Doula Brandi Sellerz-Jackson Says Motherhood Helped Her Birth Her "Why"
In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Not long before Mother/Hustler Brandi Sellerz-Jackson started her business in 2016, she miscarried a child and felt placed between a rock and a hard place emotionally. Months later, even after Brandi and her husband became pregnant with their rainbow baby, Jedi, the now 37-year-old mom was still grieving the baby she lost only a year earlier and felt more isolated than ever. It wasn't long before Brandi recognized that she was not alone in her loneliness, and since there were few safe spaces for women to talk about these traumas, she decided to create one.
Not So Private Parts is an online community that was created for women like Brandi, who feel like they have faced some of the hardest trials in life by themselves, to feel connected to a community who can sincerely relate. Since the birth of her sons Jax and Jedi, as well as the most recent addition to her family, Jupiter, Brandi says that she feels impregnated with more insight than ever before.
"Motherhood has not only given me my 'why', but I believe it's birthed even more creativity."
As a blogger, wife, and mother of three, Brandi says that bossing up isn't easy, but boy, is it a blessing for her kids to see her sign her own checks. "I am always thinking of ways that I can create pathways for not just my children, but my grandchildren, and my grandchildren's children. How can I make the road easier for the generations to follow?"
For Brandi, being a mogul mommy with a vision means keeping promises to yourself, even if that just means intentionally setting an earlier bedtime, or updating her calendar. Although this Mother/Hustler spends much of her time birthing babies, she also makes time to create space for her own dreams to grow in a healthy environment. She explained, "Do what you can to get [things] done. Keep a calendar and all the reminders set. Relinquish. Take care of yourself first, so that you can better take care of others."
Here's how Brandi balances being a mother-of-three and professional miracle worker, all while minding her self-care at the same damn time:
What’s your occupation?
"I am a Birth and Postpartum Doula and the creator of the women's online platform, Not So Private Parts. I am also the co-founder of Moms In Color, a collective created for and by Black moms to celebrate diversity within the motherhood community. I am a creative. I create pathways."
Are you single?
"No, my husband and I have been together for 18 years and married for 14 years in November."
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
"I first take a breath and ask myself, what is it that I need? I do a mental checklist of sorts: am I hungry? Am I exhausted? Have I overextended myself? Am I staying hydrated? Do I need to step away and put on the oxygen?"
What’s the hardest part of your day?
"The hardest part of the day are mostly evenings. I think for most parents, evenings/bedtime can be quite the struggle. By this time, kids are tired and beyond exhausted from their own day. After all, they are little humans. They are processing their own stuff as well. Oftentimes, they have no clue that they are tired. It's a lot."
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"I try my hardest to practice self-care before I become overextended or in need of it. Keyword… TRY. For me, sometimes self-care looks like going to the Korean Spa and taking a soak. Sometimes, it looks like me preparing an amazing dish, just for me. Other times, self-care looks like me intentionally going to bed early. Self-care is all about listening and responding to your body's needs."
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
"Let go of it. We are all doing the best that we can. We are all hopefully attempting to raise thriving, kind, and aware humans. There is no place for judgment either for self or for others."
What is your favorite way to spend “me time”?
"Because I have THREE BOYS, one can imagine that our home is pretty loud. When I need "me time" it usually involves some level of quiet. I love to sit in complete silence and just gather my thoughts. Put pen to paper. Breathe."
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
"Go for it. There is space for that idea that keeps you up at night. Most importantly, there is a need. People are waiting for your vision to manifest. They need your vision to manifest."
"Go for it. There is space for that idea that keeps you up at night. Most importantly, there is a need. People are waiting for your vision to manifest. They need your vision to manifest."
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9-5 offers more stability?
"This is for our kids! All of it! We truly believe that if our kids grow up seeing parents happy and thriving (in whatever space) it will benefit them in the long run. Now, don't get it twisted. I get it, I understand. Having a solid 9-5 is amazing. The stability is amazing. It's just a matter of what feels best and/or brings you the most peace."
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
"Balancing and finding time for it all can be challenging. There are days where I am super productive, and then there are days when I have to relinquish. All of this is ok."
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
"I want my kids to know that they are capable of anything. That they are important, needed, and purposed for this great big world. I want them to continue to see my husband and I living out our dreams so that they know that they can do it too."
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
"It depends. When I am supporting mothers during birth or postpartum, I try to leave my own experiences out of it because each journey is different. However, there are times where a client will want to know my journey in hopes to better navigate their own. In this case, I may share. It really depends on what feels most beneficial in the moment and on a case by case basis. Also, I am in the 'sharing' business. When creating, there are levels of being private. It just depends."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Budget, budget, budget. Vision board or simply write down your financial goals. Whatever it looks like, keep the goal front and center."
If you're ever in Cali and need help birthing a baby or just want to connect with a community of dope moms, make sure to check out NotSoPrivateParts.life, and you can keep up with Brandi on Instagram by following @bstereo!
Featured image by @bstereo.
Originally published July 28, 2019
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Solo, But Never Alone: How Solo Travel Empowers Women To Rediscover Themselves
I wear many hats: mom, daughter, older sister, mentor, friend, and founder of HERide, Atlanta’s #1 female-friendly rideshare company. But above all these roles, I am a Black woman navigating life with resilience and grace.
Embracing Self-Love After Heartbreak
Let’s be honest: breakups suck, and no matter how long ago you went through one, the lingering effects can sometimes last for what feels like a lifetime. Embracing self-love after a breakup is a crucial step toward healing, and solo travel can be a powerful catalyst for this journey.
At one point, I thought being in love meant adapting to my partner's needs, but in the process, I shrunk myself until I was no longer recognizable.
Traveling alone gave me the space and freedom to rediscover who I am outside of a relationship. It allowed me to appreciate my own company, fall in love with myself all over again, and rewrite my story on my terms.
Through solo adventures, I found strength, joy, and a renewed sense of self-worth that prepared me to re-enter the dating world with confidence and a deep appreciation for my own happiness.
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The Transformative Power of Solo Travel
I recently returned from my first major solo travel adventure, celebrating my 30th birthday in Asia. Over the course of two weeks, I explored Bali, Thailand, and Seoul, Korea. This trip was more than just a vacation; it was a celebration of my growth, independence, and resilience.
Solo travel has taught me numerous valuable lessons. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, allowing me to discover new cultures, meet incredible people, and, most importantly, reconnect with myself.
Each destination presented unique challenges and joys, from navigating language barriers in Thailand to experiencing the serene beauty of Bali's rice terraces. These experiences have deepened my appreciation for the world and my place within it.
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Traveling alone as a Black woman can sometimes feel daunting, but it has also been empowering. It has reminded me of my strength and capability. In moments of solitude, I have found clarity and peace, far from the hustle and bustle of daily life.
This freedom has been instrumental in my journey toward self-discoveryand personal growth. Here are a few ways solo travel has been transformative for me and why I believe it can be for you too:
- Rediscovering Yourself: Traveling alone allows you to step away from your daily routine and the roles you play in other people's lives. It's a chance to listen to your own thoughts and desires without external influences. This space can lead to profound self-discovery and personal growth.
- Building Confidence: Navigating new countries, cultures, and languages on your own can significantly boost your confidence. Each challenge you overcome is a testament to your strength and resilience.
- Making Uncompromised Choices: When you travel solo, you make all the decisions. You don't have to cater to anyone else's preferences or schedules. This autonomy can be incredibly liberating and empowering.
- Meeting New People: Solo travel often opens doors to meeting new people. Without the safety net of a travel companion, you're more likely to strike up conversations with locals and fellow travelers, leading to enriching interactions and friendships.
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Breaking Free from Hustle Culture
In today’s society, there is a pervasive culture of hustle and constant productivity. We are often made to feel that our worth is tied to how busy we are and how much we achieve. However, this mindset can be detrimental to our mental health and overall well-being. It’s important to remember that rest and self-care are just as valuable as hard work.
Solo travel is a powerful antidote to hustle culture. It allows us to step back from our daily routines, disconnect from work, and focus on our personal growth. Traveling alone gives us the space to recharge, reflect, and realign our priorities. It reminds us that life is not just about work and achievements but also about joy, adventure, and self-discovery.
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Practical Tips for Solo Female Travelers
To make the most of your solo travel experience, here are some practical tips:
- Plan Ahead: Research your destination thoroughly. Know the safest neighborhoods, the local customs, and any potential risks. Having a solid plan can alleviate a lot of anxiety.
- Stay Connected: Keep in touch with family or friends back home. Share your itinerary and check in regularly. This not only keeps you safe but also provides peace of mind to your loved ones.
- Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Whether it’s avoiding certain areas or turning down offers that seem too good to be true, your intuition is a powerful tool.
- Pack Light: Traveling light can make your journey more comfortable and less stressful. It also makes it easier to move around and stay mobile.
- Embrace Technology: Use travel apps to navigate, book accommodations, and find local attractions. Technology can be a great ally in ensuring a smooth travel experience.
- Stay Aware: Be mindful of your surroundings. Avoid distractions like excessive phone use in public places, and always stay alert.
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Conclusion: Take the Leap
As I reflect on my journey, I am reminded of the importance of taking the leap. Solo travel has taught me that the world is full of possibilities and that the most important journey is the one we take within ourselves. Whether you are seeking adventure, self-discovery, or simply a break from the routine, solo travel can be a powerful catalyst for change.
So, to all my sisters out there: take the leap. Embrace the unknown. Rediscover yourself one solo journey at a time. Travel safely, travel confidently, and never forget that you are enough.
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