The Biggest Takeaways From xoNecole's First-Ever ElevateHER Crawl
A mirage of pink and purple balloons come into focus as I step into the building. I can faintly make out the beats of "Before I Let Go" and muffled laughter as I walk up to the counter. Suddenly I hear an empowering, Kiki-filled "Courtney!" behind me. An overwhelming sense of comfort comes over me and, at this point, I have to check myself. I'm in Atlanta at a business networking conference with my cards in hand and my elevator pitch memorized. So, why does it feel like I just walked into my favorite hair salon on an early Saturday morning?
It's Saturday morning but I'm not at the salon, I'm at xoNecole's first annual ElevateHER presented by Toyota Corolla and I'm already in love.
Artist Melissa Mitchell giving us life.Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
The first 300 attendees received custom tote bags
Black women are the fastest growing economic force in the United States and that's a fact Necole Kane understands like the back of her hand. It could be argued that Necole is one of the biggest pioneers of that entrepreneurial spirit in the digital space, both personally and through xoNecole.
xoNecole's SHEeo vibing out at the ElevateHER entrance.Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
Boss Babes Link Up was a perfect networking wall where attendees wrote out what they needed and what they offered.
This one-of-a-kind marketplace was a community of digital and traditional business women who are, above all else, enthusiastic to see other women win. An expertly curated space with Instagram-worthy backdrops and an extraordinary DJ who understands how to get a party started were merely exciting add-ons to the empowering experience of ElevateHER. Over 700 women filled Mason Fine Art Gallery to shop a varied array of 25+ black women-owned vendors like Melissa Butler's The Lip Bar, LaKeasha Brown's 1987 Juices, Candice Cox's CanDid Art, Charline Shelby's Fabulina Designs, and Tay Watts' Posh Candle Co. to name a few.
Swank Blue
Bask & Bloom
Play Pits
As attendees we got even more bang for our buck as we were able to listen to panelists give testimonies and real-life advice for propelling women forward. The speakers included host Dana Blair, Ezinne Kwubiri (the Head of Inclusion and Diversity for H&M), Pauleanna Reid (a Forbes.com Senior Contributor), Tamisha Harris (a CNN/HLN producer), Janell Stephens (the founder of Camille Rose Naturals), Alicia Scott (the founder of RANGE Beauty), Christina Rice (the founder of OMNoire), and Shavonne Riggins (the founder of Curlkalon) as well as a surprise appearance by Hollywood producer Will Packer.
Dana Blair moderating the Elevator Pitch panel featuring Christina Rice, Tamisha Harris, Pauleanna Reid, and Ezinne Kwubiri.Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
To top all of that off, we were even treated to free palm and tarot readings, henna, drinks with the "you can sip with us" slogan served by Crown Royal and Baileys, and musical stylings by the ever-talented lady spinners DJ OHSO and DJ Traci Steele.
DJ Traci Steele had the crowd bumpin' on the 1s and 2s. Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
VIP attendees enjoying complimentary drinks from the Crown Royal bar.Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
Attendees were able to kickback in the Crown Royal lounge complete with cocktails, Vegan bites, henna, palm readings and astrologists.
The Real Queens fix each other's crowns walls was an attendee favorite and reminded us of the Queens that we are.
An underlying theme throughout the event was the idea of timing.
It wasn't your usual "trust timing" mantra we see on Instagram but instead, a diligent lesson on how timing works with the power of intention to progress towards your goals. It takes more than perfect timing for an idea to come to fruition. Timing is nothing without intentional execution and dedicated hard work.
From Necole's keynote about her career pivot and being acquired by Will Packer Media to each panelist on the Elevator Pitch panel co-signing to this theme in one way or another, this message wasn't the only one received all day. In fact, below are a few more key takeaways.
1. Your trajectory is yours to own.
Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
Necole delivered a beautiful keynote on the power of understanding and leaning into your journey, especially when you're just starting out. One of the key points touched on was the pressures from the outside world on where you're supposed to be or who you're supposed to be. Oftentimes we internalize the pressures and opinions of others and allow it to direct the trajectory of our careers. A big moment in the room happened after Necole described the feeling of people telling her how moving to Phoenix wouldn't advance her career. Her response? "Will Packer found me in Phoenix." Sis, yes. Hello. The moment was received by so many in the room who feel limited by circumstances like location, and shed a light on the facts that location isn't what's important.
Throughout her chat, she stressed the importance of listening to your inner voice and moving towards your personal happiness; a sentiment that was echoed other times at the conference. The aha-moment was when Necole shared why she was so determined to execute this event perfectly. "This event is the epitome of my new direction," she says.
"Young girls are watching and this has to be a success. This is the only way I can push forward with this acquisition."
Support is excellent but without execution, it's just an idea.
2. Us supporting Us.
Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
By now, we've all seen the stats on how long the black dollar lives in the black community. It's more important than ever to cultivate real spaces for the black community to invest in one another. We aren't readily found in the aisles of Target, the racks at Saks 5th Avenue, or the counters of top retailers (yet). Awareness and information are needed to build this financial community and ElevateHER Crawl was a giant step in that direction.
When Will Packer took the pink stage, the energy was amplified by a thousand. Will understood the importance of investing in the community that helped me to his billion-dollar successes, and he made it clear at every turn.
"I have made over a billion dollars at the box office. You know who drove me to that billion-dollar success? Black women. You did that. So when the time came for me to put my money and my resources where my mouth was, guess who I wanted to invest in? A black girl, you damn right."
The message: We are enough. A message that wasn't only present in Will's speech, but seen in every aspect of the event. From the 25 shop owners on Vendor Row, to the team Necole invested in for the day, it was all manifestation of this sentiment. ElevateHER showed what can happen when passion, community, and resources come together. We are enough and we have enough to build this community.
3. Substance over Flash.
Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
The key to any great event is substance.
The pretty colors and photo-ready corners are nice, but the heart of any conference lies in the information. Each panel was expertly chosen and perfectly crafted to fulfill the needs of real, working women. Panelists focused on tangible and actionable pieces of advice needed to propel women forward in business. The industries were far-ranging and each speaker brought a unique perspective to the subject at hand.
For those hoping to produce an event similar to ElevateHER, I encourage you to take this advice to heart. A conference is more than a place for a cute photo. It's about crafting a unique and extraordinary experience for whatever community you support. This also applies to the work you're doing; it's more than the aesthetic of your Instagram. The real work happens in boardrooms, on conference calls, and in the hours of labor that aren't captured on video. It was a common trope from almost every panelist (including Necole herself) that your primary focus should be crafting and creating a quality product/service, not how many followers or likes you get.
I have never been in a space so uplifting, encouraging, and dynamic as ElevateHER Crawl. I've never left an event feeling so motivated and confident in my abilities as a woman. Above all else, the community presence was real. A slew of women loving other women is always my jam, and the foundation of ElevateHER. For those looking for a conference to call home, I also encourage you to attend ElevateHER next year.
We can only get bigger and better from here.
Photo by Carol Lee Rose for xoNecole
Want a peek at more of ElevateHER? Check out some of the event's highlights in the slideshow below:
Featured image by Carol Lee Rose
- 11 Scalp and Strand Products That Will Keep Your Protective Style ... ›
- 10 Products to Clean Your Scalp While in a Protective Style ... ›
- How To Soothe An Itchy Scalp Protective Style | Real Beautiful by ... ›
- 12 Protective Style Products for Natural Hair To Help With Growth ... ›
- The Best Spray, Liquid, And Gel Shampoos For Box Braids ›
Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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A Therapist Breaks Down The Internet's Fixation On The Black Cat-Golden Retriever Dynamic
In the realm of love and relationships, there's a growing interest in the idea of opposites attracting. This concept is gaining traction on platforms like TikTok, where users explore how different personality types interact in romantic partnerships. One popular comparison is between the "golden retriever" and "black cat" archetypes.
According to Urban Dictionary, the golden retriever, typically portrayed by men, embodies a relaxed and friendly demeanor, making relationship maintenance seem effortless. These individuals are described as easygoing, patient, loyal, socially adept, and optimistic. On TikTok, many women are intrigued by the prospect of finding partners with these qualities.
In contrast, the black cat, often represented by women, leans towards introversion and independence. They're mysterious, quiet, and introspective, preferring to be pursued rather than doing "the chasing" in relationships.
@annakrstna Replying to @BeckyAmi part II coming soon❤️ #femmefatale #blackcat #blackcatenergy #dating #marriage #datingadvice #princesstreatment #feminine #feminineenergy #relationship #sprinklesprinkle #celebrity #femininenergy #love
This dichotomy reflects the anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics in psychology (pursuer-distancer cycle), where one partner seeks closeness (golden retriever) while the other values autonomy (black cat).
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Archetypes & Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that early caregiving experiences shape our attachment styles, influencing how we relate to others. Anxious individuals seek reassurance, while avoidant individuals prioritize independence. However, not every instance of the black cat/golden retriever dynamic indicates underlying insecurities. Individuals can embody these personas without necessarily being insecure or exhibiting unhealthy attachment patterns.
For instance, a golden retriever's desire for closeness may come from a secure attachment style, rooted in self-worth and trust in others. Conversely, a black cat's preference for autonomy doesn't always indicate avoidance; they may simply value their independence, and it's relatively easy for them to connect and disconnect when needed. Understanding these dynamics requires personalized individual/couples assessment, ideally with a licensed therapist.
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Roles in Relationship Success
A prevailing notion in this discussion that's sparked a lot of conversation is the idea that when a woman takes on the role of the golden retriever in a relationship with a black cat partner, the dynamic is more likely to fail. (I've experienced this firsthand, even in my own past relationships, and I've seen it play out in my own life.) Conversely, when the roles are reversed, the relationship tends to thrive. But why does this happen?
Historically, men have been socialized to take on the role of the pursuer, while women are expected to be more passive recipients of romantic advances. From a biological standpoint, some researchers argue that evolutionary instincts may play a role in shaping mating behaviors. Evolutionary psychology suggests that men may be inclined to pursue potential mates to maximize their reproductive success. This perspective suggests that men may have evolved to seek out partners and compete for their attention and affection.
@annakrstna Replying to @Tina Kaur #love #dreamgirl #beauty #relationship #dating #datingadvice #femmefatale #feminineenergy #desire #obsession #darkpsychology #sprinklesprinkle #femininity #psychology #selflove
Additionally, societal expectations and cultural norms can heavily influence gender roles and relationship dynamics. From a young age, boys may be socialized to take initiative, assert themselves, and pursue their romantic interests actively. On the other hand, girls may be encouraged to adopt more passive roles, waiting for suitors to express interest or make romantic gestures.
As much as there's a lot of conversation about gendered expectations and societal norms, it's crucial to recognize that these expectations aren't universally applicable. Not all individuals adhere to traditional gender norms, and people express a wide array of behaviors and preferences in romantic relationships. Research indicates that attitudes towards pursuit and courtship have evolved over time and differ across cultures.
In today's society, there's a growing recognition of the significance of mutual consent, communication, and reciprocity in romantic relationships. Many individuals, irrespective of gender, prioritize egalitarian principles and seek partnerships founded on mutual respect, understanding, and collaborative decision-making.
The Black Cat & The Problem With 'Acting' Secure in Dating
Delving deeper, there's a growing conversation surrounding the distinction between acting secure and authentically embodying security in relationships. True security stems from a deep-rooted sense of self-assurance and a healthy understanding of one's needs and boundaries. Secure individuals don't feel compelled to mask their vulnerabilities or play games to attract a partner; they attract healthy relationships by being genuine and self-assured.
Contrastingly, attempting to mimic secure behavior without addressing underlying insecurities can lead to relational pitfalls. Pretending to be nonchalant or aloof may initially attract a partner, but it ultimately creates a façade that crumbles under the weight of emotional triggers and unresolved attachment wounds.
Authenticity and vulnerability form the bedrock of secure relationships, fostering trust and mutual understanding.
Most importantly, whether you identify as a black cat or a golden retriever in relationships, it's best to find someone who genuinely loves you for who you are. Connect with people who appreciate you instead of engaging in games or "acting secure," because even secure individuals have vulnerabilities and weaknesses. People need to see the real you to truly connect with you.
Transitioning from acting secure to being secure requires introspection and self-awareness. Here are some tangible tips to cultivate genuine security in relationships:
1. Reframe Your Beliefs About Love and Relationships:
Challenge any negative beliefs or misconceptions you may hold about love and relationships. Recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and compatibility, rather than scarcity or desperation.
Cultivate a mindset of abundance, believing that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections and fulfilling partnerships; you just have to be the person you want to attract and refrain from entertaining anything less.
2. Develop Self-Confidence:
Invest in building your self-confidence and self-worth independent of external validation or romantic relationships. Foster a sense of independence and autonomy in your life. Develop interests, goals, and aspirations that are separate from your romantic relationships, and invest in your personal growth and development. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don’t abandon those hobbies just because you met someone new or you’re in a new relationship.
3. Set Realistic Expectations:
Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner in relationships. Recognize that no relationship is perfect, and both partners will inevitably experience challenges and setbacks. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on building a strong foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and communication. Embrace the ups and downs of relationships as opportunities for growth and learning.
4. Emotional Regulation:
Develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions and navigating conflict constructively. Prioritize self-care and cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.
5. Practice Patience and Acceptance:
Understand that finding a compatible partner and building a fulfilling relationship takes time and patience. Avoid rushing into relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone. Trust in the process and have faith that the right person will come into your life at the right time. Practice acceptance of yourself and others, recognizing that everyone has their own journey and timeline when it comes to love and relationships.
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Featured image by Amber N Ford/Getty Images