I am a horrible employee. It's not my fault. I blame a decade of stripping.
Just the thought of giving someone sixty-plus hours of my life for what employers are willing to pay doesn't make sense to me. I don't think that working a job is bad. Predictable income and health benefits are nothing to turn one's nose up at. I just know that for me, being an entrepreneur is good and it never crossed my mind that I could even be one until I started dancing.
Strippers are, in essence, independent contractors. Many of the skills it took to be successful as a dancer are the same skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur. I could fill an entire book about the life skills I learned as a stripper that I still use to win in life today. In fact, I did.
Here are 5 of the ways that stripping specifically prepared me for a life of entrepreneurial adventure.
1.Take Risks & Take Action
No one risk-averse can be a successful entrepreneur and being a stripper was a big risk. It could have destroyed my biggest goal of being a professional performer, in my mind. There was a chance that I'd never be taken seriously if people found out I was a stripper; I could be shunned. However, taking that risk allowed me to earn the income I needed to build a residual earning income stream. I heavily depend on this stream of income to this day. This risk allowed me to pursue it without making a cent for two years.
Jumping into action and taking risks is what strippers do every single night. We have to somehow devise whether to go in for the sale right away or let the connection simmer and soft sell; the latter kills the precious time of your shift. If it works out, it was worth it, but other times, all it nets is wasted time. The only way to know which way it will go is to take the risk. As an entrepreneur, there is no time for endless stalling by trying to gain perfection. Every night strippers and sex workers of all forms take risks on many personal and professional levels. Therefore, in life and entrepreneurship, stripping gave plenty of practice in taking the calculated risk.
2.Have Confidence
As a teen actor, I once had an agent say, "Confidence books!" as I headed out to an audition. I booked that job. I always kept this in the back of my mind. Spiritual and mental survival in a strip club takes an unwavering belief in oneself. Any of us would be hard-pressed to find a successful entrepreneur that is not confident. Entrepreneurship takes an absolute belief in ourselves or our products.
Anything that brings growth, is initially uncomfortable. Asking person after person for 6-12 hours a night in 8-inch heels takes the ability to be unshaken no matter what is said to you, no matter who likes you, no matter who insults you, no matter who finds you horrific, no matter who compliments you, no matter who thinks you're the hottest one in the club. This is a transferable skill useful in many facets of life. Suffice it to say, making an income in a strip club is heavily incumbent upon self-confidence and feeling worthy. Stripping is insufferable otherwise.
3.Time OFF
Entrepreneurs work way more than 9 am - 5 pm. In fact, it's easy for entrepreneurs to work until the point of burnout. Stripping is more mentally taxing than it is physically taxing. Time-off should be mandatory in any profession. As a dancer, I could work as many or as few days as I wished. There were weeks I worked 6 days, there were weeks I worked 2 days. Or I'd work 10 days in a row. No matter what, I made time to go on vacation every quarter.
Time off, time to decompress, time to commune with silence, time to do nothing is just as important as time grinding (pun intended). Entrepreneurs benefit from time-off just as much as they do from hustling hard. Amazing ideas happen during time off. Solutions present themselves during time off. The habit of taking time off helps me be a better entrepreneur because entrepreneurs never know what will be thrown at them from day-to-day.
A peaceful mind focuses better on the important tasks at hand. Every fire isn't a cause for annoyance. Being calm enough to shake off a challenge and get to the solution is priceless. Taking time off allows for this ability to strengthen. Grind culture and the "sleep when I die" mentality will kill us. Taking time off is like closing all the tabs on our computers and plugging into the charger, except within our own minds.
4.Negotiation Skills
Nothing grinds my gears more than knowing how many women are uncomfortable asking for their full price, full value, full worth. I am eternally thankful for my experiences on strip club floors negotiating money. I got really comfortable talking about money, whereas society says the topic is gauche. One of my favorite on the floor negotiations were getting customers to pay for your time on the floor. They avoid all the extra room fees. We still make the same. Win-Win!
There was no way for us to avoid talking about money. It's part of the gig. Either you get really comfortable asking for money or you find another gig. That stomach curling feeling of discomfort when a conversation about pay arises has got to go. Many entrepreneurs do their own negotiating, initially. Until you get large enough to have reps, you need to be able to ask for your worth. Not doing so affects the quality of work you are able to do. I replaced five jobs with one that made more than all five combined.
Imagine doing one thing that pays you well versus having to make up for low costs in volume aka running all over the place. It's insanity. Ask for what you need so that you can provide the best experience for your clients. It's a win-win. Working below your value is not a win for anyone involved. Neither you nor your clients get the best of you when you undercharge.
5.Follow Up, Follow Thru
Do what you silently say to yourself you're going to do. It's like having the manners to tell yourself you're not going to make the meeting. The more you keep the silent promises you make to yourself, the more confidence you build in yourself. It spills out into many facets of life. A decade of hearing: Come back later. Maybe later. Waiting for the Blonde (that's a whole other article). It doesn't matter if I hear "no". In fact, dealing with me you should say "no" because my happy-go-lucky self will keep on coming back until you either say "yes" or pay me to go away.
Taking that kind of follow up into business dealings leads to success. We live in an "I'll text you tomorrow," versus a "Let's meet at 4 pm on Wednesday," world. Something as simple as following through puts you out ahead of the herd. Start with yourself first. Then inbox me on IG and tell me how it went.
From the outside looking in, it's very easy to incorrectly assess what is actually going on in strip clubs. Humans have a herd mentality that automatically go searching for social cues. We are great at being part of the herd. Strippers, ba! Got it. Herd accepted, behavior confirmed. As a society, we are not great at being the black sheep. Strippers, just human? Cue heads turning left and right to see what's acceptable. Could this be true? No.
However, on the edges beyond social cues is where the most growth happens and often faster than in the safety zone. Anyone who has worked in sales knows that it takes an incredible amount of self-development to win sales.
I once heard someone say "quotas are for people who don't make quotas". A stripping comparison to quotas would be house fees. House fees are the money strippers pay the club to "rent" the space as an independent contractor each shift. On the low-end, they can be $0-$60. On the high-end, it can cost $200-$300 a night to dance at a club. Similarly to quotas, high house fees are high to strippers who don't make much more after covering house fee costs. The scared and risk-averse dancers get weeded out. The macrocosm mimics the microcosm.
I was lucky that when I first began, a more experienced dancer taught me how to run dancing like a business. Goals were written down. The know-how to maneuver expenses with an unpredictable income was achieved. One of the biggest things that halt most potential entrepreneurs is fear of rejection. Keep learning with books like S.T.R.I.P.: A Stripper's 20 Life Winning Lessons to learn more skills.
With the skill of not fearing rejection alone, life as an entrepreneur is an easier pivot. And pivot you will as an entrepreneur. Gotta keep moving and asking for the proverbial next dance because shift time is a terrible thing to waste. And so is the time spent not applying these transferable skills to building up every entrepreneurial pursuit.
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Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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A Brown Liquor Connoisseur's Honest Review Of Beyoncé's SirDavis American Whisky
My mama once told me ladies don't drink brown liquor. She's the epitome of class, a true lady with quick comebacks (think a fusion of Pattie LaBelle and Diahann Carroll’s characters in A Different World) and I think she just wanted me to embody that sentiment.
After dinner with my dad one night, I asked his opinion on her thoughts; he laughed and said, "I know a lot of ladies who drink brown liquor." I called her and told her what he said, and like only my mother could, she responded, "Your father never met a lady after he met me." Imagine her surprise years later, when I told her that Beyoncé just released an award-winning whisky.
My journey into enjoying brown spirits began during Megan Thee Stallion's hot girl era in my mid-twenties. Between 2018 and 2019, she had every Black girl I know singing along to "Big Ole Freak" and my personal favorite, "Cognac Queen," while driving the boat. Upon my first taste, I realized that I enjoyed brown spirits much more than tequila, vodka, or gin. Growing up in a household where drinking wasn't encouraged, I didn't try wine until I was 19 and didn't taste hard alcohol until I was 21.
My initial experiences with vodka and whatever tequila was trendy in college felt different from this era; it felt more intentional.
As I entered my thirties, I sought a more refined drinking experience. Still a hot girl, just a refined hot girl with limits. Alongside my newfound love for sustainable Black-owned wine, my go-to drink became a French 75 with D'usse instead of gin. I started serving Hennessy mules at my Christmas parties (I heard Oprah does this, so I did it too, lol), preparing summer sweet teas with Uncle Nearest or Maker's Mark, and topping my homemade southern pecan pie with Grand Marnier-infused whipped cream every Thanksgiving, which has become a dessert that my entire family loves.
When the news of Beyoncé releasing a whisky was announced, I thought, 'Finally, something for the girls who love brown liquor.' Naturally, we know that she loves her D'usse, but whisky was a surprise to me. It felt like a homecoming for the Texas native. Cowboy Carter's release, while meant with much criticism to me, gave Black women permission to own every part of their background, the roots, and upbringing that make them who they are.
So a whisky named in honor of her great-grandfather felt like a reaching forward to a new avenue of entrepreneurship, while further firmly planting herself into her consistent branding of family values, lineage, and purposeful partnerships.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Before We Sip: Let's Talk The Sir Davis Breakdown What Is SirDavis?
SirDavis is an Award-winning American whisky founded by Beyoncé Knowles-Carter and crafted in partnership with Moët Hennessy and five-time International Whisky Competition Master Distiller of the Year, Dr. Bill Lumsden, who holds a PhD in biochemistry and has been in the whisky industry for almost 40 years. This tells me the Texas native did her homework and called in the experts to curate something special.
SirDavis also gave me the confidence not to shy away from being a woman who appreciates the rich, complex flavors of brown liquor and leans into my pride in my grandfather's family and his older brothers who sold moonshine in The Carolinas.
Curating My Own SirDavis Tasting
As a meticulous Aries, I pride myself on my attention to detail. Upon conducting thorough research (aka scrolling via TikTok and Twitter), I uncovered that during a private SirDavis tasting, the ambiance exuded a mysterious allure, with an abundance of SirDavis flowing, accompanied by a fact sheet, thoughtfully crafted cocktails, honeycomb, and southern food pairings (My kind of party Bey, where was my invite?!)
In this same vein, with Cowboy Carter in the background, I invited my godsister over, and we savored SirDavis in three distinct manners: warm, over ice, and artfully incorporated into two of their ten suggested cocktails.
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My Honest Review of SirDavis American Whisky
When I enjoyed SirDavis warm, it was like a smooth, sexy dance on my palate. It felt like something you should sip with your man in the evening after a long day or solo like Bey. I recently purchased a vinyl player, and I could see myself grabbing one of my records, a glass, and sipping slowly, snapping my fingers to the beat, swaying my hips, and letting the evening take me where it needed to.
If I were playing Beyoncé, I’d put on "Be With You," "Superpower," or "Gift From Virgo." That said, for me, enjoying the whisky warm would only be during a sexy night, lol; on a regular night, I'm not at a slowly sipping whisky stage just yet.
Once I added ice, I had another sip and was ready for Davis Old Fashioned, which I tried next. It's a mixture of the desire to sip slowly and needing a bit more sweetness. It was my favorite drink, and I'll add that to the rotation. I didn't always enjoy the drink, I thought I was a little too young for it to be honest.
But a few months ago, I had an Old Fashioned with black lemon bitters, toasted black sesame Averna, kikoi rice whiskey, and bourbon, and I was hooked. The Davis Old Fashioned took me back to that same feeling.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Davis Old Fashioned
2 oz SirDavis American Whisky
.25 oz Honey Syrup
2 dashes Angostura Bitters
Next, I tried The Honey Bee cocktail. I enjoyed it, but as a fan of the French 75, I would prefer to add some prosecco or champagne to it. My sister really liked the drink, but I wanted a bit of fizz as soon as I tasted the lemon juice. This would be a girls' night cocktail that I’d offer if friends came over, and definitely a bottle I’d request someone bring me as a hostess gift.
The Honey Bee
2 oz SirDavis American Whisky
.75 oz Lemon Juice
.50 oz Honey Syrup
My Honest Takeaway
I'll absolutely keep SirDavis in the rotation. The whisky has an exquisite, refined taste that demands you to savor and appreciate every flavor and aroma, from cloves and tangy Seville oranges to raisins, cinnamon, ginger, demerara sugar, and toffee. It's a drink for those who confidently enjoy dark liquor and for a new generation of ladies. And who knows, maybe I'll even get my mom to try some with me.
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Featured image by Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole