Listen, don’t even get me started on all of the sheer creative geniuses that the Gemini season produces (you can check out a mere handful of them via an ESSENCE article from a few years backhere); however, when it comes to my DNA and some members of my tribe, we’re Gemini deep too. My paternal grandparents are both Geminis. My mother, her late brother, and my own brother are Geminis. My mother’s husband is a Gemini. Both of my goddaughters are Geminis. Two of my closest male friends are Geminis. And yes, I am a very proud Gemini as well.
And although I “don’t do holidays,” virtually everyone in my world knows that if there’s a time of the year when I’m gonna be close-to-obnoxious, without any type of reservation or apology, it’s June 17, especially when it’s a milestone year (read between the lines there, chile…LOL). And so, when my peeps asked what I wanted to do this year, especially when one of them suggested a party, all I did was roll my eyes as far back into my head as I could.
As an also proud ambivert (check out “What Exactly Is An Ambivert? How Can You Tell If You Are One?”) and someone who likes to keep my circles…separate (check out “Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other”), the absolute last thing I want to do is pay to celebrate myself (ain’t it wild how most folks end up bankrolling their own birthday parties only for folks to eat up all of their food and oftentimes not even bring a gift?!) with a room full of folks. Nah, I prefer to go all out, even on “big” years, in a different kind of way.
If you just read all of that and thought to yourself, “FINALLY. Someone who gets where I’m coming from!” — whether you’re a Gemini too (and if so, Happy Birthday! We are so bomb!) or you consider yourself to be an introvert or ambivert and you have a birthday coming up over the next few months, here are seven ways that I have honored my own special day in the past and will be commemorating this year. It has worked hella well for me. Maybe it can be for you, too, sis.
1. One-on-One Dinners with Friends
GiphyHands down, one of my favorite ways to celebrate my birthday is to go out to eat with friends; however, I prefer to take the one-on-one approach. For one thing, y’all know that Geminis have different sides (that really is true), and so, since my circle is rather eclectic, I like to bond with each person individually.
Plus, when you go out with one person at a time, think of how many brunches, lunches, or dinners you can have (based on how large your circle is) that you don’t have to pick the tab up on.
For instance, this year, I am literally going out for three weeks straight, at least five days out of each of those weeks — and each friend has told me that I can go wherever I want to go. And chile, if there’s one thing that Music City’s got, it’s an abundance of restaurants and cuisines! Yep — a very celebratory approach that is also intimate and pretty non-stressful is to set up dinner dates with each friend instead of going out with a room full of folks. I’ve done it for years. I have not one regret.
2. Do an Annual Collection of Something
GiphyFor about the past decade, at least three people in my world will ask me, about a month out from my birthday, what I will be collecting for the year. For instance, this year, I’m all about a particular stone that symbolizes things like rejuvenated energy, spiritual evolution, and divine wisdom. It never fails that, right around April or so, there will be something that I am drawn to — whether it’s a certain color, a stone or crystal, or a certain type of jewelry…hell, one time it was Pumas (because the actual animal represents things like power and patience).
It’s cool to get a lot of things in a “theme” because it’s empowering and a confirmation to remain in that type of head and heart space until another year rolls around. If you’ve never done something like this before, consider it. It’s fun to see what people come up with once you put them in a general direction of something — something that you know you don’t only want, but you want to be emphasized in your life for the next 12 months.
3. Host a Virtual Party
GiphyWhen it comes to introverts, you’ve probably heard thatthere is so much going on within them that large groups can be quite draining (as opposed to extroverts who enjoy getting energy from outside sources). That’s why large parties, even when they are for them, oftentimes feel more like work than fun. Okay, but what if you’re having a milestone year and you want to find a way to merge a traditional party with your own personality type? Something that you might want to do is hold a virtual birthday party.
You can stagger out your guests by giving them different times to log in to something like a Zoom call; that way, you can control how many people you are dealing with at any given time and sign off when you know that your bandwidth is going low (it's also cost-effective as all get out!). Something else that’s cute about this idea is you can have different themes to each set of “callers.”
For instance, with your low-key friends, you can keep it casual on the appearance tip, and then, with your bougie friends, everyone can dress up. If this piques your interest and you’d like to get some planning tips, clickhere andhere for a few ideas.
4. Create a 'Date Yourself' Calendar
GiphyUh-huh. While social media is out here debating over $200 dates, what I want to know is how many folks who say others are “broke” make it a point to spend that much on themselves. Yeah…EXACTLY. LOL. There are so many benefits that come from “dating yourself.” It reminds you to prioritize yourself. It builds/boosts self-confidence. It helps you to learn more about your interests, passions, likes, and dislikes. It can encourage you to learn how to try new things. It’s a wonderful form of self-love.
And here’s the thing about birthdays — while God willing, you will have many more years to come, what you won’t ever see again is the age you will be on your next birthday…so, the more that you can prioritize to make it your best year yet, the better. In walks creating a calendar where you can plan dates ahead for yourself; ideally, no less than two of them a month. It can be a staycation, a day trip, or even just trying out a new restaurant. Starting off a new age with some pre-planned dates will always give you something to look forward to. Try it. I’d be shocked if you didn’t like it. A LOT.
5. Rock a New Lipstick, Crystal, Scent and Color
GiphyIf there’s one saying that irks the mess outta me, it’s “People can’t change.” Ain’t it funny how the folks who usually say something like that believe that no one else is capable — oh, but they can? Now, what kind of nonsense is that? The reality is thatthere are plenty of studies to back up the fact that most of us go through personality changes, more than once, over the course of our lives. One article that I read said that we tend to shift the most in the areas of neuroticism, conscientiousness, openness, extroversion, and agreeableness. For example, we might be “less neurotic about conforming to the group, less open to trying new things in order to savor the classics, less conscientious as they become more selfish, and less extroverted as they keep more to themselves” as we age.
A line that I particularly liked in the piece is we must accept that people are clay, not plaster. That said, since each year brings forth a new number, as you’re exploring what else may be different (or shifting), treat yourself to a new color of lipstick, a new crystal or gemstone to wear, a new scent to put on and a new “favorite color.” You’d be amazed by how much simple adjustments like this can have a pretty big impact on how you move in each new year of your life.
6. Get a 'Reward Yourself' Jar
GiphyThose of you who are day one Sex and the City fans will probably recall the episode when Carrie went to a child’s birthday party, someone stole her shoes and she registered herself to get the pair back from the couple. If you didn’t see it (you can watch a clip for contexthere), her bottom line point was singles are always supporting couples and parents with their stuff (ain’t that the truth, chile?), so they should be able to get some love, too. She’s right. Somewhat along these same lines, regardless of what your relational status may be at the turn of your next birthday, you should celebrate and reward yourself as often as possible.
If you agree in theory, yet your budget is rolling its eyes at you — get yourself a big ass jar to “reward yourself” with. Every time that you reach a goal, do something that you’re proud of or shoot, restrain yourself in a way that you wouldn’t have in the past, and put some money into it. It can be a quarter or five bucks. Along the same line of a sex jar that I recommend for long-term couples (check out “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar”), commit to not taking any money out of the jar until your next birthday rolls around; then splurge however you wish. It’s a totally debt-free way to prioritize celebrating you…year-round.
7. Find a 'Theme Word' for the Year
GiphyFinal one. You know, it never fails that right around my birthday and then around the time of year that I observe as the new one (Rosh Hashanah), I will pray and ask God to give me a new word to focus on for that season of my life. It also never fails that he will give me one. Like the year that my house literally blew up three days before Christmas (check out “My House Burned Up. Three Days Before Christmas. What It Taught Me.”)? 2022 was ROUGH. However, around my birthday that year, “replenish” was the word that came to me, and it gave me the strength to keep pushing to come up with a new normal for my life.
The word for my birthday this year? I’m going to keep to myself; at least for now. As for you and your own word(s), just remember that the Scripture says that death and life are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), and so, it's important to respect the words that you use. As far as theme words go, they can really help you to orchestrate your life with clarity and direction. I can certainly attest to that.
___
Aight, like I said, this is my own birthday month, and with my own special day steadily approaching, let me get off of this thing so that I can go on another dinner date.
Ah, the life of an ambivert. Wouldn’t have it any other way. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by mapodile/Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
‘Found’ Star Shanola Hampton Spent $532 On Her Wedding. 6 Reasons Why That’s Beyond Bomb.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend asked me to name a female celebrity who I personally found to be physically beautiful. Although it took me a second to run through my mental Rolodex, two people who came to my mind were actorsJavicia Leslie (who I first “stumbled upon” via the series Chef Julian) and Shanola Hampton.
As far as Shanola goes, I was first introduced to her via the independent film Things Never Said(which also starred Omari Hardwick). Anyway, it’s always so cool to watch people evolve in their respective fields and Shanola has definitely become a household name thanks to the role that she currently plays inthe NBC seriesFound.
And y’all, my fondness for her certainly went up a few notches after I peeped a few things that she recently shared ina PEOPLE interview. In 2025, she will have been married to her beloved for 25 years (salute!). As she was talking about their wedding day, she shared that they eloped in Las Vegas, that it only cost them $532, that she wore a thrift store dress and “Erykah Badu headwrap” and that she only has one regret.
Because they were “too broke” at the time to afford a full elopement package, they didn’t get a videotape of her nuptials (they do have pics, though). She also said that a big part of the reason for the regret is because she adored her husband, Daren’s vows: “Gosh, if we could only have seen what it was going to be...” INDEED.
As a marriage life coach, something else that I appreciated about the article is when she said, “Yes, you learn and grow and evolve. But you don't change each other by marrying each other." Lawd, if more people really got that, less folks would end up in divorce court (check out “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You”).
However, the main reason why I’m using Shanola’s words of wisdom as the intro for this piece is because I know far too many couples who either keep putting off wedding plans to save thousands of dollars for a ceremony or they are far too stressed out because they think a big wedding is something that absolutely must be done.
Well, between what you just read and what you’re about to read, here’s hoping that you’ll realize (and accept) that there are all kinds of benefits that come from taking the “less is more” approach — yes, even when it comes to wedding days.
First, the Difference Between a Micro-Wedding and Eloping
GiphyI promise you that I don’t get why so many folks damn near hyperventilate whenever they hear “small wedding” (or micro-wedding which is apparently the popular term right through here). It’s like they are automatically wired to think that means making some wack concessions or that they automatically have to elope. Well, before getting into some actual facts that come from taking the minimalist approach to one’s nuptials, let me just say that just because you don’t end up having 500 people on your wedding guest list or three choices of cuisine at your reception, that doesn’t mean that you have to end up at the courthouse in a pair of sweats.
For one thing, treat yourself to TikTok and put “Black elopements” in the search field. Yes, even if you do elope, you can still dress to the nines (or 12s because you don’t have to spend as much money as you would on a wedding), it can be at another location (like a beach or even a church) and then you have the rest of the day to do whatever you want: post up in a swanky hotel, fly some place that requires a passport stamp for your honeymoon — whatever. And, since you’re eloping, you and your bae can be totally off the grid the entire time.
However, a micro-wedding is a bit different. Basically, it’s what happens when you do pretty much everything that you wanted to do for your wedding only, it’s with a guest list of 50 people or less. And I’m pretty sure you can see the immediate benefit that comes with taking that approach: you’re able to save money — and y’all, since reportedly a whopping 56 percent of couples went into debt just from their wedding alone and financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce, well, yeah, don’t diss a micro-wedding. It definitely has its perks.
Okay, but there are other researched and fact-based reasons why it can be a wise move to go smaller as far as weddings are concerned. Here are just six of ‘em.
1. Expensive Rings (Oftentimes) Predict Shorter Marriages
GiphySome of y’all may remember the student last year who went viral on TikTok and then became a news story thanks to his under-twenty-bucks device that let teachers at his school know if their engagement/wedding ring was the real deal or not (chile). Hmph, all it did was remind me of the De Beers origin story of engagement rings and how I will continue to share it until each and every cow comes home. Basically, the company was going broke, it came up with the slogan “a diamond is forever” and folks have been drinking the Kool-Aid ever since. SMDH. And what’s really wild is while people actually think that saving up three months of a salary is a sign of one’s everlasting love, there are articles out in cyberspace with titles like “Why an Expensive Ring May Predict a Short Marriage.”
In this one, it features a study that said the people who spend somewhere between $2,000-$,4,000 have a higher chance of divorcing. The reason? Eh, I’d venture to say that it’s probably not so much about the ring itself but the motive behind why someone wants a really expensive one, how realistic their expectations are about marriage and their financial future, and if they want to be a wife or just a bride — and yes, there is a really big difference, chile (check out “Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?”). Not to mention the stress that the groom-to-be may have experienced to make the sacrifice (especially if it was above his means). Either way, take note.
2. Smaller Weddings Can Be Exquisitely Intimate
GiphyI have a little love sister who has been engaged for over three years now. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that the purpose of being engaged is to plan your wedding — literally that is what the time is for. Know what else needs to be reiterated? The fact that some studies say that the longer you’re engaged, the more likely you are to divorce. One study gets even more specific than that. It says that if you’ve been engaged for more than 27 months, the intimacy between you and your partner will suffer during its newlywed years and yes, it could lead to a serious breakdown in the relationship.
That’s why I’ve been telling her that instead of her and her fiancé damn near killing themselves to pay for an over-the-top wedding, they can have a smaller one — one that is more intimate and can be just as beautiful. If you don’t believe me, check out Brides' “40 Small Wedding Ideas for an Intimate Affair” piece. Personally, I’ve always liked the idea of renting out a really nice vacation house and having loved ones all stay together while getting married at the same location.
Sometimes big weddings are so big that a lot of the “closeness” is lost and certain moments are a complete blur. With a smaller wedding, the chances of these things transpiring end up dropping…significantly so.
3. The Planning Process Is Far Less Stressful
GiphyI’m telling you, when it comes to this topic, the facts just keep on coming. Boy, there is nothing like working withan engaged couple while they are planning their wedding — if that doesn’t reveal some things about what their relationship is actually made of, nothing will. Hey, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
A few years back, Business Insider published an article entitled, “Wedding planners reveal the 10 biggest red flags that a couple won't make it.” One of the things that it said was, “From unrealistic budgets to family conflicts, there are multiple problems that can arise during the wedding-planning process that can create rifts in a marriage or even lead to divorce.”
Yeah, they ain’t neva lied because if you don’t know how to keep your emotions in check, how to negotiate, how to set boundaries with family members and friends (bookmark that one), and how to compartmentalize your wedding with the rest of your relationship — you shouldn’t ignore that; it’s actually showing you something about your dynamic that you should address prior to jumping any broom.
Anyway, the main moral to the story when it comes to this one is if your wedding is small(er), there is less to plan…and if there is less stress, then your relationship won’t end up having to endure so much pressure. #justsaying
4. Less Folks? Less People to Please.
GiphyAh yes, the bookmark. Listen, if you are a bona fide people-pleaser (check out “How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser & Start Doing You”), the wedding planning process is going to test you in ways that you’ve never been tested before! This will especially be the case if you have some pretty poor boundaries with your loved ones (and/or perhaps his) to begin with. It’s another message for another time that you really need to involve people in the planning process who know that it’s you and your fiancé’s day (NOT JUST YOURS), that they should just be supportive and encouraging (not demanding and entitled) and it only needs to consist of who will make it be about your needs over their wishes.
For now, I’ll just say that when your wedding and guest list are smaller, there are far less people to, well, please. And again, if you are a people-pleaser (or a people-pleaser in recovery) that can really take a load off.
5. Cheaper Weddings Lead to Happier Marriages. Science Says So.
GiphySo, about a decade ago, CNN published the article, “Want a happy marriage? Have a big, cheap wedding.” The gist of it simply stated that “a new study found that couples who spend less on their wedding tend to have longer-lasting marriages than those who splurge.” The first thing that comes to my mind on this one is simply, that some people marry people and others “marry” weddings. Now does this mean that every couple who has an opulent wedding day is shallow and superficial or that they are getting married for the wrong reasons? Of course not. For one thing, some folks can afford to have an expensive wedding (meaning, it won’t put them into debt to have one).
Plus, having extravagant taste doesn’t mean that someone’s love isn’t real. AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, having a big wedding thinking that it proves something? It really proves nothing as far as the foundation of a healthy marriage is concerned. Yeah, my biggest takeaway from this point is when you just want to start the “becoming one” process with the man who you love, the price tag really doesn’t matter. They way it should be.
6. Finances Can Go Elsewhere
GiphyLast year, CNBC published the article, “Gen Z, millennial couples say it’s too expensive to get married in this economy.” Boy, and if this doesn’t prove the ultimate point that I’ve been trying to make this entire time, nothing will. Y’all, when you really want to be with your “one”, who cares about how beaded a dress is, how expensive a venue should be or how tall a cake looks — and so, why should you wait damn near forever until you can pay for all of those things? A party is nothing compared to a lifetime partner. That said, STAY FOCUSED.
Besides, all of those thousands that you saved by not having a big wedding can go to things like a downpayment on a house, a really long international honeymoon, a new car, a savings account for your future children, a retirement account — the possibilities really are endless and all of them can help your marriage to have a more solid footing.
____
So, if you initially read the title of this and low-key got cynical, maybe now you get just how “onto something” Shanola and her husband — again of almost 25 years — actually were. Smaller, less expensive weddings can be absolutely priceless. For all sorts of reasons. As you just read.
Again, salute to them and, if you are (currently) engaged, wise wedding planning wishes to you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images