I Took A Month-Long Trip To Japan. This Was My Experience As A Black Woman

Japan was never on my bucket list for places to travel. That was until I came across a Delta Airlines Premium Select seat for $1400. With the average flight in that cabin costing over $3,500, carving out a month-long solo travel trip was a no-brainer for me as a freelancer who can work from anywhere in the world.
Having traveled internationally at a consistent cadence over the last three years to countries like Portugal, France, Belgium, and the UK, one thing I know for sure is that anti-Blackness exists everywhere—whether this shows up as a microaggression or in a more aggressive form. It's not every day you're at a Beyoncé concert in Brussels and have a white man pushing you in Club Renny because he feels he's entitled to manspread and make you take up less space as a Black woman sings about her Black pride. Thankfully, I got a redo in Cardiff, Wales, with a crowd that wasn't entirely white.
Belgium, like Japan, is always on the list of the safest countries in the world. But the primary question is for whom? So I banked my previous experience in "one of the world's safest countries" as I prepared for my 18-hour flight to East Asia. Just off the plane and out of customs, I was overwhelmed. No amount of research can prepare you to navigate a new place where you don't speak or read the language in real time. For example, I knew I could withdraw Yen with my debit card from 7/11 ATMs without fees, but where on earth were they in this airport? Finding one was significant because Yen was required to purchase a ticket to take the monorail from Haneda to the city.
Thankfully, a local woman saw how frazzled I was and guided me to an ATM right next to where you purchase train tickets and helped me get in the right line. I was sweaty, tired, and so grateful. Why not just take a cab? For $90 USD one-way, I think not.
Like public transit anywhere, people have places to be, so navigating the station felt like being in New York City. However, there was a major difference: you could hear a pin drop. People do not talk on the train. No really. The trains were like being in the library, which was kind of nice. After fighting for my life and lugging my giant luggage through the train station, I hailed a black cab to take me the rest of the way. When I stepped out of the cab onto the Conrad Tokyo property, my five-star luxury journey began.
Now that I'm in my late 30s, where I stay matters. I'm not staying in a hostel. I'm not staying anywhere with questionable reviews. I'm not sharing a stranger's home. There's a lot of discourse about how "wasteful" it is to pay for five-star accommodations if you're in the country or city to explore—a fair point.
However, I'm not home. I want turndown service. And the turndown service in Japan takes it up a notch, laying out a fresh pair of perfectly pressed pajamas each night for you. Yes, please! And there was the butler box at The St. Regis Osaka, where I could send out my laundry and have it washed, neatly folded, and returned to me without ever having to speak to anyone. It magically appeared in the box I initially thought was a tiny closet! My butler also brought me my cappuccino at the same time I'd requested every day.
To have an exceptional meal or cocktail without leaving my hotel, especially after a long day of exploring or after 18 hours into a time zone that's 14 hours ahead, the ability to rest in what feels like a haven away from home is an unmatched act of self-care and worth every penny to me. However, as a Black traveler, these spaces don’t always feel welcoming, especially when one is young, a woman, and traveling solo. I often get "How is she staying here?" energy across countries, including in the States.
I stayed at four five-star hotels—the Conrad Tokyo and Osaka, the St. Regis Osaka, and The Okura Tokyo—with perks thanks to my American Express Platinum Card. The care I received made me feel safe and queen-like, which should be expected when staying in luxury accommodations. Yes, it should be. However, there have been moments at similar places where I couldn't wait to check out and wished I'd never spent my money.
My introduction to Japanese culture and hospitality started on a high note, and I quickly did everything I could to learn the customs. For example, bowing is customary when saying goodbye. As an American, this was a welcomed adjustment because it felt like an extension of my gratitude for the care I received.
I also had help from the staff learning a few words at my glorious sushi meal at Kazahana, a fine-dining Japanese restaurant nestled right downstairs in the hotel, as I desperately fought to stay awake on my first day in Tokyo. As I worked my way from a five-star hotel to a five-star hotel, how I was treated remained the same across the board. I found this surprising. But eventually, I let myself enjoy every second without questioning it.
Vintage shopping was high on my list of things to do in Japan because they are known for their exceptional finds that are often in mint condition at fair prices. I intended to purchase a Prada bag, but Chanel continued calling my name. I've shopped for designer luxury across countries. My absolute best shopping experience was Gucci at Harrods in London.
But because Japan isn't nearly as diverse, I was sure I might bump into some side eyes as I slid into the vintage shops with Fendi, Gucci, Hermes, Chanel, and any other designer brand you can think of taking up every square space of the store—many untethered to any security.
Kindal in Kyoto and Hedy in Osaka became my two favorites as I weaved in and out of multiple vintage stores in Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka—there are hundreds. Unlike many of TikTok's famed vintage shops, these stores were small and well-curated, and the customer service was full of kindness. For example, when I walked into Kindal, a stylish man with a blue fuzzy sweater greeted me. I pulled out one of the few Japanese words I knew: Konnichiwa, to which he smiled and came around the counter to give me the rundown of the store with the help of Google Translate.
He gratuitously walked me through trying each Chanel piece I was interested in, answering all my questions about the year, and encouraging me to walk to the mirrors in the store to see how each bag and piece of jewelry looked on me without hovering. Because of his help, I landed on Chanel Classic Flap and took an hour-long trek back to Kindal a week later to purchase a pair of Chanel earrings I loved but decided to put back on my first shopping trip because of how much I enjoyed my shopping experience with him.
In the wild (outside of my five-star hotels), stares happened occasionally. However, most often, I think there was either pure curiosity or because I had on my giant Brandon Blackwood coat, dark sunnies, and platform Nike sneakers that made me about six feet tall because of my 5 '8'' frame. Most people I talked to either complimented me on my style or cornrows, and no one ever tried touching my hair. So the leering were stares of endearment. I think...
As I ventured into the countryside, I swapped my five-star hotels for four-star ryokans. Ryokans are traditional Japanese inns that often serve half-board, aka breakfast and dinner with your stay. I wondered if I'd be accepted with open arms. But I was so excited about the onsens—natural hot springs sourced with water from volcanoes —that I just accepted my fate.
The same level of care was extended from the Ryokan staff to the small coffee shop I visited to work in Nara, where I was greeted daily with a smile despite a significant language barrier. What I found remarkable about supporting NORR coffee roasters is that the owner noticed how often I popped in and thanked me for coming back three days in a row. Little did he know, I kept coming back because it felt like home.
On my final trek through Japan from Nara to Gifu—the mountains of Japan—which required three trains and a bus ride with a total travel time of six hours one way, I knew that seeing anyone who looked like me was out. I wondered if they'd ever come in contact with a Black person and what that would spell out for my experience in the snowy mountains for five days.
What if I got up there and felt unwelcome? Guess what? That did not happen. The stares came from the white backpackers—never from the staff.
The one throughline of my trip was the care the Japanese women showed me from Tokyo to Takayama.
Thirty days is a long time to be so far away from home alone, and because of their attentive care, I got through my month-long trip with barely any homesickness. They all cared for me like I was one of their own. At one point at the Conrad Osaka, I got choked up because I was going to miss each person who graciously welcomed and took care of me during my stay.
As for walking around solo, I felt safe—more safe than I’ve ever felt in America, which is so disappointing. I was still alert, but I felt a sense of calm. I was generally always home before the streetlights came on, but on the nights I did walk, I stayed close to other people and had no issues.
One thing to note, that I’m grateful I didn’t experience, is the issue the country has with groping on public transport. There are even women-only train cars to help prevent this. As someone who has experienced sexual assault, I do find it difficult to be in small, crowded spaces filled with men. And, during rush hour, you will likely find yourself in the minority as a woman on the train.
To offset this, I used the women-only cars. I also took the limited express trains, which aren’t only a plus because you reserve your seat in a two-two configuration, but they’re so much faster since they don’t stop at every station. There is an additional fee on top of the base fare for this, which you can easily pay for on your phone, but it’s usually between 500 and 600 yen. This was worth it to me for more space and peace of mind.
Traveling while Black can be a toss-up because of how people see us. And, while I know there is no perfect society or country, the respect, care, and gratitude I received from the Japanese people I had the pleasure of getting to know put Japan at the top of my list for Black women who travel solo. The care I received extended from Starbucks to the drugstores. So, this isn’t just a five-star thing. It’s embedded in Japanese culture.
So, if you're considering booking a trip to Japan, I highly encourage you to book that flight!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert
- I Got My Life After Trying A French Resort...In Jamaica ›
- Everything I Did On My Solo Trip To Oahu ›
- The Return Of The Supper Club Served With A Side Of Black Girl Magic ›
- How Evita Robinson Of Nomadness Tribe Is Pioneering The Black Travel Movement ›
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock









