Michelle Williams Says You Won't Always Be Everyone’s Favorite Person & That’s Okay
I see you sis; handling your business and looking like a whole snack out in these streets. We're in Chapter 12 of a year where you've been stacking bills, closing deals, and meticulously curating your meals. You've been working your ass off to be the multifunctional force of nature the culture didn't know it needed, and in a lot of ways, it's paying off.
But no matter how hard you hustle to be everyone's cup of tea, there will always be someone out there who prefers coffee. You just can't let that stop you from securing a bag.
Just ask The Masked Singer's Michelle Williams, who recently opened up about overcoming her insecurities and realizing her power as an underdog. According to Michelle, despite nearly two decades of experience in the music industry, fame doesn't make you immune to the comment section. She told Billboard:
"I've done a lot of gospel, so I'm kind of insecure because mainstream [fans] don't know my voice. And sometimes social media... it's bad when you read the comments. I like engaging with people on social media. I don't want to not talk to the people that are being gracious all because there are some mean ones out there. But sometimes before you get to the nice ones you have to get through a couple mean ones. Apparently I don't have the most commercially appealing voice or whatever. People have their favorites, but vocally I was not a favorite in the group, and that stuck with me."
While Michelle says that feeling like a less popular member of the group may have been in the back of her mind, she didn't allow this mentality to block her bag. On a recent episode of The Real, she said:
"It's not that I was second-guessing, I'm just aware. Some people are like, 'Oh my God, they said it stuck with her.' No, it didn't stick with me. You know, sometimes you're just aware that you're not everybody's favorite and that's okay. I still got paid! I'm just saying, I'm aware but I didn't lose sleep. That was not contributing to any sadness of mine. I'm just aware."
Although Michelle is now working on ignoring the criticisms of others and becoming the butterfly she was born to be, it didn't come without taking a hiatus in the name of self-work. Last year, Michelle very publicly opened up about her struggles with mental health and vowed to take a hiatus to focus on self-care. The singer said that the anonymous singing competition was the perfect opportunity to re-enter the music industry without the stress of people-pleasing.
"When I was revealed, I just felt like I made it. I felt like I overcame something. I felt like, overcoming the fear of performing again. Because I voluntarily took this entire year off. The only reason why I did the show was because they were like, 'You would be masked. No one would know who you are.' So that's kind of why I did it. I didn't have to have my hair and makeup done. When I had to go to rehearsals, I could just be who I am. Let my skin breathe. I just felt free. I felt loved on. I felt like if I decide to pursue music full-time, I have a place here."
Michelle also had this advice for those of us who may be dealing with seasonal depression during the winter months:
"I'm feeling good. Especially around the holidays, because [for] people with depression, the holidays can be very difficult. If you've lost a loved one, if you've lost your job, or some people just have seasonal depression. My therapist, she texted me the other day. She said, 'Hey, I just want to check on you.' And I'm actually doing well. I feel like when you intentionally create new memories around a time of year that brings you sadness, next year you can be like, I went skiing, because I'm intentionally creating a new memory. I hung out with loved ones, as opposed to isolating myself like I normally would do."
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Featured image by Instagram/@michellewilliams.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images