“I need to be able to be myself at all times," Jason Derulo confesses to me.
He leans back against the white-cushioned cabana couches facing out towards the pool of his California abode, dark eyes intent as if daring me to question his reasoning. “And if I'm drunk or faded in the studio…"
“You might record some drunk faded in the studio shit," I finish for him.
“Yeah, exactly," he says with a boyish grin. “And then I might say some shit I would've never said. The truth serum, that shit is a motherfucker."
He's talking about “Naked," his latest R&B single where the crooner strips down D'Angelo style while an equally bare K. Michelle prances around in stilettos and little else. The label told him it would be catastrophic for his career. A handful of the 4,800 commentators under his video—currently reaching beyond two million views—would probably agree.
“This is not about selling records. This is not about trying to make people think that I'm somebody else that I'm not; it's literally about me spreading my wings creatively. I'm going to do me regardless," he says defiantly.
It's not the first time that an artist feeling confined by how the industry has defined him has opted for creative freedom over record sales. To his millions of fans, he's Jason Derulo the pop star, whose 2009 debut single “Whatcha Say" went platinum followed by two handfuls of best-selling songs. Over the last few years we've watched Derulo moonwalk his way to the top of the Billboard charts with hits such as “Want to Want Me" and “Wiggle" featuring Snoop Dogg, but according to the 26-year-old, we've hardly even scratched the surface of who he is as an artist or even a man.
“This is not about trying to make people think that I'm somebody else that I'm not."
Growing up, the Haitian-American got his start by penning records for urban and pop artists such as Pitbull, Lil Wayne, and Diddy at 16 years old. Though he hailed from the hoods of Carol City, he made it his mission to escape the lifestyle that had many of his family members fell victim to. Derulo found that he could touch a larger audience through pop music, and before the age of 22 would go on to tour as an opening act for Lady Gaga, drop records with Demi Lovato, and continuously peak on the Billboard charts.
“I used to tell my mom, 'yeah, I don't need to learn how to do that. I'm going to have somebody do that for me,'" he laughs as a small staff waits in the distance, ready to assist him at a moment's notice.
On his latest mixtape, the Miami native promises to give us a peek into the real Jason, the one who lights up in studios to release what's really on his mental, like slipping phones off of groupies before they can sell a photo to TMZ or that one line in “Naked" where he sings “the only time I need the sparks is when I light up my spliffs." No shade to Jordin Sparks. “You think that's shade? I say some other shit they're really going to think is shade."
Derulo stares off into the distance with a look that I've seen often in interviews whenever the mention of his ex comes into the conversation. Sadness. Pain. Perhaps a little annoyance at the fact that almost two years later he's still talking about the end of their three-year relationship to the press. I don't even have to say her name before the words start tumbling out.
“Things could've been different had different choices been made from her side. I felt some kind of way because the world thought it was my fault, and I broke up with her. So they kind of fucked with me only from that perspective. I was really disappointed in her and how she handled it because she made people believe that it was my fault. Like Wendy Williams asked her 'so we heard that he cheated, is that why you guys broke up?' and she says, 'No comment.' Like what the fuck you mean no comment?!"
“I was really disappointed in her and how she handled it because she made people believe that it was my fault."
Jason Derulo and new girlfriend Daphne Joy
Jason swears that there was no foul play on his end, and if you ask him, they broke up because of her for reasons he's choosing to keep private. In previous interviews, he's hinted at the pressures of marriage as being the catalyst to their arguments and ultimate dissolution. “I thought that I could change her through the course of time, and I couldn't. I realized that I felt better off when I was by myself," he says, running his hand through his twisted Mohawk.
Though it's been almost two years, Derulo is still carrying around the baggage of his breakup and bears the scars of his past relationship—hard to imagine considering the last few months he's been photographed with girlfriend and model Daphne Joy. Just moments before our interview she glided down the red-carpeted stairs of his 1920s castle-style home in a skintight tan dress hugging her famed curves.
“I realize that myself is important, too," he continues. “I watched how my dad was good with my mom because he always put her first, so I always try to be like that—to my own detriment, though, because I just was going in too hard and forgot about my own wellbeing. I learned that I got to also keep myself in mind as well."
"I just was going in too hard and forgot about my own wellbeing. I learned that I got to also keep myself in mind as well."
He's saving the particulars for his untitled mixtape that he promises will be unapologetically honest. But while there may be some allusion to his love life, don't expect him to divulge too many details about previous lovers. “I don't feel the need to explain what happened or what she did, so I don't do that on the mixtape either."
What he is doing is giving his fans another side of him as an artist that's often not captured on camera, whether they like it or not. “It's an all-around explanation of what my life is like. It's not just love, it's from a place of truth," he says. “I think that some people may be a little scared of the honesty."
One thing's for sure, Derulo isn't the same guy who danced his way to number one records. He's a little rawer—more real—and he's getting naked for the world to see.
Check out the official video for "Naked" ft. K. Michelle and exclusive photos of Jason Derulo's L.A. home below!
Featured image by Joseph Okpako/Getty Images
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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