Life can serve us some unexpected curveballs, one of the most spontaneous is death. In the past year, we've lost a number of our favorite celebrities and the people that we feel for the most are their families because as well all know, the death of a loved one is most painful to the living. The deaths of celebrities including but not limited to Nipsey Hussle and Kim Porter hit so close to home because we can empathize with the family, friends, and sweethearts that they left behind.
It was pronounced that Kim Porter's death was caused by pneumonia, or an infection of the lungs, after she died in her Los Angeles home last November. Kim's death took the internet by storm, prompting a number of celebrities to post tributes in her honor, one of these celebrities being her former partner and father of three of her children, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs.
It's a fact that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and this was especially true for the "I'll Be Missing You" rapper/producer. Diddy recently reflected on this sentiment in an Instagram post. Under a nostalgic photo of him and his "Bonnie", he wrote:
"I remember Kim flying to see me on the set of can't nobody hold me down. She took like a 12 hour flight to LA and 3 hour ride to the desert. With no complaints. Was always ride or die. From day 1! I called her BONNIE AND I WAS CLYDE! This picture will go down in history as the first time I said she was MINE!!!! AND THE FIRST TIME I TOLD HER I LOVE HER, little did I know I was hers. Miss you BONNIE ❤️ and will forever. Maaaaan life is beautiful to have had these experiences. Love you baby. @ladykp 🖤"
After posting the photo, the star received a whirlwind of backlash from fans who felt that he had done too little too late. One user even made the point that the picture that Diddy posted was taken around the time that Diddy began his widely publicized relationship with Jennifer Lopez during an "off-season" in Kim and his relationship. Despite the immense amount of speculation about Kim and Diddy's relationship, anyone with eyes can see that the couple had an unbreakable connection.
Sean Combs and his Georgia-born sweetheart met and began dating in the 90s when she was in a relationship with her first child, Quincy's, father, Al B. Sure and Diddy was still an A&R. In a 2006 interview with Essence, he explained:
"The first time I saw her, she was at the studio with her ex-boyfriend. I wasn't trying to holler at her or anything, but I was admiring her—her lips, her eyes, her mouth, her shape, her energy—and thinking, 'I wish I had a girl like that.'"
In this interview, Diddy also revealed that he had no real plans to marry Kim, even though he knew she deserved it.
"I know she deserves to get married, but I'm just not ready. It's not a reflection on how much I love Kim. It's that I'm just learning how to be a good boyfriend. When I'm finished with this step, I'll move on to the next."
During their 12-year on-and-off the relationship, Kim gave birth to a son, Christian Combs, and twin daughters, D'Lila Star, and Jessie James. Kim and Diddy split publicly in 2007 when she learned that he may have fathered a child outside of their relationship while she was pregnant with the twins, but they still remained close friends after the fact.
It's clear that Diddy and Kim had a genuine love for each other, and marriage wouldn't have necessarily validated that connection, but when someone dies, nothing stings worse than the regret of what "could have been."
This leads us to a very important question that Diddy has finally given us all the answer to: If you loved her so deeply, why didn't you make a real commitment?
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The truth is, his inability to commit never really had much to do with Kim at all; he had to look inward for an answer:
"I wasn't ready and that's it. I'm ready now but it's too late. Don't be like me."
You heard it straight from the mogul's mouth, kids. Don't be Diddy. We're all guilty of ending a call on an unfavorable note, or procrastinating about mending old relationships. The untimely deaths of celebrities like Kim Porter and Nipsey Hussle remind us to tell the people we care about "I love you," as well as all of the other things we may need to get off our chests because tomorrow, it may be too late.
Nothing is promised, and this is especially true for the time we have to spend with the people we love. Like most relationships, Kim and Diddy's was imperfect, but it didn't make the love any less real. Rest in heaven Kim! Check out the gallery below to see a timeline of Diddy and Kim's lifetime of love.
Featured image by Peter Kramer/Getty Images.
- Diddy Finally Opens Up About The Real Reason He Didn't Marry ... ›
- Celebs Who Never Wanted To Get Married - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
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Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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