Jill Scott has been wowing us with her sent-from-the-depths-of-heaven octave range, tell-it-like-it-really-is songwriting, and addictively intriguing range of Hollywood roles, from the heartbroken abused wife, to the brothel-owning comic-book villain, to the resourceful Motswana detective. So you know we're always here for a powerful on-screen moment from our good sis, whether the screen is big or small.
And in her latest role as angel Angela Stewart on the Lifetime reboot of Highway to Heaven, there's a remix to the '80s classic that makes her that much more intriguing. Who else could take a role about an angel sent to Earth on assignment, popularized by legendary—and white—actor Michael Landon, and give it just the update it needs for today, especially at a time where we could all use a bit of hope and encouragement? None other than the woman who had many of us Googling whether the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency really exists and planning trips to Botswana.
Let's look at receipts, shall we? She hasn't let us down in the life-changing department since her days of defining what it truly means to take up space in music, going platinum and capturing the hearts of millions of Black women who could relate to the powerhouse shutting down her man's ex in those Philly streets, or planning that date to "roll a tree" in the breeze, listening to a symphony. (I hear you humming, sis. Go 'head!)
And she certainly didn't let me down during a recent interview that got cut quite short due to technical difficulties. (Gotta love Zoom. And in whoever's defense, the platform has had its fair share of glitches.)
Johnny Nunez/Getty Images for BET
In just a few well-spent minutes, sis did what she usually does: unapologetically offered inviting realness that empowered, inspired, and reminded me that authenticity never gets old. (And apparently, neither does Ms. Scott, who looked as youthful as the day she hit the scene more than 20 years ago—rocking box braids with vivid blue highlights, classic gold door-knocker earrings, chic black-rimmed glasses, and a warm, sometimes coy, smile.) It was literally like talking to my favorite sister-girlfriend or rich auntie (in my head) over mimosas at Sunday brunch. And just like in the first few seconds of any song of hers that you'd listen to, it didn't take long for things to get deliciously profound and spirit-lifting.
In this exclusive xoNecole interview, we talked all about the singer-songwriter and executive producer's take on the reboot, how she balances her multiple projects, including her hit podcast, with motherhood, and all the things that make Ms. Scott someone we love to continue to watch:
For those unfamiliar with the classic TV show 'Highway to Heaven,' what should we expect with you in the roles of star and executive producer?
Jill Scott: Expect an imperfect angel. Expect her edges to be raggedy. Expect, sometimes, for her clothes to be ill-fitting. What I discovered along the path of finding Angela (her character) is that angels typically are flawed. It can be the guy who works at the corner store, or your Uber driver. You don't know when or how someone is going to come into your life and make a difference that changes everything. I wanted Angela to represent that.
You've recently talked about being "all of yourself" in your career. What are three things that allow you to thrive wearing multiple hats?
You know that old Kenny Rogers song that says, "You gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em"? That's a key component: Knowing when you need help. That's a big one. Also, understanding when you need a break. That's very, very important because, for some reason, we get this idea that we have to burn ourselves out to produce.
Sometimes you need to take a walk around the block. Sometimes you need to sit down and shut up, and just be still, because that's where inspiration comes—that's where that new wind comes. It sounds poetic, but that's not my intention. I'm telling you how plain it is to me.
And I learned that, as an executive producer—one of several—you have to be mindful of your crew. That means everybody. They need a kind word. They need a genuine 'Good morning.' They need a 'Thank you.' When you create and foster a healthy environment—a caring environment—people work harder. It ain't rocket science. It's not manipulative. What it is is good makes good. It's really that simple. If you can't do it yourself, you make sure there are people around you that are doing exactly that and reciprocating that kind of positive energy. It makes the boat float real smooth.
Along with executive producing 'Highway to Heaven' and, of course, starring in it as well as other projects, you're also an entrepreneur, a podcast host—and the most important, being a mom. How do you find balance within all of that?
For me, it really means having my village. And they don't just show up. Villages show up over time. I have a wonderful village in my life—friendships that have lasted me 20, some 30, some 40 years. Having a village of solid people is very helpful. As a single parent—single, meaning not married—I have to say this: Because of my village, I've never felt like I'm a single parent. I have people around that love us—not just me or just him—and will follow my directives as a parent. It's super-important that I take time to kick it—quality time for just he and I. We go on dates just to hang out, we play games, we listen to music together, we cook together.
And then I make sure he has strong men around him—men that I respect and admire and feel proud of so that he can see that as well. There's a balance to it, always. Having a group of great mothers or great women around is awesome, but there also needs to be, in my opinion, representatives of both sides—the estrogen and testosterone. I think that makes for a well-balanced and healthy person of character, if you will. So, that's what I have to do as a parent, and I have to prioritize that. You only get but so much time with your kid before they're out in those streets.
The Highway to Heaven film series will premiere November 6 at 8 p.m. EST. For more information, follow Lifetime on IG @lifetimetv.
Featured image by Johnny Nunez/Getty Images for BET
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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