There's something about Summer Walker that has many of us with one hand over our eyes while watching her like a car wreck and in the next moment saying, "Same, sis." If it's not her beauty and talent, then it's her turbulent relationship with beau and the future father of her unborn child, London On Da Track. Summer, who recently confirmed her pregnancy with the successful music producer, is one of the hottest R&B artists out at the moment, and from the outside looking in, it should be a musical match made in heaven. However, as the two are both seemingly fighting their own demons, the off-and-on relationship has been everything but.
Summer Walker/Instagram
Summer and London's relationship is one that requires us to sit back and think about our standards and values as we watch their romantic lives unfold online. Among others, questions come up like, "How many times have I let a partner get away with treating me in a way that was less than I deserved?" or "How many times did I think if I just loved someone a little harder, I could change them?" Well, I can tell you at Summer's age (she's 24), my love life was a hot ass mess so I'm not here to shade her nor anyone else figuring out love. However, I am reminded of a lesson I learned and relearned while navigating love and relationships: you can't change a man, he has to want to change himself. The moment I find myself trying to change a man is the moment I need to direct energy back to myself.
Although she might have seen the signs that London could potentially be just as absent with their child as he is with his others, Summer would often defend him. Recently, the "Girls Need Love" songstress expressed her truth in the situation via a variety of posts on her Instagram stories:
"I tried to get him to spend time with his other kids as much as I could. He ain't want to because he's selfish. I tried to get his baby mama's to let him see the kids, they didn't want to cause they was bitter and hated me for no reason. I tried to get everybody to just get the f-ck along like one big happy family and instead, everyone just want's to sh-t on me and now I just have the sh-t end of the stick...
She continued:
"Black men gotta start doing better when it comes to being a father. My grandfather lame, my father lame, and dis n*gga lame. I guess the cycle will just continue. I guess n*ggas still dealing with the shackles of mental slavery or some sh-t, back when white men ripped you from your families and beat you to death if you tried to protect them. It goes deep. Sh-t's really sad.
"But that's how it goes when everybody spiritually and mentally undeveloped. Idk wtf I was thinking.
"But at least I can afford to take care of my child."
Summer Walker think she exposing London, but she really exposing herself and that she was cool sleeping with a man who was deadbeat to 3 separate kids until her child was one of the ones being neglected. SMH
— Qᴜᴇᴇɴ ᴏғ Aᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀ (@KorySKirk) November 28, 2020
If you are thinking, "What in the Future is going on here?", you aren't alone, sis is probably asking herself the same question. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, especially romantic ones, the way that you allow a person to treat you is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. It is easy to observe that if Summer with all that she's accomplished, all of her potential, feels most valuable when she is out here hustling for her worth in her romantic relationship, she has a lot of work to do.
Regardless i hate manipulative men who are all around trash and narcissistic (for no reason). Spreading your seed shouldn’t be a stamp of approval to your ego you turkey baster. Ground yourself... get a therapist maybe? Then your kids won’t grow up resenting you
— astro girl (@therealkimj) November 28, 2020
If not for herself, then for her child that will be affected the most looking into the brokenness of their mother trying to find their reflection. This appears to be a very deep-rooted issue with self-value mixed with the terror of venturing out completely on her own. The pivot to a therapist's couch isn't an impossible one to make, just a little harder with a baby in her belly and her Bob-the-Builder tool belt on.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you can't change that man, sis. You can only change yourself.
All of this is unfortunate. But she’ll get it together. She has no choice now
— sagitterrrrrrroist (@Jahniquexo) November 28, 2020
Summer is making the best first step: admitting that there is a problem. She is with a man who has his fair share of issues in fatherhood and relationships. She did forge full speed ahead into a lifelong commitment with a man while ignoring all the red flags and writing on the wall. She did think that if she just loved someone outside of herself just a little bit harder she could change them. She's just like us, or like me for what it's worth, and she has the power to change her life if she so chooses.
It's never too late to level up sis and attract a love that you truly deserve.
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Featured image by Instagram/Summer Walker
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
