Have you ever had that moment in the midst of your 9-to-5 grind – dealing with a long day of phone calls, difficult personalities, and never-ending emails – that you stopped, looked around, and said:
"I need to get out of here."
You didn't necessarily know where you were going but you knew you were going somewhere?
Last December, after working a Saturday and several late nights, I was tiredt. I felt strangely claustrophobic in my own city and felt an indescribable need to get out of New York. As I was scrolling down my Instagram feed, I came across several photos of Oxford Circus and Buckingham Palace and was swept away in this fantasy of sipping tea with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Before I knew it, I had impulsively booked a 4-day trip to London, England. Before you judge me, let me mention that my ticket was only $380 round trip. Yes, you heard me.
When I first told my friends, most were confused but not totally surprised. 2018 was my year of spontaneous trips – Switzerland, France, Mexico, Vegas – all further feeding into my growing travel obsession. However, many of my friends complained that I would not be able to fully enjoy my London trip given the short time frame. Such a short trip abroad surely had to be a waste of money.
Wrong.
This mini-trip, just 4 days, was everything I needed and more to recharge and get a change of scenery. The week of my trip, I flew out of New York City Thursday night (US time) and arrived in London Friday morning (UK time). After taking a nap through the afternoon, I was rested enough to go out and explore all of Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, before flying out later Monday afternoon. By the time I arrived back in NYC, it was the early evening (US time) and I was able to sleep through the night, allowing me to be refreshed for work the next day.
Oxford Circus, London, UK
While I have been to London several times, like New York City, there is always something new to discover and entirely new things to try every time you return. On this particular trip, rather than fighting the touristy crowds swarming Big Ben and the London Eye, I met friends for brunch in Shoreditch, went to a *dope* late night rollerskating party, and took a hot tub boat cruise down the Thames River. It was incredible.
Although this London getaway was my shortest international trip to date, it certainly made my Top 3. Let's just say there are a lot more international weekend trips in my future.
Here are a few tips to help you plan your own international weekend trip.
Book Cheap Flights When You First See Them
Have you ever seen a ridiculously cheap flight, be it domestic or international, and you put off booking the flight just for it to double in price the next day? In my experience, I have a "book now, figure out the details later" approach to travel. With my London trip, I booked the flight in mid-November and didn't nail down my itinerary until a week before my trip. It's not an entirely foolproof method to travel, but 75% of the travel bargains I've secured have come from booking cheap flights before the tickets sold out or increased in price. Sites like Skiplagged, Skycanner, and Hopper can also be great resources for finding cheap and "hidden flights".
Don't Cram Too Much Into Your Itinerary
This just might be the key to short trips period: Do less. It can be so tempting to cram a million and one adventures into your 3- or 4-day trip, especially if you haven't been to a particular city before, but try to resist. As queen of doing the most, I acknowledge my own hypocrisy and admit that I have often tried to see everything in one trip and ended up biting off more than I could chew. More often than not, cramming too many activities in a mini-trip will cause you to crash, meaning you will either lose a day or two on your trip sleeping, or you will have a hard time readjusting to work/school upon your return.
I can honestly say that I had more fun and was a lot more present in each one of the activities I engaged in this time around by making the decision to do less. Less was truly more.
Pack Light, Pack Smart
On a similar note, don't cram too much in your suitcase – travel light. I flew Low-Fare Economy via Norwegian Airlines, which is like the equivalent of flying Spirit Airlines of London. No drinks, no snacks, no leg room. I never said I traveled like the Kardashians, okurrrr.
One catch with taking cheap flights is that you are often limited in weight and often suitcase size. My combined luggage had a weight maximum of 10 kg (22 lbs), which is totally feasible if you pack smart and pick outfit pieces that can be worn multiple ways. But, always read the fine print. I misunderstood that for Norwegian, combined luggage also includes your purse/ tote bag, leading me to pay $100 in overweight fees at the time of check in. Talk about heartbreak. Cheap flights can add up in different ways, so be aware.
Maximize Friends & Family
There is nothing I love more than traveling to locations where I have friends or family. Why? Free room and board. I'm like the Maxine Shaw (Living Single) of international and domestic travel. Circumventing hotel costs when able is a major game changer since you can reallocate those funds towards entertainment or even additional flight costs. When crashing with friends is not a reliable option, do your research! I have found great success in finding cheap (nice!) places on Airbnb and know several friends who recommend European hostels.
Plan Your Next Trip
Feel tired? Feel inspired? Book your next international weekend trip today!
Featured image by Getty Images, photos provided by Writer Lydia Lee.
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Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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