In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Among the many lessons this pandemic has taught me, its recurring theme seems to revolve around boundaries. Personal, professional, but most importantly relational. I've always understood the concept theoretically but admittedly never took the time out to really recognize, set, and enforce my boundaries. And if 2020 has shown us anything, it's that life is too short to operate from the place of being unfulfilled and over-exerted. So when Kurlee Belle founder Terrinique Pennerman stressed to me the importance of putting major space between herself and negative Nancys as a way to preserve your peace––I was all ears. "Don't answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space."
Wise words and sound wisdom from the Bahamian businesswoman.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pennerman
Kurlee Belle got its start in 2013 after Pennerman made the transition from relaxed to natural and saw that the abundance of luscious and naturally grown island ingredients were perfect for her hair. She began mixing recipes in her kitchen and soon found her natural curls thriving, wearing them with pride and confidence––stigma be damned. Since then, the brand has expanded into over 1,600 Sally Beauty stores and is available in the Bahamas, UK, Jamaica, Paris, and beyond. And even with a global pandemic rocking Black-owned businesses especially hard, things have yet to slow down for the Duke University MBA grad. In fact, Kurlee Belle's e-commerce and retail sales have skyrocketed ever since by a whopping 997% year-to-date and 100% in the last month, respectively.
When asked what she attributes this massive success to, she tells me that nobility and strategy played a major role. "Coupled with the fact that we are a long-standing brand of integrity, our expansion in Sally Beauty and hiring more talent to work on specific parts of the business is what assisted with the upswing. I would [strongly] encourage business owners to stay consistent in their business. If there is an area that has been proven to be successful, focus your attention on that area to reach higher heights."
She continues, "If you offer a superior product or service that you believe in, the customers will find you if you do not give up. If you have to offer your services on a smaller scale than you did prior to the pandemic, then do that, but do not give up. We can do many things in this life and if you have to work a second job to take care of your family, do what you need to do, but do not give up on your business because of a temporary setback."
In this conversation, we talk with Terrinique about balancing her business, prioritization, and self-care.
Read on for more.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause?
Terrinique Perniman: About two years ago when I had my daughter. I was used to doing life on my terms but she came along and taught me patience and that I should stop and enjoy the moment.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of?
I wake up around 5:30, hit the gym for an hour, make breakfast, answer emails, go over my to-do list and wait for my daughter to wake up before we leave the house. I go to the office, check more emails, and run errands. After work, we go to the park so that my daughter can run around, then we go home and eat dinner. When she is asleep, I plan for the next day: to-do lists, emails, etc., turn on Netflix and fall asleep.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pernnerman
What are your mornings like?
Mornings consist of getting in a workout, sitting in silence with a cup of tea while my daughter sleeps, spending time with God, checking over my to-do list, and priorities for the day.
How do you wind down at night?
I wind down by taking a hot, steamy bath—the hotter, the better. [After that] I slip into comfortable pajamas, read a book, or turn a good show on Netflix or Hulu.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Remembering to do everything. I write things down in my notepad or use Notes on my phone. For me, it is important to keep lists, prioritize what needs to be done first and check off after completed. I try not to store my to-do list in my head.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
I am all about self-care. I love to get my nails done, so I will pop into my local nail salon that serves wine while they serve you. Or I will book a massage at one of the luxury hotels on South Beach or Downtown Miami. Self-care for me is also just sitting in nature and observing. We go to the park a lot, so I like to find a shaded tree, feel the grass and dirt under my hands and feet, and just be still.
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
Self-care is really just taking some time out for yourself. In the evenings when you wind down, put on a cheap $1 mask from Sephora with a glass of wine. Drive the scenic route back home. Take a walk outside without your phone. Just sit and enjoy your loved ones without distractions. Avoiding negative people is also self-care—do not answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space.
Courtesy of Terrinique Pernnerman
"Avoiding negative people is also self-care—do not answer every time they call or change the subject if they bring up topics you do not like. Protect your mental space."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Friends, most of my friends are childhood friends that live in different cities and countries. We check in every week or sometimes daily just to keep each other on our toes through FaceTime, WhatsApp, etc.
Love/Relationships?
I'm still figuring this one out.
Exercise?
Exercise is a must for me. I feel my best when I have exercised, so if I can't make it to the gym, I will walk/run around the park or do anything that makes me active.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like?
Yes, I do. I detox mentally and physically by prayer and fasting. This helps me become aligned with what God wants for me and refreshes me physically.
Lastly, what does success mean/look like for you?
Success to me is being happy and being able to provide for my family. Success to me is liking yourself as a person and being good to others.
For more of Terrinique, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Terrinique Pernnerman.
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When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy