then in Gjirokastra, Albania. And several other cities, towns, and villages around Europe. And being here now in Cyprus, I was reminded yet again, that this is just a part of my solo travel experience that I have to accept. Because it’s happened again.
Kyrenia, Cyprus
The other day I met a lovely lady from The Philippines who’s the pastor of a church here who told me about their worship service happening in a few minutes. She wanted to prepare a few things and had her husband walk me to where the church was located.
Sidenote: After traveling for so long, you start to develop a spirit of discernment, and I knew from the sound of their voices and the joy in their heart from finding a “sister in Christ” that I was in good hands.
So her husband and I start walking down the main street and heading for the church. He was probably in his early 60’s, and since the wife was off picking up some things, there we were. An older man, with a 20-something old black woman, and immediately, the heads are turning, I’m hearing mutters, and on this narrow street lined with bars and restaurants of hundreds of people sitting outside facing towards the street, we soon become the center of attention. And by the looks of their faces, it was not for anything good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than the thought of someone thinking you were just “purchased”.
I knew what everyone thought, and my jolly new friend, oblivious to it all, is telling me about his journey of being a born again Christian, and how much God has worked miracles in his life. And there I was, instead of rejoicing with him in his victories, allowing my human side to take over, and I put my head down, trying to avoid all the stares and mutters we were receiving. It was different than the stares I got when I was by myself exploring Cyprus. People smiled and waved, and even chimed in a few times with, Welcome to Cyprus! It was beautiful. But it was about 8PM this time. And all I saw were judgmental faces.
We soon arrived to the church and I’m greeted by a cheerful group of Filipinos, Sri Lankans, and Africans who are so delighted to see a new face in their church. But the walk I made to get there was too much for me to handle at the time, and I was still trying to process it all. I honestly just wanted to break down and cry and run back to the comforts and confinements of my hotel. I wasn’t in the mood to serve or sing, although that was probably the exact type of environment I needed to be in, but I was tired of going through that same worthless strut that had followed me in far too many cities around Europe.
But writing is my form of healing. And just like my Prague experience, I’m slowly but surely teaching myself that I simply cannot control others’ perceptions of me. Despite my accomplishments, despite my education, despite what I’ve overcome to get where I am today, if they’re accustomed to associating my skin color with those of prostitutes, then I simply can’t let that get to me.
Cliffs of Moher, Ireland
Their ignorance is NOT my problem.
So while I want nothing more than my fellow African-American women to go out and explore this beautiful world around us, on their own if they can, please do be prepared and aware that this might be your experience too.
I’ve been traveling around Europe cumulatively for almost 1,000 days since 2012, and that’s been filled with beautiful encounters, cultural exchanges, and inspiring conversations.
So these moments definitely make up the minority of my experience. And it’s important to remember that while we can’t change the perception of black women in these countries overnight, we can do our best to increase our presence, as everyday tourists, worthy of respect and not lazy assumptions about how we afforded to get there in the first place.
Limassol, Cyprus
And know that these problems aren’t exclusive to these cities and countries, nor is the prostitution label exclusive to black women, because it really depends on the history of foreign women in that area.
And if a fellow African-American female traveler went abroad for the first time and experienced this, I can at least feel good about letting her know that she is not alone and it’s completely out of her control.
So while I wrote this as more of a therapeutic way for me to cope, I also hope it enlightened some of you all too.
Thanks for listening.
Originally posted on The Blog Abroad.
Gloria Atanmo is an American Travel Blogger and Digital Storyteller at TheBlogAbroad.com where she recounts her experiences from traveling for over 1,000 days. With 30+ countries under her belt, she hopes to continue educating, empowering, and inspiring others to get out and explore the beautiful world around us.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Wealthy Restaurant Owner Shares The Money-Saving Hack She’s Used Since Childhood
“It doesn’t matter how big or small your finances are, the real gem is prioritizing what you have,” that’s the candor advice Ebony Austin, owner of Noveau Bar and Grill made sure she emphasized in our authentic convo. As a multi-hyphenated go-getter, she’s created more than 100 job opportunities and given away over $100 million to the community. When I inquired about her secret, she simply credits her skill to proper planning and a trusted team.
But the more the discussion progressed, the depth of that answer was revealed. Ebony opened up about how saving during the pandemic, a time when many businesses were forced to close their doors, aided her through difficult chapters. And after our authentic conversation, it made the importance of saving and business research crystal clear. Check out the convo below.
What was your journey like into money management? Have you always been good with your finances?
Yes, I learned it early. My grandparents had a construction company when I was growing up and my grandmother would teach me that with everything they worked for, she’d put 30% away. So no matter how many jobs I’ve had, once I tithed, I’d put up 30% away too. If I couldn’t pay my bills with that remainder, I’d get a second job. As crazy as it sounds, I’ve always been amazing at that.
So you’re definitely more of a saver then a spender, right?
Well, yes, but I do have a shopping addiction. But I save a lot. I’ve gone months and months without buying anything, then I’ll just go buy something big or small. But I’ve always known I still need backup plans. The beauty of having it is that you’re never trying to scramble. Even with my first property, I didn’t have any problems because my money was seasoned. I’ve always been consistent and knew a certain amount of money was going in the bank every paycheck.
Photo by Rari Filmz
Okay, so I can’t ignore the “shopping addiction” comment. Tell me about your splurge
So Louis Vuitton and Chanel are my favorites. Then I’m really big on supporting Black-owned businesses. I put that in my budget every month – sometimes a few times a month.
That’s a good one! What advice do you have for people trying to tighten up their budget?
Prioritize. When the pandemic happened, it gave us all a new outlook on life and what’s important. For example, going out to eat with my friends and family is essential. So I take time out monthly and figure out my expenses. For example, a lot of my friends are Tauruses, so that month, I need to plan extra birthday dinners. It only takes me like an hour, but it makes such a difference. People need to figure out what that looks like for them.
And what is your current final goal? Like, do you have a retirement plan?
Yes, once I get Noveau to 100 million! My biggest goal is for my team members to buy homes and establish themselves. But my end goal would be 15-20 restaurants, with five being investment restaurants. Also, of course, I want properties. I understand the importance of owning land. I think those are the main things.
Okay, so what is the worst piece of business advice you’ve been given?
Someone told me that I don’t need finances to open up a business. People say if you have a 590 credit score you can start it, but why would you do that? I mean you can do it with that score, but the interest looks way different. Build your credit first and avoid the extra costs. I used my own money to start a lot of businesses. Now when I look back I wouldn’t have even done it that way.
How would you have done it?
I would’ve used the bank's money. When you’re building your first location it can be really hard, but they do give them out. But you can’t just come in with a concept with no experience and ask for $100,000. No one will bet on that or believe in it. But if you have a concept, with a real plan and projections, start off with lines of credits. You can start small and build your business with $5,000.
Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on investing and how do you do it?
I’ve invested in two restaurant concepts. Also, I have my own real estate investment company where we build, sell, and flip. I think investments are important to keep. Some of them require work. Personally, real estate is always key. To me it’s a safe option but they’re smart in general. That’s the only way you get to certain goals. Don’t let money sit in the bank – invest it.
Are there any unhealthy habits you had to unlearn in regards to investing or money management in general?
I had to learn to say no. A lot of times, everybody wants something. It’s hard to say no to people who are capable of doing things for themselves.
Heavy on the “who are capable of doing things for themselves.” What’s been your biggest struggle in building your business? Was there ever a moment you questioned it?
As an entrepreneur, we all have those moments where we’re ready to throw in the towel. But my biggest challenge was building a team and getting the word out there. But I also know God doesn’t make mistakes. At the time, the more I prayed and started to get to know the team, I came to the realization that I needed to let go of almost all of them. It wasn’t just about what was aligned with me and my purpose but also Nouveau.
Also, I had to separate myself and the business because I’m not going to care if they’re late three times in a row but the business will. Those were the most challenging things for me: saying no, building the right team, and separating the business and myself.
God heard every prayer though. Because now the team at Nouveau is amazing. They put all the pieces together. It’s all about praying and taking care of your people.
Finally, what does wealth look like to you?
Making sure my family is good and my mother doesn’t have to work again. Also, wealth is ensuring my team is reaching their goals. I teach my team how to save money, too. It makes no sense that I’m the only one that’s profitable. When I became a millionaire, my goal was to figure out who I’ll make the next millionaire. I want families to understand how we get here and how we stay here. Wealth is not a one-woman show.
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Feature image by Rari Filmz