For xoNecole's Finding Balance series, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
If you ask Kennedy Johnson, she's always been a star in the making.
She recalls vivid childhood memories of her younger self, enchanted by the lights, cameras, and production behind shows like Zoom, TRL, 106 & Park and America's Next Top Model. The latter, specifically, acted as the initial spark to motivate her career path, as well as her 4th grade career day costume inspiration. "I showed up to school with my prompt cards and portfolio as a supermodel, which, looking back really meant that I wanted to be on TV."
Even though Kennedy had her mind made up on what she wanted to become, she still had her parents to convince. Growing up in a household with "9-5 focused" parents made Kennedy's career choice in the entertainment industry a difficult one to take seriously; so she tried things their way. After a short stint at her local community college, Kennedy instinctively knew that college just wasn't the path for her. In turn, she followed her mother's footsteps and for three years, she worked as a front desk agent at a hotel. Still, something inside was calling her beyond her Atlanta roots and into the concrete jungle where her dreams lied.
After being accepted into a performing arts school in New York City, it didn't take long for her to realize that this too might not be the best fit, "When I got there I realized it was a bunch of white kids coming straight out of high school. I was 24 and needed to work full-time. So I dropped out."
It was time for Kennedy to put all of her focus into her craft, so she took a leap. Now, the serial creative has taken full advantage of the stage that social media has created for her. As a YouTuber, model, host of her very own Instagram Live show, Live with Kennedy, creator of the natural hair page, Curlss for the Girlss, and on-air host for Yahoo Entertainment, Kennedy didn't idly wait for her audience to come, she created her own. Confidence is key in the industry of entertainment, and Kennedy's cup runneth over thanks to her mom and faith, "My faith was really the push that made me realize that if I don't have my shoulders back and my head up then I'm not really being grateful for what I have."
With the many blessings and endeavors on Kennedy's plate, how does she maintain it all? In this segment of Finding Balance, we ask this media maven just how it's done:
What does an average day or week look like for you?
Whew, girl. Now that I'm working for Yahoo Entertainment, I go there every morning, Monday through Friday. It's a lot different from my freelance schedule because I created my own schedule. I would get up, eat, record a YouTube video – if I wanted to – or I would just get on Instagram and do videos. Either way, it was about being active on social media, that's a daily thing that I have to do. I have to post on my pages in order to keep up that momentum and keep people interested in my content. Everyday requires that, and physically coming into Yahoo Entertainment every morning.
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week? How do you push through?
Girl, just trying to get out the house! I'm trying to tell you, I am tired of getting up and leaving my house every day. I'm still trying to adjust to that and the commute everyday – getting on the train, dealing with MTA and their bull. That, every day, is so annoying.
How do you practice self-care? What is your self-care routine?
I don't think that I do intentionally, but there are things that I enjoy doing that I'll make sure I make time for. For instance, I like painting my nails; it's very therapeutic for me. I have to do my hair every day and whenever I do my hair, I have to have a good Netflix show to watch. I really pay attention to what new Netflix shows or movies are out that I'd be interested in watching while I do my hair. For me, those are the simple self-care things that have to be done anyway and I would consider those to be my own personal moments to myself to gather my thoughts. Also when I'm vlogging or on my Instagram Live show called, Live with Kennedy, it's really therapeutic for me to just talk and get things out and share my feelings about certain things.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
To be honest, I have one best friend. So for me, it's not hard to balance that because I only have one person I have to worry about. (Laughs) Everyone else, I would consider to be great friends, but the type of energy I put into those relationship, it's not the same that I have with my best friend.
Love/Relationships?
Ohh, girl… well… I'm newly single. I was in a four-year relationship with a man who was so great and I will love him forever. He lives in Los Angeles, I live in New York, and it was just hard trying to maintain the type of relationship we had without seeing each other as often. Now as a single woman, living in New York City, I'm just trying to figure it out. I don't really think my man is in NY, I'm not attracted to some of the guys up here. I'm from Atlanta and I just feel like the guys down South just move a little different and I don't have time to be looking over my shoulder every counter we walk by. I'm cool on that.
I feel like it would be a bit distracting to try to get to know someone while you're getting to know yourself. That energy, especially when you get physical with somebody, can be misinterpreted in what type of connection you have with them, and I don't have time for that. I'm not trying to feel like something is happening when it's actually not. I'm just trying to focus on myself.
"If I haven't stretched in a while, I'm going to feel it in my waist walking to work. I just try to be honest with myself and my body."
Exercise? Does it happen?
Look, exercise is cute and I know it's necessary, but one of the blessings that I have received is that genetically, I have a very fast metabolism. I don't have to workout like that, but just in terms of staying in shape, I do like to yoga every now and again.
Health?
Self-awareness is a real thing. I know that if I've been eating a lot of junk, I'm going to see it in my face. If I haven't stretched in a while, I'm going to feel it in my waist walking to work. I just try to be honest with myself and my body. I know that I need a certain amount of nutrients in order to be fulfilled. I gotta have my greens, my water, my fruit, and I have to do that every day. So I'm just being smart, moving smart.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like for you?
I haven't done a social media detox because I don't think that social media affects me in that way. I am on there a lot, but I'm not putting on an act, I'm being myself, and if I don't feel like talking, I don't. I'll post pictures of other things and inspiration. I'm engaging in other ways, so I've never felt like it affected me in a way where I had to completely remove myself from the app. Although sometimes it can be overwhelming, like I'm tired of hearing certain stories about certain folks, but I just don't look at those pages on those days.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I spend some time with myself. I trust my judgment and my intuition and I can't do that if I'm surrounded by a whole bunch of noise. I also just look at things dead-on, or allow myself to just take a break. Like, I'm not about to get fired from YouTube. One of the things that I've allowed myself to do is live in my truth: I am my own boss so if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. It's a simple as that.
What does success mean to you?
Being able to do whatever the hell I want to do. Working with who I want to work with, talking about what I want to talk about, moving how I want to move, and money not being an issue. To me, that's my version of success. Freedom.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
I think people forget to be honest about where they are in their life. When we're trying to create some type of balance or self-care in our life, we want to go off of this script that we found from somebody else's life story. We try to follow those steps and it doesn't work for us because we're not considering the fact that we have different lives. For me, I always consider my own situation first, then I try to implement what I've seen in other people and see if it works for me, and if not, I just modify it. If you have responsibilities that need to be taken care of, don't beat yourself up because of what you see other people doing, everybody's story is different.
"One of the things that I've allowed myself to do is live in my truth: I am my own boss so if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. It's a simple as that."
For more of Kennedy, follow her on Instagram. And check out past women we've featured on Finding Balance women by clicking here.
All photos c/o Kennedy Johnson/Instagram.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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