I sat patiently awaiting for a return call from Barbara Jacques, owner of the all-natural skin, bath, and body care company Jacq's Organics.
I listened as she situated her 5-year-old daughter so that she could get back to our call, poised and unbothered. With tender, yet stern care, Barbara took the time to answer her questions, tend to a bruise, and redirect her playfulness, while also making it clear to her young daughter that she was in the middle of an important conversation. Essentially, her daughter's presence was just as powerful as the story she told about how her birth led her onto her current path of incredible success.
Barbara's story often starts with the number one traumatic event in her life that just so happens to be the thing that fertilized the idea: she was pregnant…but she also had an ovarian tumor. Upon hearing that, I learned quickly that her story, just like her products, is more complex than it appeared.
To begin, her choice to create her line of products didn't come overnight. In fact, it didn't come without turmoil. In 2009, Barbara married her longtime boyfriend, James. But by the end of 2010, they both had become both elated by the news of being pregnant, and ailed by the horror of a possibly fatal diagnosis.
After being rest assured that the developing baby was out of harm's way, she was hoping that she was out of harm's way too.
She wasn't.
She had a tumor over her left ovary, roughly the same size.
“So I got in my car. I call my husband and I just start bawling. I have this tumor. I'm pregnant. I'm in my 20s. My life just started, you know? What is going on? I was scared."
Scared and confused, Barbara and her husband decided to leave Orlando to return to her roots in Miami. “I was researching, reading medical journals, trying to figure out what was going on. And during that time, I was like, 'I'm going to fight. I can't allow the situation to dictate me. I have this baby [growing inside of me], I'm not going through all of this for no reason'. That's what I kept saying to myself and that's when I kind of felt a calming peace come over me to say, 'It's gon' be alright.' I would pray and I would ask my mom to be with me throughout the time."
Photo by: John Catignas
Barbara's mother Mary had passed away over a decade and a half prior to the health scare, but it wasn't her physical presence that she was seeking. “She has a really big influence on who I am today," said Barbara, adding, “I say has because I feel like she's still with me." At 15-years-old, Jacques had lost both her mother and father - both emigrants from Haiti - within five months of each other. Subsequently, she lost all desire to continue excelling in school. “My mom was in the back of my head saying, 'You have to have more,'" she said, referring to her battle with depression as she crawled her way through high school.
But this time was different. In the face of her diagnosis, Barbara wasn't looking for validation or strength - she had already possessed those things - now, she was just in need of support.
Barbara found a way to save her baby, herself, and her family by becoming educated on the food and product industries in America, as well as healing herbs. She came to find that the natural remedies her mom taught her as a child, were more than just a part of her family rituals.
“I laugh now, but it was misery for me," she recalled of the formative years she spent being forced to use plants and vegetables as ails to her puberty-ridden skin. “My mom always had this clear, toned skin, she was always even, one color. People would always [compliment her]. But she took care of it."
Her mother wished the same beauty for her daughter's dark skin tone and would make her do things like go into the yard to cut up aloe, scrub it on her face, and drink another piece of it to help rid of pimples and blemishes. "The more I researched later on, I realized that it actually is natural vitamin A, zinc, and beta carotene that helped give dark skin a natural glow. [It] helped with aging, wrinkles, acne, blemishes - and the aloe, which is actually mineral water - is healing, hydrating."
Naturally, these ingredients - in addition to almond - are now the base ingredients to all of her products.
Photo by: John Catignas
Growing up a dark-skinned girl in Miami had its challenges, too. Learning to care for her skin and her hair assisted in her journey of learning to love and admire herself more. For Jacq's Organics, education is not only the motive, but the standard. When you visit the website, not only can you learn about your skin-type, how the product is made, and the daily routines you need for your age range, but also nuggets of information that you're not going to find just anywhere.
“We absorb everything we put on our skin through our bloodstream. Eating natural foods is not enough. Slathering toxins on your skin just doesn't make any sense."
More than a passion, but a way of life, Barbara found her life transformed into a vegetarian life-style with a vegan brand. But the transformation didn't happen immediately.
“I already shopped at farmer's markets because I was a very conscious buyer, but the more I researched, [I realized] everything in my refrigerator was soy. I learned that it mimics estrogen and that was feeding my thyroid." From hummus and chickpeas to chicken and white rice, Barbara learned - and spread the word - that her food choices were killing her.
“And then I look, and I have this make-up artist display of products in my closet," she continued. “I have bags of MAC make-up, Estee Lauder, Clinique…it was crazy. I just started throwing my stuff away, and that's when, for me, when I felt that sense of calmness."
Those products - the ones she placed in her hair and on her skin - were causing equal amounts of damage to her health. And just like over 70% of all beauty products catering to Black women, they included “the dirty dozen". “The dirty dozen is basically a list of 12 common ingredients that you will find in, not just skin and hair products, but also in food that are a no-no," Barbara explained. “They're linked to cancer, birth defects, ovarian issues, stuff that has harmful side effects. But it's ingredients, preservatives, and products that are basically in everyday [items] that we don't even think about. Everything from toothpaste to clothes, canned goods, sugar, milk - everything."
Like most people, this was news to Barbara. Her infatuation with those products had begun nearly 10 years prior, when she made the decision to leave Miami for Orlando. “There's something about moving away from home and having to live on your own. It kind of shapes you into being - to think independently," she said. “Within six months, on January 5th, 2000, I went natural - I shaved my hair off. So when I would go back home to Miami people would be like, 'Girl what is wrong with you? Somebody broke your heart? You gay now? What's going on?' And I'm like, 'No this is more me learning about myself - exploring.'
"Miami was still about the quick weaves and getting your hair done every two weeks and that high maintenance life. And me, I was like in an environment where nobody knew me. It was a beautiful thing because then I learned about loving Barbara for who she was."
Photo by: John Catignas
Barbara began playing with natural soap formulas to create alternatives for her and her family - not only to save her skin, but to save her life. “It was therapy for me because, here I was, middle of the day, can't go anywhere [on bed rest], can only walk 30 minutes a day, and it just became peace for me because it was a way for me to heal my body, my mind, and my spirit in a sense."
Spending the bulk of her time home alone, sick, and barely keeping down food, she twiddled her thumbs and contemplated a solution. That began with finding the right doctor. “I think the only person I told close to me was my big brother, he's like my best friend. My close girlfriends knew some-thing was wrong and I didn't want to tell them I was pregnant. I eventually told my aunt and [I found out that my] doctor at the time was giving me some misinformation."
Her aunt - who also took over as matriarch following her mother's death - luckily stepped in with her nursing expertise. “'That could kill you,'" her aunt told her. “'We don't even know if we're going to make it through your pregnancy for birth. We don't even know if it's benign.'"
Barbara's doctor at the time was attempting to coax her into a vaginal birth, which in her state could potentially be very fatal. That's when Barbara found out that her mother had had a hysterectomy due to ovarian issues in her lifetime - a health conversation that they were never able to share. From there, she knew to seek out a gynecologist who specialized in ovarian care.
That was the missing key.
By the time her daughter reached full-term, she gave birth to her via C-section, and subsequently had the tumor removed immediately following. Both surgeries were a success and propelled her to her next move: expansion.
Photo by: John Catignas
By 2011, Barbara wasn't selling anything she made, but all the products she was making were in excess. After giving them away to her family and friends, she heard stories of them hiding their homemade pieces away from their own spouses to use in solitude. The response was that good. On a fluke, a girlfriend convinced her to sell her products at a Farmer's Market and she ended with nearly $600 in sales! From there, she started to think differently about keeping her products to herself. So, in 2012, she set up an official online shop and company. Pedaling quality work, peer and local engagement, as well as an in-demand product, Barbara spent her free time (literally in-between 16-hour or more workdays) to work on her company.
Although she did not appreciate the amount of time working for someone else caused her to spend away from her family, Barbara had a lot of love for her day job and wasn't quite ready to chuck the deuces to her “real job" in lieu of her hobby that was making a profit. Not just yet anyway. “It wasn't until I got this huge ass order that was bigger than my salaried paycheck. And I was just like, 'I think this is for the birds.'"
It was early 2015 when she decided to make the leap from Jacq's Organics acting as a side-hustle to being her full-blown new entrepreneurial career. When Barbara handed in her two weeks' notice, Jacq's Organics was being recognized locally as a growing, thriving business - and once she told the world her own story of triumph, so was she.
Falling into fear nearing the end of her job, Kareem Abdul-Jabar - a regular at the job's networking events - said something to her that has stuck with her to this day.
“He was like, 'God has a plan for you and you're on that plan, you're on that journey. Don't be afraid, it's going to be hard. Everything you need is inside of you.' And when he told me that, I had to walk off. I almost started crying because that's what I needed," she said, laughing joyously.
But it wasn't without preparation.
Photo by: John Catignas
With loyal customers, a growing newsletter, and an easy-to-navigate website, she was ready. “I was able to give my full attention because I'm not really into multitasking, I think it's a gimmick. When you give something your full attention, you start to see your work. That's when my customers doubled, I was getting a presence online, I was still networking, going to events, talking about my business, working with non-for-profit organizations. I was able to be present, complete-ly there. And the transition for me, that aha moment, was when I got that first full [check]."
She was successful, so successful, in fact, that a year and a month to the date of walking away from her full-time corporate job, she was able to rent out her own separate space for her business and say goodbye to using her kitchen for home and work.
From being known as her mother's daughter to stepping into her own light in her mother's name and later manifesting her journey for the love she has of her own daughter, Barbara's life and continuously growing legacy is a testament to time and true liberation.
Shop Barbara's all-natural line of products here. Stay connected by following Jacq's Organics on Twitter and IG.
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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