If you've already read articles on the site like "15 Pretty Tripped Out Things You May Not Know About Penises" and "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go", then you know that I have never shied away from writing about penises. Personally, I adore them. They've provided me with many fond memories over the years. And because I've experienced 14 different ones (oral sex and intercourse wise; I've seen a few more than that), I've come to realize—and accept—that just like each man comes with his own level of uniqueness, so does his penis. And since no two penises are exactly alike, each kind requires a different kind of, finessing, if you will.
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That's what we're gonna touch on—no pun intended—today. 12 different things about penises that you may encounter and how to handle them—again no pun intended—so that you can get as much joy and pleasure out of them as possible. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Now dive in.
1. Gherkin
If gherkin is a name that you're familiar with but you can't exactly remember why, they're pickles. Some penises have earned this nickname because they are smaller than average (which means they are less than roughly five inches long whenever they are erect). Keeping in mind that your most intense nerve endings are within two inches of your vagina, a gherkin can still get the job done. The main thing to keep in mind is, for maximum penetration, positions like doggy style, cowgirl (you know, being on top), having your legs pushed behind you, or putting a pillow underneath you while you're on your back are gonna be your best.
Oh, and definitely avoid asking questions like, "Are you in yet?" or faking orgasms, thinking that it will help a man with a smaller than average's penis ego. He's been aware of his penis way longer than you have. He is not shocked by his size. No need to shame him or—on the other side of the spectrum—lie to him. The jig is up. Just have an open mind about what smaller penises are able to do and let him pleasantly surprise you.
2. Eggplant
Here's the tripped out thing about the actual eggplant—it's not a huge penis; it's one that tends to be shorter than average while having a significant amount of girth (which is actually, when it comes to having consistent orgasms, better than the opposite scenario, which we'll get to in a bit). Matter of fact, eggplants are hailed for being able to get the job done in ways that most penises cannot. As far as positions go, just about any one of 'em work. The main hack to keep in mind here is the use of extra lubrication can make your partner entering you feel much more comfortable, so can extending foreplay time. However, if you're a "the deeper, the better" kind of woman, sitting on the end of something (like a countertop) while he penetrates you or being on your stomach during sex can help make you climax a lot quicker.
3. Rocket Popsicle
Some penises are actually wider and thicker down at the bottom of them and then they get thinner down towards the head. Hence, the nickname "rocket popsicle" (some of y'all remember those, right?). In order to get the most out of this kind of member, sex where you are sitting upright is a good idea. That way, you can feel the base of his penis as much as possible.
4. Burrito
Can you guess what a burrito is? It's basically someone who has a big penis—lots of length and a good amount of girth. How do you know exactly who qualifies? Well, believe it or not, if a man is over seven inches when he's erect, that's considered to be a pretty nice-size burrito. So, what has made us think that we need someone who is 9" or more. Porn, for the most part. That's another article for another time, though. As far as sex with a burrito goes, getting into sex positions that allow you to control how much or little you are penetrated is always smart. There's an article on the site that can help you out with this. If you read "5 Go-To Positions For When Your Partner Is Well-Endowed" and also make sure to keep some lube in tow—oh and you breathe deeply during initial penetration—you can handle it. Remember, babies come out of vaginas every day. You can handle it.
5. Pencil
I'm assuming that a pencil penis is pretty self-explanatory, right? It's a thin straight one that is the same in width from top to bottom. While a lot of "pencils" are fairly long, the challenge is they tend to lack girth, and that can keep you from "feeling it" as much as you would like.
The hack here is for you to get into positions where you can keep your thighs closed as much as possible. Not only does it help to narrow your vaginal walls, doing this makes it easier for you to feel more friction during intercourse too. Doggy style can get this done, so can getting on your back as your partner is penetrating you while they're on their knees. When you're in this position, your feet can go on their chest with your thighs still being fairly close together. Spooning works well for pencil penises too.
6. Hammer
Hammers are interesting. The reason why I say that is because they are basically the pencil with a bit of a twist—it has a rather large head. Since the initial penetration is the most stimulating and hammers can rub against those two-inch entry nerve endings that I've already mentioned, get into positions where your legs are able to open up as widely as possible. Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, the face-off (where he's sitting up and you're straddling him while sitting up as well) and the seashell (where you're on your back with your legs are out to his sides) are all positions that can all give you maximum pleasure during entry as well as the act of intercourse itself.
7. Cucumber
Let me tell it, a perfect penis is one that is healthy and provides consistent pleasure. To me this means that virtually any of these can fall into that category. However, as far as popular standards go, a cucumber has earned the prize because it's a penis that's considered to not be too big or too small; it's one that's literally just right for most women. The awesome thing about that is you can try pretty much any position and be good to go. That said, if you're ready to do some more experimenting, She Knows published a feature entitled, "69 Sex Positions You Need to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately" that includes illustrations and everything. Have fun!
8. Curved
Something else that we need to factor in is if your partner has a curve to his penis or not. When it comes to a curve, if it's less than a thirty percent of one and it isn't painful for him, consider his curve to be completely normal (if it doesn't fit these criteria, he might have Peyronie's disease). That said, curved penises can be a blessing in disguise because they have the ability to rub you in all of the right places; specifically, your G-spot. The main thing to keep in mind, in this case, is what direction the curve goes in.
If his penis curves upwards when it's erect, the missionary position can get you off quickest. If it curves down, doggy style is wise. What about if it curves to the right or left? Hmm. Try having sex while spooning. Just make sure to keep the sides in mind. Meaning, that if his penis curves to the left, get on your right side; if it curves to the right, get on your left side. You might be surprised by how great the sex feels, just by following this simple hack.
9. Uncircumcised
You know what's interesting? What I've discovered is, a lot of the women who frown at uncircumcised penises tend to be the ones who have never even seen one in real life, let alone been with a man who is "uncut". Here's the deal, though—it's actually reported that men who are a "turtleneck" can actually make women climax easier and quicker, thanks to that little bit of extra skin that they've got. They also tend to have more stamina too. So, if you've just discovered that your partner is uncircumcised, I'd release the stigma that it's problematic on any level, if I were you. You just might be in for the ride of your life. Literally.
Oh, and as far as oral sex, don't be offended if he would prefer to push his foreskin back himself. While an erect uncircumcised penis looks pretty much like a circumcised one, some men are sensitive about their foreskin and that's just fine. Oh, and don't be "scared" of it when it comes to giving head either. The extra skin can actually make performing fellatio more comfortable due to its extra bit of cushion that can feel pretty nice during the act.
10. Veiny
What if your partner has a super veiny penis—one that, due to all of the semi lumps 'n bumps, it irritates your vagina more than you'd prefer? First, let me just say that veiny penises are pretty much genetic, nothing to be afraid of, and actually something to be somewhat grateful for because it's those veins that help your man to get and maintain his erection. Keeping all of this in mind, if you'd prefer a little less friction during intercourse, opt for some textured condoms; that can help to reduce the friction and make the sensation less, well, irritating.
11. Lava Lamp
Some women hate fellatio (check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?"). Yet even if you don't, something that can be a bit, well, much is if you happen to have a partner who pre-cums a lot (I personally call those lava lamps). Unless you are a huge semen connoisseur, the taste and amount can catch you off guard, cause you to gag, or even make you want to stop altogether.
A trick that can help to keep things flowing smoothly is to switch back and forth from oral stimulation to manual stimulation, whenever you notice that some extra fluid is headed your way. You can even have a little cinnamon oil (you might want to mix it with a carrier oil like almond if the taste is too strong for you) close by so that you can put a little on your hands to mask the taste. The warmth of the oil will feel really great to him and the sweetness of it will help to make the taste of semen more…palatable.
12. Different Hues of Penile Skin
I don't see myself ever—and I do mean, ever—being with a man who isn't Black. Not that other ethnicities aren't beautiful…I'm just unapologetically Team Black Love. Besides, in my porn-watching days, a lot of white penises used to make me feel very uncomfortable. I used to call them "angry penises" because they always looked so red.
One day, I looked up why penises come in the colors that they do. It's because sex hormones actually play a role in regulating melanocyte cells which are cells that are responsible for the amount of pigment that's in various parts of the body. Since testosterone levels play a direct role in how light or dark a man's genitalia is, if you happen to notice that your partner's penis is much darker than the rest of his body, it's probably because his testosterone levels are on the high side. Oh, and as far as the red—or even purple shades—down there, that's typically due to the blood that has rushed down to the genitalia in order to make the erection happen in the first place. The lighter someone is, the easier it is to see it.
Oh, I could go on and on, believe you me. I'll save that for another time. For now, I hope this Reader's Digest introduction to penises and what to (sexually) do with them has provided you with some clarity and perhaps, even a little bit of comfort. Because all penises are awesome. When your partner knows what he's doing—and when you know what to do in return. Feel me? Sis, I know that you do.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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