
By now you’ve heard about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars after Rock told a bad joke related to Jada Pinkett Smith’s alopecia.
I’m less interested in talking about The Slap™ however and more interested in talking about something that happened mere moments later. A photo captured Will Smith being spoken to by Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry a few feet away from the Oscars stage during the first commercial break that came after the altercation.
There’s not much known to the public about what was said during the conversation aside from what Smith said during this acceptance speech when told the audience that Washington said “At your highest moment, be careful. That’s when the devil comes for you.” Reportedly Washington also went to comfort Pinkett Smith after speaking with Smith.
READ MORE: THE 94TH OSCARS BLACK HISTORY MOMENTS WE SHOULDN'T FORGET
It's a moment that’s gotten lost in all the chaos of the discourse that’s been generated after the events that unfolded. A moment of tenderness and love that resembles so much of what’s missing from the current conversation around Smith’s actions.
Regardless of how you feel about Smith’s action – disappointed, elated, angry, bemused – I’ve been frustrated about certain reactions that have fixated on wanting the actor to receive carceral punishment. Many people both in and outside the legal system view hitting someone without physical provocation to be illegal, punishable by imprisonment or at least some form of state sanctioned penalty such as probation or community service. But the calls to incarcerate Smith seem to ignore the fact that Rock has reportedly already declined to press charges against Smith, thus begging the question: who is it that we are protecting by insisting on carceral solutions if the person harmed here is not interested in pursuing any legal recourse?
The supposed violence people seem to be reacting to is not even the violence that allows for Rock to make a joke minimizing Jada’s health and using it as comedic fodder for a (mostly) white audience. The harm they’re reacting to has even less to do with Smith’s hand swiftly connecting to Rock’s face. It’s about forcing people to contend with impolite emotions and reactions in public. It’s the violence of violating the rule of civility in the face of oppression that white institutions such as the Oscars cloak themselves in. It’s evident by how many people have suggested that Smith should’ve just confronted Rock behind the scenes instead of on stage for all to see. Or how people who claim “violence is never the answer” can so easily suggest an inherently violent place like prison as a solution for every single problem that arises in our society. “Prisons do not disappear social problems, they disappear human beings,” as Angela Davis wrote.
If a Black man who has had a professional and personal reputation of being one of the nicest men in Hollywood for over the course of his three-decade career can immediately be villainized, I shudder at the thought of the way people are treating the Black boys and Black men in their everyday lives with considerably less social and monetary capital. Even the way white people continue to reconfigure Rock as a white person (“what if he were Betty White?!” What if he were Bob Saget?!”) in their supposed defense of Rock shows the limits of their concern and that they can’t even summon sympathy for the Black man that they’re claiming was harmed without casting themselves as the victims.
People struggle to imagine what accountability looks like without prisons but we must. Accountability in this situation could look like Smith, Pinkett-Smith, and Rock coming together to have a private conversation about what transpired and then bringing it to a public platform like Pinkett-Smith’s talk show Red Table Talk to have a discussion about alopecia, as well as ableism and misogynoir in comedy. And sometimes accountability looks like being pulled to the side by an elder like Washington that will gently but firmly correct you. Accountability is an act of love and community. And Sunday night showed us a brief glimpse of what that looks like.
The Real Reason You Overthink And Crave Reassurance In Love
Over 40 million Americans have an anxiety disorder. However, what if I told you that everyone on the planet experiences situational anxiety - feelings of anxiousness when exposed to certain situations - and this isn't a diagnosis but rather a part of everyday life?
Given the prevalence of anxiety, it's quite possible that symptoms of anxiety will arise not just during the dating phase but even in the relationship phase, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of because it’s simply an effect of being human. Although it's normal to feel anxious, it's important to remember that leaving anxiety untreated can have detrimental side effects that impact our daily lives.
Relationship Anxiety: Signs And How To Overcome It
Anxiety is a common issue many people face, which can significantly impact romantic relationships. Here are several ways that anxiety can show up in romantic relationships and what you can do about them:
Relationship Anxiety Signs #1: Overthinking
The anxious brain can feel difficult to manage. People with anxiety tend to overthink situations, causing them to become anxious and worried about things that may not be a big deal. This can lead to arguments and misunderstandings in a relationship, as the anxious partner may worry about things that the other partner does not find concerning. Challenging irrational thoughts and having conversations about those that feel rational is important. Often, the quick fix to feeling anxious in a relationship is communication.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #2: Need for Reassurance
Individuals with anxiety may need constant reassurance from their partner, which can be draining for the other partner. It is important for the anxious partner to work on building their own self-confidence and trust in their partner.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #3: Fear of Abandonment
Anxious attachment, much? People with anxiety may have a fear of abandonment, causing them to become clingy or too dependent on their partner. This can be difficult for the other partner, who may feel smothered or unable to have their own space. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their fear of abandonment and trust in their partner's commitment to the relationship.
Going to therapy is often the first step to healing your abandonment wound because it’s much deeper than your partner’s actions, and if you don’t get to the root of the problem, you will continue to watch the problem grow.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #4: Avoidance
Individuals with anxiety may avoid situations or conversations that make them feel anxious or uncomfortable, leading to a lack of communication and intimacy in the relationship. If you want to build a safe and secure relationship, you have to be an active participant in your relationship. Do things like couple experiences or card games to enhance emotional intimacy and build a safe relationship you don’t want to run away from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #5: Control
Anxiety can lead to a need for control, manifesting in a relationship as controlling behavior. This behavior can come from jealousy and other issues, and it can become destructive and damaging to both partners. It is important for the anxious partner to manage their anxiety and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, being in a relationship does not mean you own your partner. Control is a personal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
Trying to rob them of their autonomy will cause friction and lead to relationship dissatisfaction based on your inability to be a secure partner. Get the help you need by working through your fear of letting go and discerning where your controlling behavior stems from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #6: Perfectionism
People with anxiety may have a tendency towards perfectionism, leading to unrealistic expectations and pressure in the relationship. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their anxiety and develop a more realistic and compassionate view of themselves and their partner.
Anxiety can have a significant impact on romantic relationships. It is important for both partners to work together to manage anxiety, develop healthy coping mechanisms, communicate effectively, and trust each other. However, it is also important to do the inner work, as anxiety can be an internal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
If you want to build a healthy relationship, you must contribute to it by engaging in healthy behaviors.
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Originally published on July 14, 2023
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In The Dominican Republic, I Found Paradise, Presence & Permission To Pause
As I grow deeper into my mindfulness practice, I’m constantly reminded of how essential it is to be present. Our society is filled with so many distractions that we often don’t give our full attention to the things and people that matter most.
That’s why I was eager to learn more about Hyatt’s Inclusive Collection’s “Time Here Is Worth More” campaign. The campaign was designed to create meaningful moments for individuals who crave quality time with loved ones, relaxation, and much more. In other words, it allows you to be present with yourself and others.
I was elated at the opportunity to experience this firsthand at their newest all-inclusive resort, Secrets Playa Esmeralda in Miches, Dominican Republic. It was there that I realized that everything I’ve learned so far on my mindfulness journey had been worth it.
From listening to world-renowned mindfulness expert and author Deepak Chopra, M.D., speak to swinging on top of a mountain. I was able to tap back into who I am and relish in the person I’m becoming. Here are a few takeaways from my three-day trip.

London on the balcony of her suite at Secrets Playa Esmeralda, Miches, DR
Courtesy
Luxury Is My Birthright
There’s nothing like living in the lap of luxury and Secrets Playa Esmeralda provided that and more. Once I arrived at the sprawling resort, I was greeted with champagne. Then I was whisked away to my deluxe suite and it was more than I expected. It was spacious, yet comfortable. It sat right on the beach giving me unobstructed views of the white sand and crystal blue waters.
I could hear the ocean waves in my room, which was really nice during bedtime. I had a butler who assisted me with whatever I needed and I took advantage of the turn down service every night. I spent time in the pool, on the beach, and at the spa. It was magical.

Yoga at Secrets Playa Esmeralda, Miches, DR
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Digital Distractions Are Real
Every evening, our group met for dinner with the option to put our phones away. This was in line with the theme of being present and while I didn’t mind giving my phone away, it was odd not having it with me. I know I’m not alone in saying I use my phone a lot. Whether to look something up, to take photos, or to mindlessly scroll in between conversations.
However, it wasn’t until my wrist started buzzing that I realized I was wearing my Apple Watch. Further proving how much we rely on electronics and need a break from it. While my Apple Watch is also considered a digital distraction, I wasn’t as tempted to check it as I would my phone.

London visiting Montaña Redonda in Miches, DR
Courtesy
Being Present Is A Must
It was an honor to sit across from Dr. Chopra, the man who teaches on the very things I’ve been learning about these past few years. His presence was magnetic and I was excited to hear him speak live for the first time.
He joined Hyatt’s Wellbeing Collective Advisory Board and created an exclusive AI, DeepakChopra.ai for the resort. Before our intimate conversation with the author of The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success, he led us into meditation.
From there, he dropped a lot of gems, particularly as it relates to being present. “Presence is divine,” he told us. He also shared some advice on how to stay present. “Periodically, ask yourself, ‘Am I here?’ When you ask yourself, you will be present,” he said.
I often go on exciting trips, but what made this one special was the emphasis on being present. Thanks to the constant reminder, I was able to really sit back, relax, and soak in the picturesque resort. Not to mention, I also got to explore other parts of the island like a Cacao farm and Montaña Redonda, a mountain with jaw-dropping views.
This trip came at a crucial time in my life where I was trying to figure out what to do next in my career and it allowed me to sit still and embrace the unknown.
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