It truly can’t be said enough that quotes are totally my thing, and when it comes to the topic of today’s conversation, I think that one by author Roy T. Bennett fits in quite nicely: “Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
The (main) reason why I like it so much is because (spoiler alert) pebbling is actually an act of giving (more on that to come) and when you give with a genuine motive, how can that not improve your attitude, make you happier, boost your positivity, help you to be kinder, make you want to give more and also see yourself and others from a place of elevated honor and respect? Something as simple as giving to other people can do all of that. Amazing.
And the really wonderful thing about pebbling is it doesn’t require that you do much sacrificial giving at all — it’s simply about giving from your heart. Okay, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself. If you want to learn more about what pebbling is and how it can ultimately benefit, pretty much any relationship that you currently have, I’ll explain further below.
What Is the Origin Story of “Pebbling”?
GiphyAre you ready to feel old? How absolutely wild is it that the documentary (that actor Morgan Freeman narrated) The March of the Penguins is 20 this year?! One of my favorite things about it is how well the penguin fathers were at taking care of their young. And what does that have to do with pebbling? Well, pebbling is something that we actually have learned from — yep, you guessed it — penguins.
Apparently, whenever a penguin (specifically a Gentoo one) wants to show a romantic gesture towards its partner (or the one who they want to partner with), something that it will do is pick up a pebble and either bring it to them directly or place it where they have decided to build a nest. Pebble nests are ideal because they protect against the bitter cold while also keeping newborn baby penguins safe. Pebbles: a small thing that makes a huge impression. And that is pebbling in a nutshell.
Why Pebbling Is Beneficial in Every Kind of Relationship
GiphyAnd just how does this translate to us humans? Well, the term “pebbling,” for us, is basically about doing small gestures for the people in your own life as a way of expressing how much you care for them. For teenagers, it oftentimes comes in the form of sending their friends a GIF, TikTok video, or meme for the other person to laugh at, relate to, or know that they are being thought of. For adults, it can be something like sending a “you crossed my mind” text, seeing a cute mug on Etsy and sending it to a friend, or having your partner’s favorite dessert waiting on them when they get home. Basically, it’s also small deeds that, because they are so thoughtful, can make a pretty big impact on the lives of the people in your world.
And just why is pebbling so relationally effective? Just think about it. When it comes to grand efforts, those are oftentimes somewhat expected, because we tend to reserve those for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. And although they are certainly appreciated, they’re not exactly a surprise. Oh, but when someone does something for you, no matter how small, that is totally out of the blue, it conveys that you are on their mind. And don’t let it be something that you really like, boy.
Example? One of my favorite memories of my late fiancé (who will have been gone 30 damn years this fall…amazing) happened back in 1995. He was from the south side of Chicago and, at the time, Nashville didn’t have a MAC counter. I knew about MAC, though, because my mom would sometimes buy me things from there whenever she would travel to New York for business. Anyway, I was super fond of their chestnut lipliner at the time and so, when Damien randomly asked me if there was something that I would like when he went home to visit at the beginning of that semester and I mentioned the lipliner — it tripped me right on out when he brought me exactly that…many weeks later.
Was the lipliner bomb? Yep. However, it was the pebbling that provided the true “ripple effect,” because 1) he retained what I said and 2) it proved that he had me on his mind while he was gone. And that is an example of how pebbling can benefit relationships because who doesn’t want to be thought of? Who doesn’t want someone else to show, tangibly, that they heard and are special? Who doesn’t like little surprises along life’s way?
That’s how pebbling can benefit the person who is on the receiving end. And just what does it do for the giver? Well, kind of like how skipping rocks/pebbles tend to have a ripple effect, so does pebbling. I’ll expound.
How Pebbling Blesses You, the Giver, in the Process
GiphyEven if you’re not an avid Bible reader, I’m pretty sure that you’ve heard it’s more blessed to give than it is to receive — and yes, that does come directly from a verse in Scripture (Acts 20:35, to be exact). Okay, but aside from how spiritually refreshing it is to give to others, did you know that it comes with proven health benefits too?
Giving helps to lower your risks of depression; decreases your blood pressure; improves your self-esteem; puts you into a better mood; can give you a stronger immunity, and even increases your longevity (which ties into another Scripture which says, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners.” — Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV).
Beyond that, something else that I think is beautiful about giving is it has a way of planting “seeds” into someone else’s life. Based on what you decide to give, can help them to achieve a goal, give them a more positive mindset, or keep them encouraged if they are tempted to lose hope. It can also “amplify” their personality. What I mean by that is…a friend of mine? She has a metaphorical fist-pumping hard into the air (if you know, you know) at least 10 months out of every year. LOL.
Just recently, I purchased her a sweatshirt that features one of my favorite quotes by the late and great civil rights activist John Lewis. It roughly cost me forty bucks (including shipping). Oh, but as much as my friend likes sweatshirts and makes IG posts, it will plant all sorts of seeds into her platform and life. On the flip side, she knows that I like fresh flowers a lot and there are times when a boxed bouquet will pop out of nowhere. It makes me feel loved. Again, seeds planted.
Yeah, when you know that what you are doing for someone will, at the very least, make them feel seen, how could that not automatically bring happiness into your own life? Even if it is…a “pebble” kind of token.
“Pebbles” Take the Pressure Off
GiphyPerhaps the best thing of all about the act of pebbling is no one has to go broke in order to do it. Handwriting a note of love to your partner, encouragement to your child, or support to a friend counts as pebbling. Writing a letter for someone to open “just in case” (just in case they are having a rough day or just in case they aren’t feeling well) counts as pebbling.
Creating a quick video on your phone with a joke or a great story about your relationship with someone and sending it their way counts as pebbling. Printing off some inspirational quotes on colorful paper, putting them into a mason jar, and gifting it/them counts as pebbling. Scheduling a virtual coffee date with a long-distance friend counts as pebbling. Curating a playlist for someone counts as pebbling.
DIY’ing some coupons counts as pebbling. Putting together a photo collage from pics on your phone with a special someone and texting or emailing it over to them counts as pebbling. Running an errand for your bae that you know they hate doing counts as pebbling. Shouting out someone on social media for all of the reasons why you adore them counts as pebbling.
And do you know what all of these things have in common? They don’t cost a dime. While yes, getting someone their favorite scented candle or knitting someone a scarf also counts as pebbling, I just want to make sure that it’s also on record that the brilliant thing about being a pebble-person is you don’t need coins to be one. You just need to be thoughtful, you just need to set aside a little bit of time, and then you need to execute. That’s it.
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The mission (should you choose to accept it): Think of 3-5 people this week who you can “pebble.” Determine to do something different for each individual (something that fits their uniqueness) and try your best to have it cost as little as possible. That way, you can get into the habit of giving without feeling like it has to cost you something. As a “pebble-r” myself, I can vouch for the fact that, before you know it, you’ll be pebbling all over the place…while inspiring others to do the same.
A woman by the name of Rashida Rowe once said, “Relationships are about 'give and give,' not give and take.” In other words, relationships — healthy ones, anyway — are all about reciprocity. When folks learn that giving doesn’t always have to be extravagant, that pebbling is another way to go, it makes “giving and giving” so much easier to do.
You’ve got more pebbles to share than you probably think.
Give one. Then another. And then another.
Then watch the “ripple effect” that it (ultimately) has.
Beautiful.
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
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On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
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Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla
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When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense
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Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon
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I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint
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If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger
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Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate
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September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg
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Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
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