
EXCLUSIVE: Stacey Abrams On What’s At Stake For Black Women Voters

Midterm elections are coming up on November 8, 2022, and a lot is on the line for voters. An election that people across the country are particularly focused on is the gubernatorial race in Georgia that has once again found the current governor, republican Brian Kemp, and the democratic candidate and former Georgia state representative Stacey Abrams competing for the coveted governor role. After the 2018 state election that was marred with voter suppression that favored the Georgia republicans, Abrams has committed herself to making sure that Georgians’ votes matter.
xoNecole recently caught up with the gubernatorial hopeful about her campaign, what’s at stake for voters, and what voters can expect from her if she’s elected.
xoNecole: The last time you ran for governor in 2018, that election ended in voter fraud that favored your opponent. What informed your decision to run again knowing the corruption that exists and can succeed in electoral politics?
Stacey Abrams: I wanna make sure we use the right language: it was voter suppression. Voter fraud is when someone manipulates the outcome, and that's what Donald Trump attempted to do. And what's so important about understanding voter suppression is it's not about the outcome – it is the outcome – but it's mostly by manipulating who has access. And that is what is so concerning about what happened in ‘18 and why I'm running. Because every Georgian who is eligible to vote deserves to have access to the right to vote. And unfortunately, this governor, both as Secretary of State and now as governor, has instituted multiple barriers to access, which leads to voter suppression. But the reason we have democracy is so that communities can have what they need.
We vote for leaders who will see us and serve us. And unfortunately, over the last four years, Brian Kemp has proven he doesn't see us. He has refused to tackle the core issues affecting our communities. He won't expand Medicaid, which means that thousands of people are denied access to healthcare for cancer treatment, for diabetes treatment.
We know that he has refused to invest in our schools. Too many of our young Black kids who are trying to go to college can't get financial aid and he won't tackle that issue. And we know that affordable housing is a crisis across the state of Georgia. In fact, he's sitting on 400 million for rental eviction assistance and won't spend the money. And then we know that in the state of Georgia there is a 100-year gap between Black and brown economic revenue and white revenue. He said that he'll study the issue. I actually have a plan to solve the issue in 15 years. And I say all that to say this: I'm running because I believe Georgia is at a moment of opportunity but we need a governor who sees us and is willing to serve all of us, not just as friends, not just people who he thinks are like him. And by pushing back against voter suppression, we have done the work of letting voters know that they have the right to be heard. And I believe in this election, they're going to show up and decide that they want more for their lives and for theirs.
xoNecole: You were praised after the 2020 election for your organizing efforts in getting Black people registered in Georgia in record numbers. Still, in the two years since then, many Black voters have expressed frustrations with democrats for seemingly once again using them for votes only to abandon them once in office. How do you convince someone who has felt let down by the democrats over and over again to once again cast a ballot for the party?
Abrams: First I begin by saying that Democrats have actually delivered in the last few years and it's going to feel as if it's not as much as we need, but it's more than we had. I point to the Inflation Reduction Act, which has poured money into our communities. The Infrastructure Act, which is going to employ so many of our communities. The CARES Act and the ARPA Act, which allowed so many millions of Americans, including Georgians, to have access to healthcare and some small relief.
But we need more. And part of that is that we need governors who actually work with the federal government to get the money to the people. What so many in Georgia don't understand is that yes there's money coming from the federal government –6 billion extra dollars in the state of Georgia – but the governor won't spend it on our people.
And so my reason for running and what I want people to understand is, I need you to trust one more time. We've tackled the federal level. We understand mayors, but until we control governorships, until we have people who actually are the intercessors between the federal and the local to actually do the work, we aren't going to get what we need. We aren't going to get the support that we deserve. And so, I am proud of the work that Democrats have done to send resources here, but now it's time to have a governor to get the resources into the pockets of our people, to get more money into our communities and more opportunity into our neighborhoods.
And when we have that governor, when I am that governor, we can deliver and we can finally push back on the reason people don't trust. They don’t trust because they don't see change. And with a new governor in the state of Georgia, they will see change.
xoNecole: What do you believe is at stake for Black people in this election?
Abrams: Everything. We know that Brian Kemp doesn't care. He won't help. And he has attacked our freedoms. I say he doesn't care because he has refused to expand Medicaid. That means that half a million Georgians are being denied health insurance, 40% of whom are Black people. 40% of the people being told “no” are Black people who need that access to healthcare so they can take care of themselves and their families, and it's physical healthcare and mental healthcare.
And by refusing to draw down those dollars, he is saying no. We also know that under Brian Kemp, we have seen a skyrocket in gun violence rate, including guns being the number one killer of our children, and most of the children dying are Black. If we don't have a governor who believes in common sense gun laws, our children and our communities will continue to be the victims of gun violence and those guns are gonna get easier and easier to secure. But we also know that because he's let so many of our hospitals shut down. When they get shot, when they get hurt, there's nowhere to go for help.
Number two, we need access to housing. Affordable housing is a crisis and for Black communities, it is also the major pathway to wealth if we don't have access to housing.
We lose not only the daily opportunities for stability but long term opportunities for growth. And I intend to invest in affordable housing in the state of Georgia, especially to make certain that black communities have the chance to build generational wealth.
Number three, we know that the issue is can you make a living in Georgia? And unfortunately, this governor has been very comfortable with 1.5% of all contracts in the state of Georgia going to Black and brown people. Now that means that 98.5% go to white people in a state where Black people are 33% of the population. I want to be the Maynard Jackson of Georgia. I wanna make certain that we are growing wealth in our small businesses immediately, and you don't need legislation. You just need a good leader.
But I also know that Black women are in danger in Georgia because of Brian Kemp's draconian abortion ban. After six weeks, Black women already have a three times higher likelihood of dying from pregnancy-related illness than anyone else, and Georgia is number one in maternal mortality with his refusal to expand Medicaid. One in five women does not have access to healthcare. Then he puts on top of it, forced pregnancy and no opportunity for help. On the other side, I want to be the governor who repeals that abortion ban. And this is crucial, not only for Georgia but for Black people across the country because 56% of Black people live in the south. And that means unless I become the governor of Georgia, for Black people from Texas to North Carolina, from Tennessee to Florida, they will be denied access to reproductive care unless Georgia becomes an oasis for freedom and so on gun violence, on having the right to choose, on the right to vote, on the right to make your life better.
I am the only person who is looking at Black communities, talking to Black communities, and has plans for the success of the Black communities.
xoNeocle: Speaking to your pledge about investing in affordable housing, childcare, and minority-owned businesses: there has been criticism of your platform on policing which is to pour even more money into police departments, saying “higher pay [for police] leads to fewer negative interactions.” During a time when many Black people are still being unjustly killed by police and many people are organizing around defunding police departments and putting those resources directly into communities instead, how do you justify giving even more money to the police?
Abrams: So what I've called for is expanding pay raises for law enforcement because we have law enforcement officers in Georgia who make less than a living wage, and we cannot say that we believe in a living wage and not say that that includes the people who protect us. We know that when someone commits a crime, it's often that they commit a crime against someone in their community. And I've got a brother who's been one of those people who has victimized members of our community. And I want people to be able to call for help. I want them to be able to call the police and say, please come and protect me. But I also know that my brother doesn't lose his humanity simply because he makes a mistake. And that's one of the reasons I'm calling for increased pay for correctional officers because our correctional facilities are in crisis and those who are in our prisons are being victimized and abused because we don't have adequate protection for them inside.
And so one of the pieces I'm pushing for is making sure we increase pay for correctional officers so those our prisons aren't being run by gangs who are victimizing and doing dangerous things to our communities. I also wanna pay for the salaries for our community supervision officers. When my brother finally stabilized, when he finally got out of prison, he for the first time had a good parole officer who kept him off of the road to recidivism.
And now my brother has been readmitted to Morehouse College. He is stable, he is clean, and I want that for every Georgian. And so my push is to make certain that we, the public, those who do law enforcement, who do it right, that they make a living wage, but that we also have adequate support to protect our communities.
But I also have a brother who's been pulled over for driving while Black. Many times. He's a social worker who was helping keep people out of jail, and he risked his life every time someone pulled him over. I believe in accountability. I believe that anyone in law enforcement who exhibits disregard and disrespect for our community should be held accountable.
And I am the only candidate calling for that accountability because I know that we have to have both public safety and accountability. That we have to have criminal justice and we have to have law enforcement. It is dangerous to pretend that we can pick one over the other. And because of my two brothers, I know we need to have both.
xoNecole: During the 2020 primaries, you defended Biden for president, even going as far as defending him against allegations of sexual misconduct, even as people like Vice President Harris said she believed the women [accusers]. Even to some of your supporters, this defense [of Biden] was unexpected. When it comes to issues of sexual misconduct and justice for victims, what policies can voters expect you to uphold and defend as governor?
Abrams: I believe that women deserve to be heard. I believe women deserve protection from sexual violence, and they deserve to have a platform and access to opportunities. And I will stand on my record any day of the week. I believe that it is important for us to create spaces, not only for hearing our victims, but making sure they get access to the help and the support they need and that's one of the reasons I want to expand access to Medicaid and expand access for those who have needs to get the mental healthcare treatment and have the law enforcement responsibility to take care of them as well.
The other piece of this is that in a state like Georgia where we have no access to abortion, we know that victims of sexual violence are going to be forced to carry their attackers' progeny and that is wrong. We need a governor who's actually going to protect the right of a woman to choose to control her body and to control her future. And I am proud of my record defending women and defending our right to choose.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy