Everything We Learned About Love From Common’s 'Red Table Talk'
In 1972, Lonnie Lynn was born on the south side of Chicago to a teacher and a youth counselor. At the time, his parents had no idea that their son would one day grow up to rock stages around the world, become an award-winning actor, and eventually, write a book that would change the narrative of how black men look at love, therapy, and childhood sexual abuse.
In Common's headline-making memoir Let Love Have The Last Word, he opened a lane for conversations that are typically taboo for entertainers in the rap industry. Along with opening up about being molested at only 9 years old by a distant family friend, he also shared his truth about his battle with love addiction, and ultimately making the decision to go to therapy.
Common was the most recent guest at Red Table Talk, and Jada and her squad dug even deeper into the man that is Lonnie Lynn. On the episode, Common opened up to the hosts about rebuilding his relationship with his 22-year-old daughter, Omoye, getting married, and even gave us a sip (and when I say a sip, I mean a sip) of tea about his relationship with Angela Rye. If you haven't had a chance to watch yet, here's what you missed:
Common On Going To Therapy:
Common revealed that his decision to go to therapy was largely based on his realization that something had gone terribly wrong in his love life. Although he had been told by friends in the past that he should see someone, he didn't take heed to their advice until he was confronted by his feelings head-on. He explained:
"I was in a breakup and I remember because it was strange, I was in the car with [his daughter] Omoye and we were about to fly somewhere and I had to get in the backseat to talk in private to the therapist, but I needed it right then and there, I was going through a pain that was just like, I gotta get this off me so I can be better for myself, for Omoye, for everything that I'm doing."
The stigma surrounding mental illness prevented him from seeking professional help for years, but he soon learned that he couldn't hide from his feelings forever. He later learned that he was experiencing love addiction, but it was a realization that he only made after seeking therapy. He was able to recognize the flaws that he had so desperately tried to ignore in his past relationships.
"When that in-love, honeymoon phase goes [away], I would go, 'This don't feel as good.' I would start coming up with excuses on why the relationship is not gon work. 'When I'm in relationships, I don't do work as well.' My albums are not as good or I don't focus. And I really believed that. When that feeling would go away and the real part of the relationships came, I was like, 'OK. Do I want this or not?' I wasn't ready to do the work. I obviously care for the person, but when things got tough and it was time to work through stuff, I wasn't willing to work through it."
On Rebuilding Relationship With His Daughter:
With Willow back at the Red Table this week, Common also opened up about how he rebuilt his relationship with his daughter, Omoye, after she pointed out a major disconnect between their father-daughter connection. On a 2 A.M. call that Common originally thought was no big deal, his daughter let him know how she really felt. He explained:
"My daughter Omoye confronted me. It was a late-night call so I thought I was getting a call like, 'I'm a cool dad.' It was 2 in the morning. I had to start a film the next day so I said, 'Ima call you back. Let's talk tomorrow.' And she called me right back like, 'Yo, you don't even care. You ain't even see where I was at.' And it really, it shook me for a minute. I was like, 'What are you talking about? I do care.' And her mother and I weren't together. Eventually, that conversation turned into her saying you weren't there for me, you didn't fight for me as a father. It made me feel defensive. I was hurt and I was mad too."
Ultimately, Common understood that despite how her words made him feel, it was her truth, and she had a right to it. Now, Common and his daughter have a great relationship, but that wouldn't have come without having the ability to be a good listener. He continued:
"I was like, 'You really believe some of this stuff?' What I really learned, after I got past my own ego, I said, 'Look, you right, I didn't fight.' And I had to acknowledge that. I just need to listen to her because this is what she's feeling. No matter what I think I've done and this and that, this is how she feels. And that was one of those the heavens open moments and how to apply love more."
On Becoming A Husband:
In the episode, Common also revealed that he's ready to give up the single life for good. Between his struggle with love addiction and societal expectation, Common explained that marriage wasn't always on his list of goals, but as he's matured, his perspective has changed drastically:
"I would like to be a husband. I think that for a long time, I was in and out with that. Do I really wanna be a husband or am I doing this because this is what society says to? Now, I just want that partnership to be able to experience life, where I'm growing as a human being and kind of just spark each other. It's fun too. I know it's hard at times."
Common On What's The Deal With Him & Angela Rye:
Now, when I said Common only gave us a sip of tea about what's popping off between him and Ms. Rye, I really meant that. The rapper was tight-lipped about his relationship with Angela, but he did spill the beans on his dating status and all roads lead to, "It's back on like Donkey Kong".
Along with a spiritual woman, Common said that he's seeking a wife that not only has a sense of humor but can also be a friend. He said briefly:
"I am dating and I have a great companion and that companion could be that person right there."
To watch the full Red Table Talk, click below!
Featured image by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage
