It was nearly a month before my best friend went into labor, and we were all awaiting the arrival of her baby daughter. She had a routine doctor's visit that she assured me was "no big deal", but seemed to take longer than usual. Less than 10 hours later, my friend of more than ten years was fighting for both her life and the life of her child in the emergency unit of a New Orleans hospital.
It wasn't until later that I learned that she had been diagnosed with preeclampsia, which is characterized by hypertension that usually occurs around the 20th week of pregnancy. Preeclampsia, also called toxemia, is one of the leading causes of maternal death for black women, and studies show we are more than twice as likely to die from the condition than our non-ethnic peers.
Kenya Moore Daly recently proved that celebrities aren't immune to complications during childbirth when she made this announcement on Instagram three days ago:
"I made fun of my swollen feet at @cynthiabailey10 party. Next day my tests came back for possible preeclampsia... I gained 17 lbs in ONE week due to severe swelling and water retention, high blood pressure, and excess protein in urine. This is NOT normal! I took more tests. Baby is fine but if they come back higher #babydaly will have to come same day."
"Staying positive. To my pregnant sisters please go to your visits and tell the doctor of any drastic changes. Thank God I have great doctors.🙏🏾 #babydaly #highrisk #love #family #miraclebaby #kenyamoore #babybump #pregnantover40"
Despite being one of the most developed countries in the world, the U.S. still manages to have the highest maternal death rate. Other stars like Mariah Carey, Kim Kardashian West, and even Beyonce, who recently shared that she experienced toxemia while pregnant with her twins Rumi and Sir, have also suffered from the potentially fatal condition that can ultimately result in preterm birth or placental obstruction.
Thankfully, preeclampsia can be managed and most cases are preventable with the right resources and information. Here's everything you need to know about the condition:
Watch Out For Preeclampsia Symptoms
One of the most effective ways to prevent toxemia is to know the symptoms. Along with keeping a close eye on your blood pressure during your pregnancy, be sure to tell your doctor if you're experiencing severe headaches, changes in vision, or an abnormal shortness of breath during your third trimester. One of the most telling signs of preeclampsia is an increased level of protein in your urine, and you can test this by picking up some DIY urinalysis test strips from your local drug store or requesting a test from your doctor.
Know The Risk Factors For Preeclampsia
Checking your family history and knowing your risk factors can be essential in preventing toxemia during pregnancy. Obesity, having a personal or family history of preeclampsia, and/or hypertension will increase an expectant mother's likelihood of developing the condition. It is also more likely that a woman develops the condition when it is her first pregnancy, is over 40, or is very young when conceiving.
A C-Section or Early Delivery May Be Necessary
My best friend was devastated by the fact that she was forced to have a C-section versus the natural childbirth she had always dreamt of. Her scar took weeks to heal, and to this day she still wishes that she had the opportunity to give birth vaginally, but unfortunately, toxemia usually leaves doctors with no choice but to deliver via C-section. Cesarean deliveries are usually required when there needs to be a quick and speedy delivery, and this is almost always the case for mothers experiencing childbirth complications such as preeclampsia. Keep in mind that an uncomfortable scar costs way less than the life of you and your baby.
As black women who are dying during childbirth at a rate that is disproportionate to other demographics, preeclampsia can feel scary. But with the right resources, we can protect the mothers in our community and keep our children alive. Studies show that more than 60% of preeclampsia deaths are preventable, so let's do what it takes to end this epidemic and get knowledgeable.
As black women who are dying during childbirth at a rate that is disproportionate to other demographics, preeclampsia can feel scary. But with the right resources, we can protect the mothers in our community and keep our children alive. Studies show that more than 60% of preeclampsia deaths are preventable, so let's do what it takes to end this epidemic and get knowledgeable.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Kenya Moore Daly (@thekenyamoore) • Instagram photos and videos ›
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- Pregnant Kenya Moore May Deliver Baby Early Due to Preeclampsia ›
- Kenya Moore May Be Diagnosed with Dangerous Preeclampsia ›
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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