It can be extremely difficult to rebound after a traumatic experience, and Tyde-Courtney Edwards knows more than a thing or two about that struggle. Tyde-Courtney's life changed drastically when, in 2012, she was sexually assaulted near her Baltimore, Maryland apartment.
She was beaten, robbed, spit, and urinated on during the horrific crime---one she detailed for Shape readers last year---and the incident couldn't have happened at a worst time. When the rape happened, Tyde-Courtney, a professional dancer, was prepping for a big audition, a new beginning in a new apartment, and the completion of studies to earn a degree in pedagogy. The incident derailed her plans, crippled her confidence, and ushered her into a life eclipsed in fear and shame. To add to the trauma, Tyde-Courtney found out she was pregnant and went through an abortion alone.
"A lot of things that we don't learn as trauma victims, following any type of physical attack is how to go about reclaiming the vibe again," she told xoNecole in an exclusive interview. "When you are with hospitals or when you have done all your pre-approved sessions with your counselor, you're kind of just left in this odd limbo. And nobody gives you any information about where you could go after that."
"It's very much like a treat 'em and street 'em situation. 'Well, we did what we were supposed to do. You came to your 12 sessions. I gave you all of your pills.'"
Tyde-Courtney, whose attacker was never brought to justice, found herself in a place of depression and self-destruction not knowing how exactly to move forward. "It was just…there wasn't anywhere for me to go and I was devastated. I was fucking myself up. I was just creating these situations where I would allow myself to fall into trouble or to get into more pain and to be as self-destructive as I could," she recalls.
"I just got tired of feeling sorry. I just got tired of being scared. I was tired of whining to people about how I was feeling or whining to people about not being able to convey your feelings, because that's another thing that we deal with. When we have been traumatized, there's all of these feelings, all of these emotions we have that we cannot vocalize."
Tyde-Courtney made a life-changing, brave choice to take her healing into her own hands and turn to what had brought her joy for so many years. She also decided to be the change she wanted to see, to fill a void that she felt other black women could also be struggling with but could find no recourse. From her trauma and her healing, Ballet After Dark was born.
Baltimore Sun
"The program was going, mainly out of necessity. I was struggling trying to find somewhere for me to heal various aspects of myself. And there wasn't a space---a safe space---for women of color to be able to work through their trauma without us feeling marginalized or judged or looked down on in any type of way," she said. "And a lot of these spaces that have been created--- these recreational spaces---are for a particular type of individual. When I would try to be a part of things so that I could heal, or even when I would do the research just so I could be a part of things---just so I could get my shit together---nothing was welcoming of me. There was not a program that allowed for me to deal with, not only the issues that come with domestic and sexual trauma, but also the issues that come with being a black woman…and just being an oversexualized black woman---just trying to be a woman who wants something for herself."
Based in Baltimore, Ballet After Dark offers concierge, ballet-based fitness services, athletic conditioning programs, dance classes, and self-care workshops to survivors of sexual and domestic assault. In carrying out its mission, Tyde-Courtney seeks to be a resource of healing for women who have gone through what she went through, strengthening mind, body, and spirit.
"[Instead of] paying a counselor to talk about all of my issues, all of disappointments, all of my aspirations, everything that I wanted to get accomplished, and there was no place to create my sister circle following the trauma. Going through my trauma and trying to figure out ways to reconnect with myself, led me back into dance."
Even while building the program, she knew she had to let her voice be heard to get past the shame of the experience. Shifting focus to her physical and mental health and to service through dance was a saving grace for Tyde-Courtney. "[I thought], 'Why am I supposed to be quiet about anything? Why am I supposed to be ashamed of anything? Why can't I be confident?' I work for my shit. I'm still working through my shit. I'm still getting through my shit. Why can I not be proud of the fact that I have come from A to D? I'm not at Z. I may not ever get to Z, but I'm here now, so why can I not stand on a mountain and shout that shit out? Why can I not be proud of the fact that after being assaulted and following that with an abortion, that I'm actually able to have healthy sex?"
"There is no room for you to be a survivor of sexual assault and to be bi-positive or to be sex positive…or just to be positive in general."
"You should be living under a fucking rock, so I'm just over that... I've really had the chance of just letting people have it. I'm also sending out a bunch of 'fuck you's' because I'm tired. You know. And I'm in this fight; I'm in this fight for the rest of my life, but I'm not going to deal with no bullshit."
Also, facing aspects of her sexual freedom and health as a woman was important--and she keeps it super-real about that in a way that is self-aware and empowering.
"I've always had a very, very comfortable relationship with sex, even before everything happened. I've always been comfortable talking about it, I've always been comfortable laughing about it. I was always that girl that had 100 boyfriends, just because we were always be sitting around talking about sex… I don't want to be stifled by anything. I have allowed myself to grow into this woman who is 100% transparent. I'm not hiding anything."
Accomplishing full renewal of self after trauma is a journey, and there's no sprint to the finish line for many women working toward it. Tyde-Courtney is very aware that it takes perspective, patience, and perseverance to take things one day at a time. She also recognizes that not every sexual assault survivor's journey to normalcy would feel, sound, or look the same. She began to readily accept and embrace positive truths about herself and what she offered the world.
"I'm a hard worker. I'm a lover. I am a nurturer by nature. I am the mother of a movement right now. But beside all of that, I am a strong, black woman; that's who I am. That's exactly who I am. If nobody knew anything about me and they didn't know my name and they didn't know my story; if they didn't know my education level, they didn't know my level of talent and technique, what they would be able to take away from me is the fact that I exude strength," she said.
"As a survivor, I will have my moments of depression. I will have my moments of just blank voids, when everyone needs to leave me the fuck alone, but I'm not going to deny myself of certain feelings. And I'm not going to tell myself that I should be a certain way. I'm also going to be enough of a sound mind to know that in order for me to have the things that I want, in order for me to have a healthy relationship, in order for me to get to a point where I'm considering a family, I had to work on myself. And I still have to. I had to understand that I may be working on myself for the rest of my life. I had to be okay with that."
"Healing is not linear; there's no perfect way for it to be done."
Tyde-Courtney continues to push forward with Ballet After Dark and is working on a documentary and a workshop tour to expand her advocacy of self-care, fitness, self-confidence, and empowerment to survivors across the country.
"I think the best thing I've discovered about myself is how strong [and] how resilient I actually am. Nothing can break me! It really can't. I think that is what's most pleasing to me, that at the end of the day, with everything that I'm doing and with everything I'm trying to accomplish, I'm ready to keep doing it. I just want to change some lives. That's all I want to do. And they better take advantage of me now, because I might want a baby in a couple of years! They better use me up!"
*Interview has been edited and condensed for clarity
Follow Tyde-Courtney Edwards and her journey with Ballet After Dark on Instagram.
- Ballet After Dark: A Story of Resilience After Sexual Trauma | BLAVITY ›
- Ballet After Dark (@balletafterdark) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- Dancer Who Had an Abortion After Being Brutally Raped Shares ... ›
- Ballet After Dark uses dance, meditation to heal emotional scars ... ›
- Tyde-Courtney Edwards | الملف الشخصي ›
- We're Healing at Ballet After Dark ›
- See How This Ballerina Rape Survivor Is Helping Other Victims ... ›
- Ballet Helped Me Reconnect With My Body After Being Raped, Now ... ›
- Tyde-Courtney Edwards | Facebook ›
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
____
Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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