

If you're someone who, no matter how much rest you get the night before, you can't seem to stay as alert or focused in the afternoon as you are during the morning time hours, try not to be too hard on yourself. The reality is, while there is a myriad of factors that play into why this is oftentimes the case, one of them is rooted in the fact that our natural circadian cycle (which basically boils down to our physical, mental, and behavioral changes that transpire within a 24-hour period) actually causes us to have a decrease in alertness once the afternoon hours hit.
While that might be a bit of a relief to know, if a part of you is like, "OK, but my boss isn't gonna give me a pass on that when it comes to finishing up this project that I couldn't care less about once lunchtime hits," there's help on the way. I'm going to share with you 12 things that you can do that can almost instantly give you the extra fuel that you need to keep you from falling out at your desk so that the end of your day can be just (about) as productive as the beginning. Let's do this.
12 Ways To Beat The Afternoon Slump
1. Sing (Not a Sad Song, Though)
Did you know that singing has a way of releasing endorphins into your system? This is a good thing because they are hormones that trigger your brain and nervous system to feel less pain and experience more pleasure. If you're like, "I feel you but I ain't singing s—t in public," I hear you. An alternative is to listen to some music instead. Just make sure that it's the kind that makes you happy rather than the kind that causes you to take a walk down memory lane over some wack-ass ex. Feel me? Exactly.
2. Chew Some Peppermint Gum
If it's around 3 p.m., you've got a couple of hours to go and you have absolutely no idea how you're gonna make it through, pop a piece of gum into your mouth. When you do, it has a way of stimulating your autonomic nervous system which can make you more alert. Also, chewing gum has a way of increasing blood flow to your brain. And while pretty much any brand/flavor can make this happen, your best bet is to go with the minty variety. That's because something like peppermint can also invigorate your senses and make it easier to concentrate. Dope.
3. Put Some Sweet Orange Essential Oil on Your Wrists
Something that I'm personally a huge fan of is essential oils. They smell great, they last a long time and they've got a myriad of health benefits. On the sweet orange oil tip, something that it has the ability to do is not only reduce anxiety and stress levels but also give you a boost of energy if you're feeling particularly fatigued as well. As a bonus, something else that's cool about this scent is it can help to offer up some mental clarity. Just dab a bit on your wrists. The reasons why are because 1) that part of your body is a pulse point and 2) your radial artery runs along your wrists which makes it easier for essential oils to be absorbed into your bloodstream.
In other words, if you want a quick "hit" of the oil's benefits, your wrists can make that happen for you.
4. Turn Down the Heat
I know that some of y'all like to keep space heaters around your desk but if you're yawning more than a lil' bit, you need to turn those off and open up a window. The reason is, that heat has a way of cultivating vasodilation. That's what happens when your blood dilates which causes blood to rise to the surface of your skin and create more heat which can result in you feeling more fatigued. So, while heat may make you feel more comfortable if the objective is to stay awake, get a little uncomfortable and cool your body down instead.
5. Drink Some Water
Did you know that if you're feeling drained or fatigued, that could be a low-key indication that your system is dehydrated? That's why it's always a good idea to keep a cup, glass, or bottle of water around you at all times during the workday; especially after lunch when you need a bit of a pick-me-up. Oh, and if you add a couple of lemon slices to it, just the smell of the lemons alone can reduce your stress levels and help to put you into a better mood (lemons also help to detoxify your system which can give you more energy too).
6. Nix the Caffeine
If you're someone who feels like coffee is your saving grace while you're at work, I just want to make sure that you know that it's a bit of a complicated solution when it comes to looking for something that will keep you going. The reason why is that it usually takes about an hour from the time you consume it for the caffeine to really take hold of your system. Then it takes around 10 hours for it to clear your bloodstream which could make it harder to sleep at night which can cultivate a pretty vicious cycle of being awake and sleepy when you actually don't want to be if you ask me.
7. Eat Some Protein
You might've heard somewhere that carbs are a great energy boost. While there is some truth to that, because they can also cause you to gain weight (because you end up "eating more energy" than you actually burn, if you're not careful), it can actually be better to snack on protein sources instead. Aside from the fact that protein helps your body to build and repair tissue, it actually provides more of a long-term effect as far as energy charging is concerned. That's why, another recommendation is to snack on foods that are high in protein including nuts, sweet potato fries, yogurt, tuna, or anything containing meat.
8. Take a Walk Outside on Your Break
If you're someone who doesn't take advantage of your lunchtime and regular breaks, you definitely should. When you do, consider going outside, at least one of those times. There is plenty of data to support that even spending 10-15 minutes in the sun (regardless of what time of the year it is) can give your system a vitamin D boost that can help strengthen your immunity and also help you feel more energized in the process.
9. Laugh at Black Twitter
OK, when it comes to this particular point, it really doesn't matter what you laugh at because the reality is that laughter has a way of reducing stress, stimulating your organs, soothing tension, and improving your mood. The reason why I shouted out Black Twitter specifically is that I can't think of a single time when I haven't hopped on that app and cracked up in a way that nothing else has been able to consistently do. So, if you're able to open up your browser to it, I promise you that it's totally worth your while. Not sometimes…every time.
10. Set a Short-Term Goal
If what causes you to feel so drained is that sometimes your work seems, well, monotonous, something else that can put a little bit of pep into your step is to take out 10 minutes or so to set a short-term goal. The clincher here is to focus on something that will benefit you personally — you know, something that you can get excited about because you know that you will directly reap the rewards. First, set the goal, and then, each day, when you're feeling a little on the low energy side, devote some time to making your goal a reality. Sometimes, it really is something as simple as this that can revive you all over again.
11. Suck on a Cinnamon Stick
Aside from the fact that cinnamon is loaded with nutrients and antioxidants that can help to keep viruses at bay, something that's really cool about it on the energy tip is it has the ability to improve how your brain functions and processes information while giving it a bit of a power charge at the same time.
Plus, it makes your breath smell great, so if you can't recall the last time you've had a few cinnamon sticks in your possession, now would be as good of a time as any (they typically sell them at health food stores or even at Target).
12. Give Yourself Something to Look Forward to After Work
A word that I happen to like a lot is "reward." It means "something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc." and if ANYTHING warrants a reward, each and every day, it's having a productive day at work. That's why, I don't care if it's a pint of ice cream, a pedicure, or a new scent of bubble bath, make it a point and practice giving yourself something to look forward to at the end of each day, at least 2-3 times a week. For one thing, you deserve it.
Also, it can also help to get you over the afternoon hump because you know that, once all of your work is done, something is awaiting you that will make you smile — and take it from me, sometimes, that is all the motivation that you need. Real talk.
Featured image by Getty Images
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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