

More Than A Rapper, Common Reminds Us Why A Father's Love Is So Important
Common is easily regarded as one of the best lyricists and a hip-hop legend. Not to mention, for many women, he is consistently referred to as their #MCM. Although we constantly hear about his role as a rapper, an actor, and now an author, it's not every day that we get to hear about what is likely his most significant role -- a father.
Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity (thanks to my loving husband) to attend an up-close-and-personal, intimate conversation with Common, who was interviewed by the infamous DJ Drama.
Common was very transparent and forthcoming about his journey and experiences with hip-hop, his courage to go to therapy, his latest book and projects, and even his love life. He even shared snippets from some of his tracks off his upcoming album Let Love Have the Last Word (Sidenote: I was instantly hooked to every track he played. I can't wait!). The entire interview was so captivating, but there was a moment that almost moved me to tears.
Common shared one of his new songs titled "Show Me That You Love" which evokes the sentiments of a father-daughter healing session. The song recalls a revealing and heart-wrenching conversation between Common and his beautiful daughter.
A Father’s Perception, A Daughter’s Reality
John Lamparski/Getty Images
"Show Me That You Love" was like a love letter that a daughter like me, or any daughter for that matter, would appreciate from her father. As Common explained, it was actually inspired by a late-night call that he received from his daughter. Initially, he thought she was calling to tell him how "cool" of a dad he was, but he quickly realized that was not the case.
"She basically said , 'yo, you didn't even look out for me when I was younger. You didn't do certain things.' It jolted me back because I really thought I was a good father, but she was just like 'no, you weren't a good father.' It really challenged me. It shook me. I was hurt, I was mad, defensive…so eventually we had this discussion."
That discussion, the snippet we listened to, revealed some honest, unexpected, and transparent truths. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been for Common to hear the opposite of what he thought he was going to hear. Nevertheless, I know all too well from experience how much more difficult it likely was for his daughter to express herself to her father.
In his mind, Common thought he did everything he could to show her that he loved her. However, his daughter felt differently, and at times, she questioned if he really cared. In so many words, Common admitted that as she released her painful and sad reality, he too had to release the pride within himself.
The song was reminiscent of a recent conversation I had with my "dad," except their conversation was much more endearing and heartfelt. It was a friendly reminder that even the so-called best father-daughter relationships have room to grow.
Recently, my biological father (a term I use very loosely), for the first time in his life, actually admitted that he wasn't the best dad he could've been…by a longshot. Even though that particular conversation didn't change the reality of our distant relationship, it was at least comforting to hear him (thirty plus years later) own up to the fact that he wasn't the father I needed him to be. Through a lengthy back and forth text exchange, I realized his childhood experiences and family dynamics directly impacted his ability, and unwillingness, to be a father.
Of course, this is not to compare my dad to Common in any way because it's obvious that Common and his daughter share something that my father and I don't -- a beautiful, genuine, transparent, and loving relationship. I can easily count on one hand the number of times I've actually seen my father. I may not know everything about Common, but I know one thing's for certain -- he was way more active and he put forth a lot more effort than my so-called dad. Yet and still, this song really resonated with me because of Common's willingness to take responsibility for his actions.
At one point, the lyrics gave us insight into how his daughter must've felt and how hurtful it was when she saw him with another woman's child. I can say, from experience, that it's never easy when you're yearning for the love and attention from your father; only to see him providing that same love and attention to someone else's child.
Nonetheless, Common didn't allow his ego or his pride to overshadow or excuse the emotional truth of the situation. This wasn't just another review or a fan providing commentary about one of his latest projects; rather, this was an emotional outpour from his offspring - the daughter whom he admires and loves with all his heart.
As difficult as it was for him, he listened to his daughter. He allowed her the space and freedom to express what she was feeling. His willingness to open his heart allowed him to hear and receive what was inside of her heart.
Common Constantly Reminds His Daughter That She’s Valued
For Common, the discussion between him and his daughter was a personal declaration that "love in action is the new vision."
"Love is more than a feeling; rather, it's an action verb. It's a purpose. Whereas before, I looked at it [only] as a feeling." As a woman, no matter the relationship, we can hear "I love you" a thousand times, but if the actions don't align with the words, then it's meaningless.
As Common's daughter so eloquently put it: "Dad, let your actions be your loudest speaker."
Now, more than ever, Common is dedicated to showing his love through action, and making sure his daughter knows just how much she's valued.
"I make sure she knows that she's valued beyond anything…So, I know if I tell her 'you are valued, you're loved, you're cared for, you're incredible,' and these things, then she won't be chasing value from some dude."
That's not to say that his daughter will always make the best decisions about certain guys.
"She's going to make her own choices because things happen. But I just try to give her as much wisdom from myself and try to set the tone of basically 'love yourself.' I do my best to tell her what type of dude I was and what I've become."
And Common has definitely come a long way; much of which he credits to his relationship with God as well as therapy.
May his work and his relationship with his daughter remind and encourage us all to be more purposeful and committed to showing our love through action.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Black Fathers On What Fatherhood Means To Them
We've Said A Word About Toxic Fathers, But Who's Talking Mothers?
My Father Taught Me Love Is A Hell Of A Drug
Featured image by John Lamparski/Getty Images
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Blac Chyna Opens Up About Her Initial Fear To Share Her Spiritual Journey With Others
Watching Angela “Blac Chyna” White’s transformation in real-time has truly been a sight to see. It wasn’t that long ago that she announced that she was reversing her cosmetic surgeries in an effort to go back to who she was before the world came to know her as Blac Chyna. In previous interviews, she stated that she was dissolving her facial and lip fillers, removing her breast implants, and getting a butt reduction, as well as removing the dimple piercings that enhanced her fame and controversial tattoos.
In a recent Tamron Hall interview, the mother of two said that she has “fully recovered” from the procedures. She is also celebrating one year of sobriety and opened up about being worried about how her new journey would be received by others.
“I’ve been in the entertainment industry for so long, right, and of course, like, you know, coming out, I’m like young, I’m gonna do wild things as we all have,” she said.
“...I feel like by me being vocal and showing everybody you can change your life and things can get better, like through myself, that right there is an accomplishment, and that’s a part of freedom, too.”
But as she started on her journey, many people have shown her grace, which is something she’s grateful for. “And then the fact that people have been showing me grace, it’s like amazing,” she said. “And I feel like when I did it, I just did it. It was more so like spiritual thing and I feel like people see that, and I’ve always been like my authentic self, so what you see is kinda what you get with me, and that’s just kinda what it is.”
Chyna, who recently received an honorary doctorate from Sacramento Theology Seminary and Bible College, has also repaired her relationship with her mom, Tokyo Toni. The social media celebrity surprised her daughter on the Tamron Hall Show. Prior to the sentimental surprise, Chyna dished on the reconciliation and having a better understanding of her mom.
“I must say, some of the things I have to take accountability for because, like my actions. As a mother, you don’t want to see your daughter doing certain things ‘cause it’s like it doesn’t matter what my past was or what we’re going through, I didn’t raise you that way,” she admitted. “So, it’s like, okay, maybe I was a little bit wrong. Maybe I was acting out a little bit. But I feel like as we grow older, I kinda see more, and I understand more.”
Chyna will be starring in season two of Fox's reality competition show Special Forces: World's Toughest Test.
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Feature image by Kevin Winter/Getty Images