As I'm currently on a journey to grow out this hair of mine, a part of me feels like I'm back in school again. I say that because I am constantly—and I do mean, constantly—researching products, tips and naturalistas who can help me to achieve my ultimate goal: longer hair than I've ever had that is very healthy and totally natural.
As far as the naturalistas go, some of my faves include (these are their IG accounts, by the way) naturallytemi (who I believe I recently saw in a Suave commercial—big ups!), naturalneiicey, torichloemiller, univhair.soleil, sadoraparis, evaniwithav and maryamjhampton. All of them have fabulous hair, super-informative YouTube channels and are proudly natural. As far as the products go, I'm actually not that much of a product junkie; at least, not when it comes to commercial brands. But what I will do is find an herb, an essential oil or some sort of other natural item and test it out. Doing that is what inspired me to provide you with this list.
If you've never heard of any of these before, don't feel bad. I honestly didn't either until not too long ago. But if you are looking for some super-effective-even-if-they're-not-mad-popular all-natural things for hair growth, I'd be totally shocked if you and your hair and scalp do not fall in love with all of the following.
1. Moringa Oil for Hair Growth
Moringa oil comes from a plant that is mostly found in the Himalayan mountains. The cool thing about it, from its seeds to its bark, is it's edible and packed with antioxidants. As far as your overall health, moringa oil is good for you because it contains three times more iron than spinach (good to know if you're anemic or you have heavy-flow periods). Moringa oil also contains amino acids to keep your cells in good shape. It's also got a great reputation for giving you an energy boost, healing ulcers, and reducing arthritic pain. Plus, if you're a new mom, it's an oil that has the ability to significantly increase the flow of your breast milk.
What makes moringa oil so good for your hair is that its high amount of Vitamin A will strengthen your hair follicles, its high amount of zinc will prevent your follicles from experiencing atrophy, and, all of the Vitamin E that is in it, will increase blood flow to your scalp so that your hair follicles will get all of the nutrients that they need. Healthy follicles mean healthier hair from root to tip. As a bonus, if you massage your scalp a couple of times a week with the oil, you'll see less split ends too. You can learn more about it in oil form here.
2. Chebe Powder for Hair Growth
I am pretty intentional about not abusing the word "love", but when it comes to my hair, if there is something that I am absolutely falling in love with, it's Chebe powder. If you've got any kind of 4-type hair, you will too because it has been hailed for decades as being an ingredient that will help you to grow tailbone-length tresses.
Chebe comes from an African shrub known as Croton Gratissimus. If you commit to using it 1-2 times a week, it will remove fungus (including the fungus that causes dandruff) from your scalp, restore the pH balance of it as well, and deeply moisturize your hair to the point that breakage will truly be a thing of the past. For women with 4-type hair, it is a highly-praised solution for gaining length retention. It really is!
I won't lie to you, Chebe powder is not the cheapest stuff on the planet; but I choose to see it as an investment—a very worthwhile one at that! As far as the best way to apply it, I recommend making a paste out of it and applying it to your hair on a wash day. Oh, one more thing—in order to get the best results, it's a good idea to leave it on for 4-6 hours before rinsing it all out. Hey, I never said it wasn't high-maintenance; what I am saying is it's a total game-changer. (Learn how to make a Chebe powder hair mask here.)
3. Arnica for Hair Growth
Arnica is a European flowering plant that is pretty popular in homeopathy. Some people take it as an herbal supplement while others prefer to apply it as a gel directly onto their skin. Although it is used to treat muscle pain or to help heal the swelling process following a surgical procedure, too much Arnica can prove to be toxic (when taken internally), so make sure to speak with a doctor, health practitioner, or homeopath before consuming it.
Arnica's super strong anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties are what make it a great hair remedy. As an oil, it will strengthen the protein of your hair strands, reduce dandruff, slow down premature greying, help eliminate split ends, and increase the lifespan of your hair overall.
I had a hard time finding a naturalista doing a video featuring this oil, but if you'd like to purchase an organic brand of it, you can find a good one here.
4. Red Palm Oil for Hair Growth
If clean eating is one of the goals that you set for yourself this year, add some red palm oil to your diet. It's an oil that is derived from the oil palm tree that is able to fight heart disease and promote weight loss. It's got a lot of Vitamin E in it and more antioxidants than tomatoes or carrots. Many health professionals also credit it for healing asthma, treating liver disease and protecting your skin from UV ray damage, making it an ideal oil to cook with.
Red palm oil is also the kind of oil that you can put on your hair. We already touched on what Vitamin E can do, but two additional bonuses are this oil can prevent greying and slow down hair loss. You can get a wash day routine tutorial here. (Head's up, the oil is literally red and can stain, so don't use it while watching television in your living room. You need to be able to apply it where it won't stain your stuff!)
5. Brahmi for Hair Growth
Something Ayurvedic medicine uses quite a bit is the plant Bacopa monnieri, also known by its "nickname" Brahmi. It contains compounds that reduce bodily inflammation, strengthen brain function, and is even known to treat ADHD-related symptoms. Also, if you're someone who struggles with stress and/or anxiety, Brahmi is the kind of herb that will naturally reduce your cortisol levels while boosting your mood.
If you happen to deal with excessive shedding, Brahmi powder is definitely something that you should try. It protects your hair's roots, strengthens your hair follicles, and can also relieve dandruff or dry scalp flakes. For a walkthrough on how to make this particular kind of hair mask, click here.
6. Beef Tallow for Hair Growth
If you're vegan, this is a hair solution for hair growth that you'll probably want to pass on; if you're not, this is one to definitely consider. If you don't know what beef tallow is, it's a healthy form of fat that comes directly from grass-fed cows. It contains loads of vitamins A, D, K and E; so much that a lot of people apply it directly onto their skin. It's great for your hair because it reduces itchy scalp, smooths out any frizz and, it's able to give your hair some really amazing shine.
A young sistah sells the concept of using it pretty darn well here. What she uses is a combo of whipped beef tallow and Chebe power as her night haircare routine. Not sure how you can go wrong there!
7. Hibiscus for Hair Growth
There's a pretty good chance that you've at least heard of hibiscus before; especially in tea form. If you are an avid tea drinker, it's a cool one to add to your collection because it's got lots of antioxidants in it. Not only that, but hibiscus can help lower your blood pressure, improve the health of your liver, fight bacteria and free radicals, and aid in weight loss.
As far as what hibiscus can do for your hair, the benefits are kind of endless. It encourages regrowth in thinning areas, strengthens your hair follicles, and slows down the appearance of greys. And, thanks to all of the Vitamin C that is in hibiscus, it can boost collagen levels so that your hair has less breakage. Hibiscus can also trigger dormant hair follicles so that they can start growing again. To learn how to make a DIY hair rinse, click here.
8. Bhringraj Oil for Hair Growth
When the Indian herb Bhringraj is used in powder form, it is able to strengthen your vision and even improve your hearing abilities. Thanks to its anti-inflammatory properties, Bhringraj is also able to relieve joint and muscle discomfort and, when applied directly to your temples, reduce the pain that is associated with headaches and migraines. Also, because it is used heavily with Ayurveda treatments, Bhringraj also considered to be a very powerful liver cleanser.
But perhaps what it's best known for is how it can improve the quality of your hair. When applied as an oil, it is able to immediately relieve dry scalp, reduce hair fall, add shine, reduce greying and, if you massage it onto your thinning areas three times a week, it can even fill in bald spots too. One YouTuber shouts out how the oil has worked for her hair here.
9. Organic MSM for Hair Growth
The technical name for the dietary supplement known as MSM is methylsulfonylmethane. Some people consider it to be a "miracle supplement" because it decreases joint pain, restores muscle damage that is associated with working out, reduces the pain and stiffness that's associated with arthritis and it can boost your immune system as well.
Organic MSM is fabulous for hair growth because it contains a sulfur compound that is naturally found in the body. It's the type of compound that makes hair stronger and can even help with hair growth too. The best way to get the most out of MSM is to take it in supplement form (500 mg, twice a day) or pour a couple of teaspoons of MSM powder directly into your hair conditioner.
10. Hops for Hair Growth
Hops is a flowering plant that is used for insomnia, restlessness and irritability. Sometimes it's also used for bladder infections, post-menopausal symptoms and even underarm body odor. Skin-wise, hops can help to improve skin discoloration over time. Hair-wise, it's really powerful when it comes to reducing dandruff and hair fall. If you want to learn how to DIY a potent hair growth oil that includes hops, click here.
Apply it 1-2 times a week, preferably at night, and watch how much longer and fuller your health becomes by year's end!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Is Why Your Natural Hair Ain't Growin'
10 Must-Have Product Staples For Curly Girls
Thinking About Going Back To A Relaxer? Ask Yourself This First.
One But Not Equal: Natural Hair Is Not The Same
Feature image by Getty Images
- 7 Essential Oils All Naturalistas Need For Their Hair - xoNecole ›
- This Is Why Your Natural Hair Ain't Growin' - xoNecole ›
- Winter Natural Hair Growth Tips - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Essential Oils For Natural Hair Growth - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 12 Essential Tips For Summer Hair Care - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Is Dandruff? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Too Many Skincare Hair Care Products? How To Stop Buying - xoNecole ›
- The Best Supplements To Slow Down Graying - xoNecole ›
- Best Fall Foods For Hair Growth: What To Eat For Length - xoNecole ›
RELATED
Whew, please hear me when I say that, no matter how much you love someone, if you say “I do” without addressing (and hopefully resolving) these issues before jumping somebody’s broom, you could be in for a really unpleasant marital experience…if not divorce court up the road.
And speaking of divorce, although it’s not discussed nearly enough, believe it or not, there are also things that should be considered divorce red flags — also glaring warning signs that you are about to blow up your union, if you don’t gather yourself together, talk to your partner (and, if need be a marriage therapist, counselor or life coach) and work to get things back on track.
After over 20 years of working with married couples, some of which were right on the brink of calling it quits, here are six of the consistent divorce red flags that I’ve noticed — along with a bit of advice on how to effectively handle them…so that you don’t end up ending your marriage, when there wasn’t a reason to.
1. Impatience
Giphy
I promise you, with everything in me, I don’t get — not really — why impatient people get married. There are a billion-and-one reasons why it baffles me; however, we can start with Scripture telling us that “love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4) and, as I’ve shared in other articles, patience isn’t just about knowing how to wait well, it’s also about “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Please tell me that you really caught that second one because it clearly says that patient people are able to deal with things like annoyances and hardships by remaining calm and without complaining.
Now, be real — how many people do you know, married or not, who act like this? And yet, again, the Good Book pretty much says that this is one definition of what it means to truly love other individuals: you can deal with challenging times in a steady and mature fashion. And this is why I can’t think of one client who will tell you that I am not a big fan of people worshipping the god of happiness.
What I mean by that is — how many times have you watched a post on social media (shoot, probably today alone) where someone has said that they left their marriage because “I’m just not happy anymore”? SMDH. Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, but only children should expect to be happy all of the time — and even they need to be taught just how unrealistic that is. Where the big kids play is getting that HEALTHY should always trump HAPPY — and the people who truly grasp this concept, they tend to be better at being patient than those who think that everything should be about their happiness darn near every minute of every day.
While we’re here, what are some other signs of being an impatient individual (who is usually unhappy most of the time)?
- They always want things done in their time
- They use pressure, stress, and ultimatums to get things done
- They get frustrated whenever things don’t go as planned (which means they are inflexible)
- They constantly cut people off in conversations (which means that they don’t listen well)
- They don’t know how to relax and be in the moment
And this is just five signs, chile. Anyway, the reason why this tops the list of being a divorce red flag is because, if you’re thinking about ending your marriage because you don’t know to deal with disappointments or challenges or you think that your spouse should move in your timeframe, not only do you have some tremendously unrealistic beliefs about marriage but you do about humanity, in general. Not only that, but leaving your husband, just to get with someone else? That isn’t really going to change things.
Hmph. Let me tell it, the reason why 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third ones also end in divorce is because people don’t take the saying “everywhere you go, there you are” seriously and literally enough. In other words — if you’re impatient with the partner you have now and you don’t make some changes within yourself about your issues with impatience, you will be the same way with the next guy…and the next…and the next.
Divorcing because you don’t know how to wait well and/or deal with things not always going how you would like? That is a serious divorce red flag.
2. Making Comparisons
Giphy
I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the quote by Theodore Roosevelt that says, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What that basically means is if you are caught up in looking at what others are doing or what others have, it can rob you of finding pleasure, contentment and satisfaction in your own life — and when you stop to think about the fact that the internet/social media didn’t even exist at the time that he said this…whew.
When it comes to the impact that the World Wide Web has on people, one study says that social media causes 90 percent of women and 60 percent of men to compare themselves to what they see online; not only that, but 40 percent of those same people say that it affects them in a negative way. Another study? It states that social media content plays a direct role in individuals having low self-esteem, while another study revealed that 88 percent of women said that their body image was impacted by what they see on social media. And y’all, still another study cited that 75 percent of folks assessed their self-worth by what they saw online. Geeze.
If you take all of this in and then add to it the fact that some studies say that one in seven marriages say that social media played a direct role in their divorce — although there used to be a time when folks were needing to be intentional about not comparing themselves to their relatives, friends and co-workers, now they need to avoid doing it with the hundreds of people who they are able to access online on a daily basis too.
That said, I don’t care how big someone’s engagement ring is, how many trips certain couples go on or how someone speaks about their partner — everyone’s relationship is different and unique and it is pretty close to ridiculous to participate in self-sabotaging behavior by creating problems in your marriage simply because you wish it was more like someone else’s.
If there are things that you genuinely want to do or accomplish, then get with your spouse and start making some plans; however, if your core motivation is to keep up with other people, actually, that is low-key a form of being unfaithful to your own relationship because you are putting so much energy into what other folks have going on that you are neglecting the man who is right in the bed with you. And yeah, that ain’t good.
3. Unforgivingness
Giphy
Someone else who has no business getting married — people who are stubborn when it comes to forgiving other people. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it is rooted in complete delusion and/or egomania to think that people should give you grace and mercy when you’ve done wrong and yet you believe that can and even should weaponize forgiveness when it comes time for individuals to receive it from you.
What are some signs that you suck at forgiving other people?
- You constantly live in the past or bring it up (once it’s been addressed)
- You hold people’s faults over them like it’s a power trip
- You hold grudges for days and weeks on end
- You lack empathy and compassion (as if you don’t have faults as well)
- You keep trying to make people “pay” for what they have done
- You punish them by withholding engagement or intimacy (if it’s your spouse) from them
- You’re bitter
And yet, I can’t tell you how many times that a person has told me that they are ready to end their marriage because they told their spouse beforehand that if they did something ONE TIME, they were out — only for life to humble them by them doing that very thing and then begging for their partner to pardon them for it.
And if the first thing that some of you want to jump to is infidelity — first of all, reportedly only 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women, so this obsession with that topic really needs to cease. Besides, if you aren’t a good forgiver, things like your man hurting your feelings by not keeping a date, and you holding onto that? That can cause you to feel resentful over time which can make you want to make literal mountains out of molehills when it comes to other things that he does…things that wouldn’t be as big of a deal in your mind if you had let the original offense — which sometimes isn’t even an offense, it’s just a disappointment — go.
Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, and yet, still, it needs to be said: A lot of people end up divorcing, and it’s not because of abuse or cheating or anything as extreme. It’s because they leave very little room for error when it comes to their partner (which is unrealistic as hell) and so, since they aren’t good at forgiving, they don’t know how to handle it whenever someone makes a mistake (or a poor decision) — and so, they would rather leave than figure out how to heal the situation by forgiving their partner as their partner seeks a way to make things right.
And those people? They are never going to be in a healthy long-term relationship because the reality is that humans are fallible and will always need to be forgiven — ALL HUMANS (including oneself). People who don’t accept this, they are the unforgiving types who are a constant example of a divorce red flag.
4. Selfishness
Giphy
I ain’t gonna lie — the times when I do tiptoe out into social media to see what folks are talking about and I watch even five minutes of relationship-related content, the first thing that comes to my mind is a whole lot of people are not emotionally mature enough for marriage, just by their selfishness alone. By definition, to be selfish is to be self-consumed and anyone who is consistently concerned about what they can get out of a relationship without even considering another individual — they are selfish. Not to mention the fact that Scripture shows us how to love and care for other people, especially our spouse:
"Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done." (I Corinthians 13:5-NCV)
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4-NIV)
Did you catch it? If you truly love someone, you won’t be selfish, and if you want to show someone how much you care for them, selfish ambition cannot come into play. What this means is you’ve got to operate from a place of humility and be willing to take their own needs, wants, and interests into consideration.
Sometimes, when I’m in a session with a couple, all I hear is selfishness coming out, whether it’s from one or both sides. It’s not that they don’t still love each other. It’s not that they regret getting married. No, what they are struggling with is they either thought that marriage was going to be about their needs taking precedent most of the time or that they didn’t seriously consider the fact that, sometimes, they would need to put their own desires on hold for the betterment of their partner and oftentimes the relationship overall.
You know, when I recently read an article on some of the traits of a selfish person, three that stood out to me were that selfish people hate to compromise, selfish people put their wants above anything else, and selfish people don’t care about other people’s feelings. And these are the kinds of people who file for divorce on a daily basis — and that is both childish and sad.
Another thing to keep in mind about selfishness is it tends to be supremely self-centered — this presents itself as folks who are “good” at dominating conversations, skirting around accountability and responsibility and refusing to put themselves in other people’s shoes…and oftentimes, it takes a spouse “putting up a mirror” to their partner to show them that they are exactly this way.
If you just read all of this and you low-key feel triggered by it, ponder if what you currently think “isn’t working” about your marriage is more about you being more selfish than you should be. Because if you don’t learn that lesson in this relationship, you’ll just keep self-sabotaging other ones along the way — romantic ones especially, because no one really wants to be with someone who only focuses on themselves. Not for the long haul, anyway
5. A Lack of Research
Giphy
Several years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce.” You know, one of the things that I absolutely loathe about how people date these days is they think that boyfriends are husbands, girlfriends are wives, and break-ups are divorces — and that is why so many people don’t really get the weight of what marriage and ending one really is. SMDH.
And that’s why, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that one study says one-third of people who divorce end up regretting doing it. I say that because, just like not nearly enough people get into premarital counseling before saying “I do” (check out “Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged”), not enough married couples “get their oil changed” at least a couple of times a year by speaking with a reputable marriage counselor, therapist or life coach and definitely not enough will see one of these professionals before ending their union. And because of this, people make ignorant and/or rash, and/or emotionally charged decisions without really thinking about the fallout that can come from them.
For starters, did you know that more heart attacks happen to divorced men than non-divorced men? Meanwhile, women who’ve been divorced two or more times increase their risk of having a heart attack by a whopping 77 percent. In fact, people who get divorced are reportedly 20 percent more likely to experience health-related issues overall. Divorce also tends to lead to a significant increase in depression and anxiety, and there are all kinds of ways that it can jack up your finances, including taxes, assets, and retirement.
When it comes to what divorce can do to children, there is plenty of data out here that says it can lead to them having significant emotional issues, problems in school and it increases their chances of having substance abuse issues later down the road (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what it can do).
Can you survive a divorce if you get one? Sure you can. All I’m saying is, before you just “up and get one” — don’t let two random posts from some random ranters on Instagram have you out here thinking that it’s “no biggie” to divorce when it absolutely is. Do some thorough research into what the consequences of ending your marriage will be; treat it like it’s a dissertation. Folks who don’t take this advice — have mercy are they ignoring a HUGE divorce red flag.
6. Emotional Immaturity
Giphy
Last one. Some people? Some of them are too emotionally immature for marriage or even a romantic relationship, in general. And what are some signs of emotional immaturity? Good question.
- Emotionally immature people don’t know how to control their emotions
- Emotionally immature people deflect and make excuses whenever they are called out
- Emotionally immature people hit below the belt during conflict
- Emotionally immature people constantly want to be the center of attention
- Emotionally immature people pout and/or throw temper tantrums
- Emotionally immature people rarely, if ever, self-reflect
- Emotionally immature people constantly deflect whenever topics make them uncomfortable
- Emotionally immature people are inconsistent and unpredictable
- Emotionally immature people tend to be passive-aggressive and/or defensive a lot of the time
- Emotionally immature people absolutely suck at listening because they only want to be heard
A while back, I watched a Tubi movie entitled What Fairytale? Boy, talk about some emotionally immature (and highly selfish) married folks. SMDH. Speaking of, a really good movie that’s currently loaded up on there as well is called Parachute — and boy, is it a big bright light about what it looks like to be codependent and in a relationship. Lawd.
My point of mentioning both of these films is, in their own way, they show what happens when one or two people are so emotionally immature (perhaps without even knowing it) that they have this Disney perception of marriage to the point where they make reckless and/or entitled and/or childish and/or impulsive and/or even ridiculous decisions about their relationship when that they really should do is do some self-reflecting and then get the professional help and support that they need to see and handle their marriage from a more mature and evolved space.
Emotionally immature folks? There probably isn’t a bigger divorce red flag than this one.
____
I’ve been working with married couples for a long time, y’all, with an emphasis on reconciling divorces. And you know what? Something that I’ve realized is that a ton of marriages can be saved when people 1) recognize divorce red flags when they see them and 2) get that divorce is a very serious decision that has a truly lasting impact…on all parties involved.
It can’t be said enough that a red flag is a warning. Today is a warning that you could be considering a divorce when you really shouldn’t be. If you see these red flags, talk to your spouse, hit up a professional, and get around some healthy married people.
Never ignore red flags. Address them. It can — and typically does — spare you. A LOT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image LumiNola/Getty Images