Around this time last year, I got a call from my cousin. I couldn’t pick up at that moment, so I listened to the voicemail when I was free. “Hey, just calling to see if you heard the news. You were the first person I thought of when I found out about [insert my ex’s name here]. I’m sorry,” he said. Of course, my mind didn’t properly process what I had just heard. For some reason, I associated it with a family member or even a friend, but not my ex.
My initial reaction…pure shock.
After that voicemail, I checked my socials and sure enough, the news had begun circulating. I then got another text from a mutual friend of ours, similar to my cousin’s voicemail. “Hey, are you okay? You were the first person I thought of when I heard the news.” I simply said, “Thank you, and yes, I’m okay. It’s just a sad situation.”
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In full transparency, my ex and I hadn't spoken in at least three years prior to his passing, and our relationship had ended several years before that. Though we no longer had direct ties or regular communication, I was always connected to him in some way: through our close mutual friends, his family members that I still occasionally spoke to on social media, or the fact that the health issues he battled and succumbed to started when we dated.
To give a little of the backstory, he battled a chronic illness of sorts. He was very transparent about his journey with his own social media following, and would often reference a medical incident that he says was the beginning of it all.
That incident happened in my apartment living room, mere hours after we spent time with our families for the holidays. It was traumatic, to say the least. He wound up in the hospital for days, and doctors suggested that if he wanted a better quality of life, he would need to undergo a major surgery in the coming weeks.
That surgery date came so quickly. Although we had an argument just days before, I was by his side bright and early that morning. Standing with his mother, I kissed him and told him I loved him before they wheeled him back.
To say I was scared, was an understatement. It was an all-day procedure, one that we would learn he flat-lined at least three times. But prayer works, and later that day, I was there as he opened his eyes for the first time.
Fast-forward to somewhere between the surgery and him being moved from the ICU into general recovery, I found out some “not-so-good news” about him and our relationship, and I chose to end things when he was healthy enough to talk.
There wasn’t a heated argument—in fact, he even said I was too calm—but I made it clear that this was the end of us, although I was here if he needed me as he recovered.
Through lots of therapy, I was able to forgive him. We developed a casual friendship in the coming years and even ended up at the weddings of our mutual friends and other events together. Despite our romantic relationship being a total fail, there was never any hatred between us.
We would check in every few years with a joke or two and then go about our lives until the next check-in. So, when I heard that he was no longer physically here, I didn’t know how or what to feel—and I still don’t.
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On one hand, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve his passing because our last check-in happened over three years prior. So, in a sense, I felt like there wasn’t any reason for me to be sad over someone I barely spoke to. Not to mention the way our relationship ended. On the other hand, after speaking with one of his family members and learning what he had endured health-wise those last few years, it broke my heart.
It took me back to that day in my living room, the fear I saw on his face, as well as the times when he opened up to me about how he just wanted to get through his medical issues and live a normal life. I knew how much he just wanted to live and how hard he fought.
Though I intended to be there to show support to his family, I couldn’t pull myself to attend his memorial service because, once again, I didn’t think I had the same right as those he actually talked to regularly (in addition to the fact that I didn’t know his dating status at the time and didn’t want to overstep any boundaries).
I found myself going back through our very brief DM history in the days and weeks after, hoping it would bring me some closure. But it only left me with regret for not checking in more or even responding to the last message he sent me— “What’s up, player?” (His way of breaking the ice when we spoke.)
We’re officially at the one-year mark since his passing, and for some reason, the emotions have begun stirring up all over again. My mind is once again doing this series of mental gymnastics, telling me, ‘Girl, let it go’. But also, ‘it’s okay to grieve the loss’. Maybe it's the seasons changing, or maybe it's a genuine sadness from not being able to say goodbye.
Either way, it’s definitely a situation and a period in my life that will forever be etched in my brain. Because at the end of the day, he was someone I once loved and the heart never forgets—even if it didn’t have a fairytale ending.
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Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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