If conflict happens in your friendship, are you the friend who confronts the issue head-on or secretly wishes it resolves itself? Hopefully, you chose the first option. Hear me out: your friendship needs confrontation.
Your tribe is one of the best reflections of you. They are the friends with whom you choose to "do life with," the ultimate chosen family.
Your friends are your cheerleaders, strength, or, my favorite, our "Atticus Finch" when necessary. But true friendships aren't always smooth sailing. Conflict arises, and confrontation is needed.
Confrontation is a crucial aspect that can strengthen the bond between friends, even if the idea of it might make us uncomfortable. It is simply a growing pain.
I have learned that confrontation separates communicators from non-communicators and the emotionally mature from the emotionally immature.
Takisha Brooks
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"When it comes to confrontation, people view it as a situation where someone has to leave hurt and underneath [or at the bottom]," said Takisha Brooks, MSMFT, LMFT-A.
"Confrontation is about coming together to address what happened and determine the next steps for our friendship. You don't want to get stuck on 'my way versus your way.'"
She also noted that confrontation only works if you know how to communicate and listen effectively.
Brooks is an Associate Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Chicago who loves working with couples. She focuses on communication, intimacy, parenting, and friendships.
Outside the office, Brooks facilitates marriage retreats and seminars for couples and is a part-time content creator.
The Common Misconception of Confrontation
When people hear "confrontation," they often think of arguments, raised voices, hurt feelings, or worse...a Miami Girls' Trip (the epitome of confrontation). This negative stigma makes many fear it will harm their friendship rather than help it.
"The biggest misconception about confrontation is that every time we have a disagreement, and we don't agree on everything, then we don't go forward.
It feels like when you have a confrontation, it will be the last conversation we will have with this person," Brooks explained.
"Confrontation isn't the end. Instead, you're going to address and acknowledge the elephant standing between you and me," she added.
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Furthermore, people associate confrontation with conflict, but they are not the same. Conflict implies a serious disagreement that can lead to a rift, while confrontation is simply addressing an issue directly to find a resolution.
"There's a connection between the two, but they are not the same," Brooks revealed.
"Confrontation makes it scarier because you're going to take action. You can have conflict without taking any sort of action. It will sit there, but that's not the case if you confront what's happening," she continued.
Understanding this distinction is essential for appreciating the role of confrontation in friendship.
Why Healthy Confrontation is Good for Your Friendship
Brooks shared that "healthy confrontation" is good and necessary for friendship because it opens up lines of communication.
It allows friends to express their feelings and needs honestly. Addressing issues head-on shows respect for the friendship and a desire to improve it.
Confrontation also strengthens a friendship by building trust and showing that you value the relationship enough to work through difficulties together.
"Healthy confrontation solidifies the reality that I can trust this person...a friend...that I am doing life with compared to a moment or a season," she said.
Additionally, confrontation helps with boundaries or "safety nets," as Brooks put it.
The Negative Impact of Avoiding Confrontation
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Avoiding confrontation can negatively impact your friendship. When you don't address issues, it can lead to a buildup of resentment and frustration.
This can create a wedge between friends, causing them to drift apart. Minor annoyances can snowball into bigger problems if not dealt with early on. Not to mention, are you truly friends if you can't talk about your issues?
"The more you avoid having hard conversations, the less you can actually enjoy being in the friendship. You will not be able to enjoy that friendship to its full potential, and it will end prematurely," stated Brooks.
"Furthermore, if you have difficulty confronting issues, you must find their voice and understand the difference between being assertive and aggressive," she advised. "You can do it respectfully."
She advised choosing the right time and place, making sure both parties are calm and ready to talk, and lastly, having the conversation.
Confrontation is not about fighting; it's about communicating. It's a necessary part of any healthy friendship. By addressing issues directly, friends can clear the air, better understand each other, and grow closer.
It's about creating a space where both parties feel heard and valued.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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And y’all know what that means — pretty leaves, shorter days (I actually like that part), and cooler weather for layering. Hell, for some, it might even bring about cuddle season (I rolled a few times at theCuddle Season series that’s on Tubi right now).
And with the changes that Mother Nature is about to have in store for us, it’s important that you do a bit of tweaking to your skincare regimen (because you do have one of those…right?) so that your skin, from head to toe, can remain just as beautiful as it has all summer long.
With summer ending and fall arriving just days from now, please take a moment to make sure that you’ve got the following things in mind for how to prep (and pamper) your skin before autumn makes its full and official arrival.
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1. Make Sure Your Skin Products Have (More) Water in Them
Even if you live in a climate where it rains more (or seems more humid) during the fall, you still need to up your hydration — both inside and out. As far as your skin goes, it’s because, between colder weather, brisk winds, and dry heat that comes from central heat and air, it becomes easier for your skin to lose the moisture that it needs in order to remain looking supple and moist.
So, as far as your skin products go, this is a good time to switch over to ones that have water (or more water) as their base. Besides buying products that say “water” on the packaging, look on the label to see if/that water is the first ingredient that’s listed in order to check this tip off of your to-do list.
2. Use a Thicker Moisturizer
Speaking of maintaining hydration, in order to “lock in” the moisture that is in your skin, it’s a good idea to go with a thicker moisturizer as well. Some skincare experts say that it’s a good idea to opt for the type of moisturizer that contains ceramides; that’s because they help to increase hydration, literally protect your skin from environmental elements (including outdoor pollution), reduce inflammation, help prevent and/or speed up the healing process of breakouts and work to soften the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles — and you need all of this during the fall season, for sure.
3. Try a Hyaluronic Acid-Based Serum
If you don’t already use hyaluronic acid, please check out, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday” because I think it will convince you to start. Between at-home chemical peels and this type of acid, I have definitely seen my skin appear brighter and more even-toned.
The reasons why a serum that has hyaluronic acid in it would be ideal for the fall is because it can actually help your skin to produce more collagen and elastin, it can add hydration to your skin, and it can “stretch” it so that any fine lines and wrinkles that you may have won’t appear as prominent. Serums, specifically, are beneficial because they contain other ingredients that can unclog your pores as well as fade out dark spots (just an FYI).
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4. Consider an Overnight Mask (Once a Week)
You probably already know that when you sleep, your body rejuvenates itself — and your skin is no exception. That’s why it’s so important to have a nighttime routine for your skin and that it includes applying some type of moisturizer.
If you want to deeply moisturize your skin (especially your face and neck), consider applying an overnight mask (which is sometimes referred to as a sleep mask) once a week or so.
Not only does it help to moisturize your skin, but an overnight mask can also serve as a barrier to keep dirt, dust, and debris off of your skin while you rest; plus, it nourishes your skin cells as they replicate themselves. If you’ve never tried an overnight mask before, People has a list of options that you can check out here, while Byrdie has a list that you can check out here.
5. DO NOT Heat Up Your Bathwater
If there’s nothing that you enjoy more on a chilly autumn day than to come home, disrobe, and soak in a bathtub of water that’s about as hot as you can stand it, trust me, I totally get it. At the same time, I am going to encourage you to rethink doing that. Why? Well, as tranquil as super-hot water may be, if you indulge so on a constant basis, it can dehydrate your body, which can lead to dry and itchy skin.
That’s why it’s ideal to bathe in a water temperature that is no more than a couple of degrees higher than your body temperature at the most. Your skin will thank you if you do.
6. Pamper with Some Black Spruce Essential Oil
Every chance I get, I try to bring a new (as far as the platform is concerned) kind of essential oil up. That’s because, as I’ve said a billion times before, essential oils are one of my favorite things ever! Well today, I’m curious about if you’ve ever heard of black spruce oil. The fact that the oil comes from the black spruce pine tree kind of makes it fitting for this article since Christmas is (wow) just a few months away.
Anyway, when it comes to reducing stress, improving the quality of your sleep, deeply cleansing your skin, bringing balance to your hormones, and reducing inflammation, this is an essential oil that can make all of that happen for you (just to make sure to dilute it with distilled water or a carrier oil first; essential oils tend to be pretty potent).
7. Wear Cotton, Polyester or Silk in Between Your Wool
Wool can definitely keep you warm. Sometimes, it can be itchy as all get out too; that’s due to the lanolin that’s in the fabric — and when you have a sensitivity to it, that can irritate your skin. Although some people end up with the type of wool allergy that makes it best for them not to wear wool at all, if yours is only minor, there is a workaround.
Do your best to “shield your skin” by putting on something that is made out of cotton, polyester, or silk before putting your wool garment on. That will serve as a buffer and also keep the wool from drying your skin out. Plus, who doesn’t like the layered look? Exactly.
8. Invest in Some Foot Balm and Moisture-Wicking Socks
Your feet are going to be covered up during the fall and winter more than they ever were in the spring and summer seasons; that’s why you definitely need to get some type of foot balm for them. Not only can it help to prevent dry feet and cracked heels, but foot balms are also helpful when it comes to keeping minor foot infections at bay, preventing blisters from occurring, and keeping odor from becoming (too much of) a problem.
While you’re at it, make sure to get yourself some moisture-wicking socks, especially if your feet have a tendency to sweat a lot. The cool thing about moisture-wicking fabrics is not only can they keep sweat from irritating you, but they also work to keep your feet nice and dry during inclement weather.
9. Sip on Some White Tea
If herbal tea is totally your thing and you’ve got some hair goals that you want to reach over the next several months, check out “10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned.” As far as your skin goes, a tea that you need to add to your collection is white tea.
From an overall health standpoint, white tea is good for you because it is loaded with antioxidants, fights oral decay, and reduces your risk of heart disease. The reason why it’s great for your skin is because the antioxidants that are in it can help fight off free radicals, boost the production of collagen, and slow down the signs of aging.
10. Roll Out That Humidifier
I’m actually a big fan of humidifiers. So much, in fact, that I once penned an entire piece that was devoted to them (check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”). I’m closing this fall skin prep list by shouting humidifiers out because if your HVAC unit is drying the hell out of your hair, a humidifier will put moisture back in so that your skin remains hydrated while you’re indoors. That way, your skin can remain moist and keep that youthful glow right into the coldest months of the year. Perfect.
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