I will speak for the millennial delegation of single Black women when I say that dating in the digital age is trash––zero stars, would not recommend.
While I can stand the idea of trying a new restaurant and meeting someone new, the thought of kissing another frog is one that I just can't stomach; but according to Michelle Obama, I've been doing this love thing all wrong. On a recent episode of The Michelle Obama Podcast, our Forever First Lady dropped some expert dating advice and shared her theory on why meeting the man of your dreams isn't always as easy as a right or left swipe on Tinder. She explained:
"Do you want to build something with someone? There's no magic way to make that happen, except getting the basics of finding somebody, being honest about wanting to be with them, to date them seriously, to plan on making a commitment, to date them, seeing where it goes, and then making it happen. You can't Tinder your way into a long-term relationship."
Michelle explained that while a proposal may signify the end of courtship, it's only the beginning of learning how to do life with your partner. While Barack and Michelle are the epitome of Black love, Michelle made it clear that love and perfection are not synonymous and said that she once got so mad at her one-day husband that she threw her engagement ring out of the window:
"When we were engaged, I got mad at him about something, and I took my engagement ring off, and I said 'Forget this, who needs this,' and I threw the ring. We were in my car, I wasn't really throwing it out. I threw it where I would know it would go. I didn't mean it. I wasn't like 'this is it' — it was [for] effect."
"There were times that I wanted to push Barack out of the window. And I say that because it's like, you've got to know the feelings will be intense. But that doesn't mean you quit. And these periods can last a long time. They can last years."
Despite their ups and downs, Michelle said that she ultimately learned that the key to winning at marriage is effective communication.
"I had to learn that he feels things much more deeply over a longer period of time. So I had to learn how not to go there. You have to learn to communicate in a way that the other person is going to hear it."
In the episode, Michelle had this potent advice for young couples who are stuck in a rut and are contemplating throwing in the towel:
"Young couples, they face these challenges and they're ready to give up because they think they're broken. And I just want to say, look, if that breaks a marriage, then Barack and I have been broken off and on, throughout our marriage, but we have a very strong marriage. And if I had given up on it, if I had walked away from it, in those tough times, then I would've missed all the beauty that was there as well."
To listen to the full episode, click here!
Featured image by Debby Wong / Shutterstock.com