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What I Learned From Sex With A Younger Guy

Sex Stories

Breaking up is always hard to do.


The dissolution of my last relationship was no doubt one of the most difficult things I've had to do in a minute. But it had to be done.

Love cannot thrive in a space where respect doesn't live.

And no matter how many times the man I loved claimed to love me, the clear and resounding truth was that he had no idea how to truly value me.

I was meek, I was weak, and the harder I held onto him, the more I lost the woman I had worked so hard to become. At the end of the day, it was either him or me, and I finally learned how to be strong enough to make and maintain my decision to stay away from a man that's purpose in my life had been fulfilled.

Nevertheless, the clarity and the peace that I felt soon after allowed me to make no apologies for it. Not a single regret. My sense of self-worth was back in full effect, my self-love was well underway, but my confidence was at an all-time low following the cycle of toxicity and emotional abuse that was my on-again off-again relationship with my ex.

I honestly didn't know what I needed after something like that, aside from alone time, my breakup playlists on repeat, and plenty of journaling and self-reflection. I was putting in the work to return to me, but I still felt somehow out of reach. I had no idea that not having any expectations about what I needed would lead me into the arms of a much younger man.

What's more, I had no idea that he'd come equipped with the exact remedy I needed to reconnect with the self I had lost.

It all started back in July. Our shared birthday weekend was the beginning of a lot of things, namely the spark of our connection. I felt it the moment our eyes met the night before, on the eve of his birthday festivities that a friend, his sister had invited me to. The party before the party. My birthday fell on Sunday and his that Saturday. I had absolutely no birthday plans for my 26th birthday but he had them all for his 20th. How could I say no?

Maybe it was my quarter-life crisis revving up to run wild, but I remembered him as the kid brother of one of my friends that I first met on New Year's Eve two years prior. Back then, he was 18 and I was in the limbo of a relationship so whatever attraction I felt came to an abrupt and speedy halt. But now, a blink away from 20, instead of a red light saying “stop," I only saw “proceed with caution." While we were on the river (celebrating his birthday), I admired his caramel skin and taut body while he walked around shirtless with an air that commanded. And a smile that absolutely dazzled.

At the end of the night, we made our way to a lounge and stole glances at each other across the table. He continued to be very intentional about the way he took me in like I was the glass of water his thirst called for. It was the same one I held in mine. The desire I felt there was too hot to look away. But logic would override my lust that night as we parted ways and he wished me a happy birthday and thanked me for joining him at his. He was too damn young. Little did I know, it was a prelude to our relationship.

I was willing to allow the idea of him to remain a fantasy of what could never be until a couple of days later, I found myself on his couch with his lips at my neck, alternating between kisses and soft bites. I learned what it was that day. I wanted him, but it was more than that. He made me feel desired, like I was the sexiest thing he'd ever laid eyes on. It felt specific and genuine in a way that I didn't know my confidence or my ego needed, but it did.

He kissed me with hunger, and although I wanted to back away from him for the age difference alone, it was something I hadn't experienced in so long. I valued myself and felt valued by other men since my ex for my mind, for my creative, maybe even for my heart – but he added another layer to the wholeness that escaped me. I wanted him because he made me feel wanted.

High as f*ck, hot as f*ck, horny as f*ck – hours later, we made our way upstairs to his bedroom to surrender to the tease we had created for one another.

It was such a turn-on to experience the effect I had on him. I felt so powerful as I took him into my mouth, sucking him into oblivion. He gripped the sheets so hard, arching up into me. He returned the favor, slipping on protection and then entering me. We sighed into each other's mouths, a deep exhale, expletives on our tongues. Sex with him was like letting go. Each thrust was the culmination of gaining something new: relaxation, surrender, rebirth, renewal. It was an awakening and in the wake of being dormant for so long, I was reminded of what it was like to feel alive.

When he orgasmed, it was like music to my ears – the most intoxicating sound. We made out afterwards for what felt like hours before he had enough and decided he wanted more. I giggled to myself. It's quickly become one of my favorite things about him – aside from how womanly he makes me feel – even in moments where he comes too quick, it's made up to me by a second, third, and sometimes fourth round of lovemaking. He's as insatiable as I am.

In the early hours of the morning, he tightens his embrace around me and brings me in closer to him to kiss my back, my neck. He slips his hands between my thighs in effort to initiate wetness where there's warmth. I writhe against him and he breathes against me in anticipation. It isn't as urgent and it doesn't demand. It's a slow dance that builds purposefully into a crescendo of completion. Sometimes we finish together, profuse sweating and heavy breathing. Other times, I finish alone and he taps out involuntarily. We touch ourselves while holding onto our gazes and I come again as I watch him make himself come for me.

The relationship between the two of us has quickly turned into a relationship of convenience with the only strings attached being a couple of guidelines we laid out: open communication and having respect for the other's health. I think he's drawn to me because of the enigma and I'm drawn to him for the thrill. We have a fun, easy-going vibe, have conversations about everything underneath the sun, and overall just have an understanding:

We know what it is, what it isn't, and what it will never be.

One thing's for certain, he has reminded me of who I am during a time where I needed an extra voice and I will always appreciate him for that and for helping me to undo some of the damage I incurred from the man before him. There is an absence of expectation – other than the ones that derive from our mutual pleasure.

We just are.

And whenever I feel a familiar ache between my thighs, I send him a quick text that reads: “Tonight?"

From there, he hits me back with says, “Come thru."

Happily, I oblige.

Have you ever been with a younger guy? What did it do for you? Let me know in the comments down below.

xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com

Featured image by Getty Images

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

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