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All Wisdom Isn't Wise: Evaluating Which Advice To Take & Which To Shake
It was an abnormally warm spring day when I took my mother to the park to tell her I was moving away.
We sat on a bench facing the rippling river; I was feeling both the weight and promise of a season about to change when my mom offered her go-to line, "Well don't you just want to pray about it a little whi-"
"No, Mom," I cut her off, lovingly. "I already prayed on it. This is what I have to do. I need to grow. I can't do that here."
She nodded in agreement, took a beat, and began laying out ideas to help me fulfill my vision quest.
In that moment, I discovered the power of firmly yet lovingly rejecting advice that does not align with personal convictions - no matter who is offering it.
Vet Your Loved Ones’ Advice Too
It seems painless to blindly follow the advice of those who love you, but as get older, life will show you that it is wisest to evaluate the who, what, where, when, why, and how of everyone's advice first. Yes, that includes Big Mama too.
Real life isn't set up for the age-old idea that we should only take advice from those who love us. In fact, it offers anecdotal proof that we should examine their counsel just as much, if not more than anyone else's.
I'm sure that if it isn't you, you know at least one person who forfeited some of their deepest ambitions under the counsel of those who loved them dearly:
They went through with law school to make their parents proud, knowing acting was their dream.
They married the girl who looked good on paper when they were in love with the girl from around the way.
They had children to make their spouse and family happy when they didn't want children at all.
Parents want their children to experience "better" lives than their own. And sometimes, even our friends don't understand our visions and will advise us based solely upon financial stability and safety. While there is nothing inherently wrong with the desires of our heart, they can pull us out of alignment with our destiny if we receive them blindly when presented at the wrong time, for the wrong reason, or from the wrong motivation.
Advice based on living a "safe" life is meant to be loving. But to live safely leaves so much to be desired in regards to passions and dreams. Safety usually translates to comfort - and comfort doesn't usually produce great things.
My mother's advice to pray about my move wasn't bad advice. It was simply: 1) poorly timed and 2) motivated by fear.
First, I already had the answer I'd prayed for. So, to pray again would be futile. Second, her reason for wanting me to pray was to delay my decision because she was afraid for me to live so far away.
Getting advice is a lot like solving a math test problem. The advice is the answer but in order for it to make sense, you need to show your work, and reasoning.
When receiving advice, ask the person for their reasoning and listen with your mind as well as your heart.
Seek Wisdom From The Courageously Wise
Great lives demand courageous counselors. There must be an element of courage that accompanies any advice. Most of the time we ask for advice when we've got a difficult choice to make, right?
When the fork in the road feels colossal and your answers to life's questions are vague at best, it's crucial to have people in your corner who have faith to believe the impossible and the good sense not to advise you off a cliff. For example, if you're gung-ho to put a down payment on a space for your new business, a courageously wise person might be just as excited about your new venture as you are but she would first pump the brakes and inquire about your business plans, investors, etc.
Courageously wise people take big, giant leaps of faith but they also understand that there are levels to the game of life. They'll be your #1 hype man but they will never let you play yourself by doing too much too soon or skipping key steps on your path.
Listen To Those Who’ve Been Here Before
"Never ask advice of someone with whom you wouldn't want to trade places." - Darren Hardy
If they've not mastered the path you're traveling, why do you need to know what they think?
Don't worry, I'll wait.
That's like asking someone with perpetually poor credit to walk you through the steps to financial freedom. It sounds crazy because it is crazy. Yet, we do it everyday -- allowing friends and family to toss their two terrible cents into the bank of our lives, adding very little value.
Instead, connect with those whose lives are a reflection of achievement in the places you're looking for answers. Just as a receipt is proof of a purchase, please keep in mind when seeking and considering advice that there must be proof of mastery.
What are some of the key takeaways you've learned in either receiving or giving advice? Share them below in the comments!
- It's not all about being clever, where's the wisdom? ›
- The "conventional wisdom" about growing your startup that isn't so ... ›
- When the Crowd Isn't Wise - The New York Times ›
- Is It Worth Being Wise? ›
- The Wisest Quotes on Wisdom | Psychology Today ›
- Wisdom Isn't What You Think It Is, And It Doesn't Always Come With ... ›
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
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Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
I don’t know where this year is going, but it’s flying right by! Seems like it was just yesterday that I was writing about intimacy for Valentine’s Day, and — ding! — now, Independence Day is right around the corner.
Here’s the thing about this particular holiday, though — whether it’s your favorite one or you could honestly pass on it (because you’re more of a Juneteenth person yourself), I personally think that any time there is an opportunity to get creative in the sex department, we should take full and complete advantage of it.
So, since the Fourth of July is the day when fireworks are in abundance, why not take some of that energy into your bedroom this year by applying some of the following 10 holiday-themed, fully sex-related tips?
1. Create the Mood with Some Confetti Poppers
Let’s begin with some atmosphere. Although there are sparklers that you can use indoors, if the sex is going to be even a little bit good, if you want to go along with the whole fireworks theme, you should opt for décor that can stick around for more than just a minute or two. In walks,confetti poppers. If you want to give off the fireworks feel in your bedroom, opt for the smaller ones that are traditionally used for baby showers (like thesehere). It’s a unique way to ring in the 4th right before you well…you know. #wink
2. Screw in a Fireworks Light Bulb (No Pun Intended)
Something else that you can do to create a feel of Independence Day inside of your house is to screw a fireworks light bulb in a couple of places where you plan on creating some sparks. Something that’s cool about a lot of the LED options is they give off subtle light changes without being super bright — if a romantic mood is what you’re after. Some affordable options arehere,here, andhere.
3. Try Some Fireworks Lube
It’s kind of a shame that a lot of people only think that lubricant should be used in order to get wet (or wetter) — because no matter how much or well things are flowing down below, lubricant is a welcome addition to a fun evening; that’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”. When you get a chance, check it out. Then, once you’ve read it, get yourself someFireworks Female Arousal Gel; it’s a popular lube that contains a good amount of peppermint (the menthol sensation will be sure to be off the chain!) and glycerin. Many satisfied customers have said that it takes orgasms to a whole ‘nother level, y’all.
4. Or Apple Pie Lubricant
Speaking of lubricants, when it comes to signature foods for the 4th, outside of grilled meat, it doesn’t get too much more American than apple pie, chile. In the spirit of that, you might also want to cop yourself a tube of edible lubricant that comes in the flavor of this particular dessert like this brand here. I checked out several reviews and women said that not only does it taste pretty good, it provides a bit of a warm sensation as well. Hmph. Sounds like a good ole’ slice of apple pie to me (sans the calories and plus the climaxing — a win all the way around!).
5. Play with Some Sweet Tea Ice Cubes
As far as signature drinks go — not just on Independence Day but the summer, in general — is there anything more popular than sweet tea? Southern home-brewed sweet tea, at that? This Fourth of July, when it comes to your bedroom activities, pour some tea into a couple of ice trays, freeze them, and then pull aMookie and Tina (shout-out to the Do the Right Thing movie). Temperature play can definitely increase your stimulation levels; plus, since the tea is sweet, it can be a really nice and unexpected foreplay surprise.
6. Invest in a Popsicle Vibrator
Speaking of temperature play, if you want to bring a sex toy or two into the mix, why not a popsicle (since that’s pretty popular this time of year, too) vibrator like this onehere? Take the thrill up a notch by applying one of the flavored lubes to it, freezing it, and then using it…however you plan to. I bet you'll never see a popsicle quite the same way again! #wink
7. Or a Strawberry Shortcake Egg
A summertime dessert that many people just can’t seem to get enough of isstrawberry shortcake. On the sex tip, that’s cool to know because, not only are strawberriesin season right about now, but they are also considered to be abona fide aphrodisiac. That’s because the high amount of vitamin C that is in them can help to keep your libido in great condition. Well, as you’re enjoying some shortcake or strawberries and whipped cream in a more creative kind of way (eh hem), another sex toy option is a Strawberry Shortcake Egg (here). It literally looks like a strawberry, it’s waterproof and fast-charging and it has 20 different vibrating functions. Awesome!
8. Get into the Fireworks Sex Position
I’m telling you, if you’re tired of doing the same go-to sex moves, cyberspace has a ton of sex position options for you to choose from. For instance, did you even know that there is a sex position known as “fireworks”? Now, I won’t lie — you need to be semi-flexible and have some solid upper arm strength (both of you) in order to really pull it off. Yet, from what I gather, the grinding possibilities, coupled with the direct eye contact, could make for a truly memorable time. You can see the position for yourself here.
9. Go Outdoors
Most Independence Day activities happen outdoors, right? Why not take your sexual escapades out there, too, by either having sex in your car or in a tent in your backyard (so long as it's nighttime, of course)? Or, you could stay inside; the workaround is to book a room at a hotel and get up on a really high floor so that you can engage in some coitus in front of a window without worrying about if someone is (really) going to see you. It’s a surefire way to pull the exhibitionist out in you — that’s for damn sure!
10. And Enjoy a Lil’ “Sex in the Driveway”
It’s not a myth that alcohol can play a role in making sex better — so long as it’s consumed in moderation. In fact,many studies say that a drink or two can make you feel sexier, can sometimes make sex last longer, and for some, it can intensify orgasms as well. So, if you’re looking for a creative cocktail for you and your bae to enjoy this coming holiday, have you ever tried a Sex in the Driveway before? It’s a beautifully blue drink that contains vodka, Blue Curaçao, Peach Schnapps, and Sprite (recipehere). Since you’re gonna be outside for a little while anyway, why not consume something that focuses on that very theme? Happy Fireworks and Fourth, y’all!
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