Kim Porter Wore Many Hats, But Her Biggest One Of All Was Mother
Kim Porter was a lot of things: supermodel, girlfriend to two famous musicians, actress, and socialite. But to 2 boys and 2 girls, she was just "mom."
Many of us know her from her days modelling for the likes of Tommy Hilfiger and Revlon, or on the cover of fashion magazines like Elle and Marie Claire. You might even remember seeing her on the arm of Diddy back when hip-hop was beginning to rule the airwaves and affect the entirety of the world's culture. But the 47-year-old was more than just a pretty face. By all accounts, her presence lit up every room she entered and her grace and kindness outshined her stunning beauty.
Born in Columbus, Georgia, Porter eventually got her start in the modelling world when she moved to Atlanta after graduating from Columbus High School in 1988. Her first high-profile romance was with crooner Al B. Sure, and in 1991, she gave birth to her first son, Quincy. Shortly thereafter, she began an on-again, off-again relationship with Sean "Diddy" Combs that began in 1994 and lasted through 2007. Diddy adopted Quincy, and the pair welcomed another son, Christian (King Combs) in 1998 and twin daughters D'Lila Star and Jessie James in 2006.
While the couple never married, they were possibly the first celebrity couple to really display what co-parenting and blended families can look like: always spending the holidays together, wishing each other "Happy Birthday" and sending positive vibes each other's way via social media, and keeping a consistent environment for their kids.
The relationship between the two had its fair share of rumors and infidelity, but the love between the two was real. "Puff was in love with her from the first time he saw her," Andre Harrell told Essence back in 2007. "You could tell from the way he looked at her."
And as a mother, Diddy considered her the cream of the crop. He told Jet Magazine in 2008:
"Kim is an incredible mother to our children. We've been part of each other's lives for many years and I have always admired her courage and strength. We're the best of friends."
Her commitment to her role as a mother was always apparent. As most proud mothers do, we dote over each and every one of our kids, marvel at their success, and share intimate moments with our friends and family via social media.
But for Kim, while she seemingly kept a low profile after her modelling and acting career, she always made sure she was present in her children's lives, and the kids always let the world know how much they loved their mother. Despite her relationship not working out, she made sure to not only include their father in their lives, but that they remained close enough to maintain a loving and amicable relationship for the sake of the kids. In 2007, she told Essence:
"You know how when two people go their separate ways, most of the time there's animosity? It's not like that with us. Sean and I have this bond, this friendship. It's not about 'if you're faithful to me, if I'm being faithful to you.' We're friends. I'm the person he can tell his innermost thoughts to and he's that person for me. He still calls me everyday and we talk. There's no ill feeling or 'I can't stand you, I hate you, don't call.' There's none of that. We have three children together so that's just not an option. We're committed to our children even if we couldn't commit to each other."
According to TMZ, Porter was found unresponsive in her Toluca Lake home earlier this afternoon. There are reports that she was suffering from an undisclosed respiratory illness, but the cause of death has yet to be confirmed.
When the news broke, the outpouring of condolences followed. Rapper 50 Cent shared that "she was loved and will be missed dearly." Mase also shared that he "can't believe someone so special and contributed so much...I'm speechless."
Model Draya Michele shared that she had recently run into and hugged Porter and said that she "didn't even look like you were battling anything." Actress Keke Palmer also shared a heartfelt tribute, recalling a time where they lived very close to one another and that Porter would "tell me everything I needed to learn, never holding back and always keeping it fun."
This is a huge loss to the family. While many lost a friend and confidant, her four children are sadly without a mother. Few losses are greater than the loss of a parent at a young age, and our hearts go out to Quincy, Christian, D'Lila and Jesse.
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
