Unpopular opinion, but as a mother, you may have to choose your career over parenthood sometimes. Let’s talk about it.
Disclaimer: just know that we celebrate girl bosses over here! That includes the 9-5 girlies and women who take the non-traditional route of entrepreneurship. But sometimes, I feel like working moms deserve their own set of flowers. With so much red pill content today that centers around telling women who they are and how they should live, shout-out to the women who continue to denounce this way of thinking while fighting to make a name for themselves - outside of their families and children.
To those women, this is for you.
WHAT WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ENOUGH
Evelyn Hambrick and her daughters
Photo by Jamel Hope
A speech that lives rent-free in my head would have to be the 2014 commencement speech given by Shonda Rhimes at Dartmouth. That’s where the Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal creator recalled learning that she can’t be everything to everyone, including her own children. “If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I’m probably missing bath and story-time at home,” Rhimes shared. “If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I am probably blowing off a script I was supposed to rewrite.” That’s the reality of being a mom who’s also a businesswoman. But we don’t have to look outwards to Hollywood for such examples.
We can also talk about Evelyn Hambrick, a business owner who works out of Huntsville, Alabama. “I have more moments than I like to admit; moments where me being an entrepreneur trumps me being a mother,” Evelyn tells xoNecole. The mother of two began her entrepreneurial journey during the pandemic back in 2020 and currently runs four businesses. Evelyn says she used her “shelter in” downtime to learn as much as she could about her passion, photography. As a result of that, she now owns a commercial property that operates as a photography studio while also owning and running a daycare.
Evelyn Hambrick
Courtesy
Evelyn was able to achieve all this after seemingly having to start over. “My husband left right after he found out I was pregnant,” she says. “I then moved in with my sister and her husband. I was actually on bed rest and couldn’t work because I was a high-risk pregnancy.” Evelyn has her village to thank for getting her back on her feet and for keeping her there. After her second child was born, Evelyn’s close family members decided to move to Huntsville, where they purchased a house together and helped support each other for nearly 10 years until Evelyn moved out in September 2023.
PUTTING YOUR DREAMS ON PAUSE
For some working moms, starting over can look a lot like starting from rock bottom, but for others, it could mean starting fresh after raising children. This is a story freelancer LaDwanya “LD” Roberts can also attest to. She is a wife and mother of three who’s worked as a producer in reality television for nearly 10 years. Almost immediately after graduating from Clark Atlanta University, LD, like so many other working moms, decided early on in her motherhood journey that she would be a stay-at-home mom until her children were old enough to be on their own. For LD, that also meant putting her producing dreams on pause.
Today, though, LD’s eldest is a freshman in college, which now means that new doors can open up for her. “When my kids were younger, I wouldn’t take a job out of state because I didn’t want to be away from them,” she says. “But now that they’re older, I can. And we have FaceTime now, thank God!” LD commends her hard-working husband, her parents, and her in-laws for being the support system she needed while working and raising her children.
“My husband is a good father and dependable,” LD says. “I know he’s going to make sure the kids eat at night and have dinner. He never complained. He’s a man’s man and took care of the bills.”
MOMENTS WORKING MOMS ARE ASHAMED TO ADMIT
L-R: LaDwanya “LD” Roberts and daughters
Courtesy
A well-balanced parental household should be the standard for every child, but we all know that it isn’t the reality for many. Evelyn says her co-parenting experience has not been what she thought it would be and is especially not reflective of the co-parenting dynamic she had growing up. “They had the perfect trade-off relationship. Instead of making my mom leave work, my dad took over,” Evelyn recounts. She adds, “(It) wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned they didn’t like each other, but they didn’t make it known to me at all.” Evelyn respects her parents for giving her a safe environment that wasn’t full of drama because they had mutual respect for one another.
Not much has changed today. Evelyn’s parents are just as hands-on in their grandkids’ lives. She’s grateful that her parents can be there, even when she can’t, “They don’t miss the fact that I am an entrepreneur and am busy.” Evelyn even recalls a day when she didn’t know her daughter was sick in school. It crushed Evelyn when she found out what happened next. “My mom picked her up even though I said I was available,” she says. “My child said, ‘I told the nurse don’t call you because I know you’re busy and working.’” Evelyn continues, “I felt horrible. That day, I was free, but she didn’t know it. I was trying to surprise them when they got home from school. The fact she had to tell someone outside our household bothers me.”
LaDwanya “LD” Roberts
Photo by Ramseys Rivas
So yes, working moms are missing a lot of important moments, and unfortunately, so do their children. But both LD and Evelyn always work to make sure their children know the why. As for LD, “They understand that things cost and life is expensive. We have a home, food, things they want, (but) mommy and daddy have to go to work. They’re never upset (that) I have to work. They (just) wish it wasn’t such long hours.”
As for Evelyn’s children, she says her eldest child tells her all the time that she wants to be a photographer like her and that she wants to own businesses. As for her youngest, “My 4-year-old has been with my mother since she was born. She has not had me like my oldest. All she knows is me being gone. After one day, she tells me she’s ready to go back to her GG.” Evelyn says she tells her daughters regularly that she will shut everything down if they need her to.
THERE’S LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
Today, these hard-working moms are still working to be an example to their children that it’s important to pursue your dreams and passions. LD is now setting her sights on being a casting director and is currently working as a casting assistant, something she’s been passionate about for some time. She says, “I realized life is short, and I want to go after what I want.” Her advice to working moms is, “The most important thing you can do is read your word, stay grounded, whatever you believe in, do that.”
Evelyn believes that it’s a good idea to include your children in what you’re doing. She offers advice to fellow entrepreneurial moms, “I let my children be with me when I’m working so they can see what I’m doing when I’m not around. If you quit too soon, you’ll miss your blessing. Just wait. The biggest mistake you can do is give yourself a date of when it will happen; you can give yourself a goal (though).”
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Feature image by MoMo Productions/ Getty Images
RELATED
So, today? Today, we’re going to tackle how sex impacts us when it comes to our energy fields. What (mostly) inspired this is once reading a science-based article about how it is a fact and not a myth that just like plants can absorb energy from other plants, humans can do the same thing by being in the space of other human beings. And when you stop to really think about it, doesn’t that make all of the sense in the world?
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be terms out here like “peer pressure” and big grown folks wouldn’t be out here trying to look and act just like some of their favorite celebrities or IG influencers (and yet, on that point, I digress).
So, since energy impacts us in some pretty significant ways, let’s take a few moments to see how it goes down when it comes to copulation — just so that you’re (even more) aware of what you’re getting yourself into when you “do the do,” as far as your personal energy space is concerned.
Energy. Revisited.
GiphyOkay, so before we get all up in how energy is exchanged during sexual activity, what is energy as it relates to human beings, in general? Well, in some ways, it all depends on who you ask. For instance, the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that energy is about having the capacity to do something. Some medical experts say that energy is all about how something impacts you on a mental or physical level.
For instance, negative energy tends to be very heavy and draining while positive energy can increase feel-good chemicals throughout your system which makes it easier for you to do things like be creative and problem-solve. Something else that I think is important to keep in mind as far as human energy goes is it’s impacted by a myriad of things including a person’s stress levels, how healthy a person is, what their life choices are (as far as how their decisions influence them) and even what their sleep patterns are like.
And if all of this is true, then something else that Aristotle once said about energy would be beyond accurate: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
Energy is life. Whew, so if this is indeed the case, does this mean that when you choose to have sex with someone, you are sharing your life force — whatever state that may be — with someone as they are doing the same to/for/with you? YES.
What Does It Mean to Exchange Sexual Energy?
GiphySince I grew up in an entertainment industry household, I think that’s probably why I’ve ended up with some close friends who are in the industry as well. That said, I will never forget when I was talking to one of them one day about a particular artist. When I expressed how much sex appeal that she had, my (male) friend simply said, “Yeah, I’ve been in her presence a few times before. She has some really dark energy. I didn’t even hug her.”
Now from a scientific standpoint, dark energy is simply what causes the universe to accelerate in growth over a certain period of time; however, when a person is described to have dark energy, that usually means that they have an evil and/or negative and/or heavy and/or draining aura about them. And y’all, here’s what’s semi-wild about what he said: did you know that science backs that hugs do indeed transfer energy?
Yep, research reveals that a hug from someone can literally alter your brain and body chemistry — so you definitely need to be discerning about who you let up into your affection space. Straight up. And so, since a hug has the capacity to do that, how much more can SEX?
To further emphasize this, let’s begin with an article that I read on Healthline’s website entitled, “Do We Really Exchange Energy During Sex?” After checking it out, one of the main things that I appreciated was when a doctor who was interviewed for the piece said:
“Every sex act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers your energy level…Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or physiological, mechanical act…Rather, it’s an energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone, the two energies merge.”
Okay, so according to science, when two people have sex, energies merge. Well, according to Scripture, when two people have sex, oneness transpires (Genesis 2:24-25). Let’s keep going.
There was once a Physician-scientist by the name of Wilhelm Reich (who actually died in prison, in part, because of his radical beliefs on sex and orgasms during his time), who once said that having a healthy sex life (which, to him, including orgasms and is what he referred to as “orgastic potency”) is what played a huge role in one’s emotional health and well-being. That’s because, to him, without the release of sexual energy, neurological disorders would be come to be.
My takeaway from this is when you think about the fact that things like serotonin, dopamine, and the “the bonding chemical” oxytocin are all released during sex (and most certainly during orgasms), and also since sex (and orgasms) reduce stress — you need to tend to your sexual energy for the sake of your holistic health. Let’s continue on.
After reading an article on sexual energy on Cosmo’s website in which one of the sex therapists said that “our sexuality is our power" and then reading an article on the same topic on Well + Good’s platform where another expert stated that, “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul's connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe”, I thought about the word “power” and then “soul connection.”
At the end of the day, power isn’t just ability but the capability to influence and even take authority over something or someone. And a soul connection? Several years ago, when I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” one of the things that I made sure to emphasize is your soul IS also your life. This means that soul connections are life connections.
And so, it would appear that sharing sexual energy also means that you are making a life connection with someone. And that type of connection has the power to influence you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine. That is how deep exchanging sexual energy is.
What You Should Always Keep in Mind Before Sharing Sexual Energy with Someone Else
GiphyNow are there degrees to this whole sexual energy thing? Of course. The type of connection that a husband and wife of 20 years can make via sex is very different than a one-night stand. However, it would appear that science believes that it doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself about sex with someone (or even how many condoms you may use during sex) — potent energy is exchanged regardless.
That’s a huge part of the reason why I will forever roll my eyes about how ridiculous “casual sex” sounds to me, because, although I do believe that it is very possible to engage in coitus that has no real purpose (casual is purposeless, by definition), what isn’t possible is for there not to be a significant connection made from a scientific standpoint. Because again, if a mere hug can alter you (shoot, a handshake too), do you really think that allowing a man’s penis into the sacred space known as your vagina will not? After reading all of this…do you really?
When it comes to energy, author T. Harv Eker once said, “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” With all that was just shared about sexual energy, each and every person you choose to “engage” with, they are either going to affect you or infect you — just with their energy alone.
Knowing this, if there was ever a time to choose wisely, this would be it.
Your energy is your power. Who you exchange power with? CHOOSE WISELY.
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.
And because energy can shift…be cognizant of what you’re doing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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Featured image by Giphy