How To Keep Your Hair Color Poppin' At Home, According To A Master Cosmetologist
Non-essential businesses have closed temporarily, and some permanently, all over the world with over 90% of people mandated to self-isolate under shelter-in-place orders. I wish I would have been in the room to vote on what is essential because my hair stylist and nail artist are the most essential people in my life. As a hair-illiterate beauty enthusiast, I will admit that I might miss my stylist more than I miss my mother.
If nothing else, the quarantine life is teaching many of us how to do things that we usually depend on others to make happen. One of those things is doing our hair. Our hair is not only important for aesthetics but we need to ensure it is healthy so we come out of this thing with plentiful edges. For some people, hair color is a major worry because their hair colorist is out of commission. That's why we hooked up with Master Cosmetologist and Salon Owner of the Atlanta-based Salon N-V-Me, Destiny Kelly, to help us come up with some feasible tips that will help you keep your hair color popping amid the era of self-isolation.
Be it covering grays, coloring your entire head or products you need to order ASAP, we've got you covered!
How to Color Your Home at Home:
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Coloring your entire head can be a tricky task, so Kelly provided some suggested tips to help get you through:
- "You want to start by selecting the color of your liking and reading the instructions thoroughly. I do suggest that if you are not using box color, to not use a developer greater than 30, to mitigate the possibility of overprocessing your hair.
- "Then, you will begin by mixing all of the coloring agents into a nozzle squeeze bottle and sectioning your hair into four quadrants for effortless application. If you have virgin hair (unprocessed or natural) you will apply the color to the shaft (ends) of the hair with the roots being last.
- "Please keep in mind that if you have previously colored your hair black or brown, but would like to achieve a lighter tone, you will need to extract the previous color first or wait to see a professional. We don't want to damage the hair. But if you are achieving to just touch up your roots, place the desired color only on the new growth throughout your hair without overlapping the previous color.
- "If you're attempting to obtain a darker tone, place the color on the roots first and then proceed to the shaft. Once colored, read instructions carefully to identify the recommended processing time.
- "After processing, use a neutralizing shampoo followed by a moisture shampoo and deep conditioner. Within two weeks of coloring your hair, it is suggested to apply a protein treatment to restrengthen your hair."
Products to Try:
How to Cover Your Grays at Home:
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When covering your grays, it can be very challenging. However, giving yourself a root touch-up is definitely something you can accomplish within your own home. Below, Kelly offers tips and tricks on how to cover your grays like an expert:
- "To begin covering your grays, you want to start with a gray coverage color, whether it's a semi-permanent or permanent. If you're coloring your gray strands with a darker tone, black or brown, please be sure to check the base colors of that product. The base color will determine what color your hair will turn. You always want to avoid utilizing any products that have a green base, preferably one with a red or purple.
- "Now keep in mind if your hair has previously been colored, you should only touch up your roots to ensure not to over-process if you're using a permanent color. With virgin hair, the color can be placed all over; the roots and the shaft. You want to start by reading the directions carefully before beginning to color.
- "You then want to begin mixing all coloring contents in the provided nozzle squeeze bottle. If one is not provided, an applicator brush and bowl will do the trick as well. For ease, part your hair in four sections and apply the color section by section.
- "To achieve the best results, I would recommend sitting under the dryer unless indicated otherwise within the instructions for the proposed duration. Once the suggested time has elapsed, shampoo twice following with a deep condition for 15 minutes, then style as desired."
Product to Try:
How to Maintain Blonde Hair at Home:
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"For starters, please know that you want to take the proper precautions when you are maintaining blonde hair, as it can be very fragile and easy to damage," Kelly began. "The trick to keeping your blonde vibrant is using a purple-tinted shampoo such as 'Shimmering Lights' or 'Blonde Brilliance'. These shampoos will eliminate the effect of a copper or brass-like tone being added to the blonde."
- "After you have completed utilizing your initial neutralizing shampoo, immediately follow-up with a moisturizing shampoo, followed by a deep conditioner to aid in rejuvenating the hair.
- "Upon completion, make sure to seal your hair with an oil of your choice, then style as desired.
- "Always make sure to tie your hair up at night or while sleeping by using a silk or satin scarf and or pillowcase."
Products to Try:
Advice on What to Avoid When Caring for Color-Treated Hair:
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"Please keep in mind that we always want to refrain from putting constant tension on the hair which can typically be caused by certain hairstyles, ponytails, sulfate products, and even as simple as cotton pillows," Kelly explained. "Remember less is best, just allow your hair to breathe."
Product Recommendations for Maintaining Color-Treated Hair at Home:
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"Below, I have included a few of my favorite products and recommendations for the ultimate results that can be found at your local beauty supply store or online."
- Sulfate-Free Shampoos:Keracare Hydrating Detangling Shampoo and Conditioner or Design Essentials Almond and Avocado Moisturizing Shampoo and Conditioner.
- Deep Conditioner: TGIN Honey Miracle Mask
- Oil:Design Essentials Botanical Oil or Virgin Olive Oil
- Leave-In Conditioner & Heat Protectant:It's a 10 Leave-In
- Curly Products:Talia Waajid Green Apple & Aloe Curl Elixir, Design Essentials Curl Forming Custard, and Eco-Style Gold Styling Gel.
Featured Image Courtesy of Destiny Kelly
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images