The Biggest Takeaways From xoNecole’s Own The Shift Event
After a month full of historical moments and memorials, of extreme highs and ground-shaking lows, the Own The Shift Wellness Event on Saturday was perfectly timed to shift my mindset and energies for 2021. Centered around topics ranging from money management to wellness to finding your voice, tangible and inspiring takeaways were shared amongst boss women to channel the readiness to step fully into owning the next transition of self and wealth. For me and hundreds of other ladies, it was the mental reset needed to tackle the rest of the year. From the inspiring opening statements from xoNecole founder Necole Kaneto the bevy of gems dropped from each speaker to the infectious laugh of Gia Peppers; Own The Shift was a phenomenal event to start this year.
To "own the shift" is to possess a curiosity within yourself, the courage to not ignore what you discover, and the unshakeable faith to stand firm in what you need to get what you want in life. Or, as host and multimedia journalist Gia Peppers put it, "learning how to own my shift as I walk into this next chapter (of life and career)." Across the range of panelists, we saw common themes about realizations, intentions, and dreams manifesting come into play. It was two hours of impactful, soulful, and dedicated advice to truly empower and motivate like-minded women. My notebook is filled with all the gems I wanted to savor, but here are the biggest takeaways I received from the #OwnTheShift event!
The Fundamentals of Awareness and Affirmation-Setting
Wellness Strategist Toni Jones shared several keys on how to own your shift through affirmations, honesty, and patience. The first step is being aware of your design to operate more healthily. By honing in on that awareness, you can find the discouraging narratives that are limiting the divine orchestration for what's possible in your lives. According to Toni, it's only after those steps that you can truly begin to own your shift.
Toni dropped so many gems in the first 30 minutes, along with making excellent analogies for how to think of yourself - especially when marketing and such. What is your campaign? How do we advertise to ourselves? You have to create affirmations that are true to you, and you alone. You have to give yourself new content to focus on, a new narrative to derive from. It's only by creating those intricate campaigns for ourselves that we can own the shift and step into our greatness.
"How do we create our own marketing campaigns for our greatness, for our potential, for our possibilities?"
Owning Your Genius + Prioritizing Your Needs
It's often said you need to shift your mindset to make and maintain a certain level of wealth, especially if you didn't grow up around money. But financial expert Tonya Rapley took it one step further and emphasized the importance of knowing your genius and prioritizing your financial needs to build and scale wealth. During Saturday's event, Tonya explained why a major part of "owning your shift" is understanding your particular zone of genius is, and understanding what you can and cannot learn. If you don't understand what level you're at, you won't be able to find successful resources to scale your business. As Tonya points out, a great first step is to find a coach who specializes in your niche and has worked with individuals who are in your shoes.
Once you fully understand your strengths and weaknesses personally and professionally, you can then implement tactics to achieve your business goals. At that point, prioritizing your needs against those goals will help to scale and maintain your business and wealth.
"If you have more than three goals (for the year), then you have none. You can't do it all."
The Power of Equanimity
For me, the word "equanimity" has followed me around since roughly 2017, when Dave Chappelle aptly named his comeback comedy special, Equanimity and The Bird Revelation. So, when best-selling author Lalah Delia encouraged hundreds of ladies to lean into more equanimity in 2021, I felt my entire soul fill up.
Equanimity is defined as the "evenness of mind especially under stress". It's truly an ethereal state of mind that disconnects from the chaos of life and centers the mind on peace and harmony. For Lalah Delia, it is the mindset that has helped her own the shift in her own life, especially with the uncertainty of 2020. It is something we all can tap into and maintain for ourselves; an aspect of life that is completely self-owned. The everyday practice of equanimity trains our physical bodies to understand that peace doesn't come from external outcomes like we are trained to believe. It allows us to practice a higher power of alignment and builds the fundamental skill of balancing ourselves.
"No matter how the energy of stress enters into your energy field, you're able to tap into equanimity, which means poise, composure, inner peace, and balance."
For more amazing experiences like this one, follow xoNecole on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and visit www.xoNecole.com! Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images