Are You A "Comfort Zone Addict"?
Back when I used to write for the major paper here in Nashville, a rule of thumb when it came to sourcing was Wikipedia was an absolute no-no. There are a billion reasons why, but when it comes to what a clear and concise definition of comfort zone is, I think it breaks it all down pretty well. According to Wikipedia, a comfort zone is "a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and in control of their environment". On the surface, that sounds pretty good right? What's wrong with wanting to be in familiar surroundings that put you at ease and make you feel like you are in control? Nothing. To a point.
Stuff starts to get weird and unhealthy when what's familiar—whether it's a person, place, thing or idea—is no longer serving you, when "being at ease" is synonymous with being stagnant and, you're so in control that you won't allow life to teach you anything or introduce you to something new. When your world gets to this point and place, you are well on your way to becoming a comfort zone addict—someone who habitually remains in a space that keeps them from flourishing and thriving.
And that's what we're going to explore today; eight signs that you very well could be addicted to your comfort zone and why you should go cold turkey and stop if you are. A wise person once said that, "Great things never come from comfort zones." When it comes to living one's best life, I would definitely have to agree. Are you ready to know for sure if you are too comfortable in your comfort zone?
Your Daily Routine Resembles a Hamster Wheel
Don't get me wrong. A lot of people could stand to have more of a daily routine because the benefits of doing so are endless. Daily routines can help to keep you organized. Daily routines can help you to manage your time better. Daily routines can hold you accountable to getting things done. Daily routines are necessary; very much so.
But as I share, as often as I can, Aristotle once said, "The excess of a virtue is a vice." In other words, anything that lacks balance can end up being totally unhealthy—or, at the very least, counterproductive—for us. When it comes to daily routines, if they are so rigid and regimented that you don't leave room for trying something new or even taking time off when your mind or body says that you need it, well, you could find yourself being more busy than productive.
Remember, the hamster spends a lot of time running around in that wheel. At the same time, at the end of the day, he's not really getting anywhere. Moral to the story is, if your daily routine doesn't ultimately help you to make great progress, you need to switch things up because it's actually working more against than for you than you think.
Risk Is the Ultimate Four-Letter Cuss Word to You
Some people hate to take risks. To a certain extent, I can see why. One definition of risk is "exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance" and who wants to be here doing stuff that is considered dangerous? However, another definition is "to venture upon; take or run the chance of" and yes, that is always worth, at least the consideration of doing. The key is to do your best to take risks that are wise and will serve you well.
How can you know for sure what those are? Ironically, that's where the risky part comes in. But what I will say is prayer, meditation, common sense and creating short- and long-term goals can help immensely. For instance, when I decided, 20 years ago this year, to write full-time, believe me when I say that it was quite the risk; especially financially. But before I did it, I spent time making connections, building up a portfolio, creating a personal mission statement (so I could be clear on what niche I would serve best in) and I disciplined myself to write daily (to the point now that sometimes I am able to pen 10,000-15,000 words on a daily basis, if needed). I didn't just up and decide "I'm a writer" and throw all caution to the wind; I prepared to become one. No one said that taking risks don't come without preparation. Only foolish people believe otherwise.
Best-selling author, Paulo Coelho once said, "If it's still on your mind, it's worth taking the risk." From an overall standpoint, I agree because, if something won't seem to let you go, that means it is something that is unresolved (and needs to be addressed) on some level in your life. Just make sure that you take some time out to process why it weighs so heavily on your mind. For example, if your ex keeps taking up space in your head and heart and he mistreated you, I wouldn't say that you should "take a risk" and try and get back with him. What you might want to do, though, is "take a risk" and see a therapist, counselor or relationship coach (even if it makes you uncomfortable, at first) or, take a risk and date someone who isn't your "typical type" (check out "Should You Consider Dating Someone You're Not Attracted To?").
Some people treat the word "risk" like it's the ultimate cuss word because they automatically think if something makes them uncomfortable, they shouldn't do it. The bigger focus should be if the risk is going to result in self-harm in some way. A lot of things that make us uneasy won't kill us; they will simply encourage us to step out from our usual norm. That's exactly what a "wise risk" does and that's almost always a good thing.
You Think Peace Means Always Being Comfortable
Let's touch on that uncomfortable thing a bit more. I know some people who are always complaining about how unfulfilled they are, but still, they won't make any real changes in their life. When I inquire why, some of them say that even though they aren't exactly "thrilled" every day with how their life is going, things are peaceful, so why should they rock the boat? Listen, silence is one thing. Peaceful is something else. If you've read enough of my articles on the site, you know that I totally adore the Hebrew language (because it's the original language of the Bible) and the Hebrew word for peace is "shalom". Shalom ultimately breaks down into being whole and complete (among a few other things).
Keeping that in mind, say that you're currently working at a job that pays you well. Problem is, it doesn't really challenge you, there's no room for promotion, and you don't feel like your strengths are being utilized. Sure, your bills are getting paid on time (and that's certainly a valid point), but that doesn't change the fact that you almost feel like a dead woman walking on a daily basis. Sis, that's not peace. If where you spend 6-10 hours of your time each day isn't helping to make you feel more whole and at peace with your life, you are actually in a state of anti-peace. It's time to do something different. Sooner than later, too.
If It’s Not Already Been Done Before, You Talk Yourself Out of Doing It
Let's bring Scripture into this conversation for just a moment, shall we? If you look at Genesis 1:1(NKJV), the Bible says, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Our first introduction to God is Him being a creator. To create is "to cause to come into being, as something unique that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes". When you read that, what's the word that immediately jumped out at you? For me, it was "unique". To create is to do something that is unique. Something that is truly unique is something that exists only as one, something that is totally incomparable and, something that is unusual.
I dig creatives. Not just people who profess they are one, but those whose life stories and inventions reveal that they truly are creative beings. They're the ones who didn't feel like they needed to follow a blueprint or do what someone else has already done in order to make things happen. They are the individuals who come up with an idea or concept that has people looking at them like, "Ninja, are you crazy?!" A risk-taker responds to that question with a grin and an up-and-down head nod. A comfort zone addict takes that as I sign that they shouldn't step out. To them, if other people don't "get it", it shouldn't be done.
If you tend to fall into Category B more than you'd care to admit, here's something to keep in mind.
The ideas that come to your mind that you can't really compare to something else, 8 times out of 10, those are the ones that you should consider to be the truly creative ones. And since your Creator does unique things (like creating you, for example), it is actually an act of honor and worship to God to give it a shot. Just think if the Spirit rethought making you because you hadn't already existed before. Just think about how much the world would've missed out because of it. Create, sis. If you don't do anything else in this life, make sure that you do that!
You Don’t Fully Utilize Your Gifts and Talents
Listen, anything you're doing (on the professional tip) that is not encouraging you to make the absolute most of your God-given gifts and talents is wasting your time. Wasting? Yes, because waste means "to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return". The happiest and most self-satisfied people I know aren't the wealthiest. They are the ones who get to get up, each and every day, and do what they love—what they are good at, what makes them feel like they aren't even really working (minus the required self-discipline, of course).
By no means am I saying that if you realize you aren't using your gifts and talents that you should quit your job today (you also can't use them if you don't have a place to live after getting evicted for not paying your bills). What I am saying is that, at the very least, you should ponder over what you can do that will help you to tap more into the things that you were naturally born with. A lot of people don't realize that comfort can be a real waste. Please don't be one of them.
Even If You’ve Got a Bucket List, Nothing Is Checked Off on It
It's my humble opinion that everyone, even kids, should have a bucket list. They help to give our life (more) meaning and direction. They hold us accountable to have fun and try out new things. They are a great way to create wonderful memories. They are one way to set short- and long-term goals. They teach us things about ourselves, others and the world around us as a whole. They also help to make sure that we aren't stagnant; that we keep moving forward.
I once read a study that stated 95 percent of people have bucket lists. It also said that 66 percent said they intended to check one thing off a year. A year? With some of my clients, every time their birthday rolls around, we jot down their age and then come up with as many things as their age is to do before their next birthday rolls around. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. One way to make life feel bigger and even better is to create a bucket list and commit to knocking at least 10 things off of it on an annual basis (because who said that you can't edit or add to your list as time moves on?).
You Are Mad Impatient
An author by the name of Laura Teresa Marquez provided some great fortune-cookie-and-beyond insight when she said, "When we get impatient because something is taking too long, we should remember that Life waits on us a thousand times more than we wait on." To me, this means that life is waiting on us to line up with the plans that it already has for us than we're waiting on life to reveal them. This quote definitely came to mind while I re-watched KevOnStage's documentary,A Calculated Risk. This youth pastor-turned-comedian-turned-9-to-5 person-turned-self-made man has quite a wonderful yet super-sacrificial story about how he took risks in order to live out his dreams. If you know anything about Kev, you can vouch for the fact that while he's not an overnight success, years later (not 2-3 either; several) stuff is really starting to pay off—BIG TIME.
A lot of people who are comfort zone addicts, they've already got all that they need to thrive in their own lane too. But if they don't see things that they attempt manifest in one year or less, they tend to quit. Unlike with Kev's journey, what that ends up doing them is costing them—BIG TIME. Stepping outside of one's comfort zone requires waiting, delays and disappointments. Your being willing to push through all of that for the greater goal is what will make it well worth your while. It's what some of the best success stories are made up of as well.
You’re Bored. Most of the Time.
"Bored" is a great word. The reason why I say that is because it's got a ton of different meanings, and all of them can alert you to whether or not you're living your life as "BIG" as you should be.
What are some clear indications that you are currently bored with the way your life is going (or not going)? You complain a lot. You always need somebody or something to keep you entertained. You tend to have many vices. You rarely feel inspired to get out of bed in the mornings. You wrestle with the green-eyed monster (envy). You're irrationally competitive with other people. You're critical—including super self-critical. I could go on and on, chile, but it all basically boils down to being weary with your life…because you're existing more than you're actually LIVING it.
Author Charles F. Glassman once said, "Even the smallest changes in our daily routine can create incredible ripple effects that expand our vision of what is possible." If you just read all of this and recognized that you are way more stuck in your comfort zone than you ever thought, the good news is that today you can make some real and significant changes. Try something new. Plan to do something that will help your strengths to shine through. Stop ignoring that voice in your head that keeps telling you to make that phone call, send that email or start that company.
Comfort zones may be comfortable but don't confuse it with stagnation. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. And that oftentimes requires breaking totally out of your comfort zone(s).
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Everything You Need To Know About This Month's Mercury Retrograde In Aries
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Another Mercury retrograde has arrived, and this one is heating things up. On March 9, Mercury entered Aries and directed our minds toward our passions, our progress, and our personal desires. On April 1, Mercury goes retrograde in this fire sign and will be in retrograde motion until April 25. Mercury retrograde in Aries is bold, but the energy can often be misdirected.
What April's Mercury Retrograde in Aries Has in Store for Your Sign
Extra precaution is needed when it comes to what you are taking initiative on right now and where you may need to put some goals on the back burner for the time being. This is not the time to overexert yourself; rather, this Mercury retro is reminding us that true power comes from self-trust.
Let’s get to the basics of what to do during a Mercury retrograde, and what not to do during a Mercury retrograde.
Do:
- Gain some renewed inspiration. Mercury retrogrades can be a really insightful and inspiring time if you are tapping into that creative energy that is brewing.
- Exercise. This Mercury retrograde is happening in Aries, so do like the Aries do when things feel chaotic and get your body moving.
- Communicate with confidence and speak on how you are feeling to prevent any miscommunications.
- Meditate. We need a little more of this calming energy right now.
Don’t:
- Sign any important contracts or deals if you can.
- Travel. If you have to, make sure you plan everything thoroughly and re-check everything before you leave.
- Be impulsive. Impulsion can lead to making irrational decisions right now.
- Take things personally. It’s Mercury retro. Let’s give yourself and everyone else some extra grace during this time.
This Mercury retrograde in Aries is a reality check. It’s here to awaken where your heart has been leading you, and where you may need to rethink some plans and goals. With two eclipses happening during this Mercury retrograde, a lot is happening right now, and things can get chaotic if you are not centering yourself, focusing on your goals and intentions, and finding the gifts in the present moment.
Mercury in Aries is always a few steps ahead, but in retrograde motion, we may need to feel things out a little more before taking those steps.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be affecting you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
Read your April Mercury retrograde horoscope predictions:
ARIES
This Aries Season is one for the books for you, Aries. Not only is the Sun in your sign, but there is a Solar Eclipse in your sign, as well as Mercury retrograde. When Mercury retrograde is in your own sign, you always feel it a little more than the other signs, and right now, you need some time to get grounded and plan your next steps. Your personal and professional goals are being looked at right now, and you are figuring out where you can experience a new beginning financially and personally.
This Mercury retrograde is reminding you of the work you have already done and continue to do, and that it’s not the time to count yourself out yet. New developments are taking place for you, but right now you are making sure all your ducks are in a row first.
TAURUS
You are walking away from an old way of doing things right now, Taurus. This Mercury retrograde for you is about putting your heart first and taking your emotional well-being as the highest priority in your life. With this Mercury retrograde happening in your 12th house of closure, you are seeking just that right now. The past may be coming up for you more during this transit, so just remember that oftentimes this happens for a chance at healing, rather than to let someone back into your life.
This isn’t the time to entertain the past or see things better than they were, but it is a time of reflection and learning the lessons. What’s being brought up for you now is doing so so that you can release, replenish, and renew. Get some time away during this Mercury retrograde, and allow yourself the space to process and heal.
GEMINI
This Mercury retrograde is bringing clarity and emotional nourishment into your life, Gemini. You are taking a look at the big picture right now and finding your way through the love that you are ready to embrace in your life. Friendships, support systems, and your community are all highlighted, and you are overcoming feeling misunderstood or separated from those spaces you want to be immersed in more. There could be some miscommunication within friendships and social networks right now as you think about who your people are, and where you are feeling supported within your friendships and community.
Past goals, future goals, and the progress of them all come up for review for you during this time. Communicate from the heart, nourish the connections and friendships that feel good for you, and give yourself a break from always having to say the right thing or be the person you think others want you to be. This Mercury retrograde is helping you align with your freedom.
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde is helping you tap into your inner muse, Cancer. Your emotions are highlighted right now, but so are your goals and the life you want to lead. Your career and professional goals may feel a little more confusing or chaotic for you now as more pressure is being added to this area of your life. Your guidance for this time is to get creative with what you can do here and to trust that you have it in your heart to build new connections and embrace new opportunities in your professional world.
This is a good time to gain clarity and plan out some of the new goals you want to achieve this year, but to also look back on the past work done and pat yourself on the back for all that you have already achieved and accomplished in life. Be your biggest cheerleader right now and don’t wait for anyone to give you approval first.
LEO
This Mercury retrograde is reminding you to not get too ahead of things before you have truly grasped the implication of them, Leo. There is a lot to confront and deal with during this retrograde transit, and an open mind is needed to navigate this time. With this Mercury retrograde happening in your 9th house of expansion and travel, some extra precaution should be taken if you have any travel plans during this time, and know that detours may be necessary.
Overall, it’s about the perspectives you are choosing and which ones you are letting go of right now. Your peace of mind and clarity of heart are the priority, and it’s a good time to be out in nature, get some space from the busyness of life, and trust that you are being led to where you need to be.
VIRGO
Life is coming together for you in a new way right now, Virgo. This Mercury retrograde will be happening in your 8th house of commitments, shared finances, resources, and rebirth. You are moving through a time of change, but are overall able to see where the success is and can be in your life, and how to move closer to that. This is the time to find the balance between giving and receiving and to put some extra care and attention towards your finances and commitments.
How you are feeling within holds great importance to what you are experiencing outside of you, and you are bridging that gap right now and claiming your abundance in the process. Life is coming full circle for you during this Mercury retrograde, and you are finding out what success and connection truly mean for you today.
LIBRA
Value your time, value your energy, and value your heart, Libra. With this Mercury retrograde happening in the sign opposite of yours, your love life is being highlighted during this time. It can feel a little more difficult to maintain your balance in your close relationships during this retrograde, and misunderstandings here are more likely. Give yourself and others the space to figure things out and allow more love to fill in those spaces where pain has been.
Things may be turning out differently than expected, but they are overall leading you to more nourishing and safe spaces in love and your one-on-one partnerships. This Mercury retrograde for you overall is a reminder that you deserve to receive the love you give, and letting go of codependency habits or relationships will help you get there.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is a time for you to plan, rethink, and re-coordinate your next steps, Scorpio. Timing is of the essence, but you may need some more of it before you have the full picture needed to see your previous plans through. Know that divine intervention is at play right now, and this is a good time to focus on taking care of your health, creating a good daily routine, and moving away from doing things just to do them.
The answers you are looking for may need some more time to come through right now, and by listening to your body you can better connect to the lessons of it all. By the time this Mercury retrograde is over and Mercury is direct again, you are going to have a better idea of what gifts are being offered to you, and why you needed a pause or a break before you were able to receive them.
SAGITTARIUS
It’s time to focus on your perspective, the beauty in your life, and where your heart has been needing to heal, Sagittarius. This Mercury retrograde for you is an eye-opening time for your relationships, hobbies, passions, and self-expression; and a time when you may feel the need to hold onto things tighter when you need to let go more. Know that decisions made from the heart will feel good for you when you make them, and fear-based decisions are going to feel more restrictive and heavy.
Weigh out all options and possible paths, and choose from the heart rather than what you fear you may lose. Overall, you are getting a new perspective on what your heart needs and on what is going to make you truly happy in life right now. This Mercury retrograde is helping you make better decisions for yourself and your future.
CAPRICORN
You are gaining some clarity on the support systems in your life, and where you can feel more secure here, Capricorn. This Mercury retrograde will be moving through your 4th house of home, family, foundations, and emotional well-being, and it’s helping you create a new beginning here. You may be feeling more pressure in the home or your time and energy may be needed more from your loved ones, and you are being guided to only take on the things you can truly emotionally handle right now.
This is a good time to spend more time around the people who make you feel more nourished rather than emotionally drained and to recognize the need for more companionship in your life. This Mercury retrograde may emotionally rock the boat for you a little, but overall, you are aligning with the work that needs to be done and who you want by your side through it all.
AQUARIUS
Honor your strength, be patient with yourself, and communicate your needs, Aquarius. During this Mercury retrograde, you can feel more confused about where things are and where they are headed, and you need some time to gain some inner clarity. Perspectives are changing, and people around you are changing, but it’s up to you to define who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to speak about.
Communication channels may feel more heavy for you right now and it’s important to let go of the things that don’t benefit your mental health. Take a social media detox, read a good book, journal your thoughts when you are feeling lost, meditate when you need to feel more grounded, and trust that this too shall pass, Aquarius. Your strength is needed during this time.
PISCES
This Mercury retrograde is bringing things to fruition and giving you clarity on your personal finances, Pisces. How you value your time, energy, and skill set are being highlighted now, and you are being reminded that your worth is based upon what you place on it. When you can celebrate yourself more and see yourself as the successful and worthy being you are, you show people how they should treat you, and you align with that source of abundance.
You are building a new experience for yourself financially right now, and this Mercury retrograde is clearing away what’s been in the way of that. Connect with people who love and support you when you are feeling low or incapable, and remember that you are so much more loved and supported than you know. This Mercury retrograde for you is the next step towards greater financial freedom.
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