Here Are The Dating Trends That You Need To Avoid At All Costs
Goodness. Life used to be so simple (annoying but still simple) back when all we had to really worry about was some dude possibly ghosting us. Now it seems like not one week goes by when there isn't a new cray-cray dating trend that's gone viral.
Well, out of all of the ones that I've researched (or a single woman has talked to me about), there are seven that have made me exclaim — and yes, I'm yelling this — ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Just as a heads up, unfortunately, these are the kinds of trends that you typically won't pick up on until after it happens to you. By then, you're already pissed with a touch of jaded.
As an act of service, what I'm going to try to do is not only define what they are, but provide a red flag that you should look out for beforehand so that you don't have to fall victim to any of this total and utter foolishness.
Haunting.
Something that I oftentimes say is, "If it's God, you'll run into your ex at Kroger. If it's you, you'll look them up on Facebook." Haunting kind of co-signs on this point. It's when you and someone connect — on and offline — go out, end things but they're still trying to engage you on social media.
What sucks about this is they attempt to do it in a very passive-aggressive kind of way — liking your photos but not commenting on them. Checking out all of your IG stories but never calling or texting. It's "haunting" because if you're still emotionally-attached in any kind of way, you can really get a read on whether or not they are too.
How to Avoid This: There's no cardinal rule that says that just because you know someone that you have to be social media connected to them. If you're like most people, a lot of details of your life are shared online, so before you accept someone's request to follow you, think about if you'd want to stay connected even if you were to stop dating each other. If you're not sure, wait until you are.
Breadcrumbing.
I can't remember where I heard it, but the author of this quote deserves the offering plate passed to them a couple of times— "The problem with accepting the crumbs of a man is you're always left hungry." A breadcrumber is someone who gives just enough to keep you hanging on but not enough to establish anything lasting or even really real. It's emotional manipulation at its finest.
This is something that narcissists like to do because it's more about feeding their ego than meeting your needs. And a narcissist? You need to run from them at all costs!
How to Avoid This: Be clear about what your wants and needs are before going on your first date. If you make it to Date #3, state some of them. If there is no effort being made into meeting some of them, that's your first clue that he's probably a breadcrumber and that he probably doesn't see you as more than a…duck.
Curving.
Ugh. Another word for curving is "evil". Only, it's in a subtle kind of way. It's kind of akin to ghosting, only it takes a lot longer to catch on to what's going on. You text and he takes two days to respond. While on a call, he mentions getting together soon but a week later, no concrete plans are made. This cycle continues to happen and it drives you crazy because you can't really tell if they are into you — or not.
How to Avoid This: When you have your first couple of conversations, explain that you're big on communication. That poor communication is kind of a deal-breaker for you. If he wants you in his life, he'll take note. If he's on the fence, his communication will be lukewarm, which is sending the message that he's "iffy" about you. I'm pretty sure you can take it from there.
Mosting.
Doing the absolute most. We've all said that phrase about someone before. Well, as far as dating goes, when someone is "mosting" you, it means that they're dishing out PLENTY of compliments in the attempts to convince you that they are oh so into you.
What's wrong with that? Nothin'. Other than the fact that they don't mean half of what they're saying and/or they're saying the same thing to five other chicks too.
How to Avoid This: Let's go to the Good Book on this one: "He who speaks flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children will fail." (Job 17:5 NKJV) I have an ex who once said something to me that was like 10 sermons in one sentence— "Your problem is you receive confirmations like they are revelations."
His point? Never be so grateful for what a man thinks of you that you overlook signs that are pointing to him sneaking around, not being honest or simply playing around with your heart.
Trust me, if you've got a strong sense of self-worth, you'll pick up on "most-ers" quicker than most.
Freckling.
You might be thinking that I'm making this one up, but we can thank our Caucasian brothers and sisters for this one. The best way to explain it is, it's our version of "cuffing season". Just like a lot of white people get freckles by spending too much time in the summer sun, only to have the freckles fade by fall, freckling is a hot-n-heavy fling that comes with an expiration date — and a return date. That's right, just like freckles come and go, so do those who partake in freckling.
How to Avoid This: If you ask someone what their dating history is (on the first or second date), you can get a feel for if they are commitment-phobes or not. If they are (and you want something serious and lasting), already file them as "not the one for me". That way, it'll be difficult for them to boo-up with you for three months at a time…every six months or so. And if they do, you'll already know not to let them be a repeat offender.
Gatsbying.
Just when you thought you heard it all, right? On the surface, this one probably doesn't make much sense. But if you're a fan of the book or movie The Great Gatsby, you know that the character Jay was the king of overkill when it came to trying to impress the object of his affection. The modern-day twist of this would probably be The Bachelor (kinda). Fantasy dates that cause you to think you're falling in love with a person when really what you're in love with is the high-class ambiance.
Hmph, there's even a digital version of this where someone has a crush on you and try to make you want them by making their IG look like they are independently-wealthy travelers who want to insert you into their life.
How to Avoid This: I'm not gonna knock an over-the-top date. But try and balance those out with more simplified ones like picnics or hanging out in a coffee shop. That gives you a chance to see if he's got substance behind his finance, presentation, and social media shots.
Stashing.
STASHING IS THE WORST. The absolute worst. If you're currently seeing someone who constantly calls, texts and takes you out (and it's been this way for a few months now), but when you ask them about their friends and family, they change the subject and/or when you hop onto their social media pages, there's not an ounce of evidence that they are seeing someone — in fact, they seem to represent the epitome of singleness — this is called "stashing".
What they're actually doing is compartmentalizing you. Sure, you are a part of their life, but they are intentional about keeping you from the rest of it. Why? Usually, it's either because they don't plan on things going to another level OR they are seeing others on the side. Or both.
How to Avoid This: After a month or so of dating and chatting, suggest inviting some of your friends and their friends to meet each other. Present it as casual; like it's no biggie. If they give you push back, inquire why. First, it'll give you insight into if they even want to make you a part of their world and two, it will let you know what you should do about it.
Life's too short to be stashed away somewhere. Or to settle for any of these dating trends. Choose wisely, y'all.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Your April 2024 Horoscopes Are All About Applying Pressure & Disrupting The Status-Quo
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
April is a powerful month of the year, but it’s also adding some pressure. With Mercury going retrograde and an Aries Eclipse, the energy is high this month, and there is a lot of internal growth occurring. The month begins with Mercury going retrograde on April 1 until April 25, in fire sign Aries. With the Sun also in this bold sign until April 19, there is a lot of passion flowing through the world, but with this comes impulsivity as well.
Mercury retrograde in Aries will be guiding us in a new direction and giving us clarity on where our true interests and needs are. Mercury retrograde is not the time to create new plans, sign contracts, or make any big purchases, but it is the time of the year when we can gain some much-needed clarity to make better decisions moving forward.
Venus enters Aries on April 5, and Venus in Aries is all about self-love, self-confidence, and being courageous in the pursuit of love. This is free-spirit energy, and Venus in this fire sign reminds us that through love, anything is possible. A few days later, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries, and this is a time of immense transformation and new beginnings. Eclipses are the time of the year when massive changes occur, and with this eclipse being in Aries, a lot of what is happening is reflective of the personal growth you have been through over the past six months and what you are moving into for the next.
Eclipses are not about setting intentions, they are more about preparing for your new beginnings and getting key insights into where you are headed.
What April 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Taurus Season officially begins this year on April 19, and this change of pace is much needed after the very active first half of the month. When the Sun is in Taurus, we are more grounded, patient, and secure in what’s happening around us, and this is also a good time of the year to go over your personal finances. The Full Moon of April is happening on April 23 in the sign of Scorpio, and this is the Worm Moon of 2024. This Full Moon is an opportunity for closure emotionally, and a time to let go of what doesn’t align with your personal growth and your commitment to love.
Venus moves out of Aries and into Taurus on April 29, bringing in a new reality when it comes to love and relationship matters overall thrive under this energy. Venus in Taurus is focused on security, comfort, and pleasure, and by the end of the month, self-care is necessary. Before April ends, Mars moves into Aries, and Mars loves being in this sign. Mars in Aries is taking us to where we need to be and doing so in a way where you feel excited about the future and the path you are headed on right now.
Overall, a lot of changes are happening this month that disrupt the status quo of what you thought life to be. This is an eye-opening month, but you are coming out of it feeling even more capable and prepared for what is ahead. Claim your blessings and own your power in life.
Read for your sun and rising sign below:
ARIES
You are truly the star of the show this month, Aries! This month is about you and what you can do with the hand you're dealt with. This is your season to shine, and by the end of the month, you are going to have a new outlook and grasp on all that is possible for you. However, this is not a small feat; the month begins with Mercury going retrograde in your sign until April 25, and you are going to be learning more about yourself through growth moments that can feel challenging at times.
There is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your sign this month on April 8, and you are truly embarking on new territory in your life right now. Keep the focus on things that are light and inspiring, and try not to get carried away into the chaos. With Venus in your sign for most of the month, you have love on your side right now, and your emotions are especially powerful. Mars, your ruling planet, enters your sign on April 30 before the month ends, and you are leaving April with a renewed passion for life overall.
TAURUS
April requires your patience, Taurus. The Sun is in your 12th house of closure for most of this month before entering your sign, and you need some time to process your emotions. You are in a good space to receive, but you need to be able to open yourself up to that and take a step back to allow your blessings to come to you. With Mercury in retrograde this month, you are getting an opportunity to look at experiences of your past in a new light for healing to take place.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and with the Sun in your sign, you have extra confidence with you now. This is the time to focus on your personal goals in life and create space for the new to enter. On April 23, there is a Full Moon happening in your opposite sign, Scorpio, aligning you with love. Partnership matters come full circle for you at this time, and you will feel a deeper connection within your love life by the end of the month. Venus enters your sign before the month ends on April 29, and the things you were remaining patient on this month are coming into full bloom for you now.
GEMINI
April is about taking care of your responsibilities, Gemini. You may feel like there is a lot more on your plate than usual, but with the right work ethic, you can make anything happen this month. April is a time to make an effort where you want to prioritize your energy, and also look to see where you can ask for help more when you need it. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month, and you are looking at your social circle, community, and friendships in a new light during this time.
The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries happening on April 8, is a breath of fresh air for you. Any challenges you have been feeling about being misunderstood or unheard in your community have come to light, and you are ready to turn a new page here. New beginnings are possible for you this month, but you have to be the one to initiate them. By the time Mercury goes direct on April 25, you will have a clean slate and clearer perspective when it comes to connecting with the right people and dedicating yourself to your dreams.
CANCER
You are focused a lot on your career, professional goals, and how you want to show up in the world this month, Cancer. With an eclipse happening in April, your emotions can feel a little heavier at times this month as you are ruled by the Moon and feel its transits more strongly than most. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of April, as well as Mercury retrograde and matters here are coming to light and changing your direction moving forward.
The New Moon Eclipse on April 8 is an opportunity to redirect your energy, and to set your intentions for a financial future that aligns with your creative passions and goals. This month is all about thinking big-picture and long-term. The Full Moon at the end of the month happening in fellow water sign, Scorpio, is a good opportunity for closur,e and any self-doubt you were feeling at the beginning of the month is being swept away. Your heart is in the right place, and that’s what's going to lead you to your success.
LEO
This month is all about thinking things through thoroughly and being the type of person you are proud of, Leo. You are balancing your need for more stability and security in your life with your passion for adventure and community. With the Sun in your 9th house in April, this is a good month to travel or to set your intentions for future vacations. Things may not be turning out exactly as you thought they would right now, but with the right perspective, they may be better.
There is a New Moon Eclipse in a fellow fire sign on April 8, and you are flowing well with the energy during this time. This is an exciting eclipse for you, and opportunities you hadn’t seen before are coming into full view for you now. By the time the Full Moon comes around on April 23, however, you are going to be looking to slow down a bit more and enjoy the comforts of your home. Loved ones, family, and support systems play a big factor in your life as the month ends, and you are leaving April overall with a new perspective.
VIRGO
April is a month of overcoming obstacles and remaining confident in yourself, Virgo. Any limitations you have been feeling in your life come into focus for you this month, and you are looking to break free from the self-doubt that has been keeping you away from experiencing life to the fullest. Being a Virgo, you are ruled by Mercury, and whenever Mercury is in retrograde, you feel its effects more strongly than most. With Mercury retro this month, you are getting an opportunity to reflect, emotionally rejuvenate, and reconsider.
On April 23, a Full Moon is happening in your 3rd House of communication, and you are getting the answers, guidance, and clarity you have been looking for. Anything emotionally and mentally heavy you have been pondering over and working through at the beginning of the month is being released for you by the end of it, and you are letting go of negative energy this month. By the end of April, Venus moves into your 9th house and love is everywhere for you. You will be leaving the month with a newfound joy for life.
LIBRA
Communication is key for you in April, Libra. This is a month when a lot of the energy is in your opposite sign, Aries, and you are truly making sense of it all right now. There are new beginnings to grab a hold of this month, but there is also a need to clear the air and set the record straight in the process. The New Moon Eclipse happening on April 8, is creating an opportunity for love, connection, and deeper partnership in your life, but it’s also reflecting to you what needs to happen within you before that can occur. April is a big learning month, and you are rising above any previous confusion in your life, especially when it comes to love.
With the Full Moon on April 23 happening in the sign just after yours, this Full Moon will be in your house of income, and you are gaining some closure here. Financial matters come full circle at the end of the month, and you will see a return on your investments. Before the month ends, your ruling planet, Venus, enters your 8th house of commitment, and some Libras may see a relationship go to the next level during this time. The clarity you are gaining in April is creating more room for growth and connection within love overall.
SCORPIO
April is an eye-opening month for you, Scorpio. You are moving through an inner awakening this month and are going through a lot of personal transformations that change your trajectory moving forward. This is the time of the year when you are looking for new ways to take better care of your health and prioritize the work you want to do in this lifetime as well. The Sun is in your 6th house of daily routine for most of the month, and you are focused on finding happiness in the little things in life.
The Full Moon of the month is happening in your sign on April 23, and this is a powerful Full Moon of closure for you. A lot of this year is about figuring out what is for you and what isn’t and taking your passions and interests more seriously. During this Full Moon, you are aligning more with what truly resonates and letting go of what doesn’t. On April 29, Venus enters your sister sign, Taurus, and love matters are a space where you are receiving new blessings as the month ends.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a more emotional one for you, Sagittarius. You are finding your way through what is presenting itself, and are learning more about your own heart in the process. With the Sun in your 5th house of romance for most of April, there are a lot of opportunities for self-expression, creativity, and happiness, yet with Mercury also retrograde in this same area of your chart, you may be finding yourself more challenged here than usual as well.
During the New Moon Eclipse on April 8, think about what sort of perspectives help you and which ones have been hindering you. Ponder over whether you are making important decisions in your life from the heart and a place of clarity or from a place of fear of whether or not you are worthy of what you truly want. The Full Moon on April 29 will be helping you let go of what no longer serves your heart, and giving you that space to emotionally understand it all better. Perspective is everything for you this month, and more optimism may be needed on your part for the time being.
CAPRICORN
April is a fresh start for you, Capricorn, and you are starting from square one in many ways this month. You are finding yourself in a space of inspiration and insight, and you are looking to set your intentions and focus more on your manifestations right now. However, with the Mercury retrograde happening this month, you may find yourself needing to be home more or the people closest to you may need more of your time and energy as well. There is a sense of being pulled in a few different directions in April, and your guidance for the month is to think ahead.
The Full Moon happening on April 23 is an opportunity for you to get the full picture of your connections, friendships, and support systems. The people you find by your side this month are ones that you have worked hard on growing with, and you are discovering where your soulmates are. Venus enters a fellow earth sign before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling a new sense of romance and mystery in your life that is elevating your mindset overall.
AQUARIUS
There is a lot of positive energy coming into your life this month, and self-care is key right now, Aquarius. Your emotions are running higher than usual, but you are overall liking what you see play out for you this month. With the Sun and Mercury retrograde in your 3rd house of communication for most of April, extra patience is needed in the day-to-day, and this isn’t the time to rush perfection. Balance rest with effort, and remember that some of the best things in life will come to you without force.
There is a New Moon Eclipse happening on the 8th, and this eclipse is an opportunity for you to express yourself, communicate how you have been feeling, and allow new connections to take place in your life. Dreams are being fulfilled for you this month, and the universe is showing you just how good things can get for you. The Full Moon happening at the end of the month will be eye-opening for you when it comes to career matters, and you and others are seeing how far you have come here.
PISCES
Even though Pisces Season has officially come to a close, you are just getting started on all the abundance that is awaiting you this year, Pisces. April is one of those months when things are just working out for you and when you get to soak in where you are feeling fulfilled and supported in life. Most of the Astrology transits of the month are in the financial areas of your chart, and a lot of your focus in April is on your abundance and receiving your due rewards and blessings here.
Once the Sun moves into Taurus on April 19, the energy moves into your 3rd house of communication, and you will feel confident to express your ideas, insights, and wisdom. On April 23, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and you could be traveling around this time, connecting with like-minded souls or overall feeling a heightened sense of passion for life. Venus moves into your 3rd house before the month ends as well, and you are overall hearing good news this month, Pisces.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole