Some of the best life experiences happen when you let go of fear and embrace spontaneous change.
Planning gives way to simply living, and questioning is quieted by a go-with-the-flow mentality. For Lauren Miller, founder of the lifestyle brand Can't Stay Put, the most memorable moments occur when she's hitting the road.
“I have this fearlessness and I am an extroverted person and I know how to connect with people very well, and the connections lead to these awesome experiences that you cant really plan—that aren't commercial," says Lauren.
And she's not lying. Her jaunts have led her to the hoods of Brazil, tobacco farms of Cuba, hot springs in the deserts of Chile, and to classrooms of South Africa—and those are just the moments she chooses to share.
But Lauren's journey starts not with her worldwide excursions, it starts three years ago on the top floor of her California apartment, where after 12-hour days working as the Event and Marketing Manager of a fine-dining restaurant she would come home and record videos voicing her frustration with working in an industry that she had no interest in. Sure, she made good money. But what good are dollars when the lifestyle that you're living doesn't make sense? Lauren got tired of asking that question, and even more fatigued with faking that this was a life that she desired.
“I knew I wasn't living or walking in my purpose," says Lauren. “I wasn't doing what God put me on earth to do, and I was just at a point where I was very frustrated just trying to figure it out."
On her 25th birthday, Lauren took a trip to Maui and prayed that God would reveal her purpose, promising that she would run 100mph even if it came at the expense of her own comfort. The answer didn't come that day, but when she returned to the states she put in her notice at work anyway—no plan, no direction, but also nothing to hold her back.
In celebration of her transition from the job that was no longer fulfilling, she returned to the place that inspired her leap of faith. This time, she got the answer that she was looking for just three months prior in the bamboo forests of Maui.
Maui, Hawaii
“God was like, 'you need to figure out how to do this. You need to figure out how to inspire people through your experiences'," says Lauren.
“This" turned out to be the thing that Lauren had been doing all of her life, but failed to realize that her purpose was rooted in her passion. Since the age of five, she had been jetsetting across the world. There were the monthly trips back and forth between Atlanta, where she lived with her father, and D.C. to visit her mother, who at the time was appointed to a position under the Bill Clinton administration. There was the fact that she bought her first Delta SkyMiles ticket at the age of 11, and that she had a passport before she could even fully comprehend what having access to the world and to different cultures truly meant.
But like many, Lauren didn't imagine that something that was her norm would one day become the platform to help others embrace their true selves. At Howard University, she studied Biology and minored in Chemistry, believing that being a doctor was what she was supposed to do simply because she was good at it. But by senior year, she could no longer ignore her instinct. “You have to really have a heart to want to become a doctor. It's not a profession that you do because you want to make a lot of money."
Iceland
After graduating, she took a year off and moved to Nebraska—following a boy, of course—before attending a master's program in business at Wake Forest University, and then moved to California to work at a family-owned restaurant. Even then, the travel bug didn't die. “I would always incorporate [travel] into my life because it was just my life. And the year I turned 25 is when I got that itch; 'Yo you've got to figure this out!' Because I was yearning for more purpose."
After quitting her job she broke her lease, moved her items into a friend's basement, and promised to cook and clean during the times she was in town in exchange for a place to sleep. She had the passion, but no plan. Later that same week she ran into a life coach, but with no money in her pocket, the only thing she had to offer was her commitment. “He said a lot of people say they want to change their life, but they don't want to put in the effort and the work and I would much rather you not waste my time than pay me," says Lauren. “I was like well I don't have no choice. I quit; I'm out here."
"A lot of people say they want to change their life, but they don't want to put in the effort and the work."
It was one thing to confess her dreams, but to put action behind it would take a greater level of sacrifice. After coming up with the name Can't Stay Put, Lauren had her first big hurdle—funding her launch trip to Southeast Asia. “I changed my screensaver on my computer and my phone, everything and I was just engulfed in it and I put together a proposal and sent it out to people trying to raise money or trying to get some type of intelle on how to really make this work."
She was hit with countless no's from friends and family who questioned her decision to abruptly quit her job before receiving a $2,500 yes from a former client who saw her vision just as much as her diligence. “It was one of the best days of my life because at that point I had never really worked on something that I didn't know was going to work," says Lauren. “I think for a lot of young people, there's no guarantee. We all want to be a boss and growing up, you hear about whatever you put your mind to you can do, but you don't really test that."
She also had the commitment of a former colleague and high school friend, who passed up three job offers in order to travel as Lauren's photographer. Seven thousand dollars later, Lauren took her first Can't Stay Put trip through Thailand, Hong Kong, South Korea, and Cambodia, and hasn't stayed put since.
Lauren will be the first to tell you that that answers aren't always in the plan, but in the process, and that too much planning can impede action. Since launching Can't Stay Put she's discovered that the brand isn't solely about travel, but about encouraging others to create the life that they want to live against all odds. As a self-proclaimed inspirational explorer, travel is just the umbrella under which she spreads her gospel.
“When I first started this money wasn't on my mind. It was like I know I can help people, and that's been the overarching theme: How can I use this to help people? How can I speak life into other people's dreams and make them feel just as fulfilled as I did just to get out here and do some shit?"
"How can I speak life into other people's dreams and make them feel just as fulfilled as I did just to get out there and do some shit?"
Of course money did come and so did new opportunities. Brand partnerships, life coaching sessions, speaking engagements—Lauren has become a voice for those wishing to live fully, but afraid to leave comfort behind. “For a lot of people our age, we don't really understand what sacrifice is; we don't really understand what real work is. When you give something up it's going to be uncomfortable, and you have to be okay with that and know that you're doing it for a reason. I knew that if I didn't want to have a regular life I was going to have to do some irregular shit."
By no means is Lauren sugarcoating the journey. It's a lonely road to being an entrepreneur, and even more isolating when you're always on a plane heading to the next destination. Seeking solace with fellow travel entrepreneurs like long-time friend Zim Ugochukwu of Travel Noire, helps to remind her to embrace every part of the journey.
Great Sand Dunes, Colorado
“Before I set out I knew there were going to be times where it was going to be hard as hell. God is not picking on you. This down time is not specific to you, that's just a part of it. All of the things that you want God is going to give it to you, but you need to prove that you deserve it and that you're worthy of it. If you don't let it deter you or break you, you're really worthy of these amazing things that you said that you want."
It also helps to know that her sacrifice—moving from couch to couch and sometimes not knowing if she'll get more than one meal a day—is touching the lives of those who she inspires. “I'll get an email from somebody saying how I've changed their life, and I'll end up crying like thank you, you don't understand that you were sent. You think that you were just telling me how grateful you are but you were sent because I needed to read this at this very moment because I was just in a bad space."
“I have pity parties," she admits. “But you may have one or two drinks at the party and then you have to go. You can't stay. You can't stay at the party."
To live a Can't Stay Put lifestyle isn't easy, but it's worth it. With each destination—each new adventure—the traveler is planting the seeds of success in the minds of those who desire to make the impossible possible, and that's an experience that can't be captured on camera.
For more on Lauren, follow her on Instagram.
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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